In This Situation What Would You Have Done?

[MIGrandma]

My Mother received an anniversary card from another woman in her church this past Sunday. Oct. 1 would have been my parents' 55th wedding anniversary but my Father has been dead almost 3 years. Of course it upset her, and she called the woman on the phone to tell her about it. The woman apologized and said she thought the man that came to church with her every Sunday was her husband. No, he is just a friend (for about a year now).

Would you have called the woman?

I think if it would have happened to me, while it might make me sad, I don't think I would have called the woman and embarrassed her. I just don't see the point in doing that. I kept my opinion to myself though, but just wondered what others would have done.

 

[Kim&Chris]

I don't think I would have made it a point to call her. Instead, I would have simply mentioned it, privately, to the woman the following Sunday at church. No need to make the other woman feel bad, as she thought she was doing something nice.

 

[wvjules]

My Mother received an anniversary card from another woman in her church this past Sunday. Oct. 1 would have been my parents' 55th wedding anniversary but my Father has been dead almost 3 years. Of course it upset her, and she called the woman on the phone to tell her about it. The woman apologized and said she thought the man that came to church with her every Sunday was her husband. No, he is just a friend (for about a year now).

Would you have called the woman?

I think if it would have happened to me, while it might make me sad, I don't think I would have called the woman and embarrassed her. I just don't see the point in doing that. I kept my opinion to myself though, but just wondered what others would have done.

No I wouldn't have called her.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm confused. How could someone who isn't enough close enough to your mother to know she's a widow know that it was her anniversary?

 

[anniemae]

I would pull her aside at church and quiety tell her, but I would not have called her.

She must have had a conversation with your mom about the anniversary or she would not have known about it, so it seems like she was just confused.

 

[waltsgirl]

I would not have called her.

One question I did have.. How did the woman know it was your mom's anniversary? Since she didn't know the man coming with your mom was just a friend I am assuming she is not a close friend, so how did she find out. Was it in the church bulletin? If it was maybe they should make some sort of mark by the name if one of the persons is deceased so it doesn't happen to someone in the future. Just my opinion...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am assuming your mother is older so the church person is older as well? Who knows what I would do when I am in 80.

I think calling her on the phone was probably better. That way she was not upset at church or in public and your mom corrected her privately.

Now I calculated being married for 55yrs and that will be in 2055!!!! I will be 80yrs old.

Cards probably won't even exist then!!

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't think I would have made it a point to call her. Instead, I would have simply mentioned it, privately, to the woman the following Sunday at church. No need to make the other woman feel bad, as she thought she was doing something nice.

I agree. I would have introduced her to my "new friend" and said something like, "He has been a great help to me since Jim died". Many churches have "Care groups" that keep track of birthdays, aniversaries, etc and those parishioners on those committees send the cards out, based on a list. The woman who made the mistake no doubt would have corrected it when when she was introduced to the new friend.

 

[Tink888]

I wouldn't have said anything. Sounds like the woman was just trying to be thoughtful and it came back to bite her.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't think there is anything wrong with calling and thanking the woman for the card and let her know that her dh had passed away, but not if she called to tell the woman that the card upset her.
I woudln't have called. I would have waited till after church to thank her for her thoughts and let her know my dh had passed away a few years ago, and introduce her to my friend.

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm confused. How could someone who isn't enough close enough to your mother to know she's a widow know that it was her anniversary?

I'm not completely sure as I doubt it was on the church calendar since he has been gone almost 3 years, and she's never received an anniversary card like that from anyone else. Maybe the woman who sent the card is not a regular card-sender, but had it written down in her personal address book or something, and just decided to send a card. I really don't know.

I don't think there is anything wrong with calling and thanking the woman for the card and let her know that her dh had passed away, but not if she called to tell the woman that the card upset her.
I woudln't have called. I would have waited till after church to thank her for her thoughts and let her know my dh had passed away a few years ago, and introduce her to my friend.

Mom didn't call the woman to thank her, she called her to let her know it upset her.

 

[WheresFigment?]

I wouldn't have said anything. older people can do weird things.

My grandmother still sends me flowers every september 20th, which was my anniversary with my ex, who died in 2006. I know she does it as a kind of memorial, but it is odd that she does it on our anniversary date and not on the date of his death or his birthday or something.

I've gotten used to it, it's just her thing, and let it go.

 

[luvmy3]

Mom didn't call the woman to thank her, she called her to let her know it upset her.

Oh, then I definitely wouldn't have done that. I probably would have assumed the woman was confused, and even though I'd be uspset at the reminder of my anniversary, I wouldn't have taken it out on her.

 

[dislaney]

No I wouldn't have said anything. Maybe would have mentioned it sometime in passing that my husband had passed but not that the card upset me.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I wouldn't have said anything to her at all. I am sure it was on a list at the church and she was just being nice. I see no need in calling anyone out.

 

[Becky2005]

I wouldn't have said anything. Sounds like the woman was just trying to be thoughtful and it came back to bite her.

That was my thought. No good deed goes unpunished as the saying goes.

It does sound like it was posted in the bulletion or was on a list somewhere. The list needs to be updated with the anniversary removed.

I don't think I would have called but I probably would have just thought it odd, if I hadn't received anniversary cards in the past & then all of a sudden did.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

That was nice of the lady to give her a card sadly she didnt get the rest of the memo

 

[sunshine1178]

I wouldn't have said anything. older people can do weird things.

My grandmother still sends me flowers every september 20th, which was my anniversary with my ex, who died in 2006. I know she does it as a kind of memorial, but it is odd that she does it on our anniversary date and not on the date of his death or his birthday or something.

I've gotten used to it, it's just her thing, and let it go.

Just the opposite here. I send my grandma flowers for her anniversary, even though Grandpa died in 1995. She knows its her anniversary, she misses him, Why not let her know I'm thinking of her and their great 50 year marriage?

 

[WheresFigment?]

Just the opposite here. I send my grandma flowers for her anniversary, even though Grandpa died in 1995. She knows its her anniversary, she misses him, Why not let her know I'm thinking of her and their great 50 year marriage?

Well, that's just it-- we were together four years, but the relationship ended when he died (we were not yet married) and I'm with someone new now.

I do miss him, a little piece of me does every day, but part of me wonders, is she gonna send me flowers every september once I'm married to someone else?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Just the opposite here. I send my grandma flowers for her anniversary, even though Grandpa died in 1995. She knows its her anniversary, she misses him, Why not let her know I'm thinking of her and their great 50 year marriage?

I do the same thing for my grandma. I send her the flowers my grandpa always gave her. But, I think that is more of a family thing, and I think she would be taken aback by receiving a random anniversary card from someone not family. I would not have made the call, rather probably mentioned something to her in person when I had calmed down a bit and the surprise factor wore off. After all, it was meant as a kind gesture, whether it backfired or not.