I'm in trouble now!

[castleview]

If it was April, I'd agree with you, but it's January. The event is four months away.

Four months is plenty of time to sell a concert ticket and recruit someone else to take apart a set for a school play.

So the OP should ignore her own son's concert (which only happens a few times a year around here) so she could go watch her spoiled sister's kids take a communion she'll be taking for the rest of her life?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think it's weirder (read: less responsible) not to GIVE the specific dates. Combine that with giving the entire wrong month and expecting invitees to "sense" what the hostess actually meant - I think the sister is in the wrong.

If you had told me in December something is happening "next year", that means 2011; if you tell me today it's happening next year, that means 2012. "The first weekend in May" DOESN'T translate in ANY way to April 30. Ever.

The first Sunday in May, okay. But the first weekend in May is the first full weekend. Miscommunication on the niece's mom's part. Plus, she should realize her parents can't safely drive at night, but would have to, and should accommodate them over ANYONE else.

Oh I agree that it is odd not to give a date. That is why I would ask for one.

The whole point here is that both parties do not communicate well to each other.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Oh I agree that it is odd not to give a date. That is why I would ask for one.

The whole point here is that both parties do not communicate well to each other.

I really don't want to use the words 'fault' or 'blame', so I guess I'm left with 'responsibility'

It would be the responsibility of the hostess - the OP's sister, in this case - to provide the invitees (especially the important ones, such as the godmother and the grandparents) with absolute accurate information as soon as it was available. It appears she (a) didn't do that and (b) when given the opportunity to reschedule so these most important people could attend this ceremony, declined/refused (because it would inconvenience some visiting friends?).

Given the entire situation as described by the OP, it appears it would be hazardous for her and her parents to attend the First Communion, since she would have to drive several hours in the middle of the night on no sleep. I'm sure her sister wouldn't want her to put herself in danger or risk anyone else's life.

 

[Mermaid02]

I really don't want to use the words 'fault' or 'blame', so I guess I'm left with 'responsibility'

It would be the responsibility of the hostess - the OP's sister, in this case - to provide the invitees (especially the important ones, such as the godmother and the grandparents) with absolute accurate information as soon as it was available. It appears she (a) didn't do that and (b) when given the opportunity to reschedule so these most important people could attend this ceremony, declined/refused (because it would inconvenience some visiting friends?).

Given the entire situation as described by the OP, it appears it would be hazardous for her and her parents to attend the First Communion, since she would have to drive several hours in the middle of the night on no sleep. I'm sure her sister wouldn't want her to put herself in danger or risk anyone else's life.

 

[Aristocath]

Wow! I'm a born and raised Catholic and the youngest of my three sons is making his First Communion this year. I sent an email to the grandparents and aunts and uncles when we found out the dates for First Communion. It will be the weekend of May 14 and 15th at one of the regular masses. We will take everyone who comes to the mass out to eat at Joe T. Garcia's (a Fort Worth legend) after mass.

First Communion is a big deal to me and my son. But my husband isn't Catholic so his side of the family barely "gets" it. And all of our brothers have thier own busy lives with kids. I'm certainly not going to get mad if people can't make it. I suspect most will but I'm not holding a grudge against anyone who can't come. This is a personal, spiritual event, not just a reason to have a party.

To the OP, I would not stress out about this. Your sister failed to give you accurate information and you have your own family to consider.

 

[castleview]

Wow! I'm a born and raised Catholic and the youngest of my three sons is making his First Communion this year. I sent an email to the grandparents and aunts and uncles when we found out the dates for First Communion. It will be the weekend of May 14 and 15th at one of the regular masses. We will take everyone who comes to the mass out to eat at Joe T. Garcia's (a Fort Worth legend) after mass.

First Communion is a big deal to me and my son. But my husband isn't Catholic so his side of the family barely "gets" it. And all of our brothers have thier own busy lives with kids. I'm certainly not going to get mad if people can't make it. I suspect most will but I'm not holding a grudge against anyone who can't come. This is a personal, spiritual event, not just a reason to have a party.

To the OP, I would not stress out about this. Your sister failed to give you accurate information and you have your own family to consider.

This. What's a big deal to one person isn't a huge deal to others. If we had to be at every communion, birthday, confirmation party in our families - well, all our weekends would be booked and extracurricular activities wouldn't exist for the kids.

 

[allison443]

I'm surprised at the posts that say "sister has no one to blame but herself", "it's her own fault", "sister is to blame", etc. Everyone gets it-sister messed up by not saying the exact date until January for a May 1 communion.

However it seems like some are viewing this as a contest-she told me the next weekend so I made plans for this weekend, oh well she loses. Really?
If an important event comes up after plans are made, no one changes or compromises their plans because they automatically must go with what was planned first?

I know in my life, with my own kids and my extended family, there are things that come up all the time. Sometimes plans conflict and people have to make compromise and make changes. That's part of being in a large family.

In OP's case, she does seem willing to compromise, and there are a lot of complicating factors such as distance, parents' health, etc. Another poster mentioned the fact that the sister lives out of town from the rest of the family and I wonder if that's entering into it too (from the sister's point of view). It's nice to see that the OP isn't self-righteously saying "sister made a mistake, she is to blame" and refusing to compromise.

OP good luck with your situation. Whatever you do I'm sure you will make it special for your goddaughter.


edited to add, I understand about OP's commitment to her child's play. But maybe another volunteer could take down the sets. That would be a compromise.

 

[allison443]

This. What's a big deal to one person isn't a huge deal to others. If we had to be at every communion, birthday, confirmation party in our families - well, all our weekends would be booked and extracurricular activities wouldn't exist for the kids.

You said before you aren't Catholic, but do you see that for those who are Catholic, a godparent/grandparent attending a first communion is a little different that aunts/uncles/cousins attending a birthday party?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Wow! I'm a born and raised Catholic and the youngest of my three sons is making his First Communion this year. I sent an email to the grandparents and aunts and uncles when we found out the dates for First Communion. It will be the weekend of May 14 and 15th at one of the regular masses. We will take everyone who comes to the mass out to eat at Joe T. Garcia's (a Fort Worth legend) after mass.

First Communion is a big deal to me and my son. But my husband isn't Catholic so his side of the family barely "gets" it. And all of our brothers have thier own busy lives with kids. I'm certainly not going to get mad if people can't make it. I suspect most will but I'm not holding a grudge against anyone who can't come. This is a personal, spiritual event, not just a reason to have a party.

To the OP, I would not stress out about this. Your sister failed to give you accurate information and you have your own family to consider.

Excellent attitude

 

[castleview]

You said before you aren't Catholic, but do you see that for those who are Catholic, a godparent/grandparent attending a first communion is a little different that aunts/uncles/cousins attending a birthday party?

No longer Catholic, but still surrounded by it. For most of my Catholic friends/family, it's a big deal…but most are realistic about who can and cannot attend. The OP's son has a pretty big event coming up in his life, so I think it's crazy to insist that she skip it and head onto a first communion. Frankly, the OP's sister sounds like the type of person to get upset if anyone plans anything on her or her kids birthdays because it's THEIR day.

I guess I don't get the big deal about communion, because it's not as if every one of these kids is being raised to attend church regularly and abide by the Catholic doctrine. Most of my friends ignore the church's stance on sexual preference, pre-marital sex, divorce, and contraception - yet for some reason First Communion is serious.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I really don't want to use the words 'fault' or 'blame', so I guess I'm left with 'responsibility'

It would be the responsibility of the hostess - the OP's sister, in this case - to provide the invitees (especially the important ones, such as the godmother and the grandparents) with absolute accurate information as soon as it was available. It appears she (a) didn't do that and (b) when given the opportunity to reschedule so these most important people could attend this ceremony, declined/refused (because it would inconvenience some visiting friends?).

Given the entire situation as described by the OP, it appears it would be hazardous for her and her parents to attend the First Communion, since she would have to drive several hours in the middle of the night on no sleep. I'm sure her sister wouldn't want her to put herself in danger or risk anyone else's life.

I understand what you are saying however if going to this event was IMPORTANT to ME, I would have made sure to have the correct info and not rely on others to provide it for me.

Should they be forthcoming and correct, absolutely. However not everyone does that and they are lame.

I do this to make MY LIFE easier. In this way I can avoid conflicts and then we have to go through a three ring circus of so and so is mad and all that jazz.

A simple question to clear up a date is much easier to handle than vague info from an unreliable person. And this is putting it nicely considering the SIL in question knows her parent have limitations.

And that is where I am coming from.

 

[ccgirl]

No longer Catholic, but still surrounded by it. For most of my Catholic friends/family, it's a big deal…but most are realistic about who can and cannot attend. The OP's son has a pretty big event coming up in his life, so I think it's crazy to insist that she skip it and head onto a first communion. Frankly, the OP's sister sounds like the type of person to get upset if anyone plans anything on her or her kids birthdays because it's THEIR day.

I guess I don't get the big deal about communion, because it's not as if every one of these kids is being raised to attend church regularly and abide by the Catholic doctrine. Most of my friends ignore the church's stance on sexual preference, pre-marital sex, divorce, and contraception - yet for some reason First Communion is serious.

Without debating religion, just want to say there are still practicing Catholics out there. My children are raised to attend church regularly and are sent to parochial schools as well. I will leave the rest up to interpretation.

Having said that, obviously First Communion is HUGE in MY family. I captialized MY because my DH's family is not Catholic. However, they realize how important it is to me, and my daughter, and they would not miss this event barring any unforseen illness.

I don't think anyone is at "fault" about the date. The sister gave a general date and the OP did not inquire as to an actual date. Now, she has to decide what she would like to do without putting blame on her sister. Wait to see what date your sister decides and go from there. Is it possible for your DH to stay home with your son so he doesn't miss his play? Then, you go to the Communion with your parents? If I remember, there are two showings of the play so you would still be able to see one play; right? The decision is up to you but please stop blaming your sister for the date snafu.

 

[MELSMICE]

The decision is up to you but please stop blaming your sister for the date snafu.

Then whose responsibility is it for giving the wrong date if it's not the sister?

Also, as selfish as this is going to sound......my family & my children come first. I love all my nieces & nephews very much. If I were in the OP's situation, was told a wrong date and then had a prior commitment that involved one of my children I would definitely attend my child's play or whatever it was. I don't care if there were 5 performances of the same play or a weekend sports tournament where I attended 12 games. I would be there for each and every one for MY child. I don't understand people saying that the OP should miss one of her son's performances........this is important to her son & her, as his mom.

Now, if I knew about the date of the communion first & then found out about a play, sports tournament or something else, we would make every effort to make arrangements to do both.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Without debating religion, just want to say there are still practicing Catholics out there. My children are raised to attend church regularly and are sent to parochial schools as well. I will leave the rest up to interpretation.

Having said that, obviously First Communion is HUGE in MY family. I captialized MY because my DH's family is not Catholic. However, they realize how important it is to me, and my daughter, and they would not miss this event barring any unforseen illness.

I don't think anyone is at "fault" about the date. The sister gave a general date and the OP did not inquire as to an actual date. Now, she has to decide what she would like to do without putting blame on her sister. Wait to see what date your sister decides and go from there. Is it possible for your DH to stay home with your son so he doesn't miss his play? Then, you go to the Communion with your parents? If I remember, there are two showings of the play so you would still be able to see one play; right? The decision is up to you but please stop blaming your sister for the date snafu.

But the sister IS responsible for that and it sounds like the OP CHOSE to plan ahead and keep the communion weekend free. Now that the sister's mistake (and subsequent inflexibility about moving to Sunday) have put OP (and the grandparents) into the position of having to chose to cancel their plans (and in the OP's case shirk her responsibilities to the drama group) or else miss the communion they have every right to chose to miss the communion--again something THEY tried to avoid when asking about the date previously. I think it is wrong of the sister to blame them for not caring because she messed up teh date and now they chose not to change plans.

 

[Missy1961]

Without debating religion, just want to say there are still practicing Catholics out there. My children are raised to attend church regularly and are sent to parochial schools as well. I will leave the rest up to interpretation.

Having said that, obviously First Communion is HUGE in MY family. I captialized MY because my DH's family is not Catholic. However, they realize how important it is to me, and my daughter, and they would not miss this event barring any unforseen illness.

I don't think anyone is at "fault" about the date. The sister gave a general date and the OP did not inquire as to an actual date. Now, she has to decide what she would like to do without putting blame on her sister. Wait to see what date your sister decides and go from there. Is it possible for your DH to stay home with your son so he doesn't miss his play? Then, you go to the Communion with your parents? If I remember, there are two showings of the play so you would still be able to see one play; right? The decision is up to you but please stop blaming your sister for the date snafu.

Communions & family are important to my family too. But a few years ago, my niece's First Communion & my twin nephew's senior prom conflicted. My nephews are incredibly close to their cousins, anyone who sees them together can tell that. But my nephews had been waiting for their prom weekend for a long time. They chose to go to the prom, and no-one thought they were not close to their cousin.

Life happens. I really think the sister could have & should have told the exact date. OP could have confirmed the exact date before making other plans, but I do understand where the misunderstanding came in.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I think my issue is with the "once in a lifetime"event.

there could be other plays/concerts but there won't be other communions. I would do everything I could to be there

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, your sister gave you the wrong dates - the first weekend in May is the first whole weekend. You made a committment to this play (and your ds, no question). Your sister won't change the date? I poll my immediate family before chosing a Communion date (ours is the 1st as well). My IL's (very Catholic - they serve communion every Sunday, and never miss weekly Mass), missed 2 of my kids' Comminions, because of another family member's out of town college graduation. We totally understood! You do the best you can. My SIL (dd9's goddmother) never made it to any, because she's 4 hours away, and has older kids, who had a bunch of weekend activities - totally understand (and she never misses Mass, either - actually went a few days after giving birth).

 

[Mermaid02]

I think my issue is with the "once in a lifetime"event.

there could be other plays/concerts but there won't be other communions. I would do everything I could to be there

The "first" anything is a once in a lifetime.

 

[castleview]

I think my issue is with the "once in a lifetime"event.

there could be other plays/concerts but there won't be other communions. I would do everything I could to be there

My daughter only perform in two concerts a year, even though they practice year round. I'm not missing it.

 

[rascalmom]

Then whose responsibility is it for giving the wrong date if it's not the sister?

Also, as selfish as this is going to sound......my family & my children come first. I love all my nieces & nephews very much. If I were in the OP's situation, was told a wrong date and then had a prior commitment that involved one of my children I would definitely attend my child's play or whatever it was. I don't care if there were 5 performances of the same play or a weekend sports tournament where I attended 12 games. I would be there for each and every one for MY child. I don't understand people saying that the OP should miss one of her son's performances........this is important to her son & her, as his mom.

Now, if I knew about the date of the communion first & then found out about a play, sports tournament or something else, we would make every effort to make arrangements to do both.

I don't think this is selfish at all - I think this is the way it should be. My kids were involved in theater in high school - I wouldn't have missed one of their performances if I could avoid it. I'm all about being there for extended family, but I think being there for your OWN family takes precedence.

The OP was pragmatic in offering a workable compromise to the sister that would have allowed both the OP and the grandparents to be there. The ball is in the sister's court now.