I'm so sad right now

[Lorix2]

I have made a new friend from my son's kindergarten class. Our boys got along and we became friends. We've been establishing a great relationship, she's told me she has a terminal illness.

Of course this makes me sad. She's doing well right now.

My real sadness at the moment comes from my son. My son is almost 6.5 and her son has just turned 6. My son has been bossy and mean to him, repeatedly. Last week, her son told us my son pushed him off of something and he got a bruise.

She told me today that she cannot have this happening and I agree whole heartedly and understand why. They've spent too much time together I think lately too because she and I like to get together and of course the kids come too.

She told me that she told her son that my son is "not a good friend" and to "stick up for himself", etc. She had every right to tell him that. Of course I discipline him when I see it and have spoken to him many times about it. They are not allowed any play dates for awhile.

She has so much on her mind and she doesn't know how much time she has left with her kids and feels the need to protect them from kids like mine and prepare them to deal with kids like mine.

How scared and mad she must be and I am so sorry and ashamed and embarrassed by my son's behavior. I can stop crying right now because I'm so sad about the whole situation.

I've told my son how sad and dissappointed we all are and now I've stopped him from playing with anyone of his friends (only 3) until he can learn to appreciate them all and be kind and caring toward them.

What more can I do? I'm so ashamed of my son

Thanks for listening .

 

[goofy4tink]

I really don't have any advice. But I do feel badly for you and your new friend. How hard it must be. Sounds like you are doing the best you can with your son. Sometimes they just don't get it. They can be so self-centered at that age. I would keep explaining why he can't treat others this way and that he won't have any friends. you have to be a friend first in order to have a friend. Good luck. I hope things go better for you.

 

[Tuffcookie]

So sorry to hear about your friend. Is your DS an only child? Sometimes onlies are used to being the center of attention and being around adults so much, that they don't know how to act with peers. How is he at school?

TC

 

[Lorix2]

thank you goofy4tink.

tuffcookie - his sister is 12. He is definitely capable of being very sweet and compassionate when he wants to be. He's fine at school, but the teacher commented to my friend that "they fight like crazy lately" in the class room which is news to me and she has not told me herself and I'm sure my son is the aggressor.

 

[Dan Murphy]

So sorry to hear of your new found friend's illness, so serious it is. She will surely be remembered in my prayers, my best wishes for both her and her family. Sad.

And my best for you as you wrestle with the teaching and discipline of a 6 year old, they can be tough.

 

[grinningghost]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Your friend deserves alot of credit for dealing with her kids and her illness all at the same time. I can't even imagine it. And you deserve credit for recognizing that there's a problem, despite everything else. Hang in there. 6 year old boys have a tendency to fight, my nephews were all pretty nasty at that age, though they did have their sweet moments too. You'll make it through.

 

[Celluloidgal]

Some close friends of mine and I have some kids around the same age. We all get along pretty well, but one of mine, and one of my friends just don't get along. We talked to our child about it, basically saying, just because the adults are friends, doesn't mean that they have to be friends. You do have to be respectful! (They kinda act like sibs, because they are around each other so much!) We just make sure we have something to do (read, gameboy, etc.) besides be in the same room with each other. Now, they occassionally play nice together. They know if it gets rough, they have a safe place to retreat to.

 

[Carolyn UK]

Hi Lorix
What a very sad and tragic situation. As grinningghost says, full credit to you for acknowledging there is a problem - to me that signals half way there to finding a solution.
Unless it is just a clash of personalities, maybe something has happened between the two boys.
You are doing right by addressing the problem with your son- apart from talking it through with him I don't see any other path to take.
Good luck and prayers for you all

Caz

 

[kasar]

Boy, that's tough. Kudos to you for realizing that your son is having these problems, most parents either don't want to hear it or find it hard to believe that their children are often the instigators. That's a tough one to deal with but you seem to have a great handle on things and in the long run, your son will be the better for it. This phase should pass.

Now as to your friend, you should try to get together with her without the kids every once in a while. Just because the kids can't get along, you should still be able to spend time together. I used to belong to a playgroup that was great for the parents but horrible for the kids. I loved spending time with the other moms but we realized that our kids were VERY different and the only reason they played together was because WE wanted to spend time together. They would never have sought each other out - they were just too different from each other. We finally figured that out but still tried to get together with the other moms for late night coffee or movies or something. It made it much better. Don't feel too bad about your son. They just don't click.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

 

[KristiKelly]

I have a 6 y/o son who tries very hard to be everybody's friend, that's just his nature. Last year, in kindergarten, he was punished for pushing a little boy, he took the punishment, but was not until he got home did he speak up & say that the other little boy had been bullying him & other boys for a while. My son finally got tired of it & stood up for himself & he was the one to get caught (he's blessed with his mother's luck ). I told the teacher & she then started noticing alot more that the other little boy had been doing on the playground.

Anyway, here's where I go out on a limb with this, could it be that maybe the *other* little boy is acting out & instigating this in some way? Maybe, because his mother is sick that she has been letting him get away with more. Maybe he is doing things for attention and he's getting it this way. Maybe he's doing something & your son is simply standing up for himself and (like my son) he's getting caught. I'm not trying to pass it off onto someone else, but sometimes situations can cause children to act out & maybe it's not entirely *all* your son's fault. Talk to your son & see if the other little boy is doing anything to hurt his feelings.

Then again, it could be that your son just doesn't like this little boy, there are little boys that my son doesn't like to play with, he will be nice to them, but just not play with them too often. There's a little boy around the corner from us, DS was so excited when they moved in, but now never asks to go to his house, I asked why & he said "he's boring, he doesn't want to do anything except watch TV." DS would rather stay home & fight with his sister - lucky me!

 

[Pop Daddy]

thats so sad, all kids are so mean sometimes

 

[Micca]

I'm so sorry Pop Daddy speaks the truth. Sometimes kids are mean, but they just can't comprehend what's happening