In desperate need of prayers and pd!!

[andromedaslove]

This is gonna take a lot of explaining so please bear with my long post. I have an aunt who is an alcoholic and drug addict. She was constantly in abusive unhealthy relationships, and while in one of those relationships gave birth to a little boy. He spent most of his life watching his mother being abused, and being around the drugs and alcohol. We all tried on multiple occasions to have him removed by DCF, but they said there was no evidence that he was being abused and that they could do nothing. Then when he was 7 yr old she abandoned him with her new boyfriends parents, who after 3 months called my Mom to come and get him. My mother then took him and got custody of him from the state, but she couldn't handle him. For 3 years she tried, but he was so difficult. He abused one of her dogs, would not do ANYTHING she told him to, constantly screaming at her, and at times you could see he was on the verge of becoming violent. He would charge at her and then stop short of actually doing anything. When he was 10 years old she couldn't handle him anymore, and my husband and I (who had just had our first son) decided to take him in because he tended to listen to us much better. We wanted to give him the best life we could, and we loved him like he was our own. In the 4 years that he was with us it was a constant battle. He would lie constantly (about anything and everything), he argued and fought us tooth and nail about everything we said, he would start to lose his temper (which he knew in our household was not acceptable) and one day while 8 months pregnant with my youngest I found him holding down our 1 yr old lab punching him. We had him in counseling from the time he moved in with my Mom at 7, but he seems to have this knack to convince everyone that he is perfectly normal and everything is ok. Then last March my almost 4 year old son came and told me that his "bubba" (my cousin) had molested him. At that he was immediately moved out of our home, and the police were contacted. We wanted to believe that this was a one time mistake (which my son said it only happened once) so my Mom, DH, and I stood up in court and asked the judge not to send him to jail believing that he couldn't get the help he needed there. The judge agreed reluctantly, placed him in the care of my Mom, and advised us that if at any point in time she had trouble with him that we were all held responsible for contacting him (the judge) and he would be in violation of his sentencing. Well, for a year now he has been living with my Mom, he refuses to do what she says, has fought with her constantly, tells her he doesn't have to do what she tells him. They got into an argument one day in her car and he started punching the dash of her car, scared her to death. He has been warned by myself and DH, on many different occasions, that if he can not treat her with respect and obey her then he can't stay there. He won't go to bed when she tells him to, won't brush his teeth or take a shower when she says he needs to, and then yesterday she asked him to help her water the flowers and he blew up at her. In the midst of their argument (which the entire rural neighborhood heard by the way) she told him that if he didn't do what she asked then he couldn't stay there. He proceeded to tell her he wans't going anywhere, and that if ANYONE (including cops) tried to make him leave he would get a knife and kill them.

We are at our wits end. Nothing has changed, nothing seems to work. We have explained to him that if she had not taken him in then he would be in jail and that he needs to be more appreciative. We have explained that she has given up so much (seeing her grandkids) just to try and give him the help he needs to finish school and lead a normal life and he doesn't care. The biggest problem we have run into is that his mother was 6'1 and his dad was 6'3 so at 15 years old he is already 6'1 and he thinks he is invincible. He has no fear of my Mom who is 5'2, and although he still for the most part treats my DH and I respectfully that too is fading. He's gotten too big for spanking to be effective (not that it ever was). I am now worried for my Mom's safety. My DH has put in a phone call to the judge to have him removed, and advised the judge that we are worried about my Mom's safety if someone comes to get him from the house, so we have asked that they get him from school.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. We have helped take care of this child since he was a baby. Part of me knows that this is the right thing to do, because we have truly run out of options. The other part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and cry. With this last step this boy has lost every chance he ever had of a normal life. He won't graduate high school, he will forever be labeled a felon because he was charged with felony molestation, an adult charge that will not be expunged (sp?) when he becomes and adult. We have tried explaining this to him, and punishment by taking things away, none of it matters or changes anything. Right now I just feel like I could use all the prayers and pixie dust anyone could send my way.

Dana

 

[ugadog99]

Dana, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are dealing with. I know you are doing the right thing, but I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier. I have no advice, but I'll be thinking of you and your family. Take Care.


Melanie

 

[liamsaunt]

I am so sorry for you. It really sounds like your family tried to help this child. But, you have to put your family's safety first, and it sounds like you certainly gave him enough chances. Maybe when he is taken into custody he will be placed in a program that can help him learn to modify his behavior and control his anger, while he is kept in a situation where he cannot be a danger to himself or others. Good luck to you and yours.

 

[Ava83]

You and your family have done so much, my prayers are with you and your and family.

 

[mickeyboat]

Dana - you have done as much as you can for this boy. The safety of your family is your top priority.

Denae

 

[Poohgirl]

I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I think your doing the right thing.

 

[ducklite]

I'm sorry you are going through this. My advice is simple. He sounds mentally ill and in need of inpatient psychiatric services. Call his psychiatrist and have a frank conversation with him about the threats. The doctor will help you get him admitted. Tell your cousin that he will be going to the hospital, and have the police come to transport him there.

It's too bad that he wasn't diagnosed as ED and treated more aggressively, because his symptoms are so classic of a child exposed to drugs and alcohol in the womb. People with this type of mental disorder NO NOT get better on their own and without aggressive specialized treatment. Once a week *counseling* is not going to be enough.

He can be helped, but jail is not going to be the answer. Please, speak to his psychiatrist. Make sure he is aware of the violence towards animals, molestation of children, and credible threats of violence towards adults, as well as uncontrollable rages. If the doctor won't believe you or work with you to get him immediate palcement in a mental facility which has an adolescent wing, call your county department of mental health.

You MUST get him treatment. If you don't, I guarantee someone is going to get hurt, or worse. Please, do it today. Tomorrow might be too late.

Anne

 

[cepmom]

so sorry your family has to go through this...you have done so much that others wouldn't have bothered to. Your family needs to be top priority and your cousin needs some serious help. I totally agree with ducklite's post...it was my first thought. I feel bad for him ~ being exposed to what his mother put him though when he was so young and God knows what while she was pregnant with him. I do beleive that it's beyond his ocntrol...that's why he needs specialized care in an inpatient facility. Please call his physchiatrist and ask for help in getting him into a mental facitlity