In a little bit of a dilemma..please help

[JJClemson]

Also, as a research statistician, I am quick to be skeptical of study results, as well. If you read the statistics on that page, these are all listed:

- In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.
- Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn't cohabit before marriage.
- If cohabitation is limited to a person's future spouse, there is no elevated risk of divorce.

To me, these seem like slightly contradictory results. Perhaps they're generalizable to different populations, but without specification, I'm not sure I'd invest strongly in any of them. Take everything you read with a grain of salt.

I completely agree with the previous poster. About the statistics... I used to work as a research assistant, and I reviewed studies about this topic. An example of why some "statistics" say couples who live together before marriage divorce earlier and/ or more often.

Couple A: Did not live together before marriage. Divorced after 5 years of marriage.

Couple B: Lived together for 2 years before marriage. Divorced after 3 years of marriage.

If you noticed, both Couple A and Couple B lived together for a total of 5 years. It is not necessarily the living together that caused the couple to divorce, rather, most couples tend to divorce within the first 5 years of marriage. Most social scientists now recognize the error and when they ask couples how many years they have been married they add the amount of time they lived together before marriage to that total.

Ok, I know that did not make much sense My whole point was that those "statistics" are wrong. If a couple lives together before marriage, their chance of divorce does not increase.

Since living together before marriage is not traditional, it is difficult for parents and older generations to accept it. You and your DF have to do what is right for you. Good luck

 

[dreamswishesmagic]

HEY EVERYONE

IM THE ORIGINAL POSTER OF THIS THREAD AND BOY AM I SURE GLAD THAT I ASKED FOR SOME ADVICE. HEARING ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF OPINIONS WAS VERY HELPFUL...I JUST WANTED TO KNOW THAT I WASN'T THE ONLY OUT THERE THAT WAS GOING THRU OR HAS GONE THRU THIS. WELL I HOPE YOU ARE ALL HAPPY TO KNOW THAT WE ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER!!!! ALTHOUGH I'M STILL VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE MOVING OUT PART IM EXTREMELY EXCITED, JUST GOING THERE TO PAINT AND DO SOME ODDS AND ENDS BEFORE WE ACTUALLY MOVE IN HAS BEEN GREAT...IT GIVES US TIME TO WORK ON "US" OR TALK ABOUT STUFF THAT WE USUALLY CAN'T DO ON A REGULAR BASIS. JUST WANTED TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUITY TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THIER INPUT..IT HELPED ALOT MORE THAN MOST OF YOU WILL EVERY NOW. PLEASE KEEP THE ADVICE COMING IT IS GREAT TO BE REASSURED!

 

[ljhayes]

Congratulations! It seems like you're happy with your decision, and that's what counts! Good luck, and have fun getting the place ready!

 

[Gradar1]

I agree with almacdonald--living with my DF has taught me more and more about him, and we're learning about us. To me, it's important for me to know his likes, dislikes about living together--we split the bills, and it's cheaper for both us to live together. Albeit, my parents are not at all happy about it--I get told repeatedly that they don't agree with my decisions, etc. etc. While I understand and respect how they feel, I (and you!) have to live your life the way you want. Living with each other makes each new day an adventure--and how else would I have known that he prefers all beef hot dogs and bologna? It involves lots of compromise, but in the end, I think I made the right decision, regardless of what my parents are saying. It's totally and completely up to you though!