In-Law Vent

[teacherforhi]

I guess I was raised with the mentality that everyone's birthday is important - whether it's a 1st birthday, 5th birthday or 100th birthday. And when it comes to my in-laws, if you forget THEIR birthday, you are in for it. So why not give my DD the same treatment they expect for themselves???

They didn't forget the birthday. They had plans and chose to go with those plans.

The mentality I don't understand (and I've commented on another thread about this) is how grandparents are supposed to drop everything in the world for their children's children. You planned a birthday celebration. Unfortunately, it wasn't at a convenient time for your in-laws. That's how life works. Sometimes you have to roll with it.

I do agree, however, that they need to clear the time they do come over with you. If your child is in bed by 7, obviously that isn't a good time for them to be there.

 

[Saphire]

Wow, some posters are being harsh here. It seems pretty simple to me. The grandparents didn't want to attend their grand-daughter's second birthday party. As a parent, that hurts. Period. I see nothing wrong with being upset.

All the other details are up for grabs. IMO, the fact that they don't work and couldn't make it because they were going to a casino is pretty sad. I mean, it's not because they were busy with real-life commitments pulling at them. I hope when I am a grandmother that my 2 year old grand-daughter's party will be the highlight of my week. To me, that's where the real stuff of life is happening.

 

[BuckNaked]

I hope when I am a grandmother that my 2 year old grand-daughter's party will be the highlight of my week. To me, that's where the real stuff of life is happening.

I hope when I'm a grandparent, if the highlight of my week is a party for a two year old, someone will help me get a life. My OWN kids' birthday parties weren't/aren't the highlights of my week.

 

[willis37862]

We don't get to dictate how family/friends spend their time and money.

No we don't. But that doesn't keep us from being disappointed in how they spend it and I think thats what the OP was saying.

If the grandparents didn't come because of control issues they are the ones that lose. I had/have grandparents like this that always had to have it their way or they wouldn't go along. Needless to say I don't have many fond memories of them being around enjoying fun family activities .

 

[momrek06]

Wow, some posters are being harsh here. It seems pretty simple to me. The grandparents didn't want to attend their grand-daughter's second birthday party. As a parent, that hurts. Period. I see nothing wrong with being upset.

ITA !! My IL's were identical to the OP's. My IL's would call to come for a visit be it a birthday or just stopping by. Please come over. Get the snacks or food in for their visit. Clean the house etc. Then the day of the visit/party (whatever) something else "better" always came up. Naa, fine blow us off. It happened far too often that we basically stopped calling them and if they called to come by it was "we will see you when we see you" . AND, when they did show up (they live, still do 50 minutes away) they would leave in 30 minutes. This behavior started before we had children and continues to this day. My DS' are 24 & 20! We work 7 days a week. We have our own business. Some seasons (like now) are busier than others (winter quiet)! Last week MIL called to go out to eat(dinner) up by my house. GREAT! She said 4pm..I said NO..we are working. Leave YOUR house at 4pm and be here for 5pm. JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK, they pulled in the driveway at 3:45PM..***!!!! And I had had lunch at 1pm...I was not real hungry at 3:45pm to go to DINNER. WHAT DID SHE NOT UNDERSTAND WITH THAT CONVERSATION.

My DH just shrugs his shoulders. I guess you just cannot pick your relatives.

 

[Saphire]

I hope when I'm a grandparent, if the highlight of my week is a party for a two year old, someone will help me get a life. My OWN kids' birthday parties weren't/aren't the highlights of my week.

Nobody on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at the casino. They always wish they had spent more time with their family.

If your children and grandchildren can't be the highlight of your life, why bother even having them?

 

[momrek06]

My OWN kids' birthday parties weren't/aren't the highlights of my week.

WOW...do you really mean this ...I will say MY bday(could care less), DH's bday(could care less), our Anniversary(could care less) BUT that being said, DH & I have gone OVERBOARD planning and celebrating our boy's bdays. I LOVE celebrating my kids bdays. As they got older obviously all the parties STOPPED but we would plan a TRIP...huge anything from WDW to VEGAS to EUROPE. Last year my youngest DS spent his 20th birthday celebrating in LONDON!!! And it is LONDON again as he celebrates his 21st. I suggested VEGAS (cause of his age) but NOPE it will be EUROPE again.
Even when they were little, I had school parties, friends party and a family party..YUP, THREE parties PER BIRTHDAY!!!

AND I will say to BuckNaked: I always felt so bad for many of my DS' friends over the years that would come to my kids parties and say.."my parents never do anything for my birthday"...

 

[teacherforhi]

ITA !! My IL's were identical to the OP's. My IL's would call to come for a visit be it a birthday or just stopping by. Please come over. Get the snacks or food in for their visit. Clean the house etc. Then the day of the visit/party (whatever) something else "better" always came up. Naa, fine blow us off. It happened far too often that we basically stopped calling them and if they called to come by it was "we will see you when we see you" . AND, when they did show up (they live, still do 50 minutes away) they would leave in 30 minutes. This behavior started before we had children and continues to this day. My DS' are 24 & 20! We work 7 days a week. We have our own business. Some seasons (like now) are busier than others (winter quiet)! Last week MIL called to go out to eat(dinner) up by my house. GREAT! She said 4pm..I said NO..we are working. Leave YOUR house at 4pm and be here for 5pm. JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK, they pulled in the driveway at 3:45PM..***!!!! And I had had lunch at 1pm...I was not real hungry at 3:45pm to go to DINNER. WHAT DID SHE NOT UNDERSTAND WITH THAT CONVERSATION.

My DH just shrugs his shoulders. I guess you just cannot pick your relatives.

Nowhere in the OP was it stated that the grandparents said they would come and then decided not to. The OP planned the party and the grandparents already had plans. Those are two completely different scenarios.

 

[teacherforhi]

Nobody on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at the casino. They always wish they had spent more time with their family.

If your children and grandchildren can't be the highlight of your life, why bother even having them?

You don't get a choice in whether or not to have grandchildren...

However, your grandchildren can be the highlight of your life without your life revolving around them.

I didn't see my grandmother all that often when I was a child, but she told everyone and their brother all about me. She loved me to pieces and I knew it; she didn't have to visit every five minutes.

 

[nuke]

To me this comes down to priorities. To the OP her in-laws priorities are the casino over their grandchildren. It's pretty sad when grandma picks the slots over a child. I would be upset too.

 

[momrek06]

Nowhere in the OP was it stated that the grandparents said they would come and then decided not to. The OP planned the party and the grandparents already had plans. Those are two completely different scenarios.

Oh...I completely understand that...basically, I was trying to show the OP, that obviously the IL's plans were more important then her plans and YET, she is NOT alone. My IL's always KNEW when my DS' birthday's were and that I always planned parties BUT I caught on real quick real early that they did their thing and I basically learned to do my thing.

 

[Nancy]

I'd be upset if my kids Grandmas decided not to come to their grandchilds birthday party. The 2 grandmas have come to every one of parties for all three kids. Now they have missed other things, dance recitals, school stuff, and smaller things, but I'm sorry, birthdays are a big deal when you are a kid so the grandparents should be there. MY oldest just turned 18 and both grandmas and my SIL and her husband were there, my sisters are out of town (6 and 8 hours drives) but they would have been there if they lived in the area. Family comes first.

 

[DisneyDotty]

OP--My heart goes out to you re: your inlaws. But, considering that you have awesome parents, your 2 yo is not lacking good grandparents. So, I guess stroke your assets and ignore your as-es. Or something like that.
At some point your inlaws are going to be sad and lonely, wondering why their grandkids never call or visit. And by then it'll be too late. Or, maybe they won't care, as there are a lot of narcissistic people out there. Anyway, blow it off--if they show up at 7, let them say goodnight to their grandchild and let your DH entertain them while you take a nice bubble bath while enjoying a glass of something cold. (DH needs to step up to the plate on this one--it is his parents!)

 

[lovmy2girls]

Well, I don't know about all this "They have their own life" thing. I thought grandchildren are part of their life? This childs Birthday comes once a year, and out of 365 days you have to pick that day? And out of 365 days there's not 364 days you can go "LIVE your life". My gods, its not like she was asking for the whole year. What? these grandparents can't write a date on a calendar and schedule "Their LIFE" around that one day? The other question is why wouldn't they want to? Oh, that right, "They have their own Life" I forgot. WHATEVER! If thats what you want to call it.

I'm not a grandmother yet. I can say that I am 99.78% sure that whatever day my future grandchilds Birthday is on, I'm there! Some of the only things that could hold me back would be the IV in my arm while in the hospital, things of that nature....but If I'm physcially able to attend, Lets go Dude, its Party Time!! My life can start again the next day!!!! This is a once in a lifetime day. She only turns 2 once, and Trumps casinos should still be there the next day!

Bring on the Flames, I feel pretty good today I'm letting all kinds of stuff roll of my flame suit, and not even thinking twice about it!

 

[faith]

Glad your little one ended up having a great birthday! That being said, I had to learn the hard way many years ago to let DH handle his parents if there was a problem. As the daughter in law, you will become the bad guy...so make him go to bat. By the way, we have five grandchildren and try our best to celebrate with them all. They are growing up so fast. I'm an only "child", so extended family is very important to me.

 

[BuckNaked]

WOW...do you really mean this ...

Yes, I do. We always celebrate our kids' birthdays, either with a party or a family event. But that doesn't mean it is the highlight of my life that week or that I build it up to be such a big thing that everything else revolves around it. My personal feeling, shared by my DH, is that it isn't healthy for kids to grow up thinking that everything and everyone has to be centered around them.

AND I will say to BuckNaked: I always felt so bad for many of my DS' friends over the years that would come to my kids parties and say.."my parents never do anything for my birthday"...

AND I will say to momrek06 - where did I ever say that we didn't celebrate our kids' birthdays with parties?

If your children and grandchildren can't be the highlight of your life, why bother even having them?

Good Lord, where did anyone say that children or grandchildren shouldn't be the highlight of someone's life? I said the "party", not the children themselves.

However, your grandchildren can be the highlight of your life without your life revolving around them.

EXACTLY!!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

"Nobody on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at the casino. They always wish they had spent more time with their family.

If your children and grandchildren can't be the highlight of your life, why bother even having them?"


All I can here is WOW!!!!!! I think this is very harsh to the OP....I am waiting patiently for that day to be a grandparent....I CANNOT WAIT....I have so much to share with my grandchildren while I am still young enough to enjoy them.. However, we are not there yet, we have lost one and are hoping for others...

Now my daughters would say here that their whole lives were their Nanas and one Papa....and these grandparents were wonderful to my girls. They are gone now and my daughters miss them everyday.....I only hope that I have the same relationship with grandchildren as my Mom did and my husband's Mom and Dad...

For shame on the in-laws, they are missing out on that very special love of being a grandparent..it is their loss..

Hugs to the OP... I hear ya..

 

[BuckNaked]

"Nobody on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at the casino. They always wish they had spent more time with their family.

If your children and grandchildren can't be the highlight of your life, why bother even having them?"


All I can here is WOW!!!!!! I think this is very harsh to the OP....I am waiting patiently for that day to be a grandparent....I CANNOT WAIT....I have so much to share with my grandchildren while I am still young enough to enjoy them.. However, we are not there yet, we have lost one and are hoping for others...

Now my daughters would say here that their whole lives were their Nanas and one Papa....and these grandparents were wonderful to my girls. They are gone now and my daughters miss them everyday.....I only hope that I have the same relationship with grandchildren as my Mom did and my husband's Mom and Dad...

For shame on the in-laws, they are missing out on that very special love of being a grandparent..it is their loss..

Hugs to the OP... I hear ya..

That wasn't directed at the OP, that was directed at me because I had the temerity to say out loud what many others probably think, i.e., I hope I never get to the point where a party for a 2 year old is the highlight of my week.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I hope when I'm a grandparent, if the highlight of my week is a party for a two year old, someone will help me get a life. My OWN kids' birthday parties weren't/aren't the highlights of my week.

Good grief, you people think I am anti-kids.

 

[BuckNaked]

Good grief, you people think I am anti-kids.

What did I say that is "anti-kids"?