I'm a Nervous Wreck (female advice)

[bananiem]

I am so sorry. I was hoping everything would turn out fine. to you and your wife.

 

[luvmydogs]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and send prayers of strength and comfort for you both.

 

[tarmand]

Oh my, I am so saddened to read this today. You guys need to love each other and grieve together. Be there for her and never let her think that she did anything wrong. Unfortunately, as you have read here, there is a high occurance of miscarriage during the first three months of pregnancy. There is nothing you guys could have done differently or better. Remember that people care about you guys and you care about each other and you will get through this. Oh, and it's okay for a 29 year-old man to cry.

 

[lovetheparks]

Back at work today.

Yesterday was pretty much the worst day of my life. It was devestating for me, but to see and hear my wife in tears all day was just too much for me. A grown 29 year old man trying not to cry is a pretty bad site. I don't know what to do. She's basically comotose right now. Wants nothing to do with anybody. No comfort or anything.

Having suffered 2 losses myself, the biggest thing you can do is just be there. Validate her sadness and validate that regardless of how early, that it was a loss and allow yourselves to grieve that.

It also helps to talk to others that have been in that situation. I found my saving grace were m/c message boards where everyone was in the same shoes as I.

I wish you both the very best and don't give up hope. Although DH & I never got our miracle many many others have and you will too.

 

[Kristi1357]

 

[disneyfanforever]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Back at work today.

Yesterday was pretty much the worst day of my life. It was devestating for me, but to see and hear my wife in tears all day was just too much for me. A grown 29 year old man trying not to cry is a pretty bad site. I don't know what to do. She's basically comotose right now. Wants nothing to do with anybody. No comfort or anything.

All you can do is be there for her.It is a very very hard thing to go through.I have miscarried twice and then I carried tiffany till I was 5 1/2 mnths and we lost her.She has to grieve and it will take along time,but it will get easier for her.Also you need to grieve also.You cant just hold it all in,or it will be harder on you.My DH tried to do the same thing and he had a very hard time.It is something you both need to grieve together.It brought me and DH so much closer.
You both are in my prayers,I am so sorry you are going through this .


Misty

 

[boomhauer]

Does anyone know anything about the DNC procedue? She has an appontment for this next Thursday, however, my know it all MIL thinks it's completely unnecessary, and accoridng to her "sources", DNC's aren't used unless the woman is at least 4 months pregnant.

 

[mickeyboat]

Does anyone know anything about the DNC procedue? She has an appontment for this next Thursday, however, my know it all MIL thinks it's completely unnecessary, and accoridng to her "sources", DNC's aren't used unless the woman is at least 4 months pregnant.

Your MIL is wrong. She should follow the advice of her doctor.

I had a D & C after my ectopic pregnancy. It was pretty tough for me. The thing I remembered most was that I had been so strong, trying not to cry. but when they gave me a sedative for the procedure, I started crying and shaking uncontrollably. The nurse taking care of me was so nice. She got me a warm blanket and told me it was ok to cry.

My D & C caused scaring in my uterus which required surgery later to correct.

I am so sorry you and your wife have to go through this.

If you want more details about the procedure, please PM me.

Denae

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

I have had a few D&C procedures ..Some Dr's don't do them after a miscarriage..some do..it is a way to make sure everything is clear...


Good luck to you and your wife...nothing I can say can make your pain better, but from someone who has been there, have faith..my mother had several miscarriages (one a few months before I was conceived)

Hugs and PD!

 

[lecach]

I had one when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Most doctors will give you the option of D&C or natural miscarriage. For me I couldnt stand the wait so I opted for the D&C. Plus sometimes even if you miscarry naturally you still need the D&C. I had my D&C on December 26, 2003 and conceived again on March 29, 2004.

 

[BavarianPrincess]

4 pregnancies here, but only 2 living children. Keep loving your wife, allow her to grieve as she needs to, and ask her to help you grieve as you need to. My husband wept with me sometimes, and other times, we took turns "being strong" for each other. Understand that you may have different ways and timetables of dealing with this, and just accept one another.

 

[boomhauer]

This is the wrong time to bring this up obviously, but it just started occuring to me as I looked at my signature.

I'm supposed to go to Florida for a week the beginning of February with a friend of mine. My wife was OK with this the last time we talked. I've already paid the trip off. I keep thinking that I shouldn't go, but, I don't know she's gonna be then. As of right now, she won't let me talk to her at all. It sounds selfish, but I want my time to grieve as well. I'm heartbroken. Personally, I could more than ever use some time away to deal with this. I talked to my MIL, and she told me to go. My friends are telling me to go. I don't even care what I do at this point - I just keep thinking how much good a week away from everything would do for me. I mentioned to my wife that I think we both should get away, and she got mad and hung up the phone. Definitely bad move on my part - Too early. I'm an idiot. I know her - She won't go.

What do I do?

 

[can'twait]

This is the wrong time to bring this up obviously, but it just started occuring to me as I looked at my signature.

I'm supposed to go to Florida for a week the beginning of February with a friend of mine. My wife was OK with this the last time we talked. I've already paid the trip off. I keep thinking that I shouldn't go, but, I don't know she's gonna be then. As of right now, she won't let me talk to her at all. It sounds selfish, but I want my time to grieve as well. I'm heartbroken. Personally, I could more than ever use some time away to deal with this. I talked to my MIL, and she told me to go. My friends are telling me to go. I don't even care what I do at this point - I just keep thinking how much good a week away from everything would do for me. I mentioned to my wife that I think we both should get away, and she got mad and hung up the phone. Definitely bad move on my part - Too early. I'm an idiot. I know her - She won't go.

What do I do?

I was thinking this too, when I saw your sig. You are going to see Mickey and he will make it alright! Can she go with you, instead of your friend or did you mean each of you go on vacation alone? I would think you would want to grieve together??? But, it's none of my business if you both need time apart. Good luck in any case.

 

[Buckalew11]

It really doesn't matter if your MIL and friends say it is OK to go. This OK must come from your wife. It must.

I am sorry, Boomhauer. Losing a baby at any stage is devastating. Hugs to you both.

 

[floridafam]

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers are on their way.

The Dr. obviously wants her to have a D&C. I would listen to the Dr. over your MIL. I don't believe they are only used for pregnancies that are over 4 months. There could be a number of reasons the Dr. thinks she should have one.

In all honesty, I probably wouldn't want my DH to go away. You never know how anyone is going to handle grief. She may be angry now but she will/may move to a different stage of grief where she needs you to comfort her and support her.

Just take one day at a time.

 

[boomhauer]

Well, some good new today - Her doctor said the earliest she could get in for the procedure would be next Thursday, and my wife was just a wreck having to wait that long.

So, I called and begged and pleaded with her doctor to try and get her in earlier. She said she would move some stuff around and get her in on Monday. I called my wife, and got her to talk to me. When I told her, she immediatley sounded a bit better, so that's good. At least I could do something to make her feel better.

 

[ToTLaugher]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You asked about going to FL. I would say give it time. You don't know how either of you will be feeling by then. Get through the holidays at least before trying to make any decisions.

You and your wife will be in my prayers.

 

[tarmand]

Well, some good new today - Her doctor said the earliest she could get in for the procedure would be next Thursday, and my wife was just a wreck having to wait that long.

So, I called and begged and pleaded with her doctor to try and get her in earlier. She said she would move some stuff around and get her in on Monday. I called my wife, and got her to talk to me. When I told her, she immediatley sounded a bit better, so that's good. At least I could do something to make her feel better.

It seems like your wife is feeling very angry right now. Her anger is justified and she also sounds like she is taking it out on you a bit. Please be gentle and understanding with her right now and don't take it personally.

Here's a site where she might want to visit. It's a forum for women who've had to deal with a pregnancy loss.

http://idreamofbaby.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?forumid=32

 

[ToTLaugher]

Getting the Dr. to change the time probably makes you a hero in your wife's eyes! I know my DH would be a hero to me for that (even if I didn't tell him so)! Good job!