Inheritance dilemma

[Pamlur]

How long ago did grandmother pass away? When my grandmother died leaving an estate that size, it took two years to get her estate through probate, and the fees ate up a LOT of everybody's inheritance. Then there are the inheritance taxes; I haven't kept up with what percentage they are at right now.

If this is a recent event, it's far too soon for anybody to count chickens/eggs/whatever.

 

[imsayin]

How long ago did grandmother pass away? When my grandmother died leaving an estate that size, it took two years to get her estate through probate, and the fees ate up a LOT of everybody's inheritance. Then there are the inheritance taxes; I haven't kept up with what percentage they are at right now.

If the estate is in a trust, there is no probate or related probate fees. Also, inheritances are not taxed, unless the money comes from an account that was never taxed (like a 401K or IRA).

There is an estate tax for an estate over $1,000,000, but some of that can be avoided by using trusts also, so it depends on how Grandma & Grandpa had their assets organized.

 

[majimikate]

JMHO, you and DH should keep your share. Grandma had clear intentions, and wrote her will that way for a reason. In most families your MIL would have been left nothing and the money would have gone to the blood relative grandchildren. Your MIL's refusal to share her information is her right, but then she has to understand that it is her responsibility to provide for herself.

Good luck, keep us posted on the outcome.

Chris

 

[Ozymoe]

In most families your MIL would have been left nothing and the money would have gone to the blood relative grandchildren.

I don't think the OP has ever clarified whether or not DH's mother is his grandmother's daughter (blood relative) or his grandmother's DIL (non-blood relative).

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I don't think the OP has ever clarified whether or not DH's mother is his grandmother's daughter (blood relative) or his grandmother's DIL (non-blood relative).

Actually, she did in the first post:

Now dh's grandmother (father's mother) passed away with a sizable (greater than 2 million) estate ...

The OP's MIL is the grandmother's DIL...not a blood relative.

 

[majimikate]

Thanks madforthemouse...I thought that I read that too!!!

 

[Ozymoe]

...actually I saw that and didn't process it lol...sigh...too many branches of the family tree obscuring my view lol...

Ok, so this is the grandmother's DIL she is leaving a quarter mil to (and $125,000 each to OP's DH and his sister).

Obviously she got on well with/liked her DIL and also wanted to give the grandchildren equal inheritance (in case her son did not survive her)...so she left each equal shares (DIL=50%/ grandson and granddaughter together=50%). Sounds like a plan to me! In that case it seems prudent to follow grandmother's wishes.

...it also still seems that it is probably in the best interests of long-term family harmony...to spend a great deal of time talking this out with MIL...especially assuring MIL that of course you will be there for her so that while the house is up for sale she doesn't run into any major financial pitfalls.

The OP doesn't mention if MIL has been there for her family in the past as a caring part of their family's dynamics (irregardless of the fact that at the same time she may have also been allowing her daughter to "sponge off" her and her (late) husband.

If MIL is a "reasonably caring" grandmother as well as a "concerned parent" of a much less capable daughter than son...a considerate and calm discussion of the situation at hand may be just the thing to allow her to reassess her position.

 

[Banshee]

I agree with most here keep the money esp. since your DD is 17 you can really use it! It would be differant if she showed your DH her finances, why wont she? We were involved in something similar to this this past summer my MIL wanted money she used during the raising of my DH clothing docters bills the 2 semesters of college she paid for <<<<this was me when she said this! But we spoke with an attorney we were going to give her the money with the sale of our house and sadly write her off because she is kooky. The attorney told us that a parent can gift a child up to 10,000.00 tax free,but there is nothing for children gifting parents. If your DH gave her a sizable chunk of money it would be taxed. (big time taxed!!!) If I remember correctly the lawyer said it was something like 35%. He could give her some money once a month. And IMHO you are married what he does will affect you and the children so you should have a say in it. If my DH made a big decision like this on his own this would be me>>> as he would be very upset with me if I made a decision like this and not consult with him first! Also as a mother I would have to be really hard pressed to ask my son for that kind of money knowing he has 4 kids and one that is 17 college bound there is no way I would do it!! She is obviously not that bad off if she has property valued at 500,000.00 like another poster said lower the sale price! And why didnt she wait to buy a new house until she had the other property sold? So she wouldnt get into a situation of having an equity payment. Also DH's GM set her will that way for a reason she would probably be mad if she knew this was happening . If she is that hard up she should ask SIL for some money too split it up between the two. I am sorry for going on but I get very upset when I hear about MIL stuff because I have had some truly BAD things happen in my life with DH all due to mommy dearest!!! Good luck its not a fun situation.

 

[knebel22@frontiernet]

I am settling my fathers estate as I write this. Unless the money was set up in trust accounts Uncle Sam and the state will tax 1/3 of the estate. Hating writing that check. Don't forget that the executor of the estate is obligated to settle the estate as per the will. Even if you later give the money to your DMIL you will be taxed on it. My father died 1 1/2 years and the estate is not settled and my father left excellent records.
Have fun
Denise

 

[NancyIL]

Question...you said the grandchildren will also get a cash gift of 25k...meaning EACH grandchild? Does your MIL want THAT gift from your husband also? It seems to me that your husband's grandmother was very generous to your MIL, and she should be happy to get anything.

I concur with the others that your husband should keep what was willed to him. If you wish to help your MIL make ends meet until she sells her house, make the money a loan.

 

[rhiannonwales]

I know it may not be my place to say this but i get the distinct feeling that MIL is being irresponsible with $$ believing that she was "getting more" soon from GMIL.When it didnt turn out to be as much as she hoped she suddenly found that she has perhaps overextended herself.The fact that she "lent" 50k to SIL without putting the terms of it in writing tell me that shes not very dollar wise.

Now every mom of a boy knows that boys have a MUCH harder time saying no to MOM.Even if SIL was financially solvent, i dont think she would ask her for the $$.

That being said, unless she can prove she needs the money ( by showing you her financial records ) id say no.The fact alone that shes unwilling to disclose them is a big red flag in my mind.

Its not always so easy and simple i know, but i would seriously make your feelings known to your husband.If he does give it to her and you never got to have your say, it will brew a lot of resentment in the long run.He may just give it to her anyway, but at least you will know you did your best.And who knows? Sometimes people dont see whats right in front of their face until its shown to them.

Good luck and let us know how it all turns out!
Sherrie

 

[jennifer293]

What I don't understand is you say that MIL says she was "Counting on that money" how can she count on something that was not hers to begin with? I mean if it was in FIL's will you know she knew it was set up that way right? So she has known all this time that your DH was supposed to get this money..sounds like she was never planning to fork over the money to him anyway.

If it were my DH I would have him take the money and go invest it into our kids future. College is not getting any cheaper these days. If she needs help then yes help her but I feel like she would blow a good portion on the poverty stricken SIL!!

Just my opinion!!!

 

[CheapMom]

I am surprised at many of these reaponses- I know if I was in the OP's husband's position it would not be a difficult dilemma for me. If I felt my mother really needed the money I would give it to her. Now, if I felt that she was taking advantage, or just trying to hoard the money for herself for a lot of frivolous things and luxuries- then I would be more inclined to keep the money and offer to help her as needed. But I really feel it is the OP's husband who needs to decide this. No matter what happens I think it would be in the best interst of familial relations for the OP to make peace with whatever is decided and then to let it go. In the generation before me family rifts have occured over similar things that were far more costly than the sum of money at the root of the disagreement.
Beleive me if I were in the OP's place I would love to have that money- but more than that I wouldn't want my husband to do anything that would make him feel guilty or unkind to his mom.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would talk to DH and tell him that you would love to help his mom and the best way to do that is to take your inheritance and help pay some of her bills. Talk him into investing for your retirement and your kids education. I would also point out that these are the wishes of his grandparents and he would do them honor by doing what they want.

 

[jaccceee]

who died 1st? my dad died a day after his mother. my sibling and i received my dads portion. if he died a day before we wouldn't have got anything from grandmother.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I don't think your grandmother in laws will can work that way. Unless it was given in a trust, as I understand it, once the money became your FILs, it became his. I'm not sure you even have a legal claim to it unless your FILs will specified you get some of it. I'd talk to an attorney before I do anything.

But the FIL is no longer alive, so he cannot inherit the money.

 

[Kycha]

If the estate is in a trust, there is no probate or related probate fees. Also, inheritances are not taxed, unless the money comes from an account that was never taxed (like a 401K or IRA).

There is an estate tax for an estate over $1,000,000, but some of that can be avoided by using trusts also, so it depends on how Grandma & Grandpa had their assets organized.

I think these are the federal inheritance tax rules. Don't forget about state taxes. I live in PA and my brothers and I will need to pay inheritance tax on our portion of our fathers estate. I don't know what the tax rate is, but I do know that it is substantial.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Yup, I agree with everyone else here...ok most everyone else.

Keep the $$. It's legally yours. How can you possibly know that she is telling the truth about needing the $$ if she won't let you into her little financial world. Your $$ will be going straight to your SIL, you can count on that.

People just never stop surprising me.

This thought just made me think of - What if she wants that money for DSIL and not herself? This maybe a ploy to get more for DSIL. Just a thought.

 

[chrissyk]

Yup, I agree with everyone else here...ok most everyone else.

Keep the $$. It's legally yours. How can you possibly know that she is telling the truth about needing the $$ if she won't let you into her little financial world. Your $$ will be going straight to your SIL, you can count on that.

People just never stop surprising me.

My thoughts exactly. This money isn't for your MIL. It's for your SIL. Take it from someone who has a SIL like this and an uncle like this. The mothers of these losers never stop catering to them, even after the rest of the world has sensibly stopped contributing to the lost cause of "helping" the loser. Your MIL will be giving that cash to your SIL if you give it to her. Essentially you are taking away from your own children's college to donate this money to your SIL if you give it to your MIL. JMHO.

 

[MAKmom]

I am surprised at many of these reaponses- I know if I was in the OP's husband's position it would not be a difficult dilemma for me. If I felt my mother really needed the money I would give it to her. Now, if I felt that she was taking advantage, or just trying to hoard the money for herself for a lot of frivolous things and luxuries- then I would be more inclined to keep the money and offer to help her as needed. But I really feel it is the OP's husband who needs to decide this. No matter what happens I think it would be in the best interst of familial relations for the OP to make peace with whatever is decided and then to let it go. In the generation before me family rifts have occured over similar things that were far more costly than the sum of money at the root of the disagreement.
Beleive me if I were in the OP's place I would love to have that money- but more than that I wouldn't want my husband to do anything that would make him feel guilty or unkind to his mom.

The OP already said it's up to her husband & will go along with what he does.
She was asking for feedback.

OP: MIL does not sound like she handles money well...buying a new house before she has old house sold. Counting on money she hoped she would get.