In this day and age WHY???

[cheermom1]

I have noticed a trend, I normally work full time and have since I had my kids. In order for us to just pay our bills I HAVE to work and I know there are a LOT of couples that both have to work. Anyway the trend I have noticed is that normally the woman is the one taking care of the house and the kids and some also take care of the yard. Then when the man works over time he normally doesn't do anything but work and come home and the woman will make that the excuse for him to do nothing. My question is WHY??? Why do we feel the need to let the man not do anything or make excuses as why he doesn't and we do his work for him. But if we try to do nothing we can't b/c it HAS to be done! i guess I don;t understand If I have to work full time and sometimes work over time I still don't get to just work and do nothing else. So why do we feel the need to let the man so this and think it is ok? Or even if we are working full time and the man still doesn;t do as much as we do why do we not make them see that they have to at least help. ideally it would be 50/50 but we all know that isn't going to happen so why can;t it be something and not think just b/c they work a little extra don't mean their chores at home should get done by someone else!

Please note that I have never let mine get away with kind of thinking and if he thinks he can I will not do his chores as I do NOT have the dang time!!

 

[Nancy F]

My husband and I work together. And he does as much if not more than I do at home. He even does the laundry and irons his own clothes. (Sometimes he even irons mine. lol.) So I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
Nancy

 

[doxdogy]

DH and I both work. I do the housework (when I do it) like the dishes, bathrooms and laundry (he does his own). He feeds the dogs, garbage and yard work. Since I hate yard work, it is an even trade.

 

[cheermom1]

My husband and I work together. And he does as much if not more than I do at home. He even does the laundry and irons his own clothes. (Sometimes he even irons mine. lol.) So I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
Nancy

Awesome team work at it's best. My dh and I worked out a deal that I would take care of the house and takes care of the yard and cars! We take care of our kids together. I also take care of the dog and cat. I think we are pretty 50/50 over all, of course there are things that each other take care for the other when we notice that the other is stressed but he never expects me to do it all. I hate to cook so he cooks more than I do but we also worked it out that who ever gets home first starts dinner and normally the other will come in and help or help with the kids. i am one of the lucky ones.

However I know A LOT of couples that this is not the case! I have only met a few that have a similar situation as we do. Most that I have seen is that the woman is expected to do way more than what she can really do and never gets a break but the man comes home and plops on the couch and never moves to the point of the woman bringing his dinner to him. My brother is one these.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I do more than my dh around the house because I'm here to do it, but when he's home, he does stuff, too. I can get all the laundry, grocery shopping and house cleaning done while he's at work, so we both have most of the weekend free to do fun stuff as a family (other than him mowing the lawn and often all of us doing major yard work together on the weekend). I think we contribute pretty equally towards running our household, and I count his time working outside the home in that. Honestly, with the DISing I do during the day, he probably contributes more than I do, (but don't tell him I said that! )

 

[ilovepcot]

I have noticed a trend, I normally work full time and have since I had my kids. In order for us to just pay our bills I HAVE to work and I know there are a LOT of couples that both have to work. Anyway the trend I have noticed is that normally the woman is the one taking care of the house and the kids and some also take care of the yard. Then when the man works over time he normally doesn't do anything but work and come home and the woman will make that the excuse for him to do nothing. My question is WHY??? Why do we feel the need to let the man not do anything or make excuses as why he doesn't and we do his work for him. But if we try to do nothing we can't b/c it HAS to be done! i guess I don;t understand If I have to work full time and sometimes work over time I still don't get to just work and do nothing else. So why do we feel the need to let the man so this and think it is ok? Or even if we are working full time and the man still doesn;t do as much as we do why do we not make them see that they have to at least help. ideally it would be 50/50 but we all know that isn't going to happen so why can;t it be something and not think just b/c they work a little extra don't mean their chores at home should get done by someone else!

Please note that I have never let mine get away with kind of thinking and if he thinks he can I will not do his chores as I do NOT have the dang time!!

My poor mother asked these same questions for 62 years! No one has answered her yet!

 

[handinpocket]

My husband and I both work. He does all the yard work, and I do most of the house work. He will help me load the dishwasher or wash clothes. I haven't noticed that trend obviously, lol.

 

[Pakey]

My husband and I both work; the difference is that he only works 40 hours while I work 60-80 hours per week.

He does all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry. We have a gardener so no yard work. We've been married 25 years and it's always been that way. I have a significantly higher income than he does but it's a joint effort; I couldn't have went after the career if he hadn't been there to take care of the kids and run the household.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I have experienced the opposite of the OP. Most couples I know have very equitable work loads around the house.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Doesn't fly in my house.......we split the household stuff, but DH does more than I do of it.

We both work, but due to DH's schedule (24 hour shift every third day), he's home 2 days out of 3. He does housework during the week when he's off--laundry, dishes, etc. He doesn't like to run the sweeper, so I usually do that. When the kids are out of school, he takes care of them if he's off; if he's working that day, I take off (I have flexible hours). He does doctor/dentist appointments if they're on days he's off, etc. He cooks if he's home because he enjoys it and he's much better at it than I am. On the weekends, we pretty much both do whatever needs done. I don't do yard work though, if he's doing that on a Saturday, I do the stuff inside. He's the type that if he knows I've had a bad day, he's got a drink waiting for me, tells me to go relax until dinner, etc. I realize how lucky I am.

I do have several coworkers who have the situation you describe, and I don't know how they do it. There are some days that I am so mentally exhausted when I get home, I can hardly think, much less do 4-6 hours more work before going to bed.

 

[cheermom1]

I do more than my dh around the house because I'm here to do it, but when he's home, he does stuff, too. I can get all the laundry, grocery shopping and house cleaning done while he's at work, so we both have most of the weekend free to do fun stuff as a family (other than him mowing the lawn and often all of us doing major yard work together on the weekend). I think we contribute pretty equally towards running our household, and I count his time working outside the home in that. Honestly, with the DISing I do during the day, he probably contributes more than I do, (but don't tell him I said that! )

I can see this if you don;t work, I get what your saying. But like in my situation and the majority of the couples I know the woman has NO choice but to work full time too and that is what I was talking about.

 

[Jason@dvcstore]

I think each couple decides how they are going to handle. I know some couples where they both work and the male does more and female does less, some couples where they do equal things and some where females does more and male does less.

My wife probably would say she does more but I like to think I help as much as possible as well. Since having a child I think the amount of laundry that needs to be done has multiplied. I wasn't prepared for the laundry.

Jason

 

[Tracy Savage]

Cheermom- do you live in my house?? Amen Sister!

 

[laurie31]

I think men just can't see what there is to be done. My DH couldn't anyway.

When we were first married, DH actually called me at work to tell me he was BORED! (this was before we had kids, but still!) I spouted off this huge list of chores that needed to be done. How can you be bored when the carpets need vacuuming, the sheets on our bed need to be changed, there's 3 loads of laundry to be done, etc. Well, lo and behold, when I got home, he had DONE everything I said! He is absolutely not lazy, but he still needs "help" seeing what's staring me in the face.

We "tag team" meaning I work evenings, and he works days, so he by default has to do half the child care and the cooking, although I have coworkers who have to fix dinner for their husbands before they come to work.

He does all the yard work, most all of the laundry (he's scared to wash delicates - lol), he washes dishes, both by hand and he loads and unloads the dishwasher, he buys groceries, cooks at least half the time (if I'm home, sometimes we cook together, sometime I cook alone, and sometimes he cooks alone), and he has to do lots of "soccer mom" type driving the kids around while I'm at work. He also does a lot of the pet care. I'm very lucky.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

WHY I LOVE MOM

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed"

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches..
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button
She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store.. She put both near her purse.
Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm on my way," she said.

She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed."

And he did...without another thought.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I think each couple decides how they are going to handle. I know some couples where they both work and the male does more and female does less, some couples where they do equal things and some where females does more and male does less.

My wife probably would say she does more but I like to think I help as much as possible as well. Since having a child I think the amount of laundry that needs to be done has multiplied. I wasn't prepared for the laundry.

Jason

Oh you should live in my house!!! LOL I don't call it Mount Washmore for nothing!

 

[mamacatnv]

I know people who are in situations like what you have described. Honestly, I don't understand why a woman in this day and age who works as much as he does would get herself into a situation where she caters to her husband. But, each to their own and all couples have different dynamics.

I know couples with all sorts of arrangements. From she retired early and she does it all since he still works, to traditional stay at home Mom with a husband who is the only bread winner to both work inside and out of the home.

My DH tends to lounge weekday evenings while I do the majority of the cooking, homework tending and basic pick up, (he and DD are in charge of clean up), but on the weekends when I don't like to do anything on at least one of the days he is puttering with the yard, home repairs, car repairs, vaccuming and laundry. Works for me, works for him and there is no resentment on either side.

DH and I do the shopping and most errands on either Saturday or Sunday morning together, we get up, leave the Princess at home, go to breakfast, then get our errands done and back home. He unloads the car, DD and I put it away, he hauls the frozen stuff to the freezer and we are done!

 

[4greatboys]

When I was married to my ex we both worked full time and he did not lift a finger to do anything around the house. All that that and care of the kids was left to me. That is why is an ex.
Now I'm a SAHM and my husband works full time. He will help out around the house. On weekends he usually does the dishes and I appreciate the help since I hate to wash dishes, lol. He is also a big help with the kids. I can count on him.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

my in-laws are like that. my DFIL will work and come home and do nothing, while my DMIL will clean and take care of the dog and do the laundry etc.

i remember the one day DFIL kept complaining to DMIL "you need to dust. the house looks disgusting, i'm sick of looking at it!" and i asked him "well why don't you just do it yourself??" and he made up some excuse "oh she'll complain that the dust is bothering her or something" yeah...ok.

and then for 2 years he was stuck in the house because his hip deteriorated and he refused to get surgery to fix it(he's since gotten it taken care of thank GOD!) and DMIL was taking care of the pond that he has in their backyard and he complained the whole time how "horrible" it looked and how "Everything is dying because she's doing such a horrible job!" it's like....at least she's TRYING to help since you're not able to do it! sometimes i just want to smack him.

DH is nothing like that tho. he does the cooking and takes out the trash and he vaccumes. i'll usually take care of anything involving the cats, and the bedroom and we both do yard work.

 

[Goofyzgurl]

don't know about that...dh and I work together to get things around the house done. We've both come to realize that the faster the work is done, the more time we can have together as a couple at the end of the evening. We both benefit from this.