In-laws: gift equality or not?

[nuttylawprofessor]

A poll for MILs and FILs out there:

Do you treat your child's spouse equally when it comes to gifts? Do you spend about the same amount of money on each?

 

[shortbun]

My parents treated my DH equally and his parents treat me equally.

 

[Pakey]

Not only do I treat my two daughters in law equally, they get as much as my sons do. I make no distinction between children and children in laws.

 

[crz4mm2]

a poll for mils and fils out there:

Do you treat your child's spouse equally when it comes to gifts? Do you spend about the same amount of money on each?

yes!!!!

 

[luvsJack]

I spend equal for Christmas, not always for birthdays.


ETA: I say that I spend equal but the way I do it is to tell them that I am spending $100 on each person (each son and each dil, I spend more on dd and on dgd). They then decide what they want and let me know some choices of what to buy. So say, if one son (or his wife) wants something that costs $150 and the spouse wants something that is $50 then it wouldn't be equal but that would be their choice, I guess. They can also choose to get something together for $200, so just however they decide.

 

[Kathi OD]

Equally, even if it means I have to go and buy a $10 gift card to Starbucks, WaWa, BBB, or some other place.

 

[eliza61]

OK, I'll be the lone dissenting voice here. It depends.

If I know one of my kids needs a specific item say a laptop for school, then that's what I get. I don't go out and then say "well I spent 700 bucks on Johnny so I have to spend 700 bucks on Jimmy".

I try to match my gifts to the person.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

No, I don't. My DD is my only child and I've always spent way too much on her. I do buy her DH a lot of really nice gifts, probably double what his own parents buy for him, but I spend 2 - 3 times more on my DD than her DH.

 

[samshane]

I am not an IL - but I can tell you that my parents do. Every year they still send me a check for my b-day and they send DH one for his - both are equal. Somedays I think they like thim better than they like me - LOL!

 

[Keli]

When dd married I started spending the same amount on my son on law as I did on dd for both birthdays and Christmas. Besides not feeling good about it in gereral, I would be embarrassed to have dd open presents that clearly cost more than SIL's. Plus he's a great SIL, I would never want him to feel like a second class citizen in our family.

 

[rewok]

Both my mom and dad (they each buy their own gifts for us) spend more on DSis and I than they do on our DHs. But then, they give us too much anyway! DH's mom & step-dad often give him more as well. For me, it's just a normal state of things, and I know it's not because my parents don't like DH. My father no has someone to do "guy's stuff". I must also say that my grandparents used to do the same for gift giving (they did big cash gifts for Christmas, so easy to know): big gift to kids, smaller gift to spouse, and smaller one to grandkids.

 

[torinsmom]

My mom gives BIL the same as she gives me and my sister for our birthdays. She purposefully does this. From the time they got married, until her MIL died, my dad got money for his b-day and my mom got DISHRAGS! Yes, dishrags every year. She is determined that she will never do that any of her children's spouses.

For Christmas, my dad gives each of his kids $500, whether they are married or not. I guess he sees it as family money, whether the family includes a spouse or not.

 

[minniecarousel]

I am the queen of "evening up". I worried about it when my boys were little, and I still spend waaay too much time and energy on trying to spend the same amount of $$ on each of them and their wives. I don't think they care, but I do. (I'll admit that it's a quirk of mine.)

 

[Muushka]

I am also not an in-law, but I can speak for them (I think!).

I am always amazed that my in-laws seem to spend about the same for me as they do for their son. They are very generous and I am just not used to getting such expensive gifts for my birthday and Christmas. That being said, I really appreciate their fairness.

 

[JessicaR]

I'm not a MIL yet. I have one though and so does my husband. My MIL is even Steven. We ALL get the same. My mom gives my husband more than me1 But he is very very good to them and I do not mind one bit.

 

[eowensby]

Mine do not spend equally. Dh gets a $100 visa card and I get a $50 one. I've gotten used to it, especially since it's the same for my 2 sisters in law and brother in law. My mother spends equally on us, but I am an only child.

 

[mumom95]

Not an in-law, but my in-laws spend the same on my dh and I and my mom did the same thing before she died.

I will do the same thing someday when my kids grow up. I've seen in-equality in gift/money/time giving destroy enough families, I don't want to risk it with my kids someday

 

[plutotek]

No, my mother spends more on my wife than me (likes her DIL more than her son )

 

[katesorad]

I'm not an in-law, but my parents usually spend fairly equally for my DH and I. Also, a lot of the things that I can benefit both of us.. I've gotten some fancy pillows, high quality sheets, kitchen equipment, etc.. which are honestly some of my favorite things to get! But they benefit the both of us.. so maybe DH makes out better than I do!

My in-laws aren't big gifters. But they openly don't like me (my family thinks that they're jealous of me.. long story, for another time!), so I understand why they don't gift DH and I equally.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow, you guys have generous families!

DH's mom buys us quirky stuff that is inexpensive. DH's dad sends dh a check. Not sure how much he gets.

My parents vary. Mainly they shower the kids and give us a token gift or nothing.

This is just for Christmas, none of the above give anything for birthday's. Although my mom will buy my dd's a b-day gift.

I don't know what I will do when my dd's are older? I personally would prefer to see them and experience life rather than buy gifts. We will see....I am not a big gift shopper. Plus my dd's are atheists and I have a hard time buying them "Christmas Gifts" although they claim Christmas to be an American Secular Holiday, which they are correct, it has become that.