In-Laws!!

[mommyofboys]

About a year ago, my parents and us (dh, dsx2) started planning a trip to WDW. We have finally made all of our reservations, dining, and airfare. Last night we were at my in-laws and my fil says to my dh (i wasn't there at the time)...I was planning on flying down to FL to visit (his brothers) and i think am going to come on over to WDW with you all for a few days ! NO! You can't!! They (him mostly) have always been the type to invite themselves to anything and doesn't think things through. He is going to leave my mil at home by herself. She has had a stroke and has fallen several times (broke her arm and had to have a metal plate put in, broke her hip and just broke her humerous a few weeks ago). What if she were to fall - he's not around and i'm not home (we only live a few minutes from each other). I can't bring this up because i wasn't there when it was said (and what would i say anyway). He isn't as fast as the rest of us and is on oxygen, etc. My dh told him we were going to be there during the superbowl and he said, oh there may not be any hotel rooms left. does he realize it is not cheap to go to the parks? sorry for the rambling, just had to vent.

 

[tlbwriter]

You can't control what FIL does, but you can control what he tries to do with you. If this comes up again, tell him "But where are you going to stay? Our reservations are already made, and we wouldn't have a bed for you. And our dining reservations are made too - I don't know if we can add another person. I just don't think this is going to work."

 

[mommyofboys]

I just talked to my sil - she told her mom that she didn't think it was right for him to invite himself along on our family vaction and my mil said well he is a part of the family! My mil thinks it is no big deal!! He is planning on either renting a car or having his brother bring him to WDW and meet us. I just don't get how people can invite themselves to other peoples vacations.

 

[crisi]

Yes, you can bring this up. "DH says you are planning on coming over to WDW - we won't be available for you - this is a trip with my parents. We'd love to plan a trip with you at some other time, but this one is already planned and my parents are really looking forward to some special dedicated time with us. I'm sure you'll understand."

 

[EthansMom]

You need to set boundaries and stick with them. Don't change ANY of the plans you made.

Here are the boundaries I've had to set with ILs regarding MY family vacations:

1) Unless I've offered to take the family member as a gift, I'm not paying for any part of their vacation.

2) Extended family members will need to get their own room. They are not staying in my family's hotel room.

3) Family members are welcome to go to the park we had planned on going to on a particular day. We're willing to go to rides and shows that interest them as well, but will not travel out of our way (across the park and then back again, for instance) to do so... we will get there eventually, but tend to do rides/shows that are near to each other rather than zipping back and forth according to whims.

4) If family members aren't ready to go to the park (or any meals) with us on time, then they're welcome to meet up with us later. I'll give them our cell phone number. Likewise, if they want to stay at a park later, they are welcome to do so without us.

I've had one REALLY bad experience travelling with ILs where between the three members of our family, we lost over 40 hours of vacation time just WAITING for the ILs (waiting for them to be ready for breakfast, waiting for them to leave for the parks, etc...).

I've had two really great visits with my Mom and Stepdad to WDW, however. They are happy to just be with us. They understand that we have to set our schedule for the comfort of our kids. And they go with the flow but will mention if there is something that they really want to do/see.

In your place, I would have DH tell FIL, "Great! Here's the phone number for WDW reservations. We're staying at XXX Resort. Oh, and it looks like your tickets for WDW are going to cost about $YYY." If FIL can't or won't stay at the same resort, then tell him he should call you on your cell phone to meet up with you at the park (let him know which parks which days and don't schedule a meet until AFTER he's in the park). In all likelihood, FIL will decide that the trip is too much money and hassle.

I can't tell you how many trips my MIL has suddenly decided she didn't want to go on once she realized she had to pay for her own room, food, and transportation.

 

[crisi]

4) If family members aren't ready to go to the park (or any meals) with us on time, then they're welcome to meet up with us later. I'll give them our cell phone number. Likewise, if they want to stay at a park later, they are welcome to do so without us.

This made me laugh. We just went down on a family trip and my brother in law is SLOW. We'd do things without him, meet up with him and wouldn't wait for him.

So we all ate at Beirgarten one evening. I made a few trips to the buffet - as did everyone else. We managed to feed four children. We danced the polka.....while my BIL ate.....after possibly two hours, we were done, he'd just gone and gotten another large plate of food....we all got up and left - very nicely with "well, we want to fit in a few more things this evening, give us a call when you are done."

He managed to get joined at the table by new guests, and finished dessert about the same time they did.

 

[janloz]

We are doing GG in 29 days with our family of 4, my mom, MIL, FIL and SIL. Luckily all decided they were coming on the trip over a year ago. I provided everyone with our family's itinerary for the 8 days and told them they were welcome to do as much or as little as they wanted. My mom decided to do a tour one morning which she did on the last trip. MIL/FIL have already told us that they will be going back to POP each afternoon for a break/nap. I politely told then that if we needed a break we would return as well but if kids were having fun, we would meet up with them at dinner. For each member of the group, I made index cards with ADR place/time/conf number and the park we would be visiting with hours. Then on the back a park map with restaurants marked, much easier to look at small map then huge park map. They will receive a new card each day. My montra for this trip is "Everyone has a cell phone, if you don't want to do/go where I am going, go do your own thing and then call me when you want to meet up." This applies to my DH as well, it will make for more happy moments for everyone.

Good Luck with FIL, I know how that can be.

 

[blondemom]

We have family members in Florida. They don't think there is anything wrong with meeting us for the day. That's fine. However, my aunt likes Epcot and only Epcot. She does not understand ADRs and making plans in advance. Last year I switched all my plans around so we could meet at Epcot for the day, and she got sick!!!

My sister in law and family also are in the area. They wanted to meet us for the day. I gave them our itinerary and they picked the Magic Kingdom day. They were really good, though. They respected our ADRs and grabbed a quick burger and hit the rides while we ate.

Personally, I don't think I could show up on anyone's vacation - invited or not. I don't think anyone really gets how much time and energy goes into planning a WDW vacation. It's not like the beach where you can just hang out all day and worry about eating later. Some of us (yeah, me) put a year's thought and planning into vacations!

 

[Willow25]

Good luck!!! We have both sets of parents coming with us next trip and I am preparing for a nightmare. We have talked and planned and like another poster said we have made plans that revolve around our kids and will not alter them for anyone else. We will have most meals together but have insisted on seperate rental cars and rooms. We are also meeting them at restaurants so we will not be late. We have been burnt by that before.

 

[melancholywings]

This has happened to us - a couple of days before flying out. And it was so stressful. I had to have DH tell his family that they were welcome to come on a future trip with us - and we'd plan it so that it centered around everyone. But this trip was just for us - I was going through some pretty serious depression and I need a trip to refresh myself.
It was so hard, DH and I fought about it, and it started our trip off on the wrong foot.

 

[mommyofboys]

Just an update... (thanks everyone for your suggestions!!)

I was over my in-laws on Saturday and my fil said "did I tell you that I was thinking of going to FL when you all are in Disney and coming over to see you all." My heart sank because I knew what was going to come out was going to be ugly. But fortunately my mil was there to save the day (she is pretty good at being rude to someone!). She turned to him and said "that's being mighty presumptuous that they want you there". He said "oh" and that was the end of the discussion. I think she saved me! I am still going to be on pins and needles as the trip gets closer (and hoping he doesn't say...let's save gas - we'll take the same flights and carpool to the airport).

I told my sil - if they want to see the joy that WDW brings to our boys - no problem - we will just plan another trip - that way we both win!!

 

[tlbwriter]

In your place, I would have DH tell FIL, "Great! Here's the phone number for WDW reservations. We're staying at XXX Resort. Oh, and it looks like your tickets for WDW are going to cost about $YYY." If FIL can't or won't stay at the same resort, then tell him he should call you on your cell phone to meet up with you at the park (let him know which parks which days and don't schedule a meet until AFTER he's in the park). In all likelihood, FIL will decide that the trip is too much money and hassle.

I agree. If he brings it up again, just let him know exactly what you're doing, and that he is welcome to join you for your activities. But do not change your plans to accomodate him and make it clear that he is not staying in your room.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Just an update... (thanks everyone for your suggestions!!)

I was over my in-laws on Saturday and my fil said "did I tell you that I was thinking of going to FL when you all are in Disney and coming over to see you all." My heart sank because I knew what was going to come out was going to be ugly. But fortunately my mil was there to save the day (she is pretty good at being rude to someone!). She turned to him and said "that's being mighty presumptuous that they want you there". He said "oh" and that was the end of the discussion. I think she saved me! I am still going to be on pins and needles as the trip gets closer (and hoping he doesn't say...let's save gas - we'll take the same flights and carpool to the airport).

I told my sil - if they want to see the joy that WDW brings to our boys - no problem - we will just plan another trip - that way we both win!!

Have a great trip.

If the issue comes up again then tell him that you would love to schedule a FUTURE trip with him so he won't have to share the grandkids with the other set of grandparents. Let him know also the ballpark cost for his OWN room on property with tickets and food.

We are going for a week with my ILs the 1st week of December. They met us down there last year for a day or 2 and it wasn't bad. This year they are going to be there with us all week. I love my ILs but this should be interesting...

 

[delmar411]

We are going for a week with my ILs the 1st week of December. They met us down there last year for a day or 2 and it wasn't bad. This year they are going to be there with us all week. I love my ILs but this should be interesting...

Sending you happy family vibes! We are also down at WDW the first week in Dec with the IL's. High maintenance kids and high maintenance IL's should be a very interesting mix!

 

[crisi]

Just an update... (thanks everyone for your suggestions!!)

I was over my in-laws on Saturday and my fil said "did I tell you that I was thinking of going to FL when you all are in Disney and coming over to see you all." My heart sank because I knew what was going to come out was going to be ugly. But fortunately my mil was there to save the day (she is pretty good at being rude to someone!). She turned to him and said "that's being mighty presumptuous that they want you there". He said "oh" and that was the end of the discussion. I think she saved me! I am still going to be on pins and needles as the trip gets closer (and hoping he doesn't say...let's save gas - we'll take the same flights and carpool to the airport).

I told my sil - if they want to see the joy that WDW brings to our boys - no problem - we will just plan another trip - that way we both win!!

Once in a while, a rude mother in law is a blessing. Thank her for stepping in - she can be far more blunt with her husband than you can....Besides, if you thank her, she will have her suspicions confirmed - that you don't really want him there - and she'll be in your corner on keeping him away.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Sending you happy family vibes! We are also down at WDW the first week in Dec with the IL's. High maintenance kids and high maintenance IL's should be a very interesting mix!

Let's send both families off together and sneak out for an adult fruity beverage with an umbrella in it.

 

[delmar411]

Let's send both families off together and sneak out for an adult fruity beverage with an umbrella in it.

I might just take you up on that!