I'm a Nervous Wreck (female advice)

[Feralpeg]

I know this probably won't help, but my brother and SIL lost a baby many years ago. Of course, they were very upset. The doctor told them that miscarriage is God's way of taking back babies who would not be able to cope in this world for whatever reason. Something was just wrong and he wouldn't want them to suffer. It did seem to help. They now have two grown children.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers.

 

[shelly3girls]

boomhauer,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We just went through the same experience in September. It is still very difficult for me to talk about. Everyone grieves differently but I was much like your wife in wanting to be left alone. I didn't answer the phone for days. I found some comfort on an ivillage message board where there are many women who have experienced loss. Sometimes it is just nice to know that you are not alone. For me a big step was moving on. Once we were talking about trying to conceive again I started feeling better. Although not recommended by the doctor we did get pregnant again right away (most dr. recommend waiting 1 - 3 cycles). In fact I am now 13 weeks along with what appears to be a healthy baby. You and your wife are in my prayers.
Shelly3girls

BTW I think your wife may warm up to the idea about going away just not something she can think of now. Also, if it were me I would still want my DH to go away.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

This is the wrong time to bring this up obviously, but it just started occuring to me as I looked at my signature.

I'm supposed to go to Florida for a week the beginning of February with a friend of mine. My wife was OK with this the last time we talked. I've already paid the trip off. I keep thinking that I shouldn't go, but, I don't know she's gonna be then. As of right now, she won't let me talk to her at all. It sounds selfish, but I want my time to grieve as well. I'm heartbroken. Personally, I could more than ever use some time away to deal with this. I talked to my MIL, and she told me to go. My friends are telling me to go. I don't even care what I do at this point - I just keep thinking how much good a week away from everything would do for me. I mentioned to my wife that I think we both should get away, and she got mad and hung up the phone. Definitely bad move on my part - Too early. I'm an idiot. I know her - She won't go.

What do I do?

keep the trip...you have plenty of time to cancel...PHYSICALLY she will be fine in a few days...I thinkk by February she will appreciate some tiome to relax and maybe...try for a "souviener"

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

yeah, and my bad typing is only surpassed by my spelling

 

[lil mermaid]

am so sorry. Big hugs to both of you.

I have been where you are twice, and of course everyone's pain is different, but I know how difficult it is.

Try to be patient with your wife.

I would hold off on cancelling the trip. She will almost certainly physically be recovered by then, and it may be just what she needs!

 

[floridafam]

I second having her check out the ivillage message boards.

This might not be the case with you but sometimes a D & C can help to take care of a variety of things that may be preventing your wife from carrying to term.

I know Doctors don't recommend getting pregnant for at least 1-3 cycles but sometimes it does happen again right away because of the D & C. Some don't believe this but I've read many accounts from women who said it gave them a bump in their fertility. I had a D&C on June 21, had a normal cycle 11 days later and was pregnant 2 weeks after that.

Just be loving and caring. Take care of yourself, too. This is essential so you can be strong for your wife.



ETA-I meant to post this on your other thread.

 

[Disney Doll]

It is a difficult time for both you and she, so remember to move towards each other, not away from each other.

As far as your Florida trip...February is a way aways...let it lie for now and see how things are shaking out by then. In all honesty, two months after a miscarriage, she should be physically OK and emotionally stronger and stable. That isn't to say that there won't be some moments of sadness or wistfulness, but she shouldn't still be in the deep "funk" she is right now, when it is a fresh hurt.

 

[LoveWDW]

Oh no! I am so sorry! Prayers for your comfort.

 

[mum4jenn]

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through a miscarriage several years ago(96). Something that helped both my dh and I alot was that we each wrote a "goodbye" to the baby in our baby book that we had already started. It was hard to do and it took several attemps to write everything out but we wrote all our dreams for the baby in our message and it really did help us each get some of the sadness out of our systems. I don't think we will ever forget and each year at the due date we both get sad but we now have a happy smart healthy 8 year old.