In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate... Vol. 6: Goddesses just want to have fun

[3DisneyKids]

I hang most of our artwork at home, except for the really big pieces. I insist that they be at museum height and I spent ages getting ticked because J hung them too high, so now I do it. And I always measure and use a level. So dar everything I have put together is perfect, so I am psyched about that. Thank goodness I haven't had to hang any doors! (Like a cabinet or hutch that has doors on it.) I can NEVER get them to hang right and it always looks like crap. But this stuff has been a breeze.

 

[princessrunner]

Good morning everyone and Happy Memorial Day!!

Erika, 7:21 done my shift??? Nah, but I was halfway through... Working until 9 this morning too because they asked. Not because I want to...It also saves on my earned time so I can take vacation later (not that I can do that either). Where is camp? I forget. I think it was pretty close to me though if I remember right. I would have helped, I am pretty good with a screwdriver. Not so much with the art but I can put stuff together...

Steph, Mike loves the Doctor. Me, I think it tastes like mouthwash. He packs that with him when he goes snowmobiling in the winter especially.

Liz, I cannot believe someone slammed you on the original thread. I was not around then of course. I feel the same way you do. I want to see results. I love to see how far I have come. When I get to my mom's scanner, I have found my bodybuilding pics, a heavy pic and a now pic that I want to share. I just have to get there first...and remember the pictures...

Everyone else, I am reading, promise, I just cannot totally keep up. Nearly ready for bankruptcy but not quite...

Oh and Erika, yesterday we were watching the softball playoffs on ESPN and Shelby decided that she wanted to look at UMass Amherst for college programs. She says, what is anthropology...and I tried to explain and she just keeps looking at me strangely...It was kind of entertaining. Of course when I tried to explain kinesiology, she did the same thing...

As for me, I have been eating well. Drinking too much Sam Blackberry Witber. Everyone should try that one. And working on my SIL new pole barn for storing their camper and boat. There are pics on FB of us in front of the pole barn doing cartwheels. Actually, it was a pic of Mike's bummocks hitting the ground before the rest of us. Friend Wendy Willett and you can look at them. It is pretty hilarious. But you did not hear me say that. I am having some trouble motivating myself to run further than 5 miles so I think I am going to revert to the 5K plan and move back to maintenance from there. I know I can physically run the distance, it is just my brain that is dysfunctional at this point. We are definitely going to have to have a talk.

Anyway, have a great holiday weekend everyone and play nice!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Happy Memorial Day to you all!!!

Guess what - I'm on holiday too! I'm in a hotel lobby. Why? Because my father threw me out last night!

I swear I must have been a mass murderer in a past life to get all this for facing sh!t. Being so courageous.

My mom is crushed. He's being an A$$. But big hearts my goddesses. He's suffering. He mentioned my mom's decline when I phoned him to check on him. He said a few bizarre things going out the door so I phoned to check on him. And he still said "fine but I'm not coming home until you leave". He's not dealing well. Like she needs the added stress.

So we left without our flippin' cats and my mother (who I thought of kidnapping since she was in tears).

No big story just held my own with him. Ie. talked back to his crap.

And voila! Now homeless. Laughing so I don't cry in a fancy lobby.

But I am a survivor. Pricelined a hotel for $50 for two nights. Told Jean I wasn't walking desperate into a motel/hotel and getting charged $$$$$$$$.

(yes, Jean was with me. My parents adore her. And we hadn't found temporary housing that would take the cats as yet. We're just there until we snagged some housing)

And it gets better I'M DOWNTOWN!!!!!

And it gets better I'm going to WDW early. Wednesday (Jean Friday still).

And it gets better - I got BWV Standard view - a steal people - sitting there to link my other BWV standard days. Can you believe that? How lucky I am?

And while we're at lucky. How lucky I am to have all of you to share all this. I want to protect my mom (and him really ) by not telling those here.

to all of you.

And darn Lisa PR - you beat me to the wake up.

 

[princessrunner]

Sorry Lisa...for the wakeup and for the rest of the crap. Sending you and . Some for Jean too. I think you both need it. And some for your mom and dad too because this is just hard on everyone.

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

LisaV! All my to you and Jean and your Family. This must be a hard thing to go through. You are in my thoughts!

ERika~ Did you bring the camera to show us pictures?

Paula~ great Job on the Biking!

Lisa/PR~ OMG I LOVE me some "DOCTOR" ONE NIGHT I HAD ABOUT 7 OR 8 SHOT OF DOCTOR at one of stephens Christmas parties! Yes I am the wife who ALWAYS gets drunk at the christmas party! After 14 years they come to expect it now! I must say I have gotten better as the years have gone by. I have learned to hold my own and not to be carried out anymore! Yes sadly I was carried off of the summer cruise (dinner cruise that is) Shots of Tequila! Shots of Goldshlogger! Shots of anything that night! That was a BAD BAD NIGHT
Just a quick fly by here ! We are taking the cover off the pool, today. Cleaning up around the pool all the dam IVY! Need to get some weed killer to spray in the cracks!

Yesterday the boys and I sat at zacs friends house and watched the parade. I felt kinda out of place as they were all teachers and hang out normally together. But I made the best of it. Then we went to my SIL for a BBQ and OMG did I eat! NOT GOOD! Today no BBQ planned LOTS OF WORK SO I should be able to work some of it off!
Later tators!

 

[3DisneyKids]

Morning!

LisaPR--our camp is in Readfield on Marranacook (near Augusta and Belgrade). About 45-ish minutes from you, I would say.

LisaV--Wow, what a crap-fest. But you know, I am SO SO SO proud of you! OMG, talk about landing on your feet. A great hotel for $25/night and then you leave for Disney! So yes, you ARE on vacation and you should treat it that way! Good for you, and I hope it works out with your dad. I am sure it will...just emotions are running high all the way around.

Steph--no pics yet since we aren't done. One more week-end, I hope. That is for the inside. The outside is in tough shape as well. We'll start on that next.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Good Morning...

I slept in this morning and it was heavenly... I am off to hop in the shower and then do some outlet shopping with my sister. We are both in need of some summer clothes since niether of our existing wardrobes fit anymore. Although my sister's are too small . She is trying to eat better, but her mind is not quite there yet. I remember that stage. I spent a few months before I joined Jenny Craig saying I wanted to change my ways, but not quite doing it. Hopefully, Donna will get her a-ha moment soon and do something. Until then, I am just trying to be supportive of her. I know my weight loss has been hard on her as she has always been the smaller of the two of us and that is changing. I don't want my weight loss to damage our relationship.

Liz - I do understand what you are saying and I get a bit of a thrill when I see how far I have come. I am not sure if I am strong enough yet to be screaming that from the roof tops to all of the world yet. The best way I can describe what I am feeling right now is I am stating to come out of this cocoon that I have been in for the past 30 some odd years. Is it wrong of me to want to forget the painful memories that my weight has given me and start making new ones with this smaller version of me? I have felt invisible in society for so long that I am tired of it and don't want to be associated with what made me invisible anymore. Maybe it sounds a bit shallow, but I am tired of living my life on the sidelines and being labeled the freak. I love the way my family and friends support me and admire how much I have come. I am just not sure if I am strong enough to have the world do that. Eh - who knows - maybe I need therapy?

Oh - and I am not slamming anyone with this. They are just my thoughts and a healthy debate with someone who has different thoughts is how we grow as a person so I hope everyone continues to bring it.

LisaV - I am in awe of you... You are such a strong woman to be going through what you are going through with the attitude you have. Sending you pixie dust to help carry you through.

LisaPR - Polebarn building, cartwheels... sounds like you are having an interesting weekend. Can't wait to see the photos of you...

Hi to everyone else... I am off to get ready for shopping. I'll fill you in on all of the purchases when we get back.

Oh - we are having a small BBQ at the house tonight. I am finally going to have my burger... yeah... (and yes, it will be a healthy version of a burger).

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Lisa PR - Oh, I totally got slammed on that thread - more than once! But I'm still here and they're not. Which makes me want to laugh evilly.

Running - Tell me more about going back to the 5k plan. Like, you start from the beginning? Or am I getting it wrong?

Can't wait to see pics!


Steph - BAG! Did you buy it? Also, what is the doctor? An alcohol term I don't know! SHOCKER!


Lisa V - Wow. Dad, huh? You're right, but that doesn't give him the right. But you know that. I'm sorry, honey.


Paula - the thing is, babe, there was nothing wrong with who you were or what you looked like for the past 30 years. Sure, you were heavier. But is that wrong? Or freakish? No, it's not. It's simply not. And if it came with baggage and fears and sadness and all that, well, whose life doesn't? I'm not minimizing the stigma that comes with it, I swear. It's there and it's real and it sucks. But you're not alone in that. In my very humble opinion, I think you have to make peace with that. There was nothing wrong with that little girl, that teen, that young woman. Nothing. She was totally and completely fabulous. And I know this, because she became you.

I'm not blowing smoke up your a$$, and I say it because I have been there - if not on that rock, then on the ledge as a whole. I really don't think everyone's fabulous, and I really don't dish out that many compliments. And I sure as he!! am not going to nicey nicey you on rainbows and hearts and all of us holding hands and singing the Coke song to the world. But I'm right on this, babycakes.

There was nothing wrong with who you were before the weight loss. So don't leave her behind. Just love her and say thanks. She got you to where you are now, didn't she? If we don't all make peace with our pasts, those girls are just going to follow us around all our lives. So make the new memories. But don't try to wipe the emotional slate clean. It's okay to have some writing on there.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

(admitting here that I'm behind on the thread. I'll catch up later. Promise)


Why is it that I can hop on my bike and eagerly go for a 15-20 mile ride. Or lace up my running shoes and run 3 miles. But when it comes to marching 1 mile in a parade I am all about whiney!

Yep. Marched with my 4H group in our towns Memorial Day Parade. (no animals - just people ) It's a huge deal here. Practically the whole town comes out. Nice ceremonies, etc.

Now we're home- grills been fired up. Hope you all are enjoying your day.

 

[3DisneyKids]

See? This is why Liz is a writer and thank God we have one on this thread! So well said, just superb. And true. Word.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Paula - Bike ride!!! Sounds like it was awesome. I'm so excited for you. I just love my bike.

Hope you are having a fabulous shopping trip!


Amiee - cemetaries? Not strange at all. I think it's beautiful that you remember those who have passed before you - and you are teaching your children to remember them too.

LisaV - What a weekend. I'm sorry things are wonky with Dad right now. But I'm thrilled for your vacation!



Steph- Doctor? I'm sure you don't mean Dr. Pepper...


Erika - Thankfully it's going well! Artwork, rugs and all. Do you let the kids help or are you doin' it all on your own?



Liz - Wow. Your post was beautiful. Thank you.

oh - and VB sale near me. Think I'll stop in tomorrow and see what's good


Hi LisaPR, LisaZ, Ronda, Roddy, Sunny, Kelly, Lyz, Kat, Amy....

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Liz - I googled it. "The Dr" that is. 1/2 shot peppermint schnapps 1/2 shot cinnamon schnapps

 

[DisneyGalUK]

Paula - Awesome on the Bike Ride!

LisaPR - Hi

My poor Mom is sick. Sat in the house all weekend! Have to go visit her tonight or tomorrow. Just a cold or allergies but she still feels crappy.

Hope your mum feels better soon

Just saying HI from the camp. It is weird being up here without Jeff. But the place is really starting to take shape, so that is fun. But I am working my a$$ off!

Oh, and I hate my MIL, but I'll talk about that at a different time.

I am SO hating IKEA right now. OMG, my hands! I have such blisters. I cannot even count the number of screws I have put in. So far, I have put together 4 nights stands, 2 bed frames, a desk, 4 lamps, and hung 4 sets of curtains. 2 bookshelves left to go plus putting up the bathroom towel racks, etc. Ouch. I have also laid 4 carpets and hung up all of the art work, mirrors, etc. (Just area rugs, not wall-to-wall, thank goodness).

On the positive side, things are looking awesome! So happy with the results so far.

You are like superwoman!

Happy Memorial Day to you all!!!

Guess what - I'm on holiday too! I'm in a hotel lobby. Why? Because my father threw me out last night!

I swear I must have been a mass murderer in a past life to get all this for facing sh!t. Being so courageous.

Lisa PR - Oh, I totally got slammed on that thread - more than once! But I'm still here and they're not. Which makes me want to laugh evilly.

I love that - I also laugh evilly when things work out that way!

Paula - the thing is, babe, there was nothing wrong with who you were or what you looked like for the past 30 years. Sure, you were heavier. But is that wrong? Or freakish? No, it's not. It's simply not. And if it came with baggage and fears and sadness and all that, well, whose life doesn't? I'm not minimizing the stigma that comes with it, I swear. It's there and it's real and it sucks. But you're not alone in that. In my very humble opinion, I think you have to make peace with that. There was nothing wrong with that little girl, that teen, that young woman. Nothing. She was totally and completely fabulous. And I know this, because she became you.

I'm not blowing smoke up your a$$, and I say it because I have been there - if not on that rock, then on the ledge as a whole. I really don't think everyone's fabulous, and I really don't dish out that many compliments. And I sure as he!! am not going to nicey nicey you on rainbows and hearts and all of us holding hands and singing the Coke song to the world. But I'm right on this, babycakes.

There was nothing wrong with who you were before the weight loss. So don't leave her behind. Just love her and say thanks. She got you to where you are now, didn't she? If we don't all make peace with our pasts, those girls are just going to follow us around all our lives. So make the new memories. But don't try to wipe the emotional slate clean. It's okay to have some writing on there.

Very beautiful post

So my team lost today. They bottled it big time. And thats the end of that!

I had a great time with my brothers, their girlfriends and DH - we ate lots and drank lots so it was nice. The weather held out until just before we came home then the heavens opened - typical Bank Holiday Monday in the UK

Hope everyone is well

 

[lisaviolet]

Beautiful post Liz. We are bang on. I was about to write that to Paula too. But I was a tad preoccupied yesterday.

I remember saying the same to you Liz when you posted your before and after. I'm all for giving great love to all times - especially the before because she or he deserves the most compassion. I never understood people who lost weight and were almost sickened by their before. I just don't like that stance. (**** This is not about you Paula - I know you're not saying that because I've heard you say right on this thread that you always knew your worth - always. Which is not the norm for most overweight people)

Well, I feel a tad sad.

Talked to my mom. My dad answered knowing it would be me which is fine. But whatever. We are not in a fight. He was in a breakdown and took it out on me. But my goodness my mom gets on and her biggest concern was something to do with when my work calls came in. So tired.

My father and I are and will be fine. He is the greatest example of someone "who just lived their life" . You know "move on" "get over it" "don't look at the past". You all might wonder why I do. He is why. He was my perfect example to not ignore knocking at the doors. He comes from tremendous pain and is lovely down deep but he struggles daily - when I was little - by the minute to keep the lid on so to speak. I see him struggle and I don't want it. I tried that for years and it doesn't work - just seeps in. It must suck to live in constant drama/irriation/agitation. Must suck. Me - I'm going to Disney World!!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

And I've been thinking this all week. And Liz your writing made me remember.

I am done with weight. I feel so done. Not done with weight as in wanting to lose some more. Just done. I think I've gained since my lowest. I would guess ten to fifteen. I don't know. Lots of unconscious stress eating - no binging - just totally unconscious. Plus, my parents have goodies everywhere. I have nothing against crap as you know. I eat it. But I bring it in in my eating quantities for that night or day. Not keep it in. Big difference for me.

So weight. I can tell in my clothes. And I want that to be the measure. I'm not sure I'll ever - who knows but for now - get back on the scale.

And I really don't want much more. I just want to shop in any store and be fit - that's it for me. God made me big and that's that. I am near that spot. I am out of Plus for the most part but still shop 14s there. But don't always fit in 14s in regular. I want to be a weight where I do. Not 16s here, 14s there. I want options.

So I've bit Lisa, Lisa, Lisa and I will catch up on you guys soon.

Loving the fancy hotel lobby internet. Cutie we would sit here and be so curious together. Geez. So much interaction with all these tourists and businessmen etc. Total curious fest here.

Listen to me the girl who doesn't want to be seen is a changin'. She's hanging out in a busy swanky lobby. And is fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Some man just called me "miss". I think I'm in love.

 

[lisaviolet]

Oh my lobby fun is over. I'm out of power.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Lisa, I just wanted to say that you sound so happy! And considering that you and Dad are--ok, not fighting, but you know--I am really impressed with you. All around. And I love your attitude about your weight. So freaking grounded, you are. And you ARE going to Disney World! Is it ok that I am jealous even though I just got back 9 days ago????

I have a ton to say, lots going on in my head right now, with weight, running, life, all of it. Will try to get to it later tonight. Gotta get kids in bed first. Single parenting still, you know...

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Some man just called me "miss". I think I'm in love.

Lisa - you just made me laugh right out loud.


I think I'm right with you on the weight thing. I fight this battle constantly. Constantly. My entire adult life. And mostly I hold my own. But I'm weary. And lately I've been wondering just why am I trying so hard. bah. Just in a funky place right now I suppose.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Lisa PR - Oh, I totally got slammed on that thread - more than once! But I'm still here and they're not. Which makes me want to laugh evilly.

Running - Tell me more about going back to the 5k plan. Like, you start from the beginning? Or am I getting it wrong?

Can't wait to see pics!


Steph - BAG! Did you buy it? Also, what is the doctor? An alcohol term I don't know! SHOCKER!


Lisa V - Wow. Dad, huh? You're right, but that doesn't give him the right. But you know that. I'm sorry, honey.


Paula - the thing is, babe, there was nothing wrong with who you were or what you looked like for the past 30 years. Sure, you were heavier. But is that wrong? Or freakish? No, it's not. It's simply not. And if it came with baggage and fears and sadness and all that, well, whose life doesn't? I'm not minimizing the stigma that comes with it, I swear. It's there and it's real and it sucks. But you're not alone in that. In my very humble opinion, I think you have to make peace with that. There was nothing wrong with that little girl, that teen, that young woman. Nothing. She was totally and completely fabulous. And I know this, because she became you.

I'm not blowing smoke up your a$$, and I say it because I have been there - if not on that rock, then on the ledge as a whole. I really don't think everyone's fabulous, and I really don't dish out that many compliments. And I sure as he!! am not going to nicey nicey you on rainbows and hearts and all of us holding hands and singing the Coke song to the world. But I'm right on this, babycakes.

There was nothing wrong with who you were before the weight loss. So don't leave her behind. Just love her and say thanks. She got you to where you are now, didn't she? If we don't all make peace with our pasts, those girls are just going to follow us around all our lives. So make the new memories. But don't try to wipe the emotional slate clean. It's okay to have some writing on there.

Liz - I totally love you for saying what you said!!!! WORD!

You are so right and my common sense is agreeing with you. The problem is my emotional head hasn't quite caught up yet. I am working on that, but it is not quite there yet. I am proud of who I am and the person that I have become. I understand that I am who I am because of what I went through, but as some of you are tired of battling the weight thing day after day, I am tired of having to deal with the crap of being an overweight person in America - I admit it, I am sick of it and just want that part of my life to be over. Maybe it is just that I have gotten a taste of what life could be like and now I want it all and I want it now. Sure, it is selfish and sure it is not entirely like me, but that is what I am feeling right now. The mental journey that is my weight loss has brought up some interesting things and this is one of them.

I am not ashamed of who I am, but to a degree, I am ashamed of what I looked like because I let it get so far out of control. I am damn proud of how far I have come and the progress photos are a great motivator. I am a work in progress right now and the architect in me recognizes the importance of the process over just focusing on the end result. I love that I can share that process with all of you and my family. I just don't want to share it with the world right now because I know that I can't share my journey with others until I know what it is myself.

I'm not entirely sure if that last part makes any sense to anyone besides, me right now, but that is what it is at the moment.

Thanks to everyone for listening and for the kind words. They are not falling on deaf ears here. I promise.

Paula