I'm Giving up on finding a woman.

[Stitchfans]

Sure it sounds fine now, but wait. When the children are all grown and out of the house it changes your attitude real fast. I am 55 divorced. At the time, I still have a full house since I have my 17 year DD still at home and will be for a while longer since she is going to college near home this fall.

My oldest DD31 moved back in with me when she was 5 months pregnant with my now 16 month old grandson. She is now expecting another baby at the end of August. So now there will be my two daughters and two grandbabies. But down the road, no doubt both will move out and on with their lives and I will be all alone.

Not looking forward to that. As a matter of fact I am dreading it. This is not how I planned on living out my life. Maybe men look at it differently.

 

[NaLisa]

Now is not the right time for you to be in a relationship. The wounds are probably still fresh, you're (correctly) focused on raising your children, and you're probably enjoying having a little freedom since you married so young. But I would suggest not completely revolving your life around your children. Identify your hobbies, passions and interests and pursue them, whether it be fishing or serving meals to home-bound seniors, etc. Try to make sure that some of your extracurricular activities are more social, e.g. a book reading club or dancing class, so you'll be able to meet and converse with other adults with similar interests. Look for continuing education classes at your local college or peruse Meetup.com for groups that interest you. Concentrate on making friends. Someday, when you're ready, that special someone may come along, or she may not, but at least you'll be enjoying a rich, rewarding life one way or the other.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I'm not sure you're "done". You're on hold, and for the right reasons.

You're only 40. You got married young. You have young children who need you in their lives. They need your time and attention, especially in light iof the change in their family unit through the divorce. Not bringing another woman into their lives right now is not a bad thing for them. Give them some time to adjust to their "new normal" of Mom and Dad being apart and how that has changed things.

You need time to heal. There is nothing than worse than someone who cannot be alone rushing into the 1st thing that comes along, because it usually ends up being a mistake. I have a friend who did that. he had been married 30 years, the last 20 of them unhappily by both his and his ex-wife's admission. No infidelity on either part. Mental illness on her part which just became too difficult to bear/deal with. They had the "straw that broke the camel's back" moment, got divorced. He started up with a friend when he was literally divorced for about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, he spends a lot of time talking about the ex, working through the feelings of loss, anger, disappointment, sadness, religious confusion etc.

Truthfully, if I was his girlfriend, I'd break up with him and let him get his head screwed on straight and mourn his marriage before I brought myself into his picture. But, she seems a bit money-focused and he has a pretty good earning capacity, plus he is a nice man, so I think she's willing to tolerate a lot more than I would because of the money aspect.

But, the grieving of the marriage is going to come and bite him on the butt eventually. Or he's going to make a huge mistake thinking thinking she's Miss Right when she's actually Miss Right Now.

Sometimes you can't save people from themselves though.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think i'll give up on women for now. quick history on me. I'm now 40 years old, got married out of highschool, married forever, got a divorce 2 years ago , she cheated i ended the marriage, my oldest son lives with me and my 9 year old daughter lives with me like 70% of the time. anyway it seems like nobody meets my standards. I don't want to date or marry someone with a half dozen kids, I don't smoke, I don't drink... just a family man. Anyway just throwing this out there... I'm content on just raising my kids and let it be. I do have friends that are girls but the ones that ask me out aren't my type. I'm very happy just raising my kids.

Hey, you sound like my sister.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Sometimes when you stop looking for something, IT finds YOU.

Boy, isn't THAT the truth!! I feel for ya though OP. I'm 44 & have long ago lived out my bar scene days, also pretty much a non-drinker & definite non-smoker. I would NOT want to be "out there" on my own again

 

[ceemys]

I'm in the same boat with men. It's me and my kids. I'm 45 and I have long given up on love and just focus on my kids. I do go out every few months with my friends but mostly we just hang out as a family and with our church family.

Hey...At least I can chose where we vacation without an argument.

 

[YO's Mom]

When my fiancé died, I decided I wasn’t in the right place (mentally or emotionally) to try to date for a very long time. Then I adopted my oldest daughter, and 3 years later, I adopted a little sister for us. Since then I’ve been overwhelmed with being an only parent. Honestly, when people (read my sisters) bring up dating, all I can say is when? When do I have time to date? I drop the girls off at school at 8 and pick them up at 5:15. If I’m lucky, I see them for 3 hours a day before they are off to bed. By the weekend, I am already dying to spend some time with them, plus I’ve got a list a mile long of things I need to do before Sunday night. So, for now, I’m content to be raising my kids. Maybe in a few years when they are both busy all weekend I’ll have time to think about dating again. Maybe.

 

[DIS_MERI]

It took me nearly 4 years just to find someone I wanted to go out with, although I do understand that having 3 fairly young kids scares off a large block of men. Some of that time I was very much looking, some of it I wasn't looking at all. All of it I was making sure that I was doing what was best for my kids. My ex has dated several women, I know it bothers the kids when he moves on to someone else (especially if she had kids he'd introduced them to), so I am glad I could show them stability.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

So let me get this straight.... You don't want to date a woman who has kids, but you have kids of your own?

I think you've made a wise choice to stay single.

 

[shortbun]

So let me get this straight.... You don't want to date a woman who has kids, but you have kids of your own?

I think you've made a wise choice to stay single.

He didn't say he didn't want to date women with children. He SAID he didn't want to date someone with 'half a dozen" children. Also, this thread is him saying he's tired of dating all together and that he's going to have quality family time. I don't see anything wrong with any of it and I am pretty critical, ya know?! I would have steered away from someone with six kids too. Sorry to you folks with six kids but that's a lot of kids to bring to a relationship. Poser-you don't happen to have "half a dozen" children and are single, right?

 

[dananbethany]

Sheesh - all I've asked for is a Christian man who's breathing and I haven't found him! People say...

"When you stop looking, you'll find him...or he'll find you!"
"You just haven't met him yet!"
"There's someone for everyone!"

And so on and so on.

Finally, last year, I got fed up with it. I finally started living life my way - I went back to school to get my degree - and made peace with my single life. I do get lonely...but I've found positive things about being single and focused on that.

And no, since I've stopped looking, no one has shown up

 

[1Princess1Prince2006]

I am in the same boat and I'm happy to be where I am and single.

I dated my way through a few guys and did online dating after my divorce, but one day I realized that I just didn't need the hassle right now. My kids are 7 and 9 and they keep me incredibly busy. Their dad lives in LA (the state) so when they go with him the few times a year he has them I enjoy my 'time off.'

For me, I know that once my kids are older and are a little more independent that I will/can re-enter the dating world. Until then, I'm happy to b single.

 

[lovepurple]

I married at 18 right out of high school and my husband left me three weeks ago after 23 years of marriage because he is having an affair with the receptionist at work. I can't even imagine getting back into the dating scene but the thought of being alone for the rest of my life makes me so sad. Two of our kids are grown and one is a junior in high school and one is in 2nd grade, so at least he will need me for a few more years, but after that, then what? This is not how I wanted my life to turn out and I am having a hard time accepting it. I also don't understand why my husband left me for such an ugly little troll.

 

[disneydeal]

So let me get this straight.... You don't want to date a woman who has kids, but you have kids of your own?

I think you've made a wise choice to stay single.

never said I didn't want to date someone with kids.. I said it seems all there is out there is women with 6 kids not just 1 or 2..... or they smoke and drink etc... I have 2 kids, a house, a new car,a job, values,perfect credit and so so much more to offer.... just seems like they aren't my match is all..... I'm not here to make anybody mad.

 

[Jex]

So how many pm's from single women did you get from this thread?

 

[bigredbill]

Hey man - I feel for you. Just relax and enjoy life.
About 8 yrs ago, my wife of 10 years ran off with her personal trainer leaving me with our two small children: a 5 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son. She didn't want to be tied down to a husband and children. She wanted to "live" in her words. A few months later, she asked to come back. I said "no". Best decision I have ever made.

Take this time, bond with your daughter. I would recommend not speaking ill about your ex in front of your daughter. My ex became very bitter and would say horrible (and untrue) things about me in front of my kids when they would visit her. That tactic backfired as they began to resent her when she made those comments.

You have your daughter 70% of the time -- take that 30% and do things for you. Take a trip. I always wished I would have grabbed one of my friends and just jumped in the car and drove for a week or so.

I remarried and had two more daughters, and have another son on the way. My older kids live with me about 75% of the time. All four of the kids love each other.

There are challenges that come with blended families, but nothing that can't be worked through. But like I said earlier, take your time, relax and enjoy life!

 

[Uncle Remus]

Met the most wonderful woman here on the DIS, wasn't even lookin', married her last year!

 

[JessicaR]

Met the most wonderful woman here on the DIS, wasn't even lookin', married her last year!

 

[goofyintoronto]

Met the most wonderful woman here on the DIS, wasn't even lookin', married her last year!

Awwwwwww

 

[goofyintoronto]

Hey man - I feel for you. Just relax and enjoy life.
About 8 yrs ago, my wife of 10 years ran off with her personal trainer leaving me with our two small children: a 5 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son. She didn't want to be tied down to a husband and children. She wanted to "live" in her words. A few months later, she asked to come back. I said "no". Best decision I have ever made.

Take this time, bond with your daughter. I would recommend not speaking ill about your ex in front of your daughter. My ex became very bitter and would say horrible (and untrue) things about me in front of my kids when they would visit her. That tactic backfired as they began to resent her when she made those comments.

You have your daughter 70% of the time -- take that 30% and do things for you. Take a trip. I always wished I would have grabbed one of my friends and just jumped in the car and drove for a week or so.

I remarried and had two more daughters, and have another son on the way. My older kids live with me about 75% of the time. All four of the kids love each other.

There are challenges that come with blended families, but nothing that can't be worked through. But like I said earlier, take your time, relax and enjoy life!

Your a very wise man! I would have said the same. Glad it worked out for you.