In Laws

[Crystal824]

.

 

[ms_missy66]

You're not being unreasonable at all! And while I want to say stick it to the brother and stand your ground, I wonder if that will be more trouble and stress for you. If you cart all that crap back over there, you're pretty much off the hook for preparing your house and the meal. MIL probably thought she was doing you a favor.

With that all said, I'd be upset too. Family dynamics are so frustrating sometimes! And holidays just seem to intensify them!

 

[Strangeite]

I think you are being too generous. I would call the BIL and find out what his problem is with having it at your house, especially since you have already done so much work. If he really cares, then he can come pack everything up and move it back to your inlaws.

My family lives 30 minutes away and my wife's family is about 12 hours away. We go there every year for Christmas and every other year for Thanksgiving. I think this is fair because we see my folks far more often.

 

[kacaju]

have dh call his brother and tell him to suck it up this year and come to your house. For goodness sake, their father had a stroke and the mother has to be a caregiver. Unless you have been there it is NOT an easy thing to do, care for a loved one.

4 years ago right around this time my dh needed major surgery. I always host Christmas and my MIL *made* me order a catered dinner for Christmas that year and paid for it. i argued because I thought I could handle it. Thank goodness she did so because my dh was in the hospital a lot longer then we thought he would be. Then 3 days after he came home my Dad died. then dh landed BACK in the hospital and came home on our dd's Birthday 12/22.
If all is well by next year your MIL may want to have the Holidays again, but in the mean time I'd have dh call his brother!!

 

[koolaidmoms]

I would call DBIL and let him know that dinner is at our house and if he wishes it to be at parents he can come pick up the food and cook it and we will meet him there for dinner! (I can not deal with family drama).

 

[bwatlas]

I do believe that yes, some rules need to be laid down, and although I do come from my own form of dysfunctional family, I have never had this situation.
I have a sister who arranges everything (even when she didn't have young children and I did) around her schedule, and we are expected to do that.
I would make a stand, and hold people at their word, but that's just me. They didn't want to do it, right? Didn't want the hassle, right? Didn't want the mess, even, with you offering to go there and do it, right? And now you have done everything possible to make a go of it at your house, right?
So I would tell DH to call his parents and say, no, we changed once, now we have arranged our lives to have this at our house, as you wanted.
This, of course, is only what I would do. However, if they insist on moving it back, I would also be the type of person to say 'well, i got it all here, if you want it moved back, you can move it all back', also. Dear brother wanted it moved back, right? Tell him what time to pick the stuff up to take back to moms.
But this is just me, now. They made a choice/decision that completly uprooted yoru daily schedules, after all. Tell them you have changed your schedule to adjust to their first choice, and changing back is not an option.
Also, not knowing anybody and how they/you are, also keep in mind, it is the holiday, and it is about being with family, right? So it is about giving and taking, too, to make it work with family. How much are you willing to give and still be able to live with yourself, DH, and HIS family?

 

[disykat]

I would call DBIL and let him know that dinner is at our house and if he wishes it to be at parents he can come pick up the food and cook it and we will meet him there for dinner! (I can not deal with family drama).

I think this is a great idea! Say it pleasantly, but mean it.

 

[GothTink]

I think this is a great idea! Say it pleasantly, but mean it.

I agree too!

 

[bellebud]

I'd have dh call his bro and mom, and tell them that it's fine to have it at mom's house, the food is here and whoever wants to come pick it up, great! It's here waiting (but they can't come toooooo late because you guys will be sleeping).

 

[Nie0214]

I'd have dh call his bro and mom, and tell them that it's fine to have it at mom's house, the food is here and whoever wants to come pick it up, great! It's here waiting (but they can't come toooooo late because you guys will be sleeping).

I like this one. Say that you have already shifted your schedule, prepared and bought supplies and that you don't have time to bring everything back again so if it's going to be at the In-laws, someone needs to come and pick up the food.

 

[SLK1]

Don't you just love families??!!

On the one hand, you didn't want it at your house in the first place because you had very little time to make everything. That is a daunting task and you're right to be feeling unprepared. So, having it back at your in-laws house would be MUCH easier for you, despite the work you have put into it already. On the other hand, you did go to a lot of trouble already so YOU should decide what's happening, not someone else. Do you feel comfortable enough with them to "rock the boat" and say NO, it's at MY house? You have to decide what end result you would like.

Family time is WAY overrated!!!

 

[Crystal824]

.

 

[seashoreCM]

You say you have a long Wednesday at the (lawyers') office.

Do things more simply instead of elaborate cookbook recipes. Unless bro' in law school wants to come help.

 

[Crystal824]

.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Well, the first thing I have to say is don't be upset about having to go get the knives and such - I can't believe you don't have thoes things in your house in the first place!!!
Second, just say WHATEVER!! I'm really starting to learn to go with the flow - its not worth you getting your panties in a bunch over some burnt turkey and over salted mashed potatos!!! However - if they want the stuff back, they have to come and get it. No ifs, ands, or butts! You have already gone out of your way for all this. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down, and not wory about what other people think. Good luck!!!!

 

[koolaidmoms]

We are cooking, they are invited if they come, they come, if not...oh well. That's the new rule. No more of this family drama. We will be buying a larger table before next Christmas.

Thanks again.

Good for you! Good luck!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Totally OT, but..... I see your tag is Crystal824 - is your birthday August 24th?? Mine too!!!

 

[Crystal824]

Totally OT, but..... I see your tag is Crystal824 - is your birthday August 24th?? Mine too!!!

Yes, my birthday is August 24, 1979.

 

[Crystal824]

.

 

[Crystal824]

.