If your college student wants to switch schools

[Tiggeroo]

what would you do. My one son had a rocky first year. He's on academic probation. We just had some testing done and they believe there is a problem. This will entitle him to some extra services at school. She also feels that he has some depression and wants him to see a counselor for this to determine the cause/effect of depression school struggles and to treat the depression.
This son is in this school because he loves to run. He broke his hand badly and missed half of the running year. His running is very important to him. He is saying maybe he should do a year at home. However, it is likely he will not be able to get into a school with this type of running program again. There would be complications with NCAA rules as well as the fact that his grades were poor first semester and there would be a good deal of time involved and bringing up the gpa to transfer status.
I would love to have him home as I miss him. But I believe if he leaves now he will regret walking away from his running. I'd like to encourage him to try one more semester with the counseling and the additional academic support. But I will be concerned about the depression and the likelihood he will be going to school on some medications. He's a good kid and if I encourage him to give it another semester he will. I will provide him with a car and the money to come home on weekends so that he will be a bit less home sick.
Has anybody faced a similar situation.

 

[momrek06]

I have two DS' in college (Master's and Junior). Fortunately, neither of them suffered any homesick issues. But that being said I would like to just give you my .02cents....I would have him return for another semester. The reason I say this is IF running is his pride and joy and you take him away from the ONE big PLUS at this school to go to another school without running, it may make him even more depressed. After all this school is offering counseling and some academic tutoring to get both his spirits high as well as his grades.

Like you said, he may not even get into a school of his choice being on A/P! He definitely needs to get that GPA back up before he even considers another school and when the GPA gets back up there, it may open up for him other schools with great running programs.

OP, you have not mentioned friends at all. My DS' spend night and day talking to their roomies (they are all back at home for the summer) and would never want to leave even if it wasn't their choice due to the fact they have come to meet some fabulous good friends while in college. What about the fact he would be leaving good friends? Does that bother him at all? The one big PLUS I found with my DS' attending college and living away from home, is that year after year they become more mature and realize what is important in their life and what they really NEED to do with their lives.

GOOD LUCK, OP!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Being away at school really gave him maturity. He has good friends on the track team and encouraged a friend from his local hs to attend there this coming year. I think he's afraid of going and failing. The psych. who only saw him for three hours to do academic testing scared him too. She said he has some psych issues to be addressed and maybe he is suicidal, depressed, and/or has insomnia. This son is a bit of a drama queen. I worry about him and will be monitoring him closely. It will be costly as his school is 3hrs away. But I have seen him when he's not running. That is when he gets the most depressed. The episodes of depression that were part of the questionaire occured during the school year when he was on the injured list.
I'm not wanting to take him away. He's suggesting it because he's nervous about going back.

 

[Buckalew11]

I am sure the depression comes mostly from the injury and not being able to run. So, he'll be running this year if he goes back? Freshman year is hard (emotionally etc.). I hope he faces the fear and tries it again. Usually it gets better with time (esp. if he can run again). I know my DH has talked about how much harder college was for him than HS. He siad he had to learn to study and use his time wisely etc. compared to HS. He felt unprepared for it as he chose a college with a tough reputation.

Good luck to him!! (And you!)

 

[Tiggeroo]

My son was unprepared for this. That's why we deliberately chose a small school. One of my reasons for sending him back with a car is I want him to see what it's like here in the winter. Most of his friends will be off to their own colleges. We're a shore town and it's really dead in the winter.
But he's a surfer. He misses the ocean and surfing. The reason he's going to school is so he can teach locally and continue to lifeguard in the summers.

 

[tuckerkeys]

why not try a local therapist before he goes back to school? i think a car will make a big difference b/c he can come home on the weekends if he wants to. i went to school in va for 1 semester. came home ( to the jersey shore) b/c i missed it. i realized this is where i was meant to be, and ended up enrollliing at georgian court & commuting. i was not cut out to live on campus.... why not ask him to stick it out for at least the fall semester, and maybe try another therapist if this one scares you or him....i would not be so quick to get on depression meds just because 1 Dr. said so....

 

[Tiggeroo]

I'm going to see if we can get an appt. with a therapist before school starts. I might see if we can get interviews with a couple by his school. This way if we find a good one he can continue while at school. This woman was supposed to be just looking at his learning disability problem. I mentioned to her that I was concerned because he had a hard year and at times was depressed. I thought it might be good for him to find somebody to talk to when he went back to school.
I think that when they ask the question, have you ever contemplated suicide, it's subjective. Probably everybody at one time or another and at times when things are going poorly thinks, this would be easier if I just ended it. This is not the same as thinking about killing yourself, considering methods, really even going in that direction. Most of us aren't really thinking about killing ourselves. We're kind of like the guy in it's a wonderful life. I've talked to my son about this. I asked him which way it was and I don't think he's even remotely suicidal. But he's a drama queen. He is always the center of attention and likes it that way. I've seen him make alot of big deals to both get attention and to take pressure off of other situations. He was the top runner here getting alot of press and attention for it. I think it's been hard to not be that way in a bigger college.
I wish there was a closer school that would let him compete. He doesn't want to go to the two smaller state schools because they are division 11 and lll and have poor programs. There are a couple schools around an hour out that he vetoed as well. He put alot of thought into his choice. I believe he wants to be there but is worried about the academics. Another semester like this and he's off the team.

 

[jsmith]

My son transfered schools at the end of his freshman year-it was a painful decision because he gave up and academic full ride at Clemson University-we live in colorado. He was not stuggling academically-but he hated the south-weather wise-he hated being far from home-he WASNT running and he wanted to he was depressed and his dad got sent to iraq and his little brother was miserable too-for him moving back to the university of colorado was a good decision-he sees a therapist still but he was able to get on the track team and feels much happier. Its a hard call -i think in your sons case i would incourage him to stay so he could continue to run

 

[Tiggeroo]

My son would kill for the chance to run for UofC. He's actually considering spending a couple summers training in Colorado.