In-school discussions of puberty for 5th graders

[Pea-n-Me]

For those who've been through it with older children already:

Would like to hear how your schools handle it and whether you were happy with the information provided.

Was there anything missing, or was the missing information something you knew you'd have to cover at home anyway?

Just curious. I have both a girl and a boy in 5th grade who are about to have "the class".

 

[wowsmom]

For those who've been through it with older children already:

Would like to hear how your schools handle it and whether you were happy with the information provided.

Was there anything missing, or was the missing information something you knew you'd have to cover at home anyway?

Just curious. I have both a girl and a boy in 5th grade who are about to have "the class".

My son saw the videos at school last year. They had the boys and girls in separate classrooms, but both groups saw both videos.

I also saw the videos, since they had a "parent viewing" of them and to be honest, I can't really remember many of the details! I don't remember my son having any questions, but I did tell him if he thought of any, just ask.

It was definitely easier than what my older son saw/learned in the 7th grade lesson!

 

[RNMOM]

My poor boys had already had these discussions long before the school did it. Being a nurse, I took the opportunity when it occurred. That isn't to say my kids were overeducated...just informed.

I think what I learned in 5th grade was pretty good but as seniors we had a much more detailed discussion which was pretty forward thinking for 1972.

I am of the feeling that there isn't such a thing as too much information. I know a lot of people don't feel this way but when kids understand how their bodies work and what those feelings mean, they can make better decisions. JMHO. My boys are 22 and 23.5 and we have not had any grandchildren or even very steady girlfriends so far. They both admit to having had relations and used protection but both feel they would rather wait until their lives are more stable for a serious commitment. Oh yeah, their father and I have bought them both condoms over the years. I don't ever want the lack of available protection to be the cause of a disease or unwanted pregnancy. You can buy those things and just leave them in their rooms without having to discuss it, ya know.

 

[Camicar]

Here is my take on it:

I have always been very open with my dd about all body functions and to me puberty and sexuality are also bodily functions so therefore I have been as open as age appropriate with my dd. So, when she had the in-school puberty talk, the teacher told her nothing she did not know.

However, this particular teacher had a very declarative way about her that convinced the kids that her every statement was infallibly true and there were no exceptions. She also never had the demeanor or stated something to the effect that YMMV, which IMO left the kids thinking there was something wrong with them if they did not fall into her hard and fast rules. For example, she said, "Menstrual periods happen every 28 days." So for the longest time, my dd was convinced that there was something wrong with her because her cycle did not run on the 28 day plan. And this was so, even though I had previously given dd plenty of information and personal anecdotes to the opposite POV.

I'd say overall, that the most startling aspect of the teaching was the fact that my dd was the ONLY 5th grader whose parents had had any discussions about puberty and such bodily functions with their child.

 

[Justanopinion]

I had already discussed most of it with my kids but when the time came to do it in class we did even more.

I had one in 5th grade and two in 4th grade at the time. Two of them had been held back so were actually seeing the video a year later than most kids.

Our school allowed us to check out the video and bring it home. We did. DH and I watched it. Then we sat down with each child seperately and watched it and discussed it. So my kids saw the video at home before seeing it at school.

I think it helped my kids knowing ahead of time what would been seen and discussed.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I'm glad to hear that they are allowing the parents to see what the kids will see ahead of time.

When I was in the 5th grade, our schools had the same type of films to show, only they were horribly out-of-date. For example, they showed the type of items a woman would need for her menstrual cycles that included an elastic belt of some sort and pad that needed folding. I started laughing at the movie, having already started my cycles by about a half-year at that point.

I got into trouble for it. My mom had to step in and have words with the teachers and explained I had matured much earlier than my classmates.

 

[tzolkin]

When I was in the 5th grade, our schools had the same type of films to show, only they were horribly out-of-date. For example, they showed the type of items a woman would need for her menstrual cycles that included an elastic belt of some sort and pad that needed folding. I started laughing at the movie, having already started my cycles by about a half-year at that point.

I got into trouble for it. My mom had to step in and have words with the teachers and explained I had matured much earlier than my classmates.

We didn't do ours until the middle or end of 7th grade. We actually went on a field trip and did the whole thing in an auditorium. When the boys left, the woman up front brought out pads and started explaining that "one day" we would get our periods and demonstrating how to use them.

My friend and I looked at each other like she was crazy. We'd both had our periods for more than 2 years at that point and had assumed that was the norm. Apparently we were the only ones, but I still thought it was a little late to introduce the topic.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My poor boys had already had these discussions long before the school did it. Being a nurse, I took the opportunity when it occurred. That isn't to say my kids were overeducated...just informed.

Same for me.

I was just thinking back to my own 5th grade "talk" in the 70's (with a nun in a parochial school).

I was interested in seeing how things had progressed, but I will say I was a little disappointed. (Saw a preview of the movie the kids see.)

My impression is that they are trying to keep it "generic" but IMO there were things they either left out or could have gone into more detail about. I left figuring "the rest" will have to come from parents, but I hope people are up for the task. From what I've seen and talked about with others, I'm not sure everyone's comfortable talking about these types of things with kids.

It makes me wonder if, even in this day and age, we're going to have more kids kind of in the dark about things much like some of us were.

I guess the best we can do is to make sure our own children have as much information as possible so they really understand things. Heaven help the person who tries to pull one over on my DD, that person's going to get an earful!

 

[m&m's mom]

I told my DD last year that if she learned anything new from those films, I have failed as a parent. Well jokes on me. I picked her up from school and she says "Mom, you were wrong, I did learn something new." I said "What?" and she says "Something comes out of boys when they sleep!".
Now, it never occurred to me to talk to her about boys puberty. I was surprised but answered any questions and went on.
Turns out they messed up and showed part of the boys film to the girls. I felt so sorry for the poor principal who probably took 900 calls from mad parents.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

However, this particular teacher had a very declarative way about her that convinced the kids that her every statement was infallibly true and there were no exceptions. She also never had the demeanor or stated something to the effect that YMMV, which IMO left the kids thinking there was something wrong with them if they did not fall into her hard and fast rules. For example, she said, "Menstrual periods happen every 28 days." So for the longest time, my dd was convinced that there was something wrong with her because her cycle did not run on the 28 day plan. And this was so, even though I had previously given dd plenty of information and personal anecdotes to the opposite POV.

I was concerned about this type of thing, too. You know how when you're young (or even when you're not), sometimes when you hear something you take it as gospel when in fact you just never heard anything to the contrary.

it never occurred to me to talk to her about boys puberty.

I've been talking about both having boy/girl twins. I think they've both heard both sides of the issues for a while now so we're good there. But I do know what you mean. The movie we saw is shown to both boys and girls (separately). I had a few questions myself about the boy's part that I think I'd be asking if I were a boy. (My DH shrugged it off, LOL.)

OK, so here's the thing. I don't want it to be because I realize everyone has differing opinions on this. But there was no mention of how to deal with menstrual cramps (some girls are incapacitated by these) other than "exercise and a hot water bottle" and, here we go - tampon usage. I realize most young girls start off with pads, but isn't there going to be kind of a "disconnect" of information if they're talking about pads primarly but most of their mothers and sisters have tampons in the house? At least talk about it and say YMMV. It's not helpful IMO to just skip over it.

 

[SC Minnie]

I talked to DD before the class as well as after to answer any questions she may have had but didn't want to ask in class. I explained everything in matter of fact terms and didn't get nervous.

As far as tampons, I showed DD how to use them. It never occured to me to think they would show the girls how to do this.

A little funny-- when DD started to get to the puberty age and we have the period talk I told her to keep a pad with her at all times because she would not know when she would start. If it was in the middle of school she would be prepared. A couple of weeks later I saw her purse open and she had 7 or 8 tampons and about a dozen pads. I asked her why she had all those and she said she was trying to be prepared. I them explained she really only needed 1 or 2-- just enough to last until she got home.

 

[DisneymoonJess07]

I remember being terribly embarrased by it in 5th grade, and then when I had health class in 6th grade (new school, we moveed) it was better for me because we discussed it in context of other things going on with the body, rather than the pomp and circumstance of "the class".

My family has a history of getting their period early. I got it at 10.5, my mom at 11, my aunt at 9...and then my cousin asked me if I got mine early too, because she got hers at 10 and needed to know for her daughter (who was 2.5 at the time). She knew that she would start talking about it earlier with her, since we seem to go through it earlier.

No idea what will happen with my kids when we have them...DH went through puberty slightly later than most...

As for things they missed? I definitely think the boys stuff was part of what was missed for the girls!

 

[Miniefan]

My son went through the "talk" last year in 5th grade. The school had sent home a letter asking the parent's permission and outlined what was to be discussed. It was to be a discussion on your body's changing and puberty.

My son is sort of young for his age, he is usually the youngest in his class, so we really hadn't encountered much on this subject just yet, except for a few questions over the years which we have always answered truthfully. So, by the time my son had gotten home after the "talk" my little boy was gone. I know he is growing and learning but I was not ready to discuss sex with my then 10 year old son. He had so many questions about '"stuff" after we were done explaining things and answering his questions my dh and I just looked at each other and said, we had no idea this is what they were going to be explaining to him. We were both a little flabbergasted by the whole think. We really wanted to be the ones to explain reproduction and sexuality, but apparently in our school district puberty talk means the same thing.

Having done this, I would definitely want to know the specifics of the video or talk. This is just my experience.

Kim

 

[Shelton123]

I had that class in 3rd grade!

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd12 never said much about it, and ds gets it this year, but I've given him way more information than he'll get in that class - LOL! He's already been told everything about puberty and sexuality, and especially birth control.

 

[beattyfamily]

My daughter watched the video last year (6th grade). Parents could see it frist. I went in to view it to see what it was about.

It was just about getting your period and using deoderant etc...

Having a girl, I did not see the boy's version but a little bit was touched on in the video for girls.

It wasn't a big deal and she learned nothing new.

 

[Pigeon]

We are very open with sex ed info for our kids. My daughter sat through the puberty class in 5th grade but she could have taught it. We've told her much more than was covered in school, which was just basic biology of puberty.

Our school had a meeting for parents who wanted to get the lesson plan before deciding whether or not to let their kids attend. If you are concerned, you could probably find out from the school what they plan to cover.

 

[SundancePass]

Both of my kids probably saw the film in school but knew what they needed to know about their bodies and what was going to happen by the time they did. I told my DD from the time she was six, that when the day came that she needed to go to the doctor because of a boy (she had no clue and I didn't explain) until she was 14 and it changed to "when you want to have intercourse" I will get you birth control pills no questions asked. We both went to the doctor for our checkups when she was 17. We are of the thinking that as much protection as you can get it a good thing. They both knew about condoms, my son had some placed in his room as the OP suggested, and it was no big deal. I had to teach my DD how to put one on using a cucumber....and we laughed so hard we cried, but she knew how to do it.

It baffles me as a woman and parent that some don't want their children to have this information. It seems to me there is not enough education or disucssion of sex and babies given the unwed pregnancy rate in the US. I am not trying to start an argument, it's just that kids are our most precious resource and I think they need all the information they can get about everything.

 

[aprilgail2]

We didn't do ours until the middle or end of 7th grade. We actually went on a field trip and did the whole thing in an auditorium. When the boys left, the woman up front brought out pads and started explaining that "one day" we would get our periods and demonstrating how to use them.

My friend and I looked at each other like she was crazy. We'd both had our periods for more than 2 years at that point and had assumed that was the norm. Apparently we were the only ones, but I still thought it was a little late to introduce the topic.

7th grade???? That is nuts- even "way back when" I got mine in 5th grade!!!

I had that class in 3rd grade!

That seems about the right age- my daughter is in 4th and a few of the girls already have their periods- her best friend got it in 3rd grade!! WAY to early-that is like a cruel joke! We got the note home last week that they are having the film in April- some parents are all upset about their little girls learning about periods but my daughter has known from as far back as I can remember, when you have a kid that follows you in the bathroom you need to explain things early LOL.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Our school allowed us to check out the video and bring it home. We did. DH and I watched it. Then we sat down with each child seperately and watched it and discussed it. So my kids saw the video at home before seeing it at school.

I think it helped my kids knowing ahead of time what would been seen and discussed.

I think this is a great idea.