Im I wrong to feel this way???

[poohandwendy]

I feel for you.

I responded to an article in our Catholic Herald newspaper and I was literally ripped to shreds. Anyways, I responded how I thought the journalist was wrong to take her 30 yr old son to Florida for a 5 day vacation because she hasn't had a lone time with him since he was a teenager. She also had another son and dd. What got me was her son is married with 2 small dd's.

I asked her if she is going to take her dil, or her 2 granddaughters on a special 5 day vacation to spend quality time with each one. It just really bothered me that that she pulled this family apart. I felt she had no consideration for this family.

She responded back in the newspaper just ripping me apart. She said she felt she was owed this time with her son since she was a divorced mom and had 3 jobs when he was growing up and never went on vacations with him or his sister and brother. (I told her her alone time with her son is over-he is part of a package deal-a family). I can see an hour or 2 maybe during the week-but a week in Florida-no.

I asked her if her granddaughters understood when daddy walked out the door to go on vacation with grandma to FL. (She wasn't to pleased with that all all).

I really most of hit a sour note with her that she responded back so negative to me in a Catholic Parent newspaper. I still can't believe it got published.

Wow, I disagree too. Sheesh, I think it is nice when my DH spends one-on-one time with his family. They will never mean the same thing to me as him, they will never have the same history with me or the kids, they raised him.

I would totally encourage my Dh to take a vacation with either of his parents (they are divorced) if the opportunity presented itself. I think it would be wonderful for him to get a chance to spend time together alone as an adult man, especially because you never know how much time he will have with them in the future. They have so much to share now that he has a family of his own. And they talk about things that they may not be so open about with me or the kids around (or that may not interest us, or we don't share the history). I think it is awesome!

We get to see them enough that I am secure in the fact that their having alone time with him would not have any negative affect on our family or the kids or my relationship with his parents.

He also totally supports my having a relationship with my mother that doesn't involve him and the kids all of the time.

I don't understand the idea that you come as a group all of the time mentality. Of course you are a family, that doesn't mean all of your relationships with other family members have to be totally equal with equal time, IMO.

And my kids would not only understand, but be happy for my DH that he had the opportunity to spend alone time with his mom or dad. I think they would think it was cool.

Life is too short... wouldn't bother me or the kids

 

[Allison]

Wow, I disagree too. Sheesh, I think it is nice when my DH spends one-on-one time with his family. They will never mean the same thing to me as him, they will never have the same history with me or the kids, they raised him.

I would totally encourage my Dh to take a vacation with either of his parents (they are divorced) if the opportunity presented itself. I think it would be wonderful for him to get a chance to spend time together alone as an adult man, especially because you never know how much time he will have with them in the future. They have so much to share now that he has a family of his own. And they talk about things that they may not be so open about with me or the kids around (or that may not interest us, or we don't share the history). I think it is awesome!

We get to see them enough that I am secure in the fact that their having alone time with him would not have any negative affect on our family or the kids or my relationship with his parents.

He also totally supports my having a relationship with my mother that doesn't involve him and the kids all of the time.

i don't understand the idea that you come as a group all of the time mentality. Of course you are a family, that doesn't mean all of your relationships with other family members have to be totally equal with equal time, IMO.

I completely agree with you. Thanks for saying it so well.

 

[Skatermom23]

I was in a similar situation not too long ago. In laws wanted to see DH and offered to buy him a ticket. He told them no thanks that he doesn't go anywhere without the family. He did offer to buy them two tickets to come to us since it is cheaper than all of us going to them. They turned us down because FIL doesn't want to fly anymore. So, we told them we would see them sometime and that is where it left off.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I feel for you.

I responded to an article in our Catholic Herald newspaper and I was literally ripped to shreds. Anyways, I responded how I thought the journalist was wrong to take her 30 yr old son to Florida for a 5 day vacation because she hasn't had a lone time with him since he was a teenager. She also had another son and dd. What got me was her son is married with 2 small dd's.

I asked her if she is going to take her dil, or her 2 granddaughters on a special 5 day vacation to spend quality time with each one. It just really bothered me that that she pulled this family apart. I felt she had no consideration for this family.

She responded back in the newspaper just ripping me apart. She said she felt she was owed this time with her son since she was a divorced mom and had 3 jobs when he was growing up and never went on vacations with him or his sister and brother. (I told her her alone time with her son is over-he is part of a package deal-a family). I can see an hour or 2 maybe during the week-but a week in Florida-no.

I asked her if her granddaughters understood when daddy walked out the door to go on vacation with grandma to FL. (She wasn't to pleased with that all all).

I really most of hit a sour note with her that she responded back so negative to me in a Catholic Parent newspaper. I still can't believe it got published.

I agree with your POV.

You know, generally speaking adults don't get much vacation time. IMO vacation time should be spent with immediate family. Making memories and cherishing each other. The wife and children. If the grands want to come along sometimes, that's fine. They can etch out some alone time then.

 

[Marseeya]

I agree with your POV.

You know, generally speaking adults don't get much vacation time. IMO vacation time should be spent with immediate family. Making memories and cherishing each other. The wife and children. If the grands want to come along sometimes, that's fine. They can etch out some alone time then.

Same here.

My DH doesn't get 5 unencumbered days to spend with the kids or me, let alone wanting to go spend it with his parents. I'd feel differently about a weekend or something of that sort -- or even if we were included in the 5 day trip, but the kids and I went off on our own while he spend some alone time with the parents.

I'm so glad we don't have that as an issue because my husband feels the same way I do about it. If he has a free week, he wants to spend it with us.

(I'm not trying to generalize. Just referring to my family's situation.)

 

[Marseeya]

I was in a similar situation not too long ago. In laws wanted to see DH and offered to buy him a ticket. He told them no thanks that he doesn't go anywhere without the family. He did offer to buy them two tickets to come to us since it is cheaper than all of us going to them. They turned us down because FIL doesn't want to fly anymore. So, we told them we would see them sometime and that is where it left off.

We were always expected to make the trip to see the in-laws. It was always such a financial burden for us! We made very little money and our car wasn't all that reliable. I think in the nearly 12 years we've been together, his mom or dad (divorced) have visited us maybe 4 times between them.

And they're YOUNG!