Input needed neighbor issues...long...

[twinmomplus2new]

So I live on a cul de sac. 16 homes. for the most part everyone gets along. there was one family who i did not get along with due to issues with the kids. that family has since started thier child on medication, And his behavior is great.
After not speaking for a year we have thawed. I have never had issues with any other families we have been here 16 years.

There is one family with 4 small kids. I am the only one save for one other family, that will even talk to this household. NO one else does.
Kids aren't allowed to play, it boils over to huge contentious fights between this household and almost everyone else.
when i say fights I mean oh my WWF fights.
two days ago..... One child said he wasn't allowed to play with hers anymore. She came running out asking the child why? he said thats grownup stuff u really need to ask my Dad. She said "convienant U know i can't alk to your Dad."

So, she sent hubby over to scream/talk to the boys Dad. Where he says this behavior is exactly why, they can't play.
He then said, "all set wiith you people get Off my property."
I mean its that bad.

Somehow because this child was playing with my child. My child and I are turncoats. I got a phone call about that. I said simply thats between you and X it has nothing to do with me. That earned me a screaming litiny of insults....

I shared lettuce from the garden with another family she doesn't speak to. Then I got a phone call about how she saw me sharing lettuce. Huh???? yeh and last week I brought down 2 bowls of fesh strawberries for your kids?
Ok so now, everyone but this house is making nice. All kids play together all ages from 14 down to 5.
The big always try to be kind to the little ones.
Now... this familys 7 year old will go home and tell if someone swears or he feels slighted which he is going to cause he is 7. Then Mom and Dad come out yelling at kids, parents, you name it.
Because of this, now 2 sets of kids aren't allowed to play with hers at all.

So heres my issue.... I am now on her list! I have gotten 4 phone calls and 2 vists, in 2 weeks.. were the litiny of complaints is repeated over and over again. it has now progressed to accusatory phone calls. did I say??? did I do??? Nasty name calling etc.

KEEP in mind. I have not said... Not done... one thing.
Today I was told I was a horrible person because I am friends with everyone and if I was really a good friend I would be on her side and NOT talk to anyone.
I said it wsn't 7th grade, her fight is not mine. and IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!
lets just say I was then called some pretty nasty things etc.

All of this started ( today) because, she sent her 7 year old up to the pool. Where my boy's had company NOT neighbors friends from school. they told her little one "they couldn't play cause they had company." this caused the flip out. She said he is not to ask anymore just to come up and play. I said no. they had company and CAN choose to play or not play.
keep in mind this happens multiple times a day. some days they play others not.
honestly.... I am unsure what to even do here. Short of joining the pack and saying all set. But I can tell you I will not be screamed at like this ever again?

 

[EclecticWAHM]

So I live on a cul de sac. 16 homes. for the most part everyone gets along. there was one family who i did not get along with due to issues with the kids. that family has since started thier child on medication, And his behavior is great. After not speaking for a year we have thawed. I have never had issues with any other families we have been here 16 years.

There is one family with 4 small kids. I am the only one save for one other family. that will even talk to this household. NO one else does.
Kids aren't allowed to play. it boils over to huge contentious fights between this household and almost everyone else.
when i say fights I mean oh my WWF fights.
two days ago. One child said he wasn't allowed to play with hers anymore. She came running out asking the child why? he said thats grownup stuff u really need to ask my Dad. She said convienant U know i can't alk to your Dad.
So she sent hubby over to scream at the boys Dad. Where he says this behavior is exactly why. they can't play. I am all set wiith you. Off my property. I mean its that bad.
Somehow because this child was playing with my child. My child and I are turncoats. I got a phone call about that. I said simply thats between you and X it has nothing to do with me. That earned me a screaming litiny of insults....
I shared lettuce from the garden with another family she doesn't speak to. I got a phone call about how she saw me sharing lettuce. Huh???? yeh and last week I brought down 2 bowls of fesh strawberries for your kids?
Ok so now everyone but this house is making nice. All kids play together all ages from 14 down to 5. The big always try to be kind to the little ones.
Now this familys 7 year old will go home and tell if someone swears or he feels slighted which he is going to cause he is 7. then Mom and Dad come out yelling at kids, parents, you name it.
because of this now 2 sets of kids aren't allowed to play with hers at all.

So heres my issue. I am now on her list. I have gotten 4 phone calls and 2 vists, in 2 weeks.. were the litiny of complaints is repeated over and over again. it has now progressed to accusatory phone calls. did I say??? did I do??? Nasty name calling etc.

KEEP in mind. I have not said... Not done... one thing.
Today I was told I was a horrible person because I am friends with everyone and if I was really a good friend I would be on her side and NOT talk to anyone.I said it wsn't 7th grade. her fight is not mine. and IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME>
lets just say I was called some pretty nasty things etc.

All of this started because she sent her 7 year old up to the pool. Where my boy's had company NOT neighbors friends from school. they told her little one they couldn't play cause they had company. this caused the flip out. she said he is not to ask anymore just to come up and play. I said no. they had company and CAN choose to play or not play.
keep in mind this happens multiple times a day. some days they play others not.
honestly.... I am unsure what to even do here. Short of joining the pack and saying all set. But I can tell you I will not be screamed at like this ever again?

Yikes. I just don't participate in drama like that. People who treat others that way aren't folks I care a whit about and I just ignore them. There's no changing or fixing people. Some folks just aren't worth the effort, so ignore them and spend time with people who don't create drama.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

My boy's are 10 years old. her's just turned 7.

I try very hard to stay out of the drama. Stay in my backyard by the pool. And Mind my bussiness. but apparently that is an insult because I stay in the yard.
today I had 6 kids here and NEVER left my pool area. never saw another adult and recieved 2 phone calls.

 

[minniecarousel]

sheesh....what a miserable situation. Hopefully, you can just ignore the harpie.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Get caller ID and don't pick up her calls. She's too involved with her kids and the neighbors, she needs a hobby.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

tried the caller ID thing. LOL then she marches up the street and rings the bell or waits outside. She did that last pm. And hubby went out.. where she alternated between crying and pointing her finger in his face.
At least if i pick up the phone my kids aren't hearing what she is saying. if she is on the lawn they are subjected to it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Sorry, she's not normal. If an adult doesn't want to pick up the phone and talk to you, they don't have to. You can be home and busy with any number of things, you don't have to talk to her and she should not be coming to your house to force herself upon you. I would not open the door and just say, sorry we're busy now. If she won't stay off your property and won't stop calling, get a restraining order against her.

 

[clh2]

So - can you pick up the phone (i.e. answer it) and then gently set it down - say on top of the fridge while your neighbor is speaking to you? Then you could go share some lettuce with other neighbors and she won't bust you on that too! Come back a few minutes later and then hang up the phone.

If she asks you at a later time why you are not talking...just say her comments left you speechless...

I personally would be not encouraging my kids to play with hers under any circumstances.

Now - why in the name of a fun summer day would she send a 7-year old to a pool BY HIMSELF? I just reread a later post. The pool is yours?? I would then tell him the pool is "by invitation only".

I just think you need to cut off contact with this family. Sounds toxic.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

yes the pool is mine. and part of the issue is I hear that the Kids were all in the pool. while hers is not.
In the last week he was swimming here twice. The issue is not so much that he is littler its that the Big kids don't want him around because she comes up and they are afraid of her.
I simply can not have him play every time he asks. I firmly believe if mine don't want to play or want to swim alone. they should be allowed to without drama!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If one of my neighbors ever yelled at me and harrassed me like that there would be no more issues because we would not be speaking anymore. The end. Why do you have to make nice? Tell her you are done and it is because of HER behavior.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

yes the pool is mine. and part of the issue is I hear that the Kids were all in the pool. while hers is not.
In the last week he was swimming here twice. The issue is not so much that he is littler its that the Big kids don't want him around because she comes up and they are afraid of her.
I simply can not have him play every time he asks. I firmly believe if mine don't want to play or want to swim alone. they should be allowed to without drama!

Then she should get her own pool. You are not their personal entertainment committee. Why are you even putting up with this nonsense?

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Because I guess I have never been the brunt of this behavior before. for everyone else its been 4 years for me 2 weeks.
I feel so bad for her kids because frankly if mine don't play with them. Thats it. Noone else will. guilt for the kids is the only thing keeping me sane.

I will say she moved from another area in town. And a friend that lives there said.
"That she freaks out causes all kinds of trouble. yells and screams and that she and hubby went door to door. talking about it."
And I responded with. i don't know she gives me no trouble. foot in mouth apparently!

and funny by the way about the phone on the fridge. but like i said then she storms up here.
I frankly am exhausted by it.

 

[disykat]

I agree with the others. You have tried your best to be friendly to her only to be screamed at. Don't answer the phone. Politely ask her to leave if she comes to your home and yells. Be as kind as possible, but let her know you will not tolerate her behavior and have your phone in your hand to call 911 if necessary.

I know how hard it is to avoid neighborhood drama, and can imagine how much you'd like to keep everything peaceful. It sounds like this is beyond that.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Wow. That's some kind of nasty situation to be in!

I would suggest that your primary focus is of course, your family and your home, yes?

To that end, you cannot take responsibility for the result of her behavior on her child's social life. You simply cannot.

She sounds like she has more going on than just "being a difficult neighbor." Her behavior is outside the norm for social appropriateness and I know that I would curtail my exposure to such a person.

Don't take her calls, and if she shows up, tell her quietly she needs to leave and that if she does not, you'll be forced to phone "the authorities" and have her removed. Then be prepared to do it.

I would also consider bringing in a Child Protective service to do a call on the home. If she is that inappropriate outside her home, I would be quite concerned about the way she treats her child. That of course, is up to you.

Take care now and I hope you are able to resolve this situation to your best benefit. Not much fun for summer having an unpleasant person calling and challenging your every move.

 

[sunnyday123]

yes the pool is mine. and part of the issue is I hear that the Kids were all in the pool. while hers is not.
In the last week he was swimming here twice. The issue is not so much that he is littler its that the Big kids don't want him around because she comes up and they are afraid of her.I simply can not have him play every time he asks. I firmly believe if mine don't want to play or want to swim alone. they should be allowed to without drama!

See that bolded part? That's where it would end. I'd tell her to go do some very un-Disney like things, and then dare her to darken my doorstep again. There is no way my kids would be within 5 feet of hers.

Just for laughs and giggles, why aren't any of the other kids allowed to play with hers?

 

[Tinijocaro]

Repeat after me: "I don't have to be nice to mean, crazy people." You would set a better example for your children if you showed them how you allow people to treat you. Join your neighbors and just refuse to have anything to do with her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Repeat after me: "I don't have to be nice to mean, crazy people." You would set a better example for your children if you showed them how you allow people to treat you. Join your neighbors and just refuse to have anything to do with her.

Agree. If a neighbor came up to me and yelled like that, then I would have nothing to do with them, period.

Put your foot down and wise up.

 

[Jennasis]

No more answering the phone OR the door when she calls. If she won't leave your property call the police.

Get a lock for your yard gates (I assume your pool is in a fenced backyard). Keep it locked so that the neighbor kids cannot just show up uninvited. If your kids want the 7 year old to come and play, they can unlock and let him in.

IF you feel like interacting with crazy neighbor, inform her that the reason your kids don't want to play with her kids is because they are afraid of HER and her lunatic behavior.

However, the best way to deal with this nut is to not engage her at all.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

The other children are not allowed to play with hers. because she calls the parents over any little percieved slight. and doesn't let it go.
Same deal calls and if they don't pick up the phone, she rings the bell or sends hubby over."To Talk about it"
Ususally the talks wind up in raised voices and many expletives.

So what has happened is everyone has refused to interact saying nope all set.
Initially the kids on the street, Had the following rules. They were Allowed to play say up here at my house. if her kids were present.

BUT, never allowed on her property. Or to talk to her.
One set gets punished 2 days if they go near her house. The other set gets punished 2 weeks if they do so.

Like I said up until last week. this was the arrangement. Now..... It has progressed to the other kids are not even allowed to play with hers anymore.
Because noone is willing to deal with this all the time. Hence the reason i am in the line of fire.
My kids play with everyone but if her child comes up. The others have to leave because they aren't allowed to play. thus putting mine in the middle. if he is allready playing and they can't play with hers. then mine says he doesn't want to play right now. Because if he does every other kid must leave.

My son said yesterday. He doesn't want to play with XXX anymore at all. Because everytime he does she is calling me saying he did something. and its not worth it.
I told her this and she said I was a liar. She never reprimands him. ???
I think we may need some meds here as she is saying things and then denying she said or did that?

 

[luvmy3]

Just tell her that your friendship is not working out and you would appreciate her not calling you or stopping by anymore, and that your kids will no longer be playing with hers. If that doesn't work, the next time she calls or comes over tell her she is harrassing you, its illegal and if you have to call the police to get her to stop, you will. The key is to not be mousey, you just have to do it or she will never leave you alone.