des1954
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2007
- Messages
- 7,329
Yesterday we went to Bradenton to see my FIL for the last time. Back in May he fell & cracked his hip. They did surgery & placed him in a nursing home for rehab. Things were progressing quite well until two weeks ago when he awoke in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. He was taken to ER, did a CAT scan & MRI & discovered a large tumor in the area of the break. It wasn't there in May. Did a biopsy & yes, it was cancer. A very, very aggressive form of cancer. The oncologist wanted to start radiation immediately & the Primary Care doctor said "NO"!! (A big thank you to him for that - and I really mean it.)
Bill was transported to a beautiful Hospice home on September 16th, was fairly lucid despite the pain meds until Tuesday, 9/22, when he started talking about people coming to see him that were never there - myself included. He told my MIL a very detailed story about a wonderful visit he & I had on 9/20. I was working that day & about 90 miles away. My MIL at first was really angry because she thought we drove all the way there & never told her. Then she remembered we couldn't go last weekend because (1) we were at Ft. Wilderness & (2) I had to work Sunday evening after we got back from our trip. We were originally going to go see Bill this coming Sunday (9/27), but I kept having these nagging thoughts that we needed to go sooner. I'm glad we did.
We went yesterday afternoon, but unfortunately, Bill had no idea we were even there. He's being given morphine sub-lingually every 4 hours to keep the pain at bay. That pretty much keeps him knocked out. At his request they are not administering any IV fluids, and of course - no nourishment as he cannot eat. When we arrived a nurse was emptying his cath bag and the urine I saw told me his kidneys were basically shutting down - the urine was dark brown. The Hospice nurse told my MIL that he was down to his last hours.
The really sad part is that Bill has 3 children from his first marriage that shut him out of their lives when Bill & his first wife were divorced some 30 years ago. The oldest son periodically kept in touch, but the other two had nothing to do with their father. Bill & my MIL didn't know each other at the time Bill got divorced, so she had nothing to do with it. For the past 23 years (from the time Bill & my MIL met until now), we watched Bill sit by the phone on Father's Day, his birthday, & Christmas, just waiting to hear from one of his kids. He was always disappointed. Now, the oldest son (who could never manage to drive the 90 miles as we do) is all grief stricken and was calling every day to speak to his dad. The calls upset Bill so much they took the phone out of the room. Said son & wife are planning to drive down this Sunday to say goodbye. Bill will probably be dead before they leave the house, and my MIL has no intentions of calling to tell them otherwise. Since the phone was removed from Bill's room, the son called my MIL once to "discuss" with her why she's not allowing anyone to call Bill. Like this lady has nothing else to do than to explain to a guilt-ridden 50 something man why his sudden interest in his father is upsetting. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they get there & find Bill has died and the funeral home already retrieved the body.
I find it discusting that Bill's actual blood family that had nothing to do with him after his divorce (his children and other family members) are suddenly wanting to flock to his side in a death watch. There will be no monetary gain, so I guess it's only to ease their guilty hearts. I have to give my MIL credit for being "gutsy" enough to advise the Hospice home who was allowed to see Bill & who wasn't. His family members (other than Bill's oldest brother) are all extremely mad at my MIL - but she could care less. They had nothing to do with Bill for all these years & as far as she's concerned they can crap in their hats & pull it over their ears. She owes them nothing. She simply wishes her husband to die in peace with her holding his hand & not to listen to the whining and carrying on of hypocrites.
Up until the last two years when Bill's health started to decline, he was a fun-loving, good man to be with. It was sad to watch him start to waste away. It was very hard to see the man in the hospice bed yesterday. What was once a very robust, full of life man, was a skin and bones shadow of his former self. I almost wished we hadn't gone - but hope that somehow he understood we were there & knew that we love him & will miss him.
Sorry for the long post, but I had to get this out of my system & knew my "Fort Fiend Friends" would understand.
Bill was transported to a beautiful Hospice home on September 16th, was fairly lucid despite the pain meds until Tuesday, 9/22, when he started talking about people coming to see him that were never there - myself included. He told my MIL a very detailed story about a wonderful visit he & I had on 9/20. I was working that day & about 90 miles away. My MIL at first was really angry because she thought we drove all the way there & never told her. Then she remembered we couldn't go last weekend because (1) we were at Ft. Wilderness & (2) I had to work Sunday evening after we got back from our trip. We were originally going to go see Bill this coming Sunday (9/27), but I kept having these nagging thoughts that we needed to go sooner. I'm glad we did.
We went yesterday afternoon, but unfortunately, Bill had no idea we were even there. He's being given morphine sub-lingually every 4 hours to keep the pain at bay. That pretty much keeps him knocked out. At his request they are not administering any IV fluids, and of course - no nourishment as he cannot eat. When we arrived a nurse was emptying his cath bag and the urine I saw told me his kidneys were basically shutting down - the urine was dark brown. The Hospice nurse told my MIL that he was down to his last hours.
The really sad part is that Bill has 3 children from his first marriage that shut him out of their lives when Bill & his first wife were divorced some 30 years ago. The oldest son periodically kept in touch, but the other two had nothing to do with their father. Bill & my MIL didn't know each other at the time Bill got divorced, so she had nothing to do with it. For the past 23 years (from the time Bill & my MIL met until now), we watched Bill sit by the phone on Father's Day, his birthday, & Christmas, just waiting to hear from one of his kids. He was always disappointed. Now, the oldest son (who could never manage to drive the 90 miles as we do) is all grief stricken and was calling every day to speak to his dad. The calls upset Bill so much they took the phone out of the room. Said son & wife are planning to drive down this Sunday to say goodbye. Bill will probably be dead before they leave the house, and my MIL has no intentions of calling to tell them otherwise. Since the phone was removed from Bill's room, the son called my MIL once to "discuss" with her why she's not allowing anyone to call Bill. Like this lady has nothing else to do than to explain to a guilt-ridden 50 something man why his sudden interest in his father is upsetting. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they get there & find Bill has died and the funeral home already retrieved the body.
I find it discusting that Bill's actual blood family that had nothing to do with him after his divorce (his children and other family members) are suddenly wanting to flock to his side in a death watch. There will be no monetary gain, so I guess it's only to ease their guilty hearts. I have to give my MIL credit for being "gutsy" enough to advise the Hospice home who was allowed to see Bill & who wasn't. His family members (other than Bill's oldest brother) are all extremely mad at my MIL - but she could care less. They had nothing to do with Bill for all these years & as far as she's concerned they can crap in their hats & pull it over their ears. She owes them nothing. She simply wishes her husband to die in peace with her holding his hand & not to listen to the whining and carrying on of hypocrites.
Up until the last two years when Bill's health started to decline, he was a fun-loving, good man to be with. It was sad to watch him start to waste away. It was very hard to see the man in the hospice bed yesterday. What was once a very robust, full of life man, was a skin and bones shadow of his former self. I almost wished we hadn't gone - but hope that somehow he understood we were there & knew that we love him & will miss him.
Sorry for the long post, but I had to get this out of my system & knew my "Fort Fiend Friends" would understand.
Sorry to hear this Deb. I know exactly how you feel. We went through something similar in DH family.
