I'm SO torn - adults night out...

[jtlund]

Let me give you a little background before I ask this question. My son was born with a single ventricle congenital heart defect and has had 4 open heart surgeries - he's 5 now and doing great. He qualifies for Make A Wish but after all he's been through I wanted to fund this trip on our own versus MAW because I don't want him to feel different and, honestly, I want this to be an *everyone happy* trip instead of being around other families like us with chronically, some terminally ill children. I want to GET AWAY. Anyway - we are going in October with our best friends and their two kiddos. My husband wants to have an *adult's night* where we get away for dinner and take the kids to a Kid's Club, Adventure Club, whatever you call them. I'm wavering. This is something I've been saving FIVE years for to see my son's face light up with every new experience. A part of me wants to use the $$ to get all of us (including kids) Luau or Royal Table Tix. Dh says we already have Chef Mickey, Dinner with Shamu, MNSCHP, etc. and we should have one night to ourselves. Can anyone help me with the psychological part of this dilemma? Our 5 yo dh will have a blast at one of the Clubs while we go out, right? Maybe not even KNOW he's being babysat?

One more thing - just as an example, I'm researching places to go for an adults dinner and I read about Ohana, seeing Wishes from the restaurant, etc. and all I could think about was how much ds would LOVE that. Ugh.

TIA for any morale support or advice. Also, if you're advice is to do the dinner/kid's club thing - where should we go? Is there Kid's Club at Poly?

 

[LadyZolt]

There is a kid's club at the Poly, and you could easily do Kona, or even go to Grand Floridian, Contemporary, or MK from there on the monorail, if that makes it any easier.

This is a personal decision for you, so let me just ask some questions for you to think about. Have you ever left him with a babysitter? If so, is it only relatives or friends you're close to? Is your son's condition such that he's likely to have very few vacations with the family such as this one?

If those answers are all "yes," then I think you have to think about how you will feel if you miss one night with him to do an adult thing.

Remember that it is sometimes good to get away with at least your DH, and if your DH really wants to go out with just adults, then it would be wise to go because it really is only for a few hours. If your DS has never been with anyone other than people he knows well, I suggest you and your DH have a night out together while your best friends watch him, and then another night, you can let them go out while you watch their children. If you did it this way, your DH and you would have a romantic dinner together (which is good for your marriage ) and you might feel better knowing your friends are watching him.

Clearly, this is something that you feel quite strongly about, so I think you should really consider all the options and decide what would be the most reasonable solution for all of the people involved. Talk it over with your DH and in a gentle way explain your concerns. Perhaps he has some other ideas that will work that he just hasn't mentioned.

Whatever you decide, I think it's wonderful that you're going to be able to take this vacation with your hubby and friends and I hope that it is a memorable and magical trip for everyone.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[DISNEY1975]

OK..Im trying to put myself in your shoes....

Ummmm.....

Too tough to call. You 10000000000000000000000000000% deserve it! Yes, 10000000000000000000000% most kids love the Kids Club. Im assuming your children have no problems with you leaving for a couple of hours?? If your children have never been away from you ever, it may be kind of tough, but in general, no kids I know who went there ever thought they were being babysat, they think its a kids party. If your worry was of them being bored, thinking you are having fun without them, that is not the case!

As for going out on your own instead of CRT!!! I dont know what to tell you. I personally would rather go out on my own somewhere near home. I am only at Disney 7 days every 2 or so years, and so are the kids. I culdnt feel good about spending $$ on myself instead of them.....BUT....I never had to deal with things you have, the worry, the stress, the dedication and trying to take care of the rest of the family at the same time..OH...go for it!!!!! Enjoy a magical night at Disney, just you and hubby! Dont worry one second about the kids..they will have a blast!

 

[CJ]

First of all, congratulations on your son doing so well!! I'm sure the last years have been exhausting both mentally and physically!

Ok, I agree with your husband. If you can safely leave your DS (health wise, I mean) I definitely think you should. As you say in your post, you don't want your son to feel different. He will have your friends' children at the kid's club to keep him company and he will likely have the best time there!! And feel just like all the other kids!

I also think it's important to spend some grown up time with your husband and friends. As you said you want to GET AWAY and an evening out might mean the world to you and your DH.

As to where to go..... talk to your DH. Would he like something romantic and quiet, or boisterous and fun? I wouldn't choose 'Ohana as that is more of a family atmosphere. But there are many great restaurants geared more towards adults. If you figure out what kind of evening you'd all prefer, I or many of the other DISers here I'm sure would love to help!

 

[jtlund]

First of all - thanks SO much! Because of what my ds has been through I'm psycho mom. DS is FINE now healthwise - he's on heart meds but if you met him you'd never imagine what he's been through. Deep down, I know DH is right and that we need mommy and daddy time. It's just hard because it IS WDW and I want ds to have the most magical time of his life and I don't want to miss a bit of it. On the other hand, my dh has been through heck too. He deserves some one-on-one wife, romantic time. what's 3 hours, right? I remember when I was 10 or so my mom and dad dropped us off at the Contemporary kid's club and I had NO CLUE it was a type of babysitting. I had a blast! Sometimes it helps getting this stuff out to make it more clear in my own head. If we don't take the kids, he'll be with his friends and he's a very social kid so he probably will get mad when we show up to pick him up.

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

We have friends we go to WDW with occasionally. They offer to babysit so we can go for an adult only dinner, but we never accept. We can take an evening without the kids when we are at home. I wouldn't miss a moment of the magic with the little ones. I would not take any amount of money for the looks on their little faces as they experience the magic!!! I cherish so many of those memories we have already. You could not pry me from them during our WDW trips. My little Rachel is having heart surgery in 4 weeks, and she also qualifies for MAW. I can see your dilemma, OP, but if I were in your shoes, my hubby would just have to wait till we got home for an adult only night out, but he already knows this!! My hubby would not want to miss a moment of magic with the little ones, either. He and I would always wonder what moment we missed, what moment we did not see their precious little faces when they had a special moment touch them.

 

[shellybaxter]

My niece loves the kids clubs so much that she asked which night she gets to go. "Aunt Shelly which nights are you going to fancy dinner so I can go to the kids club?" Show your son pictures from the internet of these "cool, fun" places and let him decide which he would like to go to and then make a mom and dad restaurant choice from there. If he chooses the Cubs Den - dinner at Artist Point, Simba's Cub House - Jiko, The Sand Castle Club - Yachtsman, Flying Fish, or Shulas - etc

 

[Mo-Yo]

You should definitely go out with your husband. After all that you have been through, it's really important to take care of each other and to enjoy your marriage and your friendships.

As long as your son is comfortable with the kid's club, go for it! I wouldn't choose Ohana though. It's a really family oriented place, and you may feel that you wish your son was there. Why not do something more "Adult-oriented? I'd make a ressie at Epcot and watch illuminations or go to Flying Fish or California Grill.

But whatever you choose, have a great time.

 

[dmslush]

You know, in my marriage and family therapy classes, we have learned that many failed marriages happen because parents focus so much on the children's wants for 18 years, that they stop taking care of their spouse's needs. When the children grow up and move out, then the parents can no longer connect, because for so long either one or both have been focusing away from each other and focusing on the child. When the child is gone, the parents have nothing in common anymore, because that one common thing is gone.

Trust me when I say that this is never a popular opinion on this board and I usually get seriously flamed anytime I post it! But my husband's needs always come before my child's wants. My goal as a parent is to raise a happy, healthy adult that can take care of herself. My goal as a wife is to spend the rest of my life with my husband.

You husband is telling you that this has been a rough road so far and he needs to reconnect with you, his wife. So, HAPPILY send your child to the kid's club and go have a night to remember with your husband!! Both of you need it and deserve it!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I think you may be pleasantly surprised with the kids clubs at Disney. I felt VERY guilty leaving our kids at one the first time we did Disney and had an adults night out. My guilt and worry was all for nothing. My kids LOVED the kids clubs and didn't want to leave-when we arrived to pick them up they asked if they could stay there. DS and DD made bead necklaces, painted, played video games, watched movies and played games with the CM's. They are teenagers now and still talk about it as a spectacular experience. You can also have a kids meal for your child if they arrive by a certain time. We never had a bad experience at any of the clubs. If you feel like your cheating your DS out of the Disney experience by leaving him at a club for a few hours, your really not, its just that they are having a different type of Disney fun.

 

[ROEDISNEY]

Let me give you a little background before I ask this question. My son was born with a single ventricle congenital heart defect and has had 4 open heart surgeries - he's 5 now and doing great. He qualifies for Make A Wish but after all he's been through I wanted to fund this trip on our own versus MAW because I don't want him to feel different and, honestly, I want this to be an *everyone happy* trip instead of being around other families like us with chronically, some terminally ill children. I want to GET AWAY. Anyway - we are going in October with our best friends and their two kiddos. My husband wants to have an *adult's night* where we get away for dinner and take the kids to a Kid's Club, Adventure Club, whatever you call them. I'm wavering. This is something I've been saving FIVE years for to see my son's face light up with every new experience. A part of me wants to use the $$ to get all of us (including kids) Luau or Royal Table Tix. Dh says we already have Chef Mickey, Dinner with Shamu, MNSCHP, etc. and we should have one night to ourselves. Can anyone help me with the psychological part of this dilemma? Our 5 yo dh will have a blast at one of the Clubs while we go out, right? Maybe not even KNOW he's being babysat?

One more thing - just as an example, I'm researching places to go for an adults dinner and I read about Ohana, seeing Wishes from the restaurant, etc. and all I could think about was how much ds would LOVE that. Ugh.

TIA for any morale support or advice. Also, if you're advice is to do the dinner/kid's club thing - where should we go? Is there Kid's Club at Poly?

So glad to hear your son is doing well. God Bless him. You should go out for one night. I am sure you need it. He will have a great time where ever you leave him. We let our youngest go to one of the clubs on the Disney cruise he had so much fun that he was mad at us when we came to pick him up. What's was good about it is they give you a pager if they need you they page you right away. I don't know how they do at Disney World but I would guess it would be the same . They take real good care of the kids.
Also I suggest that you go to California Grill. Good foos & a nice atmosphere and you will get to see whishes from the deck they have. It is a 2 table service. Have a MAGICAL Trip!

 

[Brer Shay]

So happy for your family that DS is doing great!

I hope you all enjoy every part of the getaway. Personally, I'm a fan of one-on-one time for DH & I, but when we went to WDW, I thought it would be a whole family experience. With a bit of coaxing, we agreed to leave DS7 and DD5 at the Neverland Club (Kids Club at the Poly) one evening while we got a bit of park time and a grown-up dinner. We all had a great time. There are parts of WDW that you experience differently as just you instead of always being in mom mode. Also, my kids absolutely loved the Neverland Club and wanted to go back two nights later. They still talk about it as being a highlight.

As long as your son would be comfortable without you for a while, he will have lots of activities and Disney magic to experience while he's there.

Go for it!

 

[snykymom]

I want ds to have the most magical time of his life and I don't want to miss a bit of it.

OK, two competing "wants" here -
1) For your son to have the most magical time
2) For you, not to miss it.

I'd bet that one of the most magical times he could have would be to be with other kids in the kids club, without Mommy there! So by indulging your desire not to miss anything (a desire with which I relate 150%, BTW!) you may be depriving your son of that magic. Is #1 more important, or is #2? Do you believe that your son can experience magic without you being there to confirm it? (Kinda like the tree falling in the forest conundrum!)

If #1 is your primary goal, then give your kid a break from Mom (not saying that you do, but now that his health is better, you may be smothering your son a bit!), and give yourself a break from being Mom, and be a sweetheart to your H. Giving H this time is also important, and who knows, it could easily be a rejuvenation for your too - parenting a child, particularly one who's been ill, is exhausting.

If you don't want your son to feel different, then don't treat him as if he's different.

 

[KatMark]

You know, in my marriage and family therapy classes, we have learned that many failed marriages happen because parents focus so much on the children's wants for 18 years, that they stop taking care of their spouse's needs. When the children grow up and move out, then the parents can no longer connect, because for so long either one or both have been focusing away from each other and focusing on the child. When the child is gone, the parents have nothing in common anymore, because that one common thing is gone.

Trust me when I say that this is never a popular opinion on this board and I usually get seriously flamed anytime I post it! But my husband's needs always come before my child's wants. My goal as a parent is to raise a happy, healthy adult that can take care of herself. My goal as a wife is to spend the rest of my life with my husband.

You husband is telling you that this has been a rough road so far and he needs to reconnect with you, his wife. So, HAPPILY send your child to the kid's club and go have a night to remember with your husband!! Both of you need it and deserve it!

Beautifully and perfectly stated!

 

[TDC Nala]

This isn't a question that's relevant to the restaurant board. It's really more about which kid's club to use and issues you may have with using a kids' club.

I'm moving it over to the Family board.

 

[sk!mom]

I would remember that my DH is important too and plan an adult's only night. It's my opinion, that couples who make their entire lives about the children pay for it later in the quality of their relationship.

I would let my DH choose whatever he wanted but maybe consider something - not for kids. Ohana is fun for kids- it's one of our families favorites. DH and I would plan a dinner maybe on the Boardwalk and then hit Jellyrolls.

 

[Tricia1972]

I would go for it, especially if your son is doing fine health wise, and you say that he is.

He will have a magical time at the Kids Club and that can be one of your special gifts to him.

We took DS 4.5 on the Pirate's Cruise last year and he had a BLAST! I hated not being there to see him have a wonderful time, but since it was kids only, it was magical to me to know that he had a magical time.

Kids are our precious gift in this life, you know that all too well, and sometimes a magical experience for them is made even more magical without mom and dad around.

Not to mention that you deserve the time away, I think it'll be good for your DS too.

 

[jtlund]

That's why I knew I could post this question here. Sometimes when you ask people that *know* you personally you never get straight answer - I need straight answers on this and I appreciate ALL points of view. Seriously.

Deep down I know I need to have some one-on-one time with DH - we've had a few family vacations since our son was born but none with just he and I. Our son has never spent the night away from us and it's 99.9% my fault because of my own paranoia from months spent at the hospital with him worrying. Now that he's doing so well I need to RELAX a bit - where better than WDW, right? I'm gonna book an ADR right now for DH and I and hopefully be able to make Club reservation for shorty at the same time. He'll have a blast, I know he will. He's social, loves his buddies that are going with us and will probably be like you kids and be MAD that I came to pick him up! Maybe after mom and dad dinner, we can take them to fireworks somewhere, go back to our room, put Shorty to bed and snuggle. Haven't done that in a while either!

 

[tjmw2727]

I can tell you that my dd's absolutely LOVE the kids clubs and ask for "a night to themselves" every trip. The parks are so over the top and non stop that they enjoy hanging out with other kids for a night.

Their favs are the Neverland club at the Poly and Simba's at the AKL and both resorts have great restaurant choices so you would be right there.

Only you can decide if this is going to work so I just wanted to say that we have always been comfortable and happy with the kids clubs and as I said before my dd's really enjoyed their time there.

TJ

 

[jodifla]

You know, in my marriage and family therapy classes, we have learned that many failed marriages happen because parents focus so much on the children's wants for 18 years, that they stop taking care of their spouse's needs. When the children grow up and move out, then the parents can no longer connect, because for so long either one or both have been focusing away from each other and focusing on the child. When the child is gone, the parents have nothing in common anymore, because that one common thing is gone.

Trust me when I say that this is never a popular opinion on this board and I usually get seriously flamed anytime I post it! But my husband's needs always come before my child's wants. My goal as a parent is to raise a happy, healthy adult that can take care of herself. My goal as a wife is to spend the rest of my life with my husband.

You husband is telling you that this has been a rough road so far and he needs to reconnect with you, his wife. So, HAPPILY send your child to the kid's club and go have a night to remember with your husband!! Both of you need it and deserve it!

YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP!!!!!


MARRIAGES COME FIRST! Kids depend on that marriage. It's the foundation everything is built on.