Inheritance dilemma

[maryliz]

This is why I keep telling my mother (she's 71) ... spend, spend, spend ... make sure there's nothing left. If you run out of money by the time you're 90, no worries, your 4 kids will make sure you're well taken care of. I see far too many cases of people who never spent money in their life, only to have their kids/grandkids fighting over it afer they're gone. My Mom is also very generous with us today, which means the world because we are all raising children and a little extra money here and there is a wonderful gift. I have the best Mom in the world, and I hope that the next 30 years of her life is spent enjoying!

to the OP. I hope that you can make your DH understand that financially you can't just "give up" 125K, not with 4 kids to put through college. I think it's disrespectful for his DMom to even consider asking your DH to go against his grandmother's wishes. If she needs help paying bills, then fine, but really, she's getting 250K herself ... if she was in that bad of financial shape, she never should have bought a new house without first selling the old. Ultimately the decision belongs to your DH because it's his inheritance legally. Hope it all works out for you.

MaryLiz

 

[misskrystal]

I think it's disrespectful for his DMom to even consider asking your DH to go against his grandmother's wishes.
MaryLiz

That's what would bother me the most; I wouldn't hesitate to help my mother, but to be asked for the whole of his inheritance in one go is terrible!

The MIL herself has just inherited a large amount of money, which she will hopefully be using to rid herself of debt. She also owns two properties, which will no doubt help. From the OPs post, although she is in a good financial position, probably isn't as well off as the MIL and has four children to raise and put through college!

 

[MickeyP]

Give her the $$$$$. She will be passing on eventually, right? Consider it a loan.

 

[Chicago526]

To the OP, talk to an estate lawyer FIRST before you decide anything. The previous posters are right, there could be large tax issues that could arise from you DH gifting his share to his mom. If the lawyer is even able to work out a way for your DH to sign over the money, then decide if you want to do that or not. Personally, I wouldn't give her the money in a lump sum, but dole it out to her over time as needed. I'd also make it a condition that she open her financial records to him before she sees a dime.

Stuff like this makes me glad that no one in my family has a sizeable estate! My parents have a healthy retirement fund, but unless they die early (God forbid!) there won't be much left for my brother's and I to inherit, since they're living off of it. DH's grandmother has a lot of real estate, but she has 4 kids and a dozen grandkids to split it up, I doubt DH would get much of it, if any. His mom has no money, her only asset is the house she lives in (owns it free and clear). But he may not even get that, she's told him she's leaving everything to her church and he will get nothing, not even his late father's possesions (that has him more upset than not inheriting the house). I have a sneaky suspision that she isn't really doing that, but I guess we won't know until the time comes.

DH and I are planning our financial future w/out considering any money we may inherit, since we may not get anything at all!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i agree with post 2
sounds like she is kinda being greedy looking for more $ cuz she isnt prepared for her retirerment and nwo that she still hasnt sold the 500k home
maybe she needs it but it was left to your DH
he should take it and if she needs helpo then help her
are the other siblings being asked to not take their $ so she can have it as well??

 

[MAKmom]

Give her the $$$$$. She will be passing on eventually, right? Consider it a loan.

Unless she gets remarried then the money could go the the new husband. I know someone who had this happen.

I also know of a family where Mom dies with young children... Dad gets married when the girls were teenagers...Dad dies when girls are 18 & 20. He did not expect to die in his 40's & did not have a will. The step-mom cut the girls off. The day after the they buried their father. they had to leave the house with only clothes, no money. She won't even give them pictures of their mother.

 

[Banshee]

leaving DMIL with property valued at 500K, some insurance policies, small savings, and disability payments from social security. She works, but has no retirement plans except for social security. The property has been for sale for almost six months with no serious offers, but dmil has already purchased a home for 250K by taking out an equity loan and paying cash. When my dh questioned his mom about her finances, she basically told him to mind his own business.


With what she has why does she need to take from her son? Maybe because she over extended herself. She works,but has made no retirement plans? Why does that now become sons responsiblity? She bought a new 250,000. home, why? I am not sure where you live but why did she not find something less expensive? I am in NJ and have recently went on the hunt with my aunt and we found several nice small homes in retirement communitys under 200,000.00 and this is NJ we have some of the highest real estate prices! But why did she buy a new home before other property was sold. Also maybe she needs to lower price on the other property. Why wont she show him her finances? At least if she showed him her finances it would give him an idea of what she needed. But to refuse seems fishy to me.



Now my dmil has approached my dh saying that she really counted on the money for her future and she doesn't know how she'll manage without it.


How can she possibly count on something that wasnt hers to begin with? And not for nothing but what about her grandchildrens future?


Are we responsible for dmil's upkeep? Is it worth a family rift? What woudl you do?

I dont think you are responsible for her upkeep esp. if she was irresponsible, help her out yes but give her such a large amount of money no. No it is not worth a rift but how could it not cause a rift if DH gives her the money and she then throws it away irresponsibly or gives a big sum to SIL. Some other posters have said legally it is his decision to make. Legal or not legal she has a say! This will affect her and her children. They are married how can you look at your spouse and say well "legally" this doesnt concern you! It is a hard situation but there has to be a way to work it out amicably were everyone will be happy. Even if he offered her something weekly or monthly to help her out until the property sells.

 

[can'twait]

Give her the $$$$$. She will be passing on eventually, right? Consider it a loan.

Well, not if she spends it all first!

 

[Lyn5]

Unless she gets remarried then the money could go the the new husband. I know someone who had this happen.

I also know of a family where Mom dies with young children... Dad gets married when the girls were teenagers...Dad dies when girls are 18 & 20. He did not expect to die in his 40's & did not have a will. The step-mom cut the girls off. The day after the they buried their father. they had to leave the house with only clothes, no money. She won't even give them pictures of their mother.

What that woman did is just evil.

 

[ElizaB39]

Tax implications.

How did she end up with no retirement to begin with? Was DH's dad not financially responsible? Or did SHE fritter the $$ away? Or were they responsible for their situation as a couple?

250,000 invested at 5% per year is 12,500 of income for DMil to receive if she needs help, roughly 1,000 per month for assistance with living expenses.

What if your DH dies suddenly? Would you and your children be provided for or would this 250,000 come in handy?

What if YOU died suddenly, would this 250,000 come in handy for DH to pay for child and house care?

Previously DMil said her finances are none of your DH's business. Why are HIS finances (inheritance) now HER business?

If he agrees to help her, her finances should be an open book.

He should meet with her and a financial planner.

Don't make a decision before consulting with an attorney and accountant.


JMO

 

[Royalbear]

Thankfully, he wasn't blinded by mommy guilt. He knows this money could help our family in terms of college education and our retirement. He and I came up with this plan:

1. First, don't count our chickens before they are hatched. As many of you have stated, taxes may eat a huge portion of the estate, and we don't want hard feelings over a small amount of money. Therefore, our initial response will be, let's just see where we are at when the dust settles.

2. Second, we will reassure mother and dsil that they will never go hungry or without shelter. However, if we are contributing to any upkeep, financial records need to be available to dh so that he can best provide for everyone--including his own family. If dmil moves into her new home before the old one sells, he wants her to consider renting the property (it is hot rental property right now). She doesn't want to do it because that would mean too much work and worry.

I told dh that no money in the world is worth fighting with family, but he is resolute that the above decisions are fair and reasonable and if his family has a problem with that, then they are just looking for a fight.

I love my dh!

 

[Kay1]

When m-i-l says she counted on the money, could she means she needs the money? That worries me especially since she won't share the details of her real estate transaction. Maybe you and your husband wouldn't miss the money that much, but what if m-i-l loses it in her shaky real estate deal? I would hate to see the day she and s-i-l turn to you for help. I would tell her you need the money for college.

 

[Chicago526]

Thankfully, he wasn't blinded by mommy guilt. He knows this money could help our family in terms of college education and our retirement. He and I came up with this plan:

1. First, don't count our chickens before they are hatched. As many of you have stated, taxes may eat a huge portion of the estate, and we don't want hard feelings over a small amount of money. Therefore, our initial response will be, let's just see where we are at when the dust settles.

2. Second, we will reassure mother and dsil that they will never go hungry or without shelter. However, if we are contributing to any upkeep, financial records need to be available to dh so that he can best provide for everyone--including his own family. If dmil moves into her new home before the old one sells, he wants her to consider renting the property (it is hot rental property right now). She doesn't want to do it because that would mean too much work and worry.

I told dh that no money in the world is worth fighting with family, but he is resolute that the above decisions are fair and reasonable and if his family has a problem with that, then they are just looking for a fight.

I love my dh!

That sounds like a VERY good plan! Good for your DH for not bowing to family induced guilt!

 

[Bob NC]

My plan is for the last check I ever write to bounce.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

Royalbear, your DH sounds like he is pretty astute and has a good handle on the problem.

In OK, if there is no will, your MIL would have gotten nothing; the $500K would be split between your DH and SIL. Consequently, I believe GM was very generous to MIL. Everyone is so correct in telling you to contact an accountant and/or lawyer prior to doing anything. You don't want to be hit with gift taxes, for sure. I believe GM was taking care of her grandson (and you) and her great-grandbabies with this bequest. I would not deem to second-guess her last request. JMHO, but that inheritance is a gift with your DH's name on it, NOT MIL's. Also, rental income would be a great supplement to her current income. I cannot imagine any valid reason on her part not to pursue that avenue, if she is really financially "challenged".

Sharon

 

[C.Ann]

My plan is for the last check I ever write to bounce.

--------------------------------

I remember hearing a financial planner once say - "The very last check from your account should be written to the undertaker - and it should bounce.."
LOL

And then there's the old saying, "If you die broke, your timing was perfect.."

 

[mickeyfan2]

I remember hearing a financial planner once say - "The very last check from your account should be written to the undertaker - and it should bounce.."
LOL

This is so funny. Our financial advisor says the same thing.

 

[nbodyhome]

Your MIL isn't destitute. She has over a half million dollars in property and such, plus insurance policies, disability payments, social security if it's kicked in yet, AND money from your grandmother? She doesn't want you involved in her finances, and she has no right to ask you for money.

If she was really needy, that would be different. But she has quite a lot, plus I expect she could still work if needed. Even if not, that is quite a tidy sum of money. Save the money for your kids futures. If you give it to her, she should just waste it away, or give it to someone else.

Denise

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I told dh that no money in the world is worth fighting with family, but he is resolute that the above decisions are fair and reasonable and if his family has a problem with that, then they are just looking for a fight.

I love my dh!

You are so right about that! DH's mother hardly speaks to most of her sibs due to an inheritance arguement that goes back to the '60s when her father passed away. It's sad that there's very little contact with that branch of the family, even to this day. That money was spent long ago and yet the resentment and hurt feelings still linger.

Your DH sounds like he has a good grip on the situation. Let him do the talking with his mom and sister. Hopefully, everyone will be happy with the outcome. Good luck!

 

[MAKmom]

What that woman did is just evil.

The step-mom had a long time resentment of the Step-daughters. DH was very well off. He had his girls in private school. When he remarried Step-mom's kids were in public & he would not pay for them to go the private school. They were teenageres too. He felt it was their father's responsiblity to pay for that & he would not.

The moral of this story is have a will. Like the OP GMIL did.