I'm just amazed that parents don't care what their kids listen to...

[NHdisneylover]

I just want to be clear to the many PPs who do censor what their children listen to: While it is not what i would do, I completly respect your right to do so and, honestly, any parent who is really paying attentnion to their kids and making informed thoughtful decisions about them (in any direction) is head and shoulders above far too many and gets kudos in my book. My issue with the OP is that she tried to censor what another parent allowed--and did so in a rude manner DURING a party at which her DD was a guest (not calling before hand and letting the mom know she wasparticularly catious about XYZ and would the mom mind doing her the favour of not doing XYZ). Also, the (apprently sarcastic) comment about throwing away a gift during a party bugged me.

Nope not if they don't ride the bus & their friends moms are like me - then they aren't exposed at someone elses house since they don't have it in the house either.

At school maybe - I know there's at least one teacher that plays a local rock station in her class (dd doesn't have her) & I know they had music for a while in P.E. that kids brought in - but they had to be approved by teacher - so yes one or two L.G. songs could have been approved but that's about it

At least one mom does not feel as you do at least in so far as she did not feel it necessary to preview lyrices before allowing a CD (at a party none the less) nor even to take the initiative read the lyrics after you said they were objectional--she only looked and did something after you forced her hand by going and getting the lyrics sheet yourself and handing it to her. Do you think any of the other friends' moms feel like htey have to say they censor everything to you becuase you are so critical those who do not.
Also, you said the girls were all singing along loudly in one of your first posts. How would your DDs friends be able to do that if none of them have been exposed to Lady Gaga before?
Also, are you truly that close to all of your DDs friends to even hoave that conversation? I certainly meet the parents of any house DD goes to--but i am not close to most of her friends parents at this age. SHe is old enough now to have her own taste in friends and not just hang out with the kids of my friends like she did as a preschooler. maybe you live in a small town where everyone knows everybody or somehting--but half the parents of DDs friends are far too busy with their own lives to want to get to be friends with me even if I were not in a similar boat.

Yes- I ran right home & printed them off - no wait I forgot - I just used her computer instead to print them out and this matters why??

It doesn't really matter if she RSVP'd or not - since it has nothing to do with the b'day child - it was another child that gave the CD as the gift to the b'day child - and that child never did RSVP to the party - the mom called her to ask if she was coming.

Any more ridiculous questions you'd like to ask?

You know you have said things like this before. I think you would find a lot more sympathy for your position if you were not so down right rude to thise who politely bring up other points of view or ask valid questions. This repeated attitude is part of what makes me wonder if you push your feelings on the parents of your DDs friends and then they say whatever they need to to placate you so they will not be called ridiculous, etc. ie--all your DD's friends' parents may not agree with you at all but they let you think they do so they will not be subject to you insulting them to their faces. Hopefully this is not the case, but I do wonder a bit based on your posts here. perhaps you are much more tactful in person.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think this is one of those -- do what works for your family and your kid. My kid knows my family values, because we refer to them all the time. He knows that he can listen to something, respect the artistic value, and not imitate it. So far, he's consistently shown that he can do that, so I let him listen to and interact with a wide variety of media. If he showed me something different, then I'd respond differently.

Having said that, as a parent who recognizes that parenting should be matched to individual children, I wouldn't have my child give a Lady Gaga CD as a gift unless I was confident that it would be well received.

 

[Darsa]

The funniest part was my parents didn't object to the lyrics they had no idea what the lyrics were--they just objected to modern music.

Yep, sounds about right. Don't know what it means, but it's new and different, so let's object to it

I wasn't censored as a child of the 80's, and my 14 year old daughter child has been subjected to these lyrics for several years now, and she seems normal... in fact one of the dance routine's she's doing this year is to a Lady Gaga song... and other is to a Kesha song; I would feel horrible if I had to take her out of her most favorite thing in the world, dance, because some of the lyrics to the songs used might be offensive to some. Honestly, I believe, IMHO, that the majority of kids that listen/sing to these songs don't know what they "mean", only that they're catchy and fun to sing. I also believe that the ones who spread around the fact that the words are offensive are the ones whose parents freak out over the lyrics and forbid them to be played. Again, just my opinion, YMMV.

That being said, I'd also like to point out that neither I nor my daughter watch videos; I'm not interested, and DD is not the kind to sit and watch a song on TV if she can listen to and dance to it.

I have 4 Lady Gaga songs on my iPod; they're awesome for workouts.

 

[Macca1111]

When I was in middle school, I didn't understand why Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" was banned from being played at our dances. I knew all the lyrics, i just never really thought about what they were or meant. For the most part, just because kids knwo the lyrics, doesn't eman they're actually paying attention to them.

Oh, it played at every one of our junior high dances. I remember singing aloud to it while slowdancing with my girlfriends, making fun of the cheesy sincerity (and the fact that we were in 8th grade, who were those slow dances for? Seriously!) I guess we were more liberal here

Not to completely derail the thread...but I think my biggest problem with Lady Gaga is the fact that she just comes off as weird for weird's sake
rather than appearing as though she's making any sort of true artistic statement.

I agree with this. I don't find her objectionable, and think that her pop music is well crafted, sellable, and catchy, but really standard. Her appearance and videos are weird for weird sake, which is my problem with 20th century (classical) music in whole. I'm different, pay attention to me! Bleh. Best encapsulated in the South Park First Christmas Episode by Philip Glass' appearance. Happy happy happy, everybody's happy.

I do the exact same thing with my dd who is 14. I have to listen to the songs and read the lyrics before she can purchase them and put them on her ipod. I dont care if everyone else is listening to it!!!! I also read movie reviews before she goes to the movies with her friends and if there is sex scenes or cursing she is not to see it (I actually check her movie stub when she gets home if I am not the one to take her) Guess I'm a mean mommy

So is violence in movies ok to see? Another point brilliantly made by the South Park guys in the movie "Just remember what the MPAA says 'Horrific, deplorable violence is ok, as long as people don't say any naughty words!'"

 

[NHdisneylover]

So is violence in movies ok to see? Another point brilliantly made by the South Park guys in the movie "Just remember what the MPAA says 'Horrific, deplorable violence is ok, as long as people don't say any naughty words!'"

I had that same thought I would MUCH rather my kids hear cursing or see some nudity or refernces to sex than see violence and cruelty. However, the mainstream view in the US (and certainly that which the ratings system adheres to) seems to be the opposite.

 

[mjkacmom]

I do the exact same thing with my dd who is 14. I have to listen to the songs and read the lyrics before she can purchase them and put them on her ipod. I dont care if everyone else is listening to it!!!! I also read movie reviews before she goes to the movies with her friends and if there is sex scenes or cursing she is not to see it (I actually check her movie stub when she gets home if I am not the one to take her) Guess I'm a mean mommy

Just a FYI, my dd13 has seen many R rated movies, including The Hangover, at her friends' homes. She tells me, because at her age, I'm not censoring, but I doubt your dd would leave the house because she felt the movie was inappropriate.

 

[allison443]

Just a FYI, my dd13 has seen many R rated movies, including The Hangover, at her friends' homes. She tells me, because at her age, I'm not censoring, but I doubt your dd would leave the house because she felt the movie was inappropriate.

Are you fine with your 13 year old seeing The Hangover? I have two older dds who saw it but I haven't let my 13 year old see it. Nor do I allow her and her 13 year old friends to watch R rated movies here.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm amazed that anyone cares what another parent lets their children listen to.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I guess my parents lucked out because I liked (and still do) Barry Manilow.

Well, he does write the songs that make the young girls cry and all.

Yes- I ran right home & printed them off - no wait I forgot - I just used her computer instead to print them out and this matters why??

I am sorry but if you did that in my home I would think you were insane and I would be distancing my child from yours. To each their own but I don't need anyone telling me what to play in my own home. I use good judgement and I have no issues with most music for kids.
Any more ridiculous questions you'd like to ask?

The fact that you don't get why it is a valid question does make me wonder how you approach these other parents. If this is the way then I think they are just yessing you to death because they do not want to be subject to your agressiveness.

You're saying your dd won't be exposed to objectionable things, but wasn't the whole point of your post that your dd was exposed to Lady Gaga when she went to her friend's party and the other girls were singing the lyrics at the top of their lungs? And if all her friends' moms are like you and don't allow this music, how did all these girls know the songs?
What happened after you pointed out the lyrics to the other mom-did she turn off the cd? Did you allow your dd to stay at the party or was this at the end of the party, in which case they'd already listened to the cd.

I actually don't think it's wrong to censor what our kids listen to/what we buy for them, but I think it is better to be aware of what is our there and discuss why it's objectionable. I really think it is impossible to totally shelter them from things, unless they are under house arrest

Exactly! I am guessing (although I could be wrong) that your dd was singing right along with them. Where did she learn about it? So while you are entitled to censor what you want at your own home you do not have that right anywhere else. If you were not happy with what was being played at the party you should have taken your dd and left.

 

[mjkacmom]

Are you fine with your 13 year old seeing The Hangover? I have two older dds who saw it but I haven't let my 13 year old see it. Nor do I allow her and her 13 year old friends to watch R rated movies here.

I am (although she didn't see the end, which I hear is the worst part - ironically, I didn't see it either). I remember my mom bring myself and a friend to the movies to let the ticket seller know that we had her permission to see Hair, an R rated movie with drug use and nudity. We were in the 6th grade. Dd is in the 8th grade, with a laptop in her room. With the internet, she has pretty much access to anything and everything. When I was a teen, the only things I ever snuck behind my parents' back were things that other kids were allowed to do, and I wasn't.

A PP reminds me of how many times we went into a movie theater's lobby, to pick up ticket stubs, and go somewhere else!

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--here is another thought that I am putting out here with nothing but your DD's best interests at heart--I hope you will consider it in the intended manner:

My experience with tweens and teens is that the group at large tends to pity the kid whose parents are more resrictive than the norm. Those kids do not tend to lose friends becuase of it. However, when the parents begin to "tell on" the otehr kids or start causing the other kids to have more restrictave enviornments too--then the group at large tends to resent the one with the strict parents. Then the kid often looses friendships, gets ostracized or simply is not invited anywhere for fear that "mommy will show up and ruin everything."

I was thinking that if you got the lyrics sheet from the CD the girls were listening to then you must have gone into the room they were in to retrieve it and all the girls would know you were the cause of the music being stopped. If this is the case, for your daughter's sake you may want to treat ultra carefully for a while so that she doesn ot get a reputation as someone no one wants to have around becuase of her mom.

 

[jamimb]

Just a FYI, my dd13 has seen many R rated movies, including The Hangover, at her friends' homes. She tells me, because at her age, I'm not censoring, but I doubt your dd would leave the house because she felt the movie was inappropriate.

I am neither stupid nor naive I know she may watch things at her friends houses that I may object to. that is why I am very picky about whose house she is allowed at. I will not take on the attitude that just because she MAY see it somewhere else I might as well allow it! And to answer a PP's question yes, I do not object to violence AS MUCH as nudity or foul language and it really depends on the kind of violence. I guess that question is not really that applicable since she has never asked to see a movie that was violent. The only movie I can think of that we have allowed her to see that was violent was Braveheart.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am neither stupid nor naive I know she may watch things at her friends houses that I may object to. that is why I am very picky about whose house she is allowed at. I will not take on the attitude that just because she MAY see it somewhere else I might as well allow it! And to answer a PP's question yes, I do not object to violence AS MUCH as nudity or foul language and it really depends on the kind of violence. I guess that question is not really that applicable since she has never asked to see a movie that was violent. The only movie I can think of that we have allowed her to see that was violent was Braveheart.

This is not meant to be snarky at all, I am truly curious as I have never really known WHY people have less of an issue with violnce than with other things (like sex, nudity and swaering). Do you mind sharing what your reasoning is?
I am happy to share my reasoning with you as to why I go the other way so that it is an equal exchange of ideas:
To me, swearing is something I fully expect my kids to hear in real life. As they grow up I do expect that they will likely let a bad word out once in a while too. I hope only once in while anyway Throughout their lives they will almost certainly encounter real life people who swear way too much, etc. So, it is something likely to occur and fairly realistc. I am okay with them seeing/hearing it in TV and movies and then we can talk about why it does not represent the person well and how I hope they are never like that, even though they will likely at some point have friends who think it is cool to curse, etc.
Nudity is something I do not think much of at all. We have never been concerend about that in our house and change all in one room for conveince sake when travelling, etc so there is nothing there the kids have not seen before. It is also one of those things i figure is normal for everyone to eventually see in reality as well.
Sex is something else that I do expect my kids to be participating in some day (when they grow up). The odds are high that they will be confronted with having to decide if they are okay with casual sex or not, having to decide when and with whom to have sex, etc. All these thigns are normal parts of life for msot everyone. So again, I am okay with them seeing it and then we can talk about what decisions i hope they will make.
Violnce and cruelty is not as common (thankfully). The odds are that my children will never be faced with deciding if they should kill someone or not. Odds are they will never be victim or perpertrator of a cruel and painful crime. If they ARE I do not see that as normal or typical but as a horrible abnomrality that they have had to suffer. So watching it--and letting that seem more common than normal things like nudity, swaring or sex (which it seems to me it would if I censored those itesm but not violnce) seems to send a very distroted message to me.

Anyway, those are jsut my thoughts and i do truly hope you will explain to me what the thought process is behind the opposite course of action as I am truly curious. I will not slam you for your thoughts at all--I am (again) simply curious as to your motivations. Thanks.

 

[TeresaBelle]

My poor DH was a senior in high school and his step-dad would not allow him to watch "Love Boat". Something about too many unmarried people hooking up. That's what everything in the late 70's & early 80's was all about.

LOL... I had a friend in school who wasn't allowed to watch Three's Company!

LG is coming to our area in Sept. and DD11 is dying to see her. The only reason I may not take her is because I don't want to have to sit through it! I'm a total country girl!

 

[metalis4ever]

Just a vent - no need to be flamed here...

DD went to her gf's b'day party tonight - the b'day girl got Lady Gaga's CD as a present. When I walked in they were blaring it & singing it @ the top of their lungs. At 12!!
The mom of dd's friend didn't have a clue who Lady Gaga was & thus had no idea that the songs were bad - so I took the lyrics & showed her.

I'm just wonder if the mom of the kid who gave the gift is just clueless too or just doesn't care? The child (who I've never met before tonight) is invited to dd's party next week - it'll be interesting to see if we get the same present or not - I'm afraid it may end up in the trash during the party.

I don't think I'm really on top of things (hip or whatever the terminology is nowadays) but L.G is on tv ALL the time - maybe they don't watch tv

I think parents just don't pay attention for my 9th birthday some older kids (11 y.o.) in the neighborhood gave me 3 Heavy Metal Tapes (yes tapes I'm old lol) Ozzy Osbourne - Blizzard of Oz, Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell and Iron Maiden - Piece of Mind...now mind you this was in the middle of that whole Tipper Gore/PMRC witch hunt shenanigans.... My parents were none to happy but they let me keep them anyway..I will say though that they were especially unhappy when I listened to them and fell in love They made me become and altar server at church to try and balance it out But it was worth the suffering and sacrifice of 7:30 am mass to be able to listen to Metal..I have been a full fledged metal head ever since and I am almost 30 now ...... My father still maintains that it's a stage that I will grow out of

But yeah parents either don't pay attention or don't care luckily for me I had parents who cared but at the same time let me be me in the face of their absolute disgust and dislike

 

[jamimb]

This is not meant to be snarky at all, I am truly curious as I have never really known WHY people have less of an issue with violnce than with other things (like sex, nudity and swaering). Do you mind sharing what your reasoning is?
I am happy to share my reasoning with you as to why I go the other way so that it is an equal exchange of ideas:
To me, swearing is something I fully expect my kids to hear in real life. As they grow up I do expect that they will likely let a bad word out once in a while too. I hope only once in while anyway Throughout their lives they will almost certainly encounter real life people who swear way too much, etc. So, it is something likely to occur and fairly realistc. I am okay with them seeing/hearing it in TV and movies and then we can talk about why it does not represent the person well and how I hope they are never like that, even though they will likely at some point have friends who think it is cool to curse, etc.
Nudity is something I do not think much of at all. We have never been concerend about that in our house and change all in one room for conveince sake when travelling, etc so there is nothing there the kids have not seen before. It is also one of those things i figure is normal for everyone to eventually see in reality as well.
Sex is something else that I do expect my kids to be participating in some day (when they grow up). The odds are high that they will be confronted with having to decide if they are okay with casual sex or not, having to decide when and with whom to have sex, etc. All these thigns are normal parts of life for msot everyone. So again, I am okay with them seeing it and then we can talk about what decisions i hope they will make.
Violnce and cruelty is not as common (thankfully). The odds are that my children will never be faced with deciding if they should kill someone or not. Odds are they will never be victim or perpertrator of a cruel and painful crime. If they ARE I do not see that as normal or typical but as a horrible abnomrality that they have had to suffer. So watching it--and letting that seem more common than normal things like nudity, swaring or sex (which it seems to me it would if I censored those itesm but not violnce) seems to send a very distroted message to me.

Anyway, those are jsut my thoughts and i do truly hope you will explain to me what the thought process is behind the opposite course of action as I am truly curious. I will not slam you for your thoughts at all--I am (again) simply curious as to your motivations. Thanks.

It's not that I am okay with violence at all. My DD has never really asked to see a violent movie so it's never been a real issue with me but she has asked to see movies with pre-marital sex and cursing so those are the things I mostly check for. I know that she will encounter these things in real life but it is not my wish that she sees or hears these things alot and becomes desensitized to them. KWIM??? If you would give me an example of a violent film that you would not think appropriate for a child I would love to tell you whether I would let her watch it or not.

 

[diskids2]

This is why I stick with Gift Cards!

Just kidding around....but it does remind me of the stories my aunt would tell me about everyone thinking Elvis and the Beatles were "inappropriate".

 

[luvmy3]

This is not meant to be snarky at all, I am truly curious as I have never really known WHY people have less of an issue with violnce than with other things (like sex, nudity and swaering). Do you mind sharing what your reasoning is?

I let my kids watch movies with violence, swearing and even nudity however I will not let them watch a movie with sex scenes (or I at least FF through them if I know they are coming ). I guess for me its easy to explain that the violence isn't real, that people do not go around killing and beating people like its shown in the movies, thats its all made up for the story. Sex is real, it is something that almost everyone does, I don't need to be explaining that to my 6 and 9 year olds just yet.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I do not object to violence AS MUCH as nudity or foul language and it really depends on the kind of violence.

It's not that I am okay with violence at all. My DD has never really asked to see a violent movie so it's never been a real issue with me but she has asked to see movies with pre-marital sex and cursing so those are the things I mostly check for. I know that she will encounter these things in real life but it is not my wish that she sees or hears these things alot and becomes desensitized to them. KWIM??? If you would give me an example of a violent film that you would not think appropriate for a child I would love to tell you whether I would let her watch it or not.

Thank you so much for answering my question I was responding to your response (that I have now quoted above) to a PP when I questioned you.
As far as what i think is too violent, a lot depends on the kid's personality and age. By now my kids can watch pretty much anything they want (though they are not very interested in violent type stuff--maybe I would feel differently if they were heavily drawn to such things). A few examples from when they were younger that I can think of are:
I actually think the vast majority of Disney films are too violent for the preschool set. They are often quite gruesome and i think the most 2 and 3 year olds would be better off not seeing them (yes, I know that is sacrilege on these boards). I think most are excellent films but they are better suited to an elementary audience in my book.
Even in lower elementary we walked out on Zorro. I went in expecting campy sword play (think Princess Bride) and found characters taking great delight in torturing others (making them wait as a drop of nitro glicerin slowly works its way to the person to kill them--and protrayed as this being a good way to handle things). I thought it was over the top on cruelty for my son who was 7 or 8 at the time. I thought the first Pirates of the Caribbean was pushing it but had enough campy aspects to redeem itself for my kids but we shut the second one off half way through and never watched the third. On the other hand, DS's favourite movies since he was around kindergarten age have included Grease, Dirty Dancing, Back to the Future and Footloose. All of these involve discussions of sex, etc. Most of it went right over his head (but how can you NOT understand seeing someone killed? that does not really go over anyone's head) for several years, now he understands some of it and we talk.

I let my kids watch movies with violence, swearing and even nudity however I will not let them watch a movie with sex scenes (or I at least FF through them if I know they are coming ). I guess for me its easy to explain that the violence isn't real, that people do not go around killing and beating people like its shown in the movies, thats its all made up for the story. Sex is real, it is something that almost everyone does, I don't need to be explaining that to my 6 and 9 year olds just yet.

Thanks for answering my question I really do find it interesting. SO, how do you feel about movies that allude to sex (like the list I have above) but don't actually show it? I haven't found that somehting that shows a scene with a couple in bed together has been anythign that has appealed to my kdis anyway--I am sure it is comming though

 

[luvmy3]

Thanks for answering my question I really do find it interesting. SO, how do you feel about movies that allude to sex (like the list I have above) but don't actually show it? I haven't found that somehting that shows a scene with a couple in bed together has been anythign that has appealed to my kdis anyway--I am sure it is comming though

I don't think there have been many that we have seen with the kids, they are 12, 9 and 6. My 12 year old certainly knows what is being insinuated and I don't have a problem with that as long as she isn't watching an actual sex scene, or hearing any rauchy sexual innuendos or jokes. My boys don't really get it yet so they are pretty much oblivious to it. We tend to stick to PG-13 movies and we haven't come across any that were really bad.