I'm Feeling Miserable, Anyone Know A Joke?

[MomofKatie]

Here's one courtesy of my DD, who's 7:

Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?













It was FULL!!

 

[dmfuru]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on the bench rings. A man engages the speakerphone and begins talking. The other guys end up listening.

MAN: Hello.
WOMAN: Honey it's me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: I'm at the mall now, and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1000… Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: $90,000.
MAN: For that price I want it with all the options!
WOMAN: Great! And one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000!
MAN: Well then go ahead and give them an offer for $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $50,000. It's clearly a pretty good price.
WOMAN: OK, I'll see later! I love you so much!
MAN: Bye. I love you too.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles, and says, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

 

[NeverlandClub23]

How do you make a tissue dance?






You put a little boogie in it!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

If you go into a bathroom an American and you come out of the bathroom American what are you while you're in the bathroom??







Europeean! Get it? You're-a-peein! Oh, so funny.

 

[Kae]

This is my dad's new one Warning it is "bad" He got it on the Golf Course.

Why do they call it PMS?















Mad cow Disease was taken!

Kae

 

[jedi_librarian]

Oh, WTH, I'll throw one in here

A woman comes into the library at the reference desk and says "I'D LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND COKE, PLEASE"

The librarian looks at her and says "Ma'am, you're in a library"



So the woman says (in a whisper) "Oh, I'm sorry - I'd like a cheeseburger and a coke"

 

[HaleyB]

Here is a whole thread of jokes

Everybody loves Jokes thread

 

[HaleyB]

I hope you feel better soon. My Mom had the worst time with shingles, I felt so sorry for her. From what she told me it sonds miserable.

I think chocolate helps. Worth a try.

 

[Micca]

A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here?"

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

I hope you feel better soon. My Mom had the worst time with shingles, I felt so sorry for her. From what she told me it sonds miserable.

I think chocolate helps. Worth a try.

Chocolate helps everything...