If you were separated from your young child...

[ckay87]

If you had a four year old son or daughter go missing for eight months, do you think it would be possible that you would not recognize the child when you were reunited after that time? Oh, let's also say (and I know this is hard to imagine) that you possessed no pictures of the kid.

Just listened to a great podcast about the story of Bobby Dunbar. I'd never heard it before. In a real nutshell, a little 4 year old went missing in 1912. When found, two potential mothers could not be sure whether the boy was theirs. I don't know whether they had photos or not, but I suppose it's possible that they did not.

What kept nagging me long after listening to the whole story was that I wondered....how would they not recognize their own son, even after that period of time? It's just hard to imagine, but maybe, considering a possible lack of photos and the amount the boy could have grown....

Or how about this....would your child that age recognize YOU after that period of time?

 

[Erin1700]

8 months?
Of course I would know my own son.

8 years?
I might not be 100% sure.

 

[StephMK]

I can't imagine not knowing them. I know where their freckles are, how their ears are shaped, how their hair parts naturally, etc. That would all be stuff I'd still expect to recognize after a period of time.

Now if they aged over a number of years, it might be harder but all three have little birthmarks that I would know to look for. Two of them have little moles in the same spot on their bodies.

 

[marlynnp]

I'm wondering what podcast you were listening to? Because your recap really isn't correct. Basically two mothers insisted that he was their child.

Bobby went missing and authorities found a boy fitting his description. The boy was with a man who said he was given custody of the boy by a woman who worked for his family, this woman verified the story.

However, the Dunbar's insisted he was their missing boy. The authorities sided with the Dunbar's (I suspect money had something to do with that).

DNA has since proven that the child raised as Bobby Dunbar was not related to the Dunbar's.


And yes, I'd recognize my child after 8 months and luckily in this day and age would be able to prove she was mine if someone else insisted as recognizing her as their own too.

 

[Hannathy]

At 4yrs a span of only 8 months, of course, they don't change that much between 4 and 5

Now 4 days old to 4 years that could be hard. Or 4 yrs to 18 yrs old yeah there is a better chance but even then there is usually some resemblance but only 8 months at 4 years then yes you should be able to.

 

[smitch425]

I would know my son in a heartbeat. I don't see how 8 months would change his appearance much. Even 8 years later I think I would still recognize him. He is almost 8 years old now, and he still looks the same in the face as he did when he was 2.

That is absolutely crazy that they took that kid and gave to a family he didn't even belong to.

 

[ckay87]

I'm wondering what podcast you were listening to? Because your recap really isn't correct. Basically two mothers insisted that he was their child.

Bobby went missing and authorities found a boy fitting his description. The boy was with a man who said he was given custody of the boy by a woman who worked for his family, this woman verified the story.

However, the Dunbar's insisted he was their missing boy. The authorities sided with the Dunbar's (I suspect money had something to do with that).

DNA has since proven that the child raised as Bobby Dunbar was not related to the Dunbar's.


And yes, I'd recognize my child after 8 months and luckily in this day and age would be able to prove she was mine if someone else insisted as recognizing her as their own too.

That's right. I was trying to just do a 1 or 2 sentence summary, which of course omitted way too much. Yes, eventually the families went to court insisting the child was theirs, but the story I heard was that upon the very first reunion...like when they walked into the room and looked at the kid.... both mothers could not be sure. And that is the part that struck me. That, along with the fact that the story did not include whether the child recognized his mother.

I was more interested in posing that question here without all the details of the story. Although...it is very interesting.

I listened to a This American Life podcast from March '08

 

[CdnCarrie]

What a fascinating story! I'm going to try and find the book.

 

[4nana]

Absolutely, without any doubt!!

 

[Myothername]

I heard that podcast several years ago and it still haunts me. This took place very near where I live. That mother, Dunbar, I am sure wanted so bad for it to be her son. She didn't recognize him when she first saw him as he was asleep. The next day when it was light she gave him a bath and identified him by a mole on his back. But not only would I have recognized my son it would have recognized my nieces and nephews after 8 months. The real mother, I believe, never got a chance to identify him from what I remember. I also seem to remember that the little boy was given all kinds of gifts with the Dunbars and having been raised the child of poor sharecroppers during the depression I am sure he knew which side his bread was buttered on.

The real Dunbar child, they believe, was probably eaten by an alligator or drowned. They were on a picnic/fishing trip when he disappeared.

My husband is a writer and I have been after him to write a book using this premise.

 

[mhsjax]

I guess it could be possible for some, but looking at my kids now verses when they were little, they haven't changed a bit. They look exactly alike only older.

I will say that I recently saw a picture of my DD's friend that I hadn't seen in about 1 year, growth spurt, braces off and a new hair color, I never would have recognized her, her mother would I am sure, but she sure had changed within that 1 year time frame.

 

[marlynnp]

I heard that podcast several years ago and it still haunts me. This took place very near where I live. That mother, Dunbar, I am sure wanted so bad for it to be her son. She didn't recognize him when she first saw him as he was asleep. The next day when it was light she gave him a bath and identified him by a mole on his back. But not only would I have recognized my son it would have recognized my nieces and nephews after 8 months. The real mother, I believe, never got a chance to identify him from what I remember. I also seem to remember that the little boy was given all kinds of gifts with the Dunbars and having been raised the child of poor sharecroppers during the depression I am sure he knew which side his bread was buttered on.

The real Dunbar child, they believe, was probably eaten by an alligator or drowned. They were on a picnic/fishing trip when he disappeared.

My husband is a writer and I have been after him to write a book using this premise.

This happened before the depression.

The Anderson woman traveled to identify him, the police had her look at a group of children (like identifying a suspect out of a line up), she questionably ID'd the correct boy but it was not definitive. She later had a chance to really look at him and was positive he was her son based on moles/birthmarks.

In addition to the Dunbar's having money, the Anderson woman's history of having had a few children out of wedlock and her overall "character" worked against her.

 

[JVL1018]

What's the podcast? I'd love to listen to it.

 

[jjarman]

I heard the podcast on NPR.

You are right. It was before the depression but the mother was extremely poor and uneducated and the Dunbar's had money and were local. There was a trial and the man who had the boy was found guilty but was later overturned. He never changed his story. You can find the story on Wikipedia. Not sure if there is a book.

 

[marlynnp]

Here you go, the OP mentioned it earlier. I'm going to listen to it too. I became interested in this case and some other old disappearances several years ago after reading about the Lindbergh Baby case.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/352/the-ghost-of-bobby-dunbar

 

[lovin'fl]

There is a book...written by family members. It's called a Case For Solomon.

 

[sandynd]

Wasn't there an Angelina Jolie movie not too long ago with this same premise? I never saw it (not a big Jolie fan) but I remember the trailers.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I heard most of it, and just went to the Wikipedia link. What a heartbreaking story.

He was gone from the woman who actually turned out to be his mother (determined by DNA tests on his descendants) 14 months before she came to identify him. The woman wasn't allowed to undress him or look for moles etc . . . before she was asked. She picked the right child out of a line up but said she wasn't positive. Also keep in mind that a poor woman of that era likely didn't have photographs of him, so she would have been relying totally on memory.

 

[marlynnp]

Wasn't there an Angelina Jolie movie not too long ago with this same premise? I never saw it (not a big Jolie fan) but I remember the trailers.

Changeling

that was based on the Walter Collins disappearance

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Such a very sad story; it is heartbreaking, in so many ways. I agree with those who have speculated that bias and prejudice against the poor and underprivileged unquestionably played a role in the decision to give the young boy to a mother who so desperately wanted him to be her son, even though he was not.

To answer the question, I know that I would know both of my children if I was separated from them for eight months, eight years, or longer. I'd know my daughter by the laugh twinkle in her eye that she gets from me and by the fact that every other part of her looks exactly like my beautiful wife. I'd know her by the way her lip quivers when she cries; it did it the first time I saw her a second after she was born and it hasn't changed one iota since that day. I'd know my son because it is like looking in a mirror, and because the way he wiggles his bottom, ever since birth, is so unique it could be a fingerprint. I'd know him because he has a heart-shaped birthmark on his neck that we call his angle kiss, since every doctor told us he wouldn't survive birth, yet he thrives today.

Then again, it sounds like the young boy's mother knew him, as well, but she wasn't believed. I cannot imagine the sorrow that would cause.