Inexpensive "cocktail" dress and wedding question

[okeydokey]

My go to store for dresses is Ross. Or a friend's closet.

 

[MineMail]

Actually, the tradition for weddings is never wear white OR black, but people ignore the "no black" custom. (It signifies mourning - like the wedding = death. People who are truly in mourning weren't expected to attend weddings.) I totally understand where the bride is coming from, but if she's going to be a traditionalist, she shouldn't be wearing white herself for her THIRD wedding or she's being a hippocrite. Just sayin'...

One of nicest-looking weddings I ever attended was a black-and-white color scheme. The bridge wore a white dress with a black bolero jacket. The bridesmaids wore black and the flower girls white. All the guests wore black or white or both (patterns). The linens and centerpieces were a beautiful contrast in purple. It really was different and very pretty to see.

Judgements aside, check out local consignment/resale shops. They're choosy about what they agree to resell, so you won't find the broken zippers and torn linings that you would at a thrift shop. The cocktail dresses at TJ Maxx and Marshalls were poorly made, imo, so you can get a better bargain at the consignment places.

Buy it in a color or pattern you can wear for the upcoming holidays - a gold-tone or jewel tone is good. Have it professional cleaned.

 

[crisi]

This is what I would do. It's incredibly rude of the (3rd time!) bride to be so rude and dictate what colors her guests must wear...on short notice...very bridezillaish!

If the bride thinks its bad luck to wear black to the wedding, and she knows you know this because you are close and were raised under the same rules....it would be really insulting to show up in black. Its informing her that you don't think #3 is going to be any more successful than #1 or #2. Which you might, but it isn't polite to say such a thing - even with what you choose to wear. Skip the escalation of poor manners, and just send your regrets.

No one is obligated to give into Bridezilla, but the way to not give into Bridezilla is to say "oh, THAT weekend?! I'm so sorry, we already have a commitment." Either she is important enough to you for you to suck it up and put up with Bridezilla, or she isn't, in which case, why are you going to her wedding?

 

[Irin997]

Being 30 and given that mine and DH's friends are in the neighborhood of 25-35, we've been to a lot of weddings. You can tell a lot about the wedding by 3 things: invitation, place, and time. If the invitation is really nice and formal, dress formally. Same with the place. Evening weddings dictate cocktail/formal wear.

As far as I'm concerned, if the wedding start at 5pm or later, black is fine. If it starts earlier, I would wear a sundress/church dress. We went to one wedding a couple years ago that had a 12pm mass and then a 6pm reception. I wore a church dress to the church and a cocktail dress (it was blue, not black) to the reception.

In your case, find a nice afternoon dress because that's what the time of the wedding dictates.

PS it's much more acceptable for people in my age range to wear black to an evening wedding.

 

[krcit]

My MIL wore a black dress to my wedding


Honestly, I really didn't think twice about it. I was more annoyed at my cousin's wife wearing a white dress. Who does that? It was almost 18 years ago and it still bothers me!!


OP, I guess I would just suck it up and get a new dress but I'd be pretty annoyed about it also. I mean...come on!! Third wedding and 50 years old and she still thinks it matters what people wear to her wedding

 

[MineMail]

My MIL wore a black dress to my wedding

If your MIL was a widow, then the guidelines are a little vague. My mother and grandmother's generation would wear black to everything for the rest of their lives after their husbands died.

DH's female cousins wear black to every event, including our wedding, because they think it's fashionable. Two people from my side of the family asked me (at our wedding) why such young people in their 20's were in mourning. I said they were drunk, lol.

 

[hopemax]

My MIL wore a black dress to my wedding

So did mine. My Mom made one comment. But we both knew it wasn't a statement about me. My MIL is pooh sized and short, and we knew it would be difficult for her to find a flattering dress. The black dress was flattering, so it was fine.

As for buying cheap cocktail dresses...do you have a Ross? When I needed dresses for a Disney cruise, I bought 2 there. One was $12.99 and the other was about $20.

 

[PatriciaH]

I was brought up that only the bride wears white (and that's all she wears unless she'd been married before) and no one wears black. I realize times have changed, but I still would never wear black or white to a wedding.

Ditto. I was surprised to see how many people wore black to our good friends wedding in July. Most of them were around my age too (41.) I wore eggplant/purple. Still dark and dressy but not black. Even navy is nice. My dress was about $30 at Marshalls.

 

[eyor44]

Clearance rack at JCPenneys. Last year I got a formal for $10. Had a small pull that wasn't noticable. I've worn it twice and saving it for next year.

 

[mjkacmom]

Its that way even in Fargo, North Dakota in these hedonistic times . My sister just got married in North Dakota and my eyebrow was creeping into my hairline. Not only lots of black, but animal prints?! Cause apparently, dressing like you are spending the weekend in Vegas is appropriate church wear.

That doesn't change what I've been saying though - which is that the old etiquette, regardless of what they do in South Jersey now, is not to wear black, and an older bride might be stuck with her brain in the old etiquette..

I guess it's crossing the country, because I just looked at my niece's wedding photos online (North Dakota wedding), and my SIL (bride's mom), and MIL are both wearing black, as are many of the female guests. The reception was at a local hotel, simple by our standards, ritzy from my niece's DH's side of the family. But many in black cocktail dresses (the bride is 28).

I'm in my mid-40's and can't remember a time when black wasn't worn at weddings.

ETA, bride's dress was strapless, the bridesmaides only had one strap, and they had a full Catholic Mass - guess times have changed.

 

[beansmom]

ok, i'm 52 and i just got married for the 3rd time. Details aside, let me just say that i think if everyone is clean and tidy, it doesn't matter if they wore jeans or what to my wedding. It was more important to me that they actually came.

I think it is presumptuous and arrogant to 'dictate' what your guests should wear to any function. It's supposed to be a celebration of love and family, not a fashion show.

I would wear whatever I want to wear unless your cousin is willing to purchase dress for you that suits her tastes. My goodness.

WAIT...let me fess up..i DID request that dh's oldest son get out of his regular uniform of ragged t-shirt and holey sweat pants for the wedding. Am I a 'bridezilla'??

 

[krcit]

If your MIL was a widow, then the guidelines are a little vague. My mother and grandmother's generation would wear black to everything for the rest of their lives after their husbands died.

DH's female cousins wear black to every event, including our wedding, because they think it's fashionable. Two people from my side of the family asked me (at our wedding) why such young people in their 20's were in mourning. I said they were drunk, lol.

She wasn't a widow at the time. Honestly, I didn't think twice about it because people wear black to everything around here. Especially weddings. I have worn black to a ton of weddings myself. All the weddings I have been to have been formal evening weddings though. Oh, except for my friend who got married on the beach in a white bathing suit! I wore shots to that one, lol!

 

[corgi_monster]

Do you have a classic "little black dress"? If not, I would invest in one. You can use them for lots of occasions and dress them up or down as the occasion requires. I have a couple and have bought all of them for under $50.

Agree

Ann Taylor has a sale going on right now - 40% off the whole store. They have good quality black dresses that will last a few seasons.

 

[Mickey1Fan]

Sears or a Sears outlet.

OP - no one will remember what you wore the day after the wedding. Wear a dress you already own.

I have one 'party' dress I wear everywhere and I don't care if others have seen it. I'm going to an annual gala at the end of October and yes, I'm wearing the same dress I wore last year.

My new attitude is that it's my budget and I really don't have to justify my spending or not spending to anyone else.

 

[riley2008]

I guess it's crossing the country, because I just looked at my niece's wedding photos online (North Dakota wedding), and my SIL (bride's mom), and MIL are both wearing black, as are many of the female guests. The reception was at a local hotel, simple by our standards, ritzy from my niece's DH's side of the family. But many in black cocktail dresses (the bride is 28).

I'm in my mid-40's and can't remember a time when black wasn't worn at weddings.

ETA, bride's dress was strapless, the bridesmaides only had one strap, and they had a full Catholic Mass - guess times have changed.

I'm in my early 40's and black at evenings weddings has always been appropriate too. We're in south Texas, so we do tend to be out of sync with fashion most of the time, though. My wedding 12 years ago, all the bridesmaids wore black linen dresses. They all wore them many times after that. They became the summer LBD for all of them. Wish I had gotten one too!

 

[capegirl]

My daughter is getting married on Oct. 1st. Here is my dress story. I went out of my way to avoid the typical MOB dress, so after an extended search, I found a cute navy blue dress at Nordstrom. I thought I was all set until I walked into my local Marshalls yesterday, and spotted this stunning, one shoulder dress. (sorry..the photo really doesn't capture the drama of the dress) I ran into the dressing room to try it on, and it really put my Nordstom dress to shame. I could not believe I was buying another dress, but the price tag eased my guilt....$24.95 The dress is from Valerie Bertinell's line, and they are sold at both Marshalls & TJ Maxx. If you live in the vicinity of one of these stores, it would be worth your while to check out Valerie's dresses...I saw them in many stunning colors , and they were all very classy. Happy dress hunting, and don't worry about wearing a little black dress... wear whatever makes you feel good.

 

[Tistal]

I'm somewhat playing devil's advocate here, but I had to do something similar at my wedding. Listen to me before you flame.

Think about the bride and groom's family and friends; I'm assuming she sent out this universal text to everyone. If I hadn't put out the word that I wanted people to wear at least business casual to my very formal evening wedding, I would have had people from my husband's side of the family show up in cut off, dirty jeans and clothes covered in mud and stuff from where they'd been out working on the farm all day.

Granted, I wasn't asking for a cocktail dress; I had his mother put out the word that they should think about wearing their church clothes. At the reception, many of them thanked his mom for getting the word out because they said they would have worn something similar to what I had described because we didn't get married or have the reception in a church, and they would have felt out of place.

So, clothing instructions may not be so much for you as it could be that they are for someone else that really needed the direction, and there is no way to make sure feelings don't get hurt unless you include everyone.

Just a thought. Or the bride could just be a bridezilla.

 

[pixiewings71]

No black at a wedding...??? My cousin got married a couple years ago - her sisters *2* were her bridesmaids *this* was the dress she chose for them. I liked it so much I bought one myself - wore it to church yesterday. I didn't pay the sale price though

Having the bridal party in black is different from guests wearing black.

My daughter is getting married on Oct. 1st. Here is my dress story. I went out of my way to avoid the typical MOB dress, so after an extended search, I found a cute navy blue dress at Nordstrom. I thought I was all set until I walked into my local Marshalls yesterday, and spotted this stunning, one shoulder dress. (sorry..the photo really doesn't capture the drama of the dress) I ran into the dressing room to try it on, and it really put my Nordstom dress to shame. I could not believe I was buying another dress, but the price tag eased my guilt....$24.95 The dress is from Valerie Bertinell's line, and they are sold at both Marshalls & TJ Maxx. If you live in the vicinity of one of these stores, it would be worth your while to check out Valerie's dresses...I saw them in many stunning colors , and they were all very classy. Happy dress hunting, and don't worry about wearing a little black dress... wear whatever makes you feel good.

That's a very cute dress!!! I may have to stop by TJ Maxx/Marshall's to check that line out.