Inspired by bedtime question ... what time bedtime for a 2.5 - 3 year old?

[DMickey28]

My DS will be 3 in April. He started sleeping through the night at about 3 months and continued very well until close to 2 years. Then it was mostly through the night with night terrors every so often based on the days activities or his naps.

For a few months, from Novemeber through to January, we were having a real hard time with bedtime and nights in general. He was put to bed by 8:30-9pm but was fighting going to bed, crying/playing/talking until after 10, waking up with night terrors at midnight and again up and crying at 3-4 in the morning. Up for good by 7-8pm. He was still napping 2.5-3 hours in the afternoon. We had just moved into our own house and figured he was adjusting but it got so bad in December and January.

Finally about 2.5 weeks ago we decided to forgo naps when he was really fighting them. He was then going down by 8-8:30pm, sleeping almost through with a little crying at 3AM that he would need to me to come in the room and just sit with him for 5 minutes when he would go right back out, and then up at 7-8AM. That seems to be working still.

However he is EXHAUSTED by the middle/end of the afternoon. We try to instill quiet time where we lay in bed (either his or mine) and read a book or watch a quiet movie. He lasts about 20 minutes before he up and wanting to play. Without fail if we go anywhere after about 3pm he will fall asleep in the car practically before we get to the end of the street. He will wake up when we get where we are going and be in a fine mood though.

Last night he was out by 8:10pm (which seems to be the best time) but was up at 6:30 when normally he will sleep until at least 7:30AM. He is already rolling on the couch and floor with his thumb in his mouth.

I know once it warms up and he can play outside more he will probably sleep better with the physical activity. It's tough now because I am 33 weeks pregnant and it's just sooo dang cold out. I can barely walk so going to the mall is out and I am terrified of the play area's there with germs. We joined a mom's group but again, being this pregnant, I can barely get out of the house. We play a lot inside but it's not as physical as he could use.

So basically ... what bedtimes do you remember or are using for your 2.5-3 year old? Do they still nap? Is what we are going through normal?

I will also add that he needs one of us (mostly me) to lay with him at night after we read books. I think he is scared of something in his room or just in general but we can't figure out what it is. Last night I left just as he was dozing off and he was fine with that so I will continue that easing out. This whole process (after our bedtime routine finishing up with two books) takes MAYBE 10 minutes so it's not a HUGE thing. He goes through phases where he probably won't need this in a week or two and I don't think it will turn into a horrible habit we can't break. My DH travels a lot for work and I will need to figure something out with the baby here when I have to do his bedtime alone and DS#2 will still be too young to be on a schedule!

Thanks for reading my novel!

 

[CruiserMom]

It's normal. Whenever a child reaches the age where they give up the afternoon naps, it's a struggle to get them the right amount of sleep. I went through a period of about a year where I wouldn't go anywhere between 4 and 7pm, because DD would fall asleep in the car.

It's hard when, they won't take a nap because they are not tired yet after only 7 or 8 hours, but they can't last until bedtime. I would do "quiet time" also. DD really wanted to nap about 5pm, but I didn't want her to take a 5pm nap because then she wouldn't go to bed until after midnight.

If your child does take a nap, try limiting it to 20 -30 minutes, so he is still tired at bedtime.

 

[kristilew]

It's really counter-intuitive, but when he's having a hard time going down at 8:30, try going for an earlier bedtime. Even half an hour earlier can catch their rhythms right and you'll be surprised what a difference this makes. At that age, the more sleep they get, the more sleep they get. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I teach a class for moms of young children and we give this advice to general disbelief every semester. Then watch as the wide-eyed accounts of success come rolling in.

Good luck!

 

[scottishduffy]

Sounds like he is definitely dropping the nap.

Perhaps just institute an after lunch quiet time where he can play quiet games in his room, color with crayons, or watch a short DVD while laying on the couch. Sometimes just having one hour a day reserved for quiet activities is enough of a rest. I did this for the girls I nannied for when they dropped naps and it worked for a while. Though it was tough getting them to get used to at first.

 

[Christine]

My kids were in bed by NLT 8:30 but they were in daycare centers and truly exhausting days. They also napped at the center. It's pretty easy to get your kids to nap when 20 others are doing it too. Sometimes peer pressure can work in your favor.

However, on the weekends, with me, definitely by age 3 they were having NO part of naps. And around 4 in the afternoon, they would cranking and not fun to be around.

I agree with the suggestion of the earlier bedtime to catch up. There were times that my kids frequently went down at 7:30 or 8:00 p.m.

 

[golfgal]

It sounds like he isn't completely ready to give up naps but 2 1/2-3 hours is a LONG nap for a 3 year old. I would keep the earlier bedtime and let him nap for up to an hour around 2 in the afternoon, any later then that and it will throw off bedtime. You then have to be careful about driving him anywhere-my kids were the same way.

It got to the point where my kids needed a nap every 3rd or 4th day and then gave them up completely.

Do you have a basement or somewhere he can ride a trike or something? If he can run around inside somehow that will help. Does he have friends that you could have over? That will help too.

 

[busyshrew]

Read some good sleep advice books and they all pretty much say the same thing. If your DS has recently been dropping naps, you have to move up his bedtime to correspond to the amount of lost sleep. Most young children have a preset wakeup time that you can't really change (I know, we've tried... and tried.... and tried....). So the parent has the juggle the front end of the sleep since the back end is usually fixed.

When my DD was 3 she started dropping naps. With a 1 1/2 hour nap her bedtime had been 8 pm, sometimes even 8:30 pm. She has always woken up at about 7 am. When you add 1 1/2 hours to 8 pm.... yup, you got it, she had to be asleep by 6:30 pm. So her bedtime became 6:15pm. It was tough because my DH got home from work at 5:45 / 6:00 pm. So she only saw her daddy at night for just enough time to cuddle and kiss. But this early bedtime period won't last forever, and sleep is so important!!!

It IS completely counter-intuitive, but the PP is absolutely right. A young child who is fighting sleep and getting hyped-up is usually overtired.

I'd try for a 6:30 bedtime. The first few days your son will be catching up on missed sleep and will likely be even more tired - that's okay, hang in there in a within a week to 10 days you will see a very happy boy.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Both of mine went to bed at 8 or 8:30. I always stayed at home so they didn't have to get up early. Thankfully both of mine have always been the type to sleep in when they needed it.....no 5am for us .

I wouldn't have put mine to sleep before 8. DH didn't get home until at least 6 when they were younger. It was important to us for them to have time with him every day...and vice versa. Both of mine completely stopped needing a nap when they were 2.5 or 3. If they did they wouldn't fall asleep until 10pm. So we stopped napping.....they were never cranky during the day or before bed. Every child if different. Just keep slowly adjusting things until you find the right combination.

 

[RadioNate]

Mine is that age and goes to bed at 730. 8 at the latest if we are out with an activity for DS. She gets up between 7-730. About every other day she takes a 3 hour nap. I'm working on 90 minutes daily. She still needs the sleep.

While it seems wrong, making bedtime earlier usually solves most sleep problems.

 

[DMickey28]

It's really counter-intuitive, but when he's having a hard time going down at 8:30, try going for an earlier bedtime. Even half an hour earlier can catch their rhythms right and you'll be surprised what a difference this makes. At that age, the more sleep they get, the more sleep they get. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I teach a class for moms of young children and we give this advice to general disbelief every semester. Then watch as the wide-eyed accounts of success come rolling in.

Good luck!

I truly believe this too ... my best friend told me that a long time ago and it's sooo true. Especially when he was really little, the more sleep he got the more sleep he needed.

Tonight our goal is to be out by 8. The earliest we have been able to do is 8:10ish. I am going to try and move it up 10-15 minutes each day.

Sometimes he will sleep until after 8, usually it's about 7:30AM. Today was odd at 6:30AM.

I have tried to get him down for a nap with the intention of waking him up early but he JUST WILL NOT GO DOWN. I do believe in CIO in some circumstances and have no problem letting an older child like this fuss for quite some time. He won't have it!!

Thanks for the advice .... it's a tought age, but isn't ever one except the ones you have already gone through! Can't wait to start over ...

 

[Gabes_mommy]

My DS turned 3 in Dec. He still takes a 90 minute nap at 1:00 every day and he goes to bed around 9 and sleeps until 7. If he doesn't have his nap he just gets too grouchy. He has very active days with playdates and activities every day and that helps. Good luck!

 

[PatsGirl]

When my kids stopped napping at about that same age, bedtime was between 6:30 and 7:00 and they would sleep about 12 hours each night. It was really difficult between 4:30 and bedtime but I'd put them in the bathtub while I cooked dinner (and sometimes cleaned the bathroom while they played) which woke them up a little, fed them dinner at 5:30 or so and voila, 6:30 BEDTIME I was lucky that my first floor bath adjoins my kitchen or I'm not sure what I would have done, lol...