If you're invited to a dinner party at 6pm...

[mjkacmom]

I give more bday/kids parties than dinner parties, but if I put 6pm, between 5:45-6:15 would be perfect. Any later than that and I think its rude since tardiness is a huge pet peeve of mine. At most parties I have or have been to and everyone is usually 15 min early or late. I have a set of relatives who are always 1 hr late, if the party is 1 1/2-2 hrs they missed most of it, including food. I don't get being late.

Okay, I probably host more kids birthday parties (out) than dinner parties, but they last no longer than 2 hours. However, the adult invited parties will last up to 6 hours, so being 15 minutes late is normal. I honestly don't understand how some people think it's okay to be early, but rude to be late. At least around here, being early is considered very rude, but being a little late is the norm. And the most fun part of parties is before and after the meal.

 

[Carly_Roach]

If you're invited to dinner party at 6pm, what time do you arrive at the party?

Help me settle this discussion with my friend.

I haven't read the other posts yet so I won't be influenced. Our dinner party protocol is as follows:

If it's informal and we know the hosts will likely want to talk or have a before dinner cocktail, we'll show up anywhere from 5:30 to 5:45.

If it's family and we know they'll want help setting up the buffet and/or getting the dishes out of the oven, I'll make sure we're there by 5:30.

If it's formal, then we'll be there at 5:55. The people we know have no tolerance for tardiness.

In all cases we always show up with some kind of hostess gift which is usually a bottle of wine or box of cigars. The more formal the party, the more expensive the wine, liquor or cigars.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I haven't read the other posts yet so I won't be influenced. Our dinner party protocol is as follows:

If it's informal and we know the hosts will likely want to talk or have a before dinner cocktail, we'll show up anywhere from 5:30 to 5:45.

If it's family and we know they'll want help setting up the buffet and/or getting the dishes out of the oven, I'll make sure we're there by 5:30.

If it's formal, then we'll be there at 5:55. The people we know have no tolerance for tardiness.

In all cases we always show up with some kind of hostess gift which is usually a bottle of wine or box of cigars. The more formal the party, the more expensive the wine, liquor or cigars.

Your post summed up our protocol as well.

 

[pigletgirl]

If dinner is being served at 6pm, then I would try and get there at 5:50ish. If its an informal event, I would try and be there no later than 6:15ish.

It all depends on the event. But in my point of view being early and late can be rude.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Thanks, Sadie! I'm glad I didn't read all the other posts because they definitely would have influenced my post on our protocol.

I think what's happening is that people who are habitually late themselves find it horribly rude when other people show up on time. The whole "I'm running around in a bra and putting on makeup five minutes before the start of the party" excuse kind of gives it away. They're not good with time management, that's all. And they expect everyone else to be just as bad at managing their time.

OTOH, those who do manage their time well and are ready 1/2 an hour before the party get pretty ticked off at those who are late. Dinner that is precisely timed would be ruined if they had to wait for those who didn't see fit to get ready until five minutes before the event was to take place. The best time managers I've ever eaten with start dinner on time and the late person is typically embarassed to walk in while we are all eating. Those people are usually not invited back or they make sure they're on time if/when they are invited again.

It may also be regional as well. N/E people have a tendency to be polite to a fault and they show it in their actions. If someone is going to the trouble to entertain guests at a dinner party, it's considered unspeakably rude to show up late to that event. That action says (on behalf of the guest) that the guest considers their time to be worth more than the host's time. That guest will likely not be invited back unless they are a boss, manager, or political figure (ie: someone the host wants something from).

I suspect in the south and west, however, people may be more laid back. NY may have their own "fashionably late" protocols as well.

Therefore, unless the OP happens to find someone on these boards who come from the same region and social level that matches hers, she probably won't have an adequate answer to settle her bet with her friend.

 

[tasha99]

I don't think it's so much about personal time management skills or punctuality as local custom. I'm very punctual EXCEPT for dinner parties. With my friends on the west coast, at least, being late is expected. On time is fine, but early is just rude.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks, Sadie! I'm glad I didn't read all the other posts because they definitely would have influenced my post on our protocol.

I think what's happening is that people who are habitually late themselves find it horribly rude when other people show up on time. The whole "I'm running around in a bra and putting on makeup five minutes before the start of the party" excuse kind of gives it away. They're not good with time management, that's all. And they expect everyone else to be just as bad at managing their time.

OTOH, those who do manage their time well and are ready 1/2 an hour before the party get pretty ticked off at those who are late. Dinner that is precisely timed would be ruined if they had to wait for those who didn't see fit to get ready until five minutes before the event was to take place. The best time managers I've ever eaten with start dinner on time and the late person is typically embarassed to walk in while we are all eating. Those people are usually not invited back or they make sure they're on time if/when they are invited again.

It may also be regional as well. N/E people have a tendency to be polite to a fault and they show it in their actions. If someone is going to the trouble to entertain guests at a dinner party, it's considered unspeakably rude to show up late to that event. That action says (on behalf of the guest) that the guest considers their time to be worth more than the host's time. That guest will likely not be invited back unless they are a boss, manager, or political figure (ie: someone the host wants something from).

I suspect in the south and west, however, people may be more laid back. NY may have their own "fashionably late" protocols as well.

Therefore, unless the OP happens to find someone on these boards who come from the same region and social level that matches hers, she probably won't have an adequate answer to settle her bet with her friend.

But even with people who manage their time well, there can be unexpected delays such as phone calls or traffic. Therefore, I think the hostess who manages her time best would certainly not have dinner ready to be set out at 6pm on the dot, but a few minutes later, at least.

 

[Carly_Roach]

But even with people who manage their time well, there can be unexpected delays such as phone calls or traffic. Therefore, I think the hostess who manages her time best would certainly not have dinner ready to be set out at 6pm on the dot, but a few minutes later, at least.

And you would be right: most good time managers allow for an extra five or ten minutes before setting dinner out. However, planning for someone to show up 15 to 30 minutes after the majority of the party is already there? Doesn't happen and I don't think it should. If you can't get there on time, then don't show up a 1/2 an hour to an hour late and expect that your excuse will be accepted by everyone who had to waste their time waiting for you.

As for the "unexpected delays", 90% of the time these delays wouldn't occur if people planned their time better. I'm not saying these things don't happen, but they don't happen as often as people who like to use these excuses say they happen.

It's been my experience that most of the people who are habitually late, whether it's to work, school or dinner parties, are late because they don't plan their time well and leave enough room for "unexpected" delays when they leave the house. It seems they prefer to put more effort into coming up with excuses than taking the effort to actually be on time in the first place.

This is why I put more importance in actions rather than words. Talk is cheap; it's your actions that define who you really are.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think it's so much about personal time management skills or punctuality as local custom. I'm very punctual EXCEPT for dinner parties. With my friends on the west coast, at least, being late is expected. On time is fine, but early is just rude.

I find this thread very interesting! Here in the NYC area, I can't imagine showing up early - it's embarrassing to show up on time! My gf had a bunch of us over for dinner, between 3 and 4, and it was awkward showing up first, at 3:30 (we ate dinner at 6). There are definitely regional differences. If someone showed up early, I'd assume they got the time wrong.

 

[Minnesota!]

If dinner is starting at 6, I show up around 545. Most people I know do this, too.

When I have a party, and I say that it starts at 7, most people start arriving between 630 and 645. It's expected in my circle that you are already there when the party starts...

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I think some of the disagreement might be because of regional differences in the way invitations are issued. We always issue invitations based on the time we expect guests to arrive. It sounds like some of you live in areas, though, where you issue invitations giving the time that dinner is actually going to be served. If someone invited me to dinner, saying to would be "served" at 6pm, I would show up a bit before that, and think it would be rude to show up late.

We never invite people just for 'dinner'. It always starts with some nibblers and socializing. I couldn't imagine being invited to someone's house for dinner and being shown immediately to the table...that seems so weird! If an invitation is for 6pm, I generally expect there to be nibblers and drinks until about 7pm (or later), when dinner would be served. If the party is being held by a South American, dinner definitely won't be served until after 10 pm, even though the party might officially start at 8:00!

In Canada, if we are invited somewhere for 6pm, we aim to arrive between 6:00 and 6:10 (unless they were really good friends, in which case we wouldn't worry about showing up early). In Chile, we will actually ask if the arrival time is in "Chile" time or "North American" time. "North American" time is on the dot, or within 15 minutes of the invitation. Chile time is at least half an hour to an hour late.

 

[mtemm]

I am seeing that people are answering differently based on different assumptions here...people who think the op is saying that 6pm means the dinner itself starts then, and people who think that the party starts at 6pm.

if the invite says 6pm, I don't come earlier, unless its family or a close friend and I've offered to help. well, at most 5 minutes early. From what I am seeing, the people who say they come half an hour earlier are assuming the op meant that the dinner is served at 6pm.

for a 6pm dinner party (6pm party start), I wouldn't expect the dinner itself to be served until closer to 7, or even later.

 

[Saphire]

We never invite people just for 'dinner'. It always starts with some nibblers and socializing. I couldn't imagine being invited to someone's house for dinner and being shown immediately to the table...that seems so weird! If an invitation is for 6pm, I generally expect there to be nibblers and drinks until about 7pm (or later), when dinner would be served.

I agree! I think it is very awkward to sit down to a meal as soon as you arrive. There is so much socializing to do first, and what better way over appetizers and drinks? I host dinner parties often, and I like to enjoy my company. Having an hour or more before dinner makes ME relax, and eases me into the dinner hour when I have to focus on the meal.
If invite is for 6:00, I would arrive between 6:00 and 6:15.

 

[bethy]

Never, EVER before 6 or the stated beginning time of the party. It is horribly rude to show up early to a dinner party because you may put the hostess in a position of not being 100% ready to entertain. That last 10 - 15 minutes might be used to put a fresh shirt on, do a quick reapply of makeup, etc. If you arrive at the house early, drive around the block a few times.

And if a dinner party, no later than 6:15. A cocktail party, fashionably late starts getting irritating at 6:30pm.

We entertain very often and this is my perspective. I actually appreciate it when someone is 5 minutes late. I absolutely do NOT want someone arriving early to "help" me.

We always plan to serve dinner about 45 - 60 minutes after the start times. To allow time for appetizers and drinks and to get everyone into a festive and relaxed spirit.

 

[trip]

We entertain very often and this is my perspective. I actually appreciate it when someone is 5 minutes late. I absolutely do NOT want someone arriving early to "help" me.

We always plan to serve dinner about 45 - 60 minutes after the start times. To allow time for appetizers and drinks and to get everyone into a festive and relaxed spirit.

This how I feel also.

Unless the invitation specifically stated dinner was going to be served at 6:00, I wouldn't arrive before the stated start time of the party.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I think some of the disagreement might be because of regional differences in the way invitations are issued. We always issue invitations based on the time we expect guests to arrive. It sounds like some of you live in areas, though, where you issue invitations giving the time that dinner is actually going to be served. If someone invited me to dinner, saying to would be "served" at 6pm, I would show up a bit before that, and think it would be rude to show up late.

We never invite people just for 'dinner'. It always starts with some nibblers and socializing. I couldn't imagine being invited to someone's house for dinner and being shown immediately to the table...that seems so weird! If an invitation is for 6pm, I generally expect there to be nibblers and drinks until about 7pm (or later), when dinner would be served. If the party is being held by a South American, dinner definitely won't be served until after 10 pm, even though the party might officially start at 8:00!

In Canada, if we are invited somewhere for 6pm, we aim to arrive between 6:00 and 6:10 (unless they were really good friends, in which case we wouldn't worry about showing up early). In Chile, we will actually ask if the arrival time is in "Chile" time or "North American" time. "North American" time is on the dot, or within 15 minutes of the invitation. Chile time is at least half an hour to an hour late.

I think you hit it right on the head. It seems that the further south you go, the later the dinner hour. Regional differences obviously play a part in this.

I wonder if it comes from the "early to bed, early to rise" attitude that seems so prevalent around here (the northeast) and maybe that's why there's so much insistance on punctuality? Eating dinner at 8:00 at night seems somewhat strange to me, and eating it at 10:00? Way too late for most of the people I know and the social circles we travel in. Having a heavy meal on our stomachs right before bed may seem like a great way to get drowsy, but I know we'd pay for that kind of eating the next morning.

While we're not shown to the table as soon as we walk in, it's common (at least at the parties we've attended) to have dinner on the table not more than 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes at the latest after the scheduled start time. Sometimes sooner. It all depends on the dinner party and the agenda for throwing the dinner party.

And, of course, most people around here would say, "Dinner is at 6:00" or "Dinner is at 7:00" so we'd be able to plan ourselves for arriving early enough for socialization.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think you hit it right on the head. It seems that the further south you go, the later the dinner hour. Regional differences obviously play a part in this.

I wonder if it comes from the "early to bed, early to rise" attitude that seems so prevalent around here (the northeast) and maybe that's why there's so much insistance on punctuality? Eating dinner at 8:00 at night seems somewhat strange to me, and eating it at 10:00? Way too late for most of the people I know and the social circles we travel in. Having a heavy meal on our stomachs right before bed may seem like a great way to get drowsy, but I know we'd pay for that kind of eating the next morning.

While we're not shown to the table as soon as we walk in, it's common (at least at the parties we've attended) to have dinner on the table not more than 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes at the latest after the scheduled start time. Sometimes sooner. It all depends on the dinner party and the agenda for throwing the dinner party.

And, of course, most people around here would say, "Dinner is at 6:00" or "Dinner is at 7:00" so we'd be able to plan ourselves for arriving early enough for socialization.

Where in the NE are you? I can't imagine a dinner party before 7:30 or so, and that's the earliest we'd go out to dinner with adults. And dinner is usually served up to two hours after the time on the invitation. I'm in NJ, 8 miles from NYC.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think you hit it right on the head. It seems that the further south you go, the later the dinner hour. Regional differences obviously play a part in this.

I wonder if it comes from the "early to bed, early to rise" attitude that seems so prevalent around here (the northeast) and maybe that's why there's so much insistance on punctuality? Eating dinner at 8:00 at night seems somewhat strange to me, and eating it at 10:00? Way too late for most of the people I know and the social circles we travel in. Having a heavy meal on our stomachs right before bed may seem like a great way to get drowsy, but I know we'd pay for that kind of eating the next morning.

While we're not shown to the table as soon as we walk in, it's common (at least at the parties we've attended) to have dinner on the table not more than 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes at the latest after the scheduled start time. Sometimes sooner. It all depends on the dinner party and the agenda for throwing the dinner party.

And, of course, most people around here would say, "Dinner is at 6:00" or "Dinner is at 7:00" so we'd be able to plan ourselves for arriving early enough for socialization.

I've found just the opposite. I was born and raised in Michigan and we usually had dinner at 6:30. When I was in middle school I moved here to Kentucky and most of my friends thought that was really late. In fact, some of the people here (and more than a few) would have dinner at 4:00 or 4:30! Of course, if they were throwing a dinner party, they probably wouldn't serve dinner that early.

 

[sunlver]

So it seems its all in the wording or it could be in the assumption.

I think for all of us who are confused(Me included) A good invite would say

6-6:30 appetizers and drinks, 6:30 dinner, that way no confusion.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

So it seems its all in the wording or it could be in the assumption.

I think for all of us who are confused(Me included) A good invite would say

6-6:30 appetizers and drinks, 6:30 dinner, that way no confusion.

OP here! The invitation said "Please join us for a dinner party on September 26th from 6:00pm to 10pm"

Does this change anyone's mind?