I'm irritated by..... Update #3

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

one of my friends.

Yesterday my friend took her dd (Lisa) & ds (Ed), my dd , and a friend of her dds (Jess) to Disneyland for the day.

We go to Disneyland all the time together (with the exception of Jess) and the kids have always gotten along great.

I ended up getting off of work late and could not meet them down there. Which my friend was okay with.

When my friend dropped my dd off at home she came inside spent twenty minutes telling me how awful my dd and Jess were towards her dd (Lisa). It seems like my dd and Jess buddied up and ignored Lisa. At one point she talked about how my dd and Jess walked away from her and she had to call them back.

My friend ended the conversation saying that she would not be taking my dd or Jess with her on Wednesday - as was the initial plan. She also told me she would be talking to Jess's parents when she dropped Jess off.

Ok so my friends two complaints were:

1- my dd and Jess treated her dd badly
2- my dd and Jess walked away from her, causing her to have to call them back to her

Both are valid complaints. Both need to be dealt with. I also agreed with my friend that not going on Wednesday was a good consequence for the girls.

So last night I had a long conversation with my dd. We talked about what happened and her decisions. We talked about how she felt when two friends left her out of an acitivity I had taken the three of them on. DD had a very rough night after she realized how she had treated Lisa. Lisa and dd have been friends for several years now.

After the conversation last night dd decided that she needed to apologize to both Lisa and her mom. She wrote Lisa's mom an apology letter which she gave to Lisas mom this morning. She then took Lisa aside this morning and apologized for the way she treated her yesterday.

Now here is where I get irritated.

My friend, lisas mom, mentioned to me that she did not talk to Jess's parents. Then later Lisa mentioned to me that Jess is going to sleep over tonight and will be going with them to disneyland tomorrow as planned.

DD has a horrible night and was worried all morning about this. I felt like my friend made it such a big deal to me. Yet is blowing it off with the other child completely.

If she did not want my dd to go on Wednesday all she had to do was say so. Also, if her dd, Lisa, only wanted Jess to go all she had to do was say so. Its not like this is our one and only time to go. We go multiple times a month.

So now my dd is feeling upset at not getting to go, at not getting to sleep over, and wondering why she is being treated differently than Jess.

And I have no answers for her.

 

[nmmom95]

I think it sounds like Lisa is trying to "get back at" your dd. Lisa's mom is waaay to involved in girl drama. She obviously condones her daughter using Jess to make your dd feel left out. FWIW, I think both you and your daughter handled it well. People make mistakes and although she made Lisa feel left out, she owned up to her mistake and apologized. I would be proud of her.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I think it sounds like Lisa is trying to "get back at" your dd by making her feel left out. I think Lisa's mom is waaay to involved in girl drama. She obviously condones her daughter using Jess to make your dd feel left out. FWIW, I think both you and your daughter handled it well. People make mistakes and although she made Lisa feel left out, she owned up to her mistake and apologized. I would be proud of her.

Thanks. I am proud of her and used it as a teaching moment-- which I think she learned from.

Im just irritated that my friend made sure my dd knew all about the plans. Not typical of my friend or her dd.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

How old are these girls?

 

[FredinFL]

I'd be po'd. I'd also tell Lisa I was po'd. In no uncertain terms. That's bull. I'd let her know that what SHE's done is worse than anything the girls did. Punish one and reward the other? Sleep over and Disneyland? While cold shouldering the other kid out? I'd tell her it was a really lousy thing to do to a kid and then I'd tell her I was sorry I'd even talked to my kid about it and had her feel bad.

 

[handinpocket]

This is when you take your child aside and tell her none of this matters. This is just a Mom trying to get back at a little girl, not cool. Cut ties and tell your child to hold her head high. No, it was not right to exclude the one child during the DL trip but she apologized and tried to make it right. Don't allow her to grovel and take her on a girl's trip, with just you two!!!

 

[golfgal]

So, this mom gets mad at your DD for excluding her Dd and then turns around and does the same thing to YOUR DD?? That's mature . How old are the girls?

 

[RitaZ.]

I think it sounds like Lisa is trying to "get back at" your dd. Lisa's mom is waaay to involved in girl drama. She obviously condones her daughter using Jess to make your dd feel left out. FWIW, I think both you and your daughter handled it well. People make mistakes and although she made Lisa feel left out, she owned up to her mistake and apologized. I would be proud of her.

ITA.

That's a shame that your friend opted to engage in the same behavior that the girls engaged in.

On the positive side, you handled it well and so did your daughter.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

The girls are 10 and 11. My dd being 10 and the other two are 11.

I really did not think of the mom as doing to my dd what my dd did to Lisa but thats what shes doing.

 

[eduk8r26]

At that age it starts getting to be "three's a crowd." It's often difficult for 3 girls to get along with each other. They usually buddy up and leave the 3rd one hanging.

 

[FredinFL]

I'll bet it's illegal to do the flaming dog poop bags now, isn't it?

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I'll bet it's illegal to do the flaming dog poop bags now, isn't it?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

So, this mom gets mad at your DD for excluding her Dd and then turns around and does the same thing to YOUR DD?? That's mature . How old are the girls?

That's what I was thinking too. It would make me mad if a friend of mine did this.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Okay so my friend just texted me.

Another friend of ours that has twins (boy and girl) just bought the twins passes to Disneyland and expects Lisas mom to take them with her tomorrow (since Lisas mom offered earlier in the week).

Lisas mom just texted me with her deliema of having a group of 3 girls to deal with again.

I told her dd and I would not be joining them at DL this week instead we would be having a mom daughter day at DL this weekend with just the two of us.

I also let dd invite a friend over for a sleepover tomorrow since we are on spring break.

How is it okay to keep the promise to the twins mom and jess but not my dd?

I am still irritated but my dd is looking forward to her sleepover and our mom dd day this weekend.

 

[dallastxcpa]

How is it okay to keep the promise to the twins mom and jess but not my dd?

I am still irritated but my dd is looking forward to her sleepover and our mom dd day this weekend.

 

[Malibustyle23]

Lisas mom just texted me with her deliema of having a group of 3 girls to deal with again.

I may be completely wrong but my assumption and view is that it was the moms point the entire time to leave one child out on the next outing just so that her child doesn't become the "third wheel" again, sadly your child was chosen "it". That point is especially proven with the tone of this text she wrote you. Sad way to parent and if this is true and it keeps happening I'm afraid mom is going to (unintentionally?) weed out all of her friends that don't devote all of their attention to the "princess" which is always bound to happen with 3 girls or more.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So, this mom gets mad at your DD for excluding her Dd and then turns around and does the same thing to YOUR DD?? That's mature . How old are the girls?

Never mind that - how old is Lisa's mom?

 

[SandrA9810]

LOL, I just have to laugh at Lisa's mom for getting herself into another "3's a crowd" problem again.

Although I don't think Lisa should be punished in all this, the girls can still be friends at school and visit at your house (if Lisa accepted the apology), just not at Lisa's house or around her mother. It's possible her mother is creating more tween drama than she realizes.
And since it's obvious the mother would like to create a mountain out of a mole hill, it would be better to go to Lisa for her opinion on the friendship (whether to hang out together outside of school).

 

[Darcy03231]

I would limit my time with both the mom and daughter and cultivate other friendships. If this is happening now, its only going to get worse through the teen years.

 

[DeniseinNS]

Lisa's mom sounds like a jerk. She singled your daughter out and made her feel bad about ignoring Lisa and then turned around and did exactly what she was upset about back to your daughter, she doesn't sound like a friend that I'd want to have