Important to be close to the grandkids?

[Pakey]

My husband and I have one 5 year old grandchild who lives near. However, we are planning to relocate to another state when we retire. Our oldest son and wife live away so we'll already not live close to their children when they have them. The youngest is not married so who knows where he will land.

When they were in high school, I couldn't imagine not being close to them. But now that they are older (youngest is 29), we don't feel the need to live close.

 

[Magic Mom]

(This is assuming my DDIL doesn't hate me enough to write posts about me on the DIS)

Terri

It's too late. Clearly you expect too much. You FDIL can feel your ill will now even though she doesn't know you. You should cut the apron strings now and live far far away.

Note: this was tongue in cheek. I am not attacking the OP.


OP, I like your idea of living close to grand kids. I would like that as well. But I can say that you can be very close to your grand kids and live far away. We are Army so we don't live near my parents, but they are very close to the kids. DS spent several summers in Florida with them over the years and as DD gets older she would like to spend some of her summer with them as well. They visit often and call and talk to the kids. They are close because they take an active part even from far away. They keep up on what's going on in our lives and are truly interested when the kids tell them about their lives.

DH's mom isn't as close to them, but that was more her choice. She seems to have a hard time making that connection from far away. She needs to have people living near her to be really close to them. I feel badly for her, but she brought it on herself. She half jokingly scolded DS for not calling her a while back. I think she told him he had more than one Grandmother, and he came right out and said, "You're right, and you have more than one Grandchild." Lately, she has been trying a little more and that's nice for her and the kids.

 

[golfgal]

I was always hoping one set of grandparents would move to a prime vacation destination so we could vacation there cheep .

We have pretty much lived away from Grandparents yet our kids still have great relationships with them. I don't know that I would want the grandparents over every day but having them closer would have been nice.

OP, just keep in mind that your kids may relocate for work and if you want to stay close that would mean leaving all of your friends behind. I don't know that I would personally want to do that because what if you get all settled in and off they go again. I wouldn't want to be dependent on my DIL or own kids for my social life.

 

[minniecarousel]

I love my sons and daughters-in-law & I believe that they'll stay here in the Bay Area. But, if they move I'm pretty sure DH & I will stay here. When I was 6, my parents moved us (8 kids!) from Ohio out here to California. That moved us away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Funny, of the eight of us, only one has moved out of the area.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm with you, though I don't know if dh agrees. One of my biggest fears is that my sons will move away and I won't get to see my grandchildren (if I have them!) much. My sons are only 7 and 16 now, so I have a few years, at least, until I have to worry about it.

 

[ilovejack02]

I

OP, just keep in mind that your kids may relocate for work and if you want to stay close that would mean leaving all of your friends behind. I don't know that I would personally want to do that because what if you get all settled in and off they go again. I wouldn't want to be dependent on my DIL or own kids for my social life.

My parents are so involved in their church and friends . I can't imagine them starting over just to be with the grandkids. My parents had lunch with a set of friends that they have been close with for about 40 years last week. They do this several times a year . They have season tickets to our local theater , are in a seniors group at church and travel with the alot, sometimes I even go. I want my parents to live life to its fullest, not just hang with my kids, but I do want them to be involved , you can do that from a distance .

 

[quentina]

Extremley important to me. Grandparents are a childs heritage....I am so thrilled for the amazing memories I have of mine. I was fortunate, they were all very involved in my life.

I think of them daily

 

[EeyoreEma]

Mine are still little (almost 4, almost 2 and *yikes!* one on the way) but I hope that when they are grown and have children of their own that I can be close to them. We moved away from the town I grew up in for dh's job (about 3.5 hrs) and I miss my parents. I wish they could have a more active roll with my children, but they do talk to them on the phone every day, send cards, come visit when they can. I still wish they were closer, though. Now, my in-laws... well, she's VERY difficult to get along with, and while I know they love our kids, they are not very good with them. They just can't seem to grasp how to play with them ??? It baffles me, to be honest. So I'm fine that they're not right here near us b/c it would drive me insane. I wasn't very close to either set of grandparents growing up (all but 1 died by the time I was 6 and the other was kind of a cold fish) and I always dearly wanted grandparents to love me and play with me. I felt like I really missed out on that. So yes - when we have grands, I want to be as close to them as possible! And if for some reason, I don't get to live near them, believe me - every effort will be made to see them often!

 

[cheermom1]

I have to tell you that my FIL lives 8 hours from us and our kids are quite close them ..just b/c they live a distance away doesn't mean you can't have a great close relationship...

with that said dh and I both are planning on traveling the US when our youngest is 18...our time! than probably settling down in AZ or FL...we can come out and see them as much as we want and we will try to get them to us too...I don;t think it will be a big deal...

another thing you need to take into consideration is if your kids are anything like me I'd rather you be a little further so i can have some breathing room. I'm a very independent person and HATE when someone is always "there"...

but this is just me!

 

[mhsjax]

I am quite a ways off from having grandkids, but I hope my kids don't get mad at me if I move away, it is my choice and I have done my job if they have moved on to having kids of their own. I don't know where I want to live after the kids move out, and who knows where they will be living.

I do want to be involved in my grandkids lives, however, I do refuse to watch them and be used for daycare. I will be the loving grandparent that spoils them rotten and then sends them promptly home. lol

I love my kids more than anything and I am a SAHM, but I am really looking forward to being abel to come and go as I please, with no responsibilities of kids or grandkids on a daily basis.

 

[4nana]

Sweet grands....my favorite subject!

I was very close to my GP's, so have many loving and fond memories. Being close and involved in our grandchilren's lives is as equally important to us, and it is to them, so we love and enjoy playing the roll of GP's. Having 4 adult married children, we have 6 grands local and 7 grands out of state, ages 2yo - 22yo.

Our local grands live within 10 -15 miles. I have been blessed to be care giver to the 6 local sweet grands until they start preschool. Our wonderful children do so much for us and we enjoy helping them out whenever we can. We have a very special relationship and are invited to attend many of their school functions, sports activities, have sleep overs quite often, share BD's and most holidays, and occassionally even vacation together.

We have been invited to the births of our out of state grands also and stay involved through frequent calls, emails, web cams, long distance visits, etc. DS is military, so they've moved quite often. Now that both our long distant children are within 5-7 hrs, they're happy we're able to do many more things together. We joined them for TorT'ing at Halloween, they came up for Thanksgiving and C'mas, then we just returned from visiting our DS who's home on leave and our DD and families.

Truthfully, I can't imagine our grands not being in our lives, as they fill our hearts and homes with much love and joy. Altho DH and I enjoy doing our own thing sometimes, our sweet grands help keep our spirits young. We feel very blessed, to us, making special memories and enjoying each others company is what family is all about.

 

[4 Ears]

Yes I beleive it it!
Where oh where would my parents of been without mine? And where we would be without my mother??! My mothere lives about 7 miles away. Enough so she is not knocking on my door all the time but enough so the kids can go there on the bus. Well the younger (15) year old still does. The 18 year old stops in about every other day. She does so much for us. If she is coming this way she calls to see if we need anything. She has brought us a gallon of milk a million times. Nearly every day I stop to get her (and my stepfathers mail). Works out great, they run 3 businesses from home. I get her mail, she does what needs to be done and soemtimes I will even mail items for her thenext day.
With myself and DH working full time it is difficult to attend school functions. Just the other night she went to a college info night as we could not.
Anyway, I could go on and on.
Yes I think it is important for the kids to have someone they can trust, know well and they can call for needs, wants or just hey this is how my day went thing.
Wish they talked to us more but I know they are getting advice we approve from my parents.
Helps them see that "older" folks are normal people too.

Blah, blah, blah my answer is yes

 

[punkin]

My mother took care of my older DD until she passed away at 60. My grandmother took care of me. If I am lucky enough to be around when my DDs have babies, you can bet I will be living close enough to help. Of course I won't have to deal with any pesky daughters in law.

My DDs (17 and 11) have already decided that when they grow up they will be living near each other (same block) and I will live less than a mile away. I guess they don't want to be too close to me.

 

[rszdtrvl]

I grew up in the same city as one set of grandparents. The other set was about a half hour away. Holidays, birthdays, and occasionally we visited.

Holidays were split between my mothers and fathers parents.

Fast forward to today, where I am a mother.

We live an hour away from my parents and DH's mom. DH's father lives in Idaho.

We see my parents about every 2 months. We see DH's mother about once or twice a year (I am not complaining about that - she is not a good MIL OR grandmother). We have not seen DH's father in about 3 or 4 years.

My son loves to talk to my mother. When DH's mother or father calls, he hides out. Especially DH's mother. In the past she has not been very nice to him.

My son is about as close as he can be with the distance to my parents. He is not close to DH's parents at all. And we are fine with that. DH's parents have "issues" (a gentle way to put it) and are more toxic than anything.

I wish my son was closer to all of his grandparents. Like I was and like DH was growing up.

But I always tell myself that he has a set of parents who are stable and love him enough to more than make up for the occasional grandparent visits.

 

[iwrbnd]

When my husband and I were graduating and looking for jobs he wanted to go to Colorado (skiing) and I wanted to go somewhere south (warm) but in the end we chose to move back near our parents in the midwest. We had our first baby when my husband was in medical school and realized how important being near grandparents were. We have LOVED having our parents close enough to be part of our children's lives and are grateful for all their help! But, now that our kids are growing up I've realized we've set roots in a place I'll have to live in the rest of our lives! His practice is settled and we have deep friendships so the realization has hit that I have to endure horrible cold winters for the rest of my life!

It's a hard decision where to move. Even my parents wish we had settled somewhere warm because they would have moved closer to us when they retired. They are sick of the cold, too. Oh well, I've always got my DVC home to escape to!!!

 

[tzolkin]

If you have more than one child it will be impossible to live near all your grandchildren (unless all your kids stay in the same area).

Right now, my parents are very glad that all their children live close by (we live the farthest-- 8 miles ) But my brother and SIL recently had a baby and have talked about moving closer to her family. If they decide to move, there is nothing my parents can do about living closer to that grandchild.


DH & I think spending time with grandparents is important. His maternal grandparents lived with him growing up and mine always lived close by (now they live with my parents, so my kids also spend a lot of time with their great grandparents as well). We decided to stay close to my parents so they could spend time with the kids. My MIL lives 1300 miles away, but she is single and DH is an only child so she comes to visit us at least 3-4 times per year and has a good relationship with our kids.


I hope that when my kids grow up I will be able to see them (and their children) often, but if they decide to disperse around the country I can't see how I could live near all of them.

 

[castleview]

After nearly killing each other during my teen and college years, my mother and I now live within half a mile of each other. It's nice to have her around to pop in or in case of emergency. However, I realize that we just got lucky.

I hope my kids seize whatever opportunities come their way and end up in a very happy place...wherever that may be. I won't insist they stay close to home just to suit my happiness (my neighbor is doing that with her adult children and it's backfiring big time). My hopes are that DH and I are in a comfortable financial position where we can go and visit our grandkids as often as we can and as often as they'd like us. If any of the kids happen to live near us - great. But I believe that's something that falls into place.

 

[My2Cinderellas]

being close geographically doesn't guarantee being close emotionally. and vice versa too.

People tend to view their experiences as the "norm". so if you lived very close to grandparents and were there several times a week - that's what you expect for your kids to have - and what you want when you become the grandparent. I grew up 2 hrs from both sets of grandparents (they lived across the street from each other) and we usually spent one weekend a month there. So that is my "norm" and general expectation.

My ILs lived 15-20 min away until last week - now it's 30 minutes. Yet they rarely spend time alone with my kids. We see them mostly at family gatherings. They are too busy with their church groups and running my nephews around helping out my SIL's family. They make promises to my kids to spend time with them, but I have to pin them down on a specific date to make it happen or it's always "sometime soon". Now that they are both retired it's gotten worse, because they travel extensively. DH grew up hanging out with his grandparents all the time, so this is really different.

My parents moved from 3.5 hrs away to 11 hours away when they retired. Nicer weather, cheaper taxes etc - they said that they would come up several times a year to visit and so on. Reality is that in a good year they visit 3 times and we go there once. Yet they end up spending more quality time with the kids than the ILs do. If DH and I travel, my parents came up to stay with the kids. Now that mom has had health issues, this is changing again.

 

[Planogirl]

Location doesn't mean all that much to me. My father was in the service and my mother is Dutch so I had grandparents in Holland and Texas. So obviously there was no way to live close to them.

However, I was still close to both of my grandmothers. (My Dutch grandfather not so much and my American grandfather died when my father was very young.) The Dutch grandmother visited the US often and we went to Holland as much as possible too. I also spent weeks in the summer visiting my American grandmother.

It's quite possible to be close to grandparents without them living nearby. You just have to work a little harder.

 

[HM]

I grew up in TN/NC. My grandparents lived in Mexico/CA, and MI. I saw them infrequently, so didn't have a close relatationship with them, but what I did have was very special and very different from my cousins that saw them more frequently. The times we were together, we could concentrate on our being together. The cousins saw them more, but were in and out and really didn't get a whole lot of one on one time. I don't think you have to live close to feel close to your kin. With today's skype, email, and cellphones, it's even less important.