In province visit with family - staying in hotel... would you?

[FigmentSpark]

We're getting pressure from family to visit for a weekend so the grandparents (in their 80s) can visit with our teens (and us). They live about 5 hours away, so it will be a trip and two nights at least in a hotel. One of the family members has not been isolating, as he can't afford to be out of work (not essential, but labor work). I'm worried that they are planning this at all. It seems crazy to do it right now, even if the grands are missing us. My parents (in another province) are missing us, too, but they don't want me rushing on to a plane to visit. Furthermore, the grandparents live in assisted living situation. This will be their first outing since March. The place kept the disease at bay by locking everyone in, essentially.

Staying in a hotel (okay it in Ottawa - next door to Quebec) has me worried, too. We'd stay in a decent hotel, but is this the time to be testing their cleaning regimen? And there won't be any restaurants with sit in dining (not that we want to sit in, so it will all be take out food to eat either at the hotel or in our car. We'd get one meal with family, as well, mind you, but you get the picture. DH is NOT a "pack a lunch" kind of guy, either.

So, should we do it or not? I'm leaning to know, but it's not my family and DH is getting pressure. I worry about our health and theirs.

 

[wdwmom3]

We're getting pressure from family to visit for a weekend so the grandparents (in their 80s) can visit with our teens (and us). They live about 5 hours away, so it will be a trip and two nights at least in a hotel. One of the family members has not been isolating, as he can't afford to be out of work (not essential, but labor work). I'm worried that they are planning this at all. It seems crazy to do it right now, even if the grands are missing us. My parents (in another province) are missing us, too, but they don't want me rushing on to a plane to visit. Furthermore, the grandparents live in assisted living situation. This will be their first outing since March. The place kept the disease at bay by locking everyone in, essentially.

Staying in a hotel (okay it in Ottawa - next door to Quebec) has me worried, too. We'd stay in a decent hotel, but is this the time to be testing their cleaning regimen? And there won't be any restaurants with sit in dining (not that we want to sit in, so it will all be take out food to eat either at the hotel or in our car. We'd get one meal with family, as well, mind you, but you get the picture. DH is NOT a "pack a lunch" kind of guy, either.

So, should we do it or not? I'm leaning to know, but it's not my family and DH is getting pressure. I worry about our health and theirs.

First off you need to do what you feel comfortable with. Don’t let anyone pressure you.

But just FYI, Ottawa hasn’t done too bad and is trending down like most other places. There are other parts of Ontario that are worse.

Staying in a hotel wouldn’t bother me too much, but I would take my own wipes/ Lysol and sanitize myself and maybe bring my own pillows.

As far as meeting relatives you could arrange something outside and tell them ahead of time that you will be maintaining distance (don’t expect any hugs). And you can wear masks. If they don’t like that well too bad.

 

[Miffy]

I can't imagine that you need the opinion of someone you don't know, but since you asked, the answer is easy: Absolutely not. Do not do it.

 

[Donald - my hero]

My mom turns 80 next Tuesday and lives less than 30 minutes away meaning no need to stay overnight and i STILL won't go to see her! If she lived in an assisted living situation that would be a HELL TO THE NO! Who will allow the grands to stay isolated for 14 days with them before they return to their own living situation?? Sure as heck can't just send them back with all the other elderly people they live with.

I think you need to listen to your heart and it sounds like you already know the answer. You're not comfortable with the suggestion, don't do it.

 

[FigmentSpark]

My mom turns 80 next Tuesday and lives less than 30 minutes away meaning no need to stay overnight and i STILL won't go to see her! If she lived in an assisted living situation that would be a HELL TO THE NO! Who will allow the grands to stay isolated for 14 days with them before they return to their own living situation?? Sure as heck can't just send them back with all the other elderly people they live with.

I think you need to listen to your heart and it sounds like you already know the answer. You're not comfortable with the suggestion, don't do it.

Oh, only one grandparent is coming, the other is too sick to be out and about. And no, DGF will be going back that night... no quarantine... to bring whatever to DGM who is very very ill and will not survive if she gets it.
No hugs? No one will be able to tell them no hugs. And it will be "we're all family here". I think it's insane, but if I don't go, DH will go (with the kids!) anyway.

 

[bababear_50]

Hi Hon
It is a very emotional and difficult time we live in eh?

I got a phone call to visit my brother and sister in law last weekend,,plus my sister and her hubby and their daughter PLUS another brother and his two adult kids.

My first response was Hell no,,,then I remembered a time when I said no before and my middle brother Jamie passed away,, I have always regretted doing so. (I refused a HUG because I was scared of getting sick ,,at the time the hospital didn't know what was wrong with him).

So I reconsidered and I went.

Ok their backyard accommodated all of us,,ME I needed 12 feet away from everyone.
Their backyard gate was open,,,,,everyone brought their own garden chair ,,,water,drinks and food from their own home.
It took me two minutes to realize that two of my siblings don't take near the precautions that I do.
I lasted 1/2 hour and said I had to leave as I needed the Looo.

Comfort level, age,health issues,past death experiences,trust,knowledge of those around us....so many things to consider.
Take some time and think it through,,It's such a stressful time right now.
Hugs to you and your family.

Mel

 

[vegs1]

i would absolutely, without question, say no!

You would literally be sending that grandparent back to possibly infect others in their assisted living home. The other residents within the assisted living home have the right to stay safe and not be exposed to your grandparents germs.

I understand how difficult it is as I have a few people I miss and would like to visit and hug but I don’t do it as I just don’t feel it’s right. Such a tough time to live in.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Hi Hon
It is a very emotional and difficult time we live in eh?

I got a phone call to visit my brother and sister in law last weekend,,plus my sister and her hubby and their daughter PLUS another brother and his two adult kids.

My first response was Hell no,,,then I remembered a time when I said no before and my middle brother Jamie passed away,, I have always regretted doing so. (I refused a HUG because I was scared of getting sick ,,at the time the hospital didn't know what was wrong with him).

So I reconsidered and I went.

Ok their backyard accommodated all of us,,ME I needed 12 feet away from everyone.
Their backyard gate was open,,,,,everyone brought their own garden chair ,,,water,drinks and food from their own home.
It took me two minutes to realize that two of my siblings don't take near the precautions that I do.
I lasted 1/2 hour and said I had to leave as I needed the Looo.

Comfort level, age,health issues,past death experiences,trust,knowledge of those around us....so many things to consider.
Take some time and think it through,,It's such a stressful time right now.
Hugs to you and your family.

Mel

Thanks for sharing, Mel. That is something to think about. So sorry to hear about your brother.

 

[hdrolfe]

I think it's up to you, don't feel pressured. Ottawa seems to be doing ok. I have visited my parents (in their 70's) a couple times now, they are about an hour away, my son stays over night. Everyone is so different with this, Things are opening up though, you can get take out instead of drive thru now which is nice (it's faster for me to walk to Tim's or McD's than to drive). You can also eat at patios, there are some nice ones around. Are hotels open? I haven't needed to stay in one so am not sure if they are. I wouldn't be worried about their cleaning though.

 

[momof2gr8kids]

Oh, only one grandparent is coming, the other is too sick to be out and about. And no, DGF will be going back that night... no quarantine... to bring whatever to DGM who is very very ill and will not survive if she gets it.
No hugs? No one will be able to tell them no hugs. And it will be "we're all family here". I think it's insane, but if I don't go, DH will go (with the kids!) anyway.

Well, if that's the case then I would go. I'm sure you'd rather be there, in control of how the room is cleaned, making sure your family members respect the social distancing with your family, etc. I don't think you will be able to relax one minute if they go and you stay behind.

 

[wdwmom3]

Oh, only one grandparent is coming, the other is too sick to be out and about. And no, DGF will be going back that night... no quarantine... to bring whatever to DGM who is very very ill and will not survive if she gets it.
No hugs? No one will be able to tell them no hugs. And it will be "we're all family here". I think it's insane, but if I don't go, DH will go (with the kids!) anyway.

With that info I say you are right to not go. But it’s also wrong for your DH to go with the kids if you both don’t agree on it. You guys need to talk it out.

 

[FigmentSpark]

I think cooler heads are prevailing. I think it's on hold for now. Maybe by Aug something will be possible, but it's just too soon. And if things aren't better in Aug, there's always later in the year.

Thanks, all.

 

[ottawamom]

Is there any way you can do a zoom visit on a large tv screen (don't know much about the technology). I was just thinking that if it could be chromecast or something like that it might feel more like being there (life size and all).

I agree with others, I wouldn't be travelling 5 hours to visit anyone right now. You will have inevitable stops along the way. The hotels will be safe here. They are staggering a room rental (two nights after a stay before the staff go in to clean then another day before it is rented). I know the outdoor patios are open but I wouldn't be eating at one yet. I do get take out regularly though.

I understand the pull to have the grandchildren visit with their grandparents. I would fly my kids across the country to see my grandmother when they were little. These are different times though. Another thing to consider is how would the larger family feel if your family came to visit and then (god forbid) the grandparents got sick and... Would they be blaming you for having brought whatever with you. (even though you didn't)

There are definitely a lot of things to consider. I know we are having the same discussion in our house about visiting my DH's aunt. We would be staying at her house (other alternatives would be an insult). I just don't think it's worth the risk to travel anywhere right now. So much is unknown about Covid and flare ups can happen seemingly without notice (Kingston nail salon). I was reading something yesterday about super spreaders. There is some thought now that most people don't pass Covid to others that it's the super spreaders who cause the flare ups. New week, new philosophy, too much unknown. Stay home, stay safe.

 

[kuhltiffany]

Honestly, I believe the community case count is almost non-existent right now (I'm in Kanata, outside Ottawa for reference), so I would go. Our mental health and anxiety is being perpetuated by this "hiding" mentality, we need to find ways to expand our lives in a safe manner.

We will be travelling to the GTA (5 hours away) the first week of August to "see" my parents. We will be staying in a KOA cabin so that we don't have to stay/eat with them, but can go and have "driveway' visits. We haven't seen them since Christmas and my mom is going through cancer treatments, she needs the contact and family support right now. It's a matter of balancing out risk and safety with emotional needs too.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Honestly, I believe the community case count is almost non-existent right now (I'm in Kanata, outside Ottawa for reference), so I would go. Our mental health and anxiety is being perpetuated by this "hiding" mentality, we need to find ways to expand our lives in a safe manner.

We will be travelling to the GTA (5 hours away) the first week of August to "see" my parents. We will be staying in a KOA cabin so that we don't have to stay/eat with them, but can go and have "driveway' visits. We haven't seen them since Christmas and my mom is going through cancer treatments, she needs the contact and family support right now. It's a matter of balancing out risk and safety with emotional needs too.

You are going the opposite direction from us, then. What is the crossover from Gatineau like? Quebec had such high numbers, but maybe not in that area?

 

[ottawamom]

Gatineau's #'s aren't anything to be concerned about. People are now back and forth across that border all the time. Most of Quebec issues are in the Montreal area.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Oh, that's good to know.

 

[hdrolfe]

Gatineau's #'s aren't anything to be concerned about. People are now back and forth across that border all the time. Most of Quebec issues are in the Montreal area.

I'd agree with this, that area of Quebec just across from Ottawa seems to be doing well. They have even opened Mont Cascades waterpark.

 

[isabellea]

QC number have been very good the last 2 weeks. We have less than 100 new cases per day (vs close to 1000/day just a few weeks ago) and most are in Greater Montreal. Hospitalizations are also down which is great for my colleagues who are exhausted from working super long hours since March and from the mental toll of all of it. Gatineau was never badly hit with it.


I am in a similar situation than you. My parents haven't seen the kids since October, just before they left for Florida for the winter. Since we live in Montreal and they are in Quebec city (2.5h drive), I didn't want to visit since we were a 'hot' zone and they were not. I told them that if our numbers still look good next week, we will visit next weekend. We won't stay the night and will only visit outdoors with masks. They still live in their own house so that helps. Mental health and human contact, even at a distance, is also very important imho.

 

[MoreTravels]

I would look at the best and worst case scenario.

The best case scenario, everyone is healthy and has fun meeting.
The worst case scenario, many family members get sick because someone is an asymptomatic carrier.

In 80+ year old age group, the mortality rate of COVID-19 is 30-40%... so for for two grandparents in that age group, you have a more likely than not chance, that one of them will die statistically speaking.

You have to ask yourself... even though it's no one fault for a disease transmission, would you be able live with the guilt if that unfortunate death happens? If yes, how many lives are ruined? It's not just the grandparent's... it's also the survivor with the forever guilt.