I'm so frustrated!

[LuluLovesDisney]

I've been looking at the beautiful pictures of everyone's FTW's on the DIS and I showed my mother a few pictures that I thought were really pretty. She's like "what! are you thinking of getting married!?" and (even though my boyfriend and I are looking at rings) I was like "no". She says "Good, because you can't get married there. Catholic priests aren't allowed there."

I replied "So?" because I have realized my beliefs and spirituality are not in accordance with the Catholic Church's and only go to church on Christmas and Easter to appease my mother.

(OT, but I AM a very spiritual person and my beliefs are very important to me, they just don't happen to be the same as my parents' beliefs. I am not like certain other family members who will do the Catholic wedding thing to please "the family" I find it dishonest and I wouldn't want to base my marriage and my future family on a lie. I'm not just against a Catholic wedding because I am "rebellious". It's just against *my* beliefs, which my mother is not interested in and won't discuss with me.)

Anyway, after my "So?" she launched into a huge tirade- that I can pay for it myself, that "no one is going to come", that it's unfair that she's spent all those thousands of dollars in gifts at other relatives weddings and that they won't reciprocate to me.

I said "Getting money isn't the most important thing to me."

She replied "That's easy to say when you're not the one who spent it!" She tiraded some more- ending with "all I have to say is marriage is NOT a fairy tale- it should be about something much more important."

I just said "Well, don't worry, because I'm not getting married anytime soon. You're getting all worked up over something that hasn't happened. I was just looking at other people's pictures."

I am just so frustrated. She makes me feel like I have to be a puppet, and just do the Catholic wedding like she wants, and not what I really want to do. I gave up quite a few dreams in my life, some because of her- don't want to get into all of them, but going far away to college was one of them- I stayed in state- and this is one dream I really don't want to give up on. I actually found a future husband who loves the idea of a Disney wedding as much as I do! I don't know what to tell her, or what to do and I don't know why she doesn't understand that God doesn't live in a church but in people's smiles and in people's hearts- I don't need to be in a church to have a spiritual wedding that expresses the love me and my future fiance have for each other.

I really needed to get this out- I live in my hometown and all my friends live in other states so there's no one around here for me to talk to yet and I was hoping someone here might understand. If you've read this far, I really want to thank you- I know it's been long and boring/depressing- I appreciate any words of wisdom you have to offer.

Thanks!

 

[hmgolden]

I know exactly what you are going through. My mother didn't talk to me until 2 weeks before my wedding because I wasn't getting married in the catholic church. My grandparents called our wedding 'a production' and refused to come. DH's 4 great aunts disowned him and still refuse to talk to him over it. Whenever you need someone to listen to you talk about this, just send me a PM. I know exactly what you are going through.

FWIW, the day of the wedding, my mother totally came around, and took credit for all of it! Too funny!

 

[Luvndisney]

While I know my situation is not the same as yours, I have to say just hang in there. I'm sure you will find many people on this site whose families have objections to their not so traditional venue choice. I know when we first told our families of our decision they were hesitant and uncertain. I think that most people think of a Disney wedding as "funny" or no pun intended "goofy". I even have met people who think it is not a serious wedding ceremony. Your mom and family may need to take a little time to see that this is important to you. It took our families time to get excited and realize that the place was important to us and that we wanted to share it with them. In terms of the Catholic ceremony, that will also take time. I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school, but decided that my cermony doesn't have to take place in a church to count or that god isn't apart of it. Perhaps if you explain this to your family they may take it more seriously. Good Luck and like hmgolden said, if you need to vent this is the place to do it. You'll never find a group of more supportive people who share your same dream of having a DFTW.

 

[Jillybean626]

I've heard how hard it is to sort-of go "outside" the Catholic lines, so to say. My family grew up southern Baptist, so I can relate. As for not knowing what to say to your mother, when you know things are going to get serious and this talk is about to come up again, tell her what you told us, tell her this:

"God doesn't live in a church but in people's smiles and in people's hearts- I don't need to be in a church to have a spiritual wedding that expresses the love me and my future fiance have for each other"
- quote

As your mother, I'm sure she'll realize that God would want her to be happy for you in this moment and realize that ties of love should never be severed in His name.

 

[webray]

Like you I grew up the good Catholic girl. Got married in the Catholic church because that is what my parents wanted. Well, I am now divorced.

My daughter is about to get married and has dreamed of a disney wedding since they built the wedding pavillion. Yes, she has her beliefs and we are thrilled that she wants a disney wedding and we will support her 100%. I can tell you, the first thing my mother said was..well, nobody is going to travel all the way to Florida for a wedding. I said, then they don't have to.

Just like you, she said all the money/gifts aren't important to her and her fiance. She just wants them to have a special day that the two of them can remember and celebrate for the rest of their lives.

I can understand how you feel and how hurt you must be with the things your mother has said to you. My mother was, well still is the same way for my entire life. I hope you learn as I did, don't be this way with your own daughter if you are blessed with one.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Bird-Mom]

I completely understand. And to solve the problem, we eloped! Not to DW, but to somewhere beautiful. I know it hurt my mom's feelings, but I couldn't arrange my marriage to please her and make myself miserable. We really wanted a Disney wedding, but we were too broke. So we are planning a 10 year vow renewal in 2009, and it will be just us and our girls (and maybe another baby if I can convince dh, but that is another story).

Do what your heart says because it is your special day.

 

[Sadie Elaine]

I was raised Catholic too, but my mom isn't having any trouble accepting my choice to have a non-Catholic wedding. My fiancee's mom might; she works for the church and, like, all of her friends are priests or really involved with the church. We haven't told her yet that we're going to have my fiancee's sister (her daughter) perform our ceremony though. I'd rather see the look on her face when we just spring it upon her. I think that since Disney doesn't arrange your officiant, you can have a priest do it for you though now. But I'm not sure. I'm sure you can find a priest who would do it for you if it's that important.

 

[DisneyGirl6905]

Lulu,

I can understand what you are going through. I heard the same things when I said that I wanted a Disney Wedding. Most people don't understand Disney and have no clue about the weddings performed there. Most of my family members were thrilled about my idea. There were a few that said they wouldn't come because it isn't going to be in a church. While it is true that you cannot have a Catholic Priest perform your marriage ceremony there are many officiants who are more than happy to incorporate Catholice elements in your ceremony. They can make it as religious or non-religious as you want.
As far as people not attending because it is in Florida, I truly believe that if you give people enough notice they will be more than happy to find a reason to take a vacation. If some people decide not to attend...oh well...their loss. This is one way to insure that you are celebrating a very special time in your life with people who are most important to you.
If this is important to you and your future husband....your dream...then you should seriously consider doing it. My best advice is to have your mom go with you for a site visit. This way she will see things first hand. Also give her some time to get used to the idea. You could always offer a compromise if you wanted. Alot of brides have been married in Disney and then had their marriages blessed by their priest when they returned. We are probably going to do this. I hope this works out for you. And to quote "Wishes" -- You must always believe in your dreams, for they are the magic in the world.

 

[ahutton]

DH's family were the ones who said all the difficult things - nobody would come, not a real wedding, why would you do something so stupid...

We are also Catholic. We worked closely with our Priest and came home from the honeymoon to a lovely and private spiritual blessing of our vows. We benefited from every moment of marriage preparation, many of our friends who did not have it are having very difficult times. Our civil marriage was a great celebration of our families coming together, although DHs was not well represented (only FIL, SMIL and MIL came). Our church ceremony was also special, for our spiritual union. I know I would not do it differently for myself. And I know if my DDs grow up and want to do this, we'll be all over doing it the same way for them.

I mentioned on another thread MY family was arguing about who "got to sit" on his side of the WP for the ceremony. DH knows our family is strong, including our extended family that I claim as my own!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Thank you so much!

It felt so wonderful to log on this morning and see other women who have been through my situation. I am not going to mention anything else to her until I'm formally engaged- she is already aware the idea is in my head and I don't want to get her upset more, but she is going to have to accept that this is something that "fits" me and my future fiance a lot more than a Catholic church.

And as far as family not coming- I think she's exaggerating- all of my brothers go on vacation every year- they're not destitute! And I have 2 sets of cousins who do Disney ever year- though I am not particularly close to them, one even mentioned when I came back from my WDW college Program that I should have a Disney wedding (bc she wants to see one, lol)

I will definitely keep in touch- I'm glad I found these boards!

 

[lauran cameron]

I know exactly what you are going through. My mother didn't talk to me until 2 weeks before my wedding because I wasn't getting married in the catholic church. My grandparents called our wedding 'a production' and refused to come. DH's 4 great aunts disowned him and still refuse to talk to him over it. Whenever you need someone to listen to you talk about this, just send me a PM. I know exactly what you are going through.

FWIW, the day of the wedding, my mother totally came around, and took credit for all of it! Too funny!

That is so funny you just said that because I was seriously just looking at your avatar and sig and was like "their wedding there looks so perfect, I'm sure eveyone was supporting them 100% and had no issues of who what when where and why...so pretty" because right now I am having a personal dilema as well and it was just funny to read that you had such a dilema yourself...wow I hope that made sense lol...but yes...don't judge a book by its cover...maybe everything will be 'picture perfect' after all

 

[hmgolden]

That is so funny you just said that because I was seriously just looking at your avatar and sig and was like "their wedding there looks so perfect, I'm sure eveyone was supporting them 100% and had no issues of who what when where and why...so pretty" because right now I am having a personal dilema as well and it was just funny to read that you had such a dilema yourself...wow I hope that made sense lol...but yes...don't judge a book by its cover...maybe everything will be 'picture perfect' after all

To be fair, for every family member that gave us a hard time, there were many other family members that supported us fully It was unfortunate that many of the people who didn't support us were people who should have been so important to the process. But the wedding day did win the dessenters over - those that came. Those that didn't missed out on great time. Our wedding even won over one of the most anti-disney people I know. DH's aunt (who supported our choice to get married anywhere anyway we wanted) was in no way a Disney fan before our wedding. In the middle of Illuminations, she walked up to me and DH, and told us she and her husband had offically been infected with the bug. She and her DH are thinking of renewing their vows in Disney for their 10th anniversary. Now that's Disney wedding magic at its finest

 

[ely3857]

I have had a similar problem recently aswell. I was explaining to my mother that my DF and I will be gettng married abroad on holiday with just the two of us.

My DF and I wish to be married but really do see the ceremony as a formailty and I have no intention of paying a fortune so other people can get drunk!

I am very aware everybodies opinion on this will be varied but this is what we want.

I had fully expected my mother to go along with what ever I wished for my wedding and be happy I was independant enough to not be pushed into other peoples idea of the perfect wedding. I was wrong, she was disgusted and I am very annoyed with her but I will not give in.



Jodie

 

[VSL]

I just want to offer my sympathy (to LuLu, and all the girls going through similar situations).

The point is, it's your wedding, no one elses. You should do whatever makes you and your FH happy - afterall, you're marrying him, not your mother!

Luckily, my mother is all for me having a Disney wedding (with Cindy's Coach), but I have a feeling that I may get some raised eyebrows off various other family members (BF's included). And to them I say: 'Tough luck - this is my wedding, not yours' (Well, not out loud, but my actions will say it!).

 

[PrincessMo]

Hi there.

I am not nearly in the same situation but I know how frustrating it is to have people in your family not support the decision to get married in WDW. My fiance did not like Disney too much at all until he met me. Now, we go to WDW at least once a year and he loves it. He was just as thrilled as me to have a Disney Fairy Tale Wedding. My parents, thrilled beyond words. They love this. But, there are a few family members who have not been quite so thrilled.

I have 3 brothers, no sisters. Not too many close girlfriends that I would want in the wedding party so it's my 3 brothers & the best man. Well, my one brother who is married to the most evil woman on the planet, gave me a hard time about the wedding in general, why was i having all guys & why wasn't i having his wife in the bridal party, she would love it. Now, she was sooo rude about her own wedding & caused such problems for our family that no one likes her now & she makes huge scenes in front of everyone at get togethers (looking forward to labor day...NOT). Anyhoo, he made me feel so bad that I was missing out of the real experience, that i was weird not having girls, etc.

We are having a small wedding, if my brothers wife & son come, it will make 17 total. That is all we can afford (even though i pray she doesnt come, i hope that is not horrible but she will nit pick everything). Anyways, my fiance and i made up these beautiful baskets with disney plushes, disney cds, travel items, beautiful cards using photoshop, letter, menus, etc. There were truly beautiful. We gave one to each couple & 1 to each individual who isn't a couple. That was in May. Have not heard one word from them about it. They have not asked one single question about the wedding. We were at my cousin's wedding 2 weeks ago, and of course those 2 were at our table, she then proceeded to tell me how she is helping her neighbor with her wedding & her neighbor asked for her help because she is so knowledgable. I wanted to scream. The only question they have asked is to my father, asking him how much he is going to contribute to them all going. Can you believe it?

So, on Labor Day, Monday, we invited all the guests of the wedding to get together for a BBQ. All except a family friend who is a CM @ the POFQ, she obviously won't be there. So, this ought to be exciting, considering it is all wedding people, there is no way to get around wedding talk.

I also have my grandmother who is furious at me. She thinks the whole thing is against her. Truth of the matter is, i would have maybe thought about her more if she wasn't so rude to my family all the time. She is ungrateful & disrespectful. My parents have done everything for my grandmom & grandpa & she still has something nasty to say about my fathers looks, why don't we come over HER house, when she goes, we will all be sorry, if i lose weight my fiance would propose (before he did obviously). I got real sick for awhile and she made me feel awful that it made me put on weight due to medication. She tells everyone about my wedding and all about how she won't be there and she doesn't understand, drives me crazy & it is in a rude way.

Anyways, think i babbled on. Just letting you know that even though my situation is not the same at all, I feel your pain on the non-supportiveness.

Have A Disney Day Everyone!!!

 

[Mousewedding2006]

My suggestion is this: if you wish to be married by a Catholic priest, you can do it before going to Disney, or afterward. you can get a blessing, but its not official until you get a marriage liscense. this is what i am doing: getting married in Disney, and then getting the marriage blessed by our local priest. its pretty close to what your mother seems to want, you'll be married in the church, and you can still have a ceremony at Disney

 

[VSL]

Hmm.. I don't know. The OP said that she doesn't have Catholic beliefs as such (although still believes in God) and maybe she wouldn't be comfortable having a Catholic wedding/blessing if that's not what she believes.

It's a good suggestion though - maybe it would help keep the peace a bit at least!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Thanks! It is a good suggestion- I need to get more information on exactly what a blessing would consist of. I wouldn't mind a blessing, (I'll take all I can get, no matter what the religion!) but I just wouldn't be able to say things like "I believe in the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, baptism, forgiveness of sins, etc." that is said during a Mass. As long as I didn't have to say something that wasn't true, I wouldn't have an objection., especially if it would help ease the situation so I could have both a Disney Wedding and my mother there!
If I end up doing this, I will have like a wedding *month*! Blessing in church, real wedding in Disney, open house afterwards, I'm fainting at the thought!
Thanks so much for all the advice. I felt a lot less like a heathen in the process of being banished from the local village (which was how my family was making me feel) due to your kind words and ideas.

 

[hmgolden]

Lulu - you should talk to your parish priest about it, but when we looked into it, getting our marriage blessed post-Disney wedding, meant it would be a whole mass. Something DH and I weren't willing to agree too. I'm not sure if it would vary parish to parish or priest to priest.

 

[Feralpeg]

I'm no Catholic and admit I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I had friends who got married. He was Catholic. She was Baptist. They got married in a Baptist church, but a Catholic priest was also at the ceremony and blessed the union. Maybe something along those lines would help your mom cope with the idea. Best of luck!