I'm irritated by..... Update #3

[Helene]

I would limit my time with both the mom and daughter and cultivate other friendships. If this is happening now, its only going to get worse through the teen years.

This....

 

[Nancyg56]

I think I have a little different take on what happened. You were the first parent that the Mom spoke to and at that point she was at the end of her "three girls is a crowd" rope. I am not saying that her reaction was appropriate, she overreacted. I am saying that seh probably had one heck of a bad day with the kids and by the time she vented to you and then got back to the other girl's mom she had calmed down.

I have had those three girls nightmares and have vowed never to have one again. I forgot how bad they could be by the time I started having my DGD's friends visit but the memory came back after one particularly stressful visit. My DGD hid in the bathroom at one point. I never did figure out exactly what happened, chose to tell all of the girls that their behavior was not acceptable and then have generally taken one friend at a time.

I think that this Mom is going to learn a very difficult lesson on her next field trip to DL. She upset you and lost her partner for the day. Your DD learned a very important lesson concerning actions and consequences and you get to miss the DL drama.

 

[Mermaid02]

Never mind that - how old is Lisa's mom?

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

How is it okay to keep the promise to the twins mom and jess but not my dd?

Is Lisa's mom trying to "trade up" friend-wise?

I think she is being petty and childish.

Maybe you and DD are better off with them as acquaintences vs. friends. Mom sounds little toxic and full of drama (and poo).

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

This.

I think I have a little different take on what happened. You were the first parent that the Mom spoke to and at that point she was at the end of her "three girls is a crowd" rope. I am not saying that her reaction was appropriate, she overreacted. I am saying that seh probably had one heck of a bad day with the kids and by the time she vented to you and then got back to the other girl's mom she had calmed down.

I have had those three girls nightmares and have vowed never to have one again. I forgot how bad they could be by the time I started having my DGD's friends visit but the memory came back after one particularly stressful visit. My DGD hid in the bathroom at one point. I never did figure out exactly what happened, chose to tell all of the girls that their behavior was not acceptable and then have generally taken one friend at a time.

I think that this Mom is going to learn a very difficult lesson on her next field trip to DL. She upset you and lost her partner for the day. Your DD learned a very important lesson concerning actions and consequences and you get to miss the DL drama.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I just thought of something... OP, is Lisa her only child?

 

[Mermaid02]

Three is a bad number for tween girls- I agree with that!

 

[MickeySP]

I would be po'd but I would also stay out of it.

How old are these girls? It may just be the beginning of teen drama.

Also I am sorry but I see the other girl's point - your DD was the mean girl first so I guess this will teach her a valuable lesson.

At least I would slant it that way - use it as a lesson on empathy not on revenge.

It is tough to see her hurting but sometimes that is what it takes to make a better person.

 

[FredinFL]

ITA that the first mom got it in double and then CrankyMom cooled down and said nothing to the other girls mother. In which case CrankyMom needs to apologize to OP and the daughter for being a

 

[SC Minnie]

I learned early on to never have an odd number of girls at a sleep over, party, or outing. Girls pair up and one tends to end up the odd one out.

 

[tlbwriter]

Also I am sorry but I see the other girl's point - your DD was the mean girl first so I guess this will teach her a valuable lesson.

Yes, but Jess was also a mean girl and she isn't being taught a lesson - she's actually being rewarded.

I agree that three girls is a bad number, and in my experience, it starts a lot younger than 10-11 yr olds. I do think it's kind of funny that mom has ended up in the same situation.

 

[FredinFL]

Funny? Hysterical to me.

If the mom wanted to teach a lesson, she should have taught it to the other kid as well. She sounds like a real jerk to me.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Yes -- my DD is 11 and I learned even 2 years ago at my DD's birthday party to NEVER to have an odd number of girls. What a disaster.

Boys are trauma, girls are drama. Lisa's mother is over the top, and I think your "chicks' weekend" is a great idea.

 

[luvsJack]

What part of NEVER have an uneven number of girls did this woman not get in the first place? That is a major no, no.

I get why the woman was irritated but she should not have done things they way she did. She could have either invited a 4th girl or she should have been honest in the first place and said, "3 girls is not working. I told Lisa she could only invite one girl to go with us Wednesday, so she asked Jess. But, maybe we can plan xxxxx with your dd on Friday". OR she should have followed through on the plans she made and then made it clear after that from that point on it would only be even numbers.

I think you have done the right thing in making other plans for your dd and not getting back into their drama.

And I wouldn't worry to much about anyone being a "mean girl". Its normal tween behavior for girls. This too shall pass.

 

[mjkacmom]

At this age, it's very hard when your are friends with your children's friend's parents. Dd10's bff is here right now, after a sleepover, and I'm good friends with her mom (and have been for 10 years). I've learned that I have to separate the friendships. Ds12 had a big falling out with his friends a couple of years ago - I was good friends with the parents. Actually, the falling out came after I ended a friendship with one of the kid's mom. I'm still friends with another mom, but not nearly as close, as the boys are no longer friends.

I'd treat it like I would with my child's friends who's mom I wasn't friends with - give some advice, and stay out of it. The mom should've let the kids work it out themselves. I'm guessing she's not as close with Jess' mom, and is not getting her involved (which she should've done with you).

 

[ccgirl]

First of all, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your DD. What a mature thing for her to do. Way to go.

Secondly, I don't make excuses for any other adult. I probably would have said something like, "We all make bad decisions and Lisa made a bad/unfair decision."

You said you are friends with Lisa? I totally would talk to her about it and ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

I, too, agree Lisa is a little too involved in the drama. Let the girls work it out.

Hope your DD feels better.

 

[MickeySP]

Yes, but Jess was also a mean girl and she isn't being taught a lesson - she's actually being rewarded.

I agree that three girls is a bad number, and in my experience, it starts a lot younger than 10-11 yr olds. I do think it's kind of funny that mom has ended up in the same situation.

I know but Jess is not the OP's daughter. Let Jess's Mom take care of Jess and the OP take care of hers.

Life is not fair and you can't make sure everything is even all the time. The OPs daughter knows now how it feels(I don't say this maliciously just it is what it is) and I am sure she will be more empathetic to others. So in the long run her DD will be the better person.

 

[cabanafrau]

Based on the limited information I'm not willing to label your DD a mean girl. Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe a tad inconsiderate, I don't know.

My take on your friend's actions is she and quite possibly her daughter were jealous (hurt?) about your DD & the 3rd girl hitting it off. Like I said, maybe they were inconsiderate or even mean about excluding your friend's daughter, but I'm not sure.

What raises my eyebrow is how your friend has chosen to stack the deck or even the score. This sleepover & DL trip is an out and out maneuver to insure the new friend will be persuaded friendship w/ her daughter will be much more fun and advantageous.

My advice would be similar to what you've done. Make your own plans, broaden yours and your daughter's horizons and just let things lay w/ your friend and her DD. No need to draw a line in the sand & make things ugly. Just remember these facts about your friend in any dealings going forward. Pull the chute if you see further evidence that her mommy maneuvers are thinly veiled bullying attempts.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

ITA that the first mom got it in double and then CrankyMom cooled down and said nothing to the other girls mother. In which case CrankyMom needs to apologize to OP and the daughter for being a

It does seem like Lisas mom took her frustration out on me and let the other mom slide. Since I was the first she saw I got the brunt of her frustration.

I just thought of something... OP, is Lisa her only child?

No Lisa is not her only. Lisa has two older sisters and one younger brother.

I think I have a little different take on what happened. You were the first parent that the Mom spoke to and at that point she was at the end of her "three girls is a crowd" rope. I am not saying that her reaction was appropriate, she overreacted. I am saying that seh probably had one heck of a bad day with the kids and by the time she vented to you and then got back to the other girl's mom she had calmed down.

I have had those three girls nightmares and have vowed never to have one again. I forgot how bad they could be by the time I started having my DGD's friends visit but the memory came back after one particularly stressful visit. My DGD hid in the bathroom at one point. I never did figure out exactly what happened, chose to tell all of the girls that their behavior was not acceptable and then have generally taken one friend at a time.

I think that this Mom is going to learn a very difficult lesson on her next field trip to DL. She upset you and lost her partner for the day. Your DD learned a very important lesson concerning actions and consequences and you get to miss the DL drama.

Yeah I have been there when my dd was left out but the difference is I spoke to both mothers. That is where my frustration lies.

Never mind that - how old is Lisa's mom?

In her forties,

LOL, I just have to laugh at Lisa's mom for getting herself into another "3's a crowd" problem again.

Although I don't think Lisa should be punished in all this, the girls can still be friends at school and visit at your house (if Lisa accepted the apology), just not at Lisa's house or around her mother. It's possible her mother is creating more tween drama than she realizes.
And since it's obvious the mother would like to create a mountain out of a mole hill, it would be better to go to Lisa for her opinion on the friendship (whether to hang out together outside of school).

You are right Lisa should not be punished in all of this. She was an innocent in t he event on Monday, hence the reason I made my dd apologize. Lisa did accept the apology but you know it will take time for her to forget - which is natural.

I would be po'd but I would also stay out of it.

How old are these girls? It may just be the beginning of teen drama.

Also I am sorry but I see the other girl's point - your DD was the mean girl first so I guess this will teach her a valuable lesson.

At least I would slant it that way - use it as a lesson on empathy not on revenge.

It is tough to see her hurting but sometimes that is what it takes to make a better person.

Yes dd was mean first but she was one of two girls. Lisas mom is only taking it out on my dd and not the other girl like she said she would. This is where I am frustrated. She came into my home and ranted about my dd and Jess. I took that because she was claerly in the right. I spooke with my dd. My dd then did the right thing in apologizing to Lisa and her mom.

Lisas mom is now not honoring her statement to me that she would talk to Jess's mom as well.

My dd does not know about ny frustration here. These are my feelings, which is why I am venting them on the dis.

Yes, but Jess was also a mean girl and she isn't being taught a lesson - she's actually being rewarded.

I agree that three girls is a bad number, and in my experience, it starts a lot younger than 10-11 yr olds. I do think it's kind of funny that mom has ended up in the same situation.

I do think it is funny. I also think she really has no clue about how I really feel because she is venting to me of all people about it.

What part of NEVER have an uneven number of girls did this woman not get in the first place? That is a major no, no.

I get why the woman was irritated but she should not have done things they way she did. She could have either invited a 4th girl or she should have been honest in the first place and said, "3 girls is not working. I told Lisa she could only invite one girl to go with us Wednesday, so she asked Jess. But, maybe we can plan xxxxx with your dd on Friday". OR she should have followed through on the plans she made and then made it clear after that from that point on it would only be even numbers.

I think you have done the right thing in making other plans for your dd and not getting back into their drama.

And I wouldn't worry to much about anyone being a "mean girl". Its normal tween behavior for girls. This too shall pass.

I agree with you. I would have much more respect for Lisas mom if she simply said it did not work out today. I think its best if just Jess goes with us on Wedeneday. Instead of all this drama.

Im not worried about my dd being a "mean girl". She is much too self aware and compassionate to be that. She makes mistakes, like she did on monday. But is is always willing to correct them.

At this age, it's very hard when your are friends with your children's friend's parents. Dd10's bff is here right now, after a sleepover, and I'm good friends with her mom (and have been for 10 years). I've learned that I have to separate the friendships. Ds12 had a big falling out with his friends a couple of years ago - I was good friends with the parents. Actually, the falling out came after I ended a friendship with one of the kid's mom. I'm still friends with another mom, but not nearly as close, as the boys are no longer friends.

I'd treat it like I would with my child's friends who's mom I wasn't friends with - give some advice, and stay out of it. The mom should've let the kids work it out themselves. I'm guessing she's not as close with Jess' mom, and is not getting her involved (which she should've done with you).

Based on the limited information I'm not willing to label your DD a mean girl. Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe a tad inconsiderate, I don't know.

My take on your friend's actions is she and quite possibly her daughter were jealous (hurt?) about your DD & the 3rd girl hitting it off. Like I said, maybe they were inconsiderate or even mean about excluding your friend's daughter, but I'm not sure.

What raises my eyebrow is how your friend has chosen to stack the deck or even the score. This sleepover & DL trip is an out and out maneuver to insure the new friend will be persuaded friendship w/ her daughter will be much more fun and advantageous.

My advice would be similar to what you've done. Make your own plans, broaden yours and your daughter's horizons and just let things lay w/ your friend and her DD. No need to draw a line in the sand & make things ugly. Just remember these facts about your friend in any dealings going forward. Pull the chute if you see further evidence that her mommy maneuvers are thinly veiled bullying attempts.

I don't think that my dd is a mean girl overall but her actions toward Lisa on Monday were inconsiderate. BUt as I have said my dd has accepted responsibility for her actions and taken steps to atone for them. Which I think stereotypical mean girls do not do.

I think on Monday there were three girls. My dd knows Lisa and Jess knows Lisa but my dd and Jess really do not know each other. They were each others "new" friend. They bonded and in doing so left Lisa out.

Which upset Lisas mom and probably made Lisa jealous. Which is understandable.

I think Jess is a new friend of Lisas as well. So it doesnt bother me if Lisas mom wants to push that friendship I just don't like her methods of going about it.

My dd is excited for her sleepover and is looking forward to our day at Disneyland on Sunday.

 

[HM]

I wonder whether Lisa's mom had every intention of not taking either girl on Wednesday, but her daughter wanted someone, so she caved and chose Jess for whatever reason. In any case she handled the whole thing badly. And then reinviting your daughter after the group changed again with the addition of the other kids making the girls uneven? Argh.

And the fact that she has two older daughters should have taught her the lessons of uneven girl groups years ago.....

You are a good mom, handled your end of the deal well, taught your DD a good lesson. And then were thwarted by the actions of Lisa's mom. Double argh.

Have fun with your daughter this weekend!