I'm so sick....my stomach

[Disneymom2AA]

is turning and I can't get rid of my goose bumps!!! I'm also so angry!

It's been 20 years but I finally told my parent's that I was molested by my cousin's husband. I don't know why I told-part of me wanted to get it off of my chest and the other half wanted him fired from his current job (he was hired by a church to work with the youth).

I had always had this horrible memory hidden away. But something made it come back a few years ago. Little things were triggering flashbacks! It has been really horrible. So I thought when I turned 30 I would tell my family. Well that year came and went. So this year I made it my New Year's Resolution. I was able to tell my husband everything! That was so hard for me to retell in full detail and I decided that I wasn't going to do that again!

It took me 2 months to regain some strength to tell my father. He wanted to know what happened and I told him the details were not going to be told but that it was done and in the past. I simply had to get this off of my chest. I knew my cousin wouldn't believe me because her husband is a jerk and a pervert and everyone has told her and she believes EVERYTHING he says. So I decided that if she wanted/needed to stay with him I didn't care. Well my father confronted him-he didn't deny (much to my surprise) and my father told him not to come around our family, friends or the church. He asked her for a divorce and she was in shock (she still didn't know what was going on) and he proceeded to tell her what he did (not sure if he told the whole truth to her) and she left him. Well, here it is 4 days later and she's back with him which honestly doesn't bother me, but this is what is tearing me up----She believes that he's not a bad person! A couple from the church is telling her that it's okay for her to stay with him!! What on earth could they be telling her that could rationalize his wrong doings??? I was taught that you should forgive people but I WILL NOT FORGIVE THIS PERSON EVER!! I know God is my judge and his.

So I'm sitting here at my desk wondering who would think that a child molester is a good person!! Changed or not!!!

*I know the church has made a report, but I'm not sure if he's still working there or not* I will be having a meeting with the priest-I made a phone call to the church to let them know what he did, but did not give them my information since I had not told my family yet. *

This has caused so much stress in my life-I've got my first appointment with a Marriage and Family Counselor. I hope he can help!

 

[ElizaB39]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace be with you.

 

[becjlek]

I have never been in your shoes so I can't imagine how this whole thing has made you feel. I am sorry you have had to deal with this and I admire you for telling. You did the right thing. How others react is their problem.

 

[mickeyboat]

First - I think a counselor will really be able to help you work through your feelings. It sounds like your family is being very supportive.

You have no control over how someone else behaves. Don't take it personally. The only person you need to worry about healing is yourself, and you are taking steps in the right direction.

Here's a from me.

Denae

 

[Goofyluver]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I would be proud if I were you, that you had the ability to tell about your experience. Some never do. It is your responsibility to heal yourself. You won't be able to help this person or his wife. I'm sure it was a shock to her system as well. You take care of yourself. He will have to answer for his actions, whether to his wife or to others.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Lots of for you.

I hope the counseling can help. It took me 20 years to realize that my father had molested me. I always thought he was just doing what he thought was right as a father, even though I was uncomfortable at the time and even told him to stop. I finally did tell a counselor, who helped me work through it; I told my mother, and her only reaction was "You never told me that" (my parents were divorced when I was 2; I had to spend a month every year with my father). My father and I stopped speaking when I was 14. In July of 2005, I found out, via the internet, that he was dead. I have no regrets about never speaking to him again, but a few weeks ago, I came across a picture of him and I can honestly say I feel no anger or hurt anymore. I feel nothing when it comes to him. I do feel that the counselor helped.

Good luck to you...and another

 

[Hedy]

 

[KadysMom]

I think you need some counceling to understand how to handle everything that went on and also to help with what will come later as far as emotions. I DO NOT believe molesters can change or that they are good people. I can get flamed for this, thats fine.... Bring it on! I know someone who was molested by her father. He was put in jail, and when he got out, he molested his younger daughter... WTH!!! So let them rot in jail forever!!!!

 

[holycow]

Hugs to you I can only imagine how painful this is for you but you found the courage to do what you felt you had to. It took you a long time but you did it! That is one of the most courageous things.

don't worry about him and your cousin. They must live their lives as they see fit. You know what I found so amazing. Is that your Dad believed you and went and took matters into his own hands. Wow!

Goodluck to you and your family. May you find the peace you seek.


HC

 

[Trish Bessette]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. What is important is that you have told both your DH and your family. Now it is time for you to truly heal. Don't waste your energy thinking about that loser. I am very proud for what you have done. Take time for yourself.

 

[AprilShowers]

 

[Nickimouse]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Counseling is definitely the right thing to do. You have many emotions to sort out! They might even recommend a support group.
Best of luck to you. I hope you are able to find peace.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope the counselor can help you out.

 

[KristiKelly]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you were finally able to get it out in the open and that you have a loving and supportive family.

Good luck!

 

[rabx5]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I pray you will find peace eventually and can get back to your life. I think getting counseling is great.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

You should be so proud of yourself for telling. I am sure that it was the most difficult thing you have ever had to do. Reliving all of that could not have been easy. You did a very brave thing, you took a stand and because of your bravery, you may have saved another young girl from ever having to feel the shame of going thru that. You are to be comended for that. I applaud you!!!!

Now you need to take care of you!! A counselor will help you work through all of that. Good Luck and God Bless You!! What a good and faithful servant you are to have taken a stand!!!!! God, I am certain, is proud of you!!!!!

 

[Disneymom2AA]

Just wanted to say thank you for the hugs and encouragement. It's nice to know that you all agree I did the right thing. It helps having you for support also!!

 

[Amberle3]

but this is what is tearing me up----She believes that he's not a bad person! A couple from the church is telling her that it's okay for her to stay with him!! What on earth could they be telling her that could rationalize his wrong doings??? I was taught that you should forgive people but I WILL NOT FORGIVE THIS PERSON EVER!! I know God is my judge and his.

You'll get no disagreement on this from me. There are some things that, in my opinion, should not be forgiven.

As for why some people can rationalize these things, it's a combination of things. Sometimes they just won't really accept things unless they see them firsthand. Sometimes they're just not capable of accepting them. For his wife acknowledging it means saying that she's been living with a molester all these years and either didn't know about it or didn't do anything about it. For people who know him it means admitting that they've been fooled by him for years. And aside from that some people just can't bring themselves to admit that something like that happens amongst people they know. That's something that happens with OTHER people... you know those people way over there that have nothing to do with them... not anyone they know... that would just shatter their perfect world...

 

[Laura]

You should be so proud of yourself for telling. I am sure that it was the most difficult thing you have ever had to do. Reliving all of that could not have been easy. You did a very brave thing, you took a stand and because of your bravery, you may have saved another young girl from ever having to feel the shame of going thru that. You are to be comended for that. I applaud you!!!!

Exactly! You are awesome and strong.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I am in awe of you. I have never been able to tell my family what a male babysitter did to me when I was 7-8 yrs old. I have told my husband and some friends that had similar things happen to them but I just can't tell my parents or brother.

I wish I had 1/2 your courage. I know you can only truely overcome this once you are truthful about it. I am just not there yet...I want to thank you for your willingness to share. Maybe someday, I will be able to talk about it with my family.

Maybe these people who deny it are just trying to hide from it. BUT Once you know, you can't pretend you don't know. Sometimes it takes a while to let go of the image of the person they thought they knew and then, they will see that they can't deny it anymore. It might take time but at least it's out there now...Sunlight has a way of getting things out there.