If you were separated from your young child...

[Amy18]

If you had a four year old son or daughter go missing for eight months, do you think it would be possible that you would not recognize the child when you were reunited after that time? Oh, let's also say (and I know this is hard to imagine) that you possessed no pictures of the kid.

Just listened to a great podcast about the story of Bobby Dunbar. I'd never heard it before. In a real nutshell, a little 4 year old went missing in 1912. When found, two potential mothers could not be sure whether the boy was theirs. I don't know whether they had photos or not, but I suppose it's possible that they did not.

What kept nagging me long after listening to the whole story was that I wondered....how would they not recognize their own son, even after that period of time? It's just hard to imagine, but maybe, considering a possible lack of photos and the amount the boy could have grown....

Or how about this....would your child that age recognize YOU after that period of time?

Of course I would know my own son! How could anyone not recognize their own child! You know their face, their smile, their eyes, every little birth mark and freckle, the way their hair lays on their head - if they have a cowlick, how they speak! How can anyone not know their own kid! I would know, even if he were a baby and it was 8 months, I am sure of it. But not to have any photos? THat is just odd. There are a lot of holes in that story.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Of course I would know my own son! How could anyone not recognize their own child! You know their face, their smile, their eyes, every little birth mark and freckle, the way their hair lays on their head - if they have a cowlick, how they speak! How can anyone not know their own kid! I would know, even if he were a baby and it was 8 months, I am sure of it. But not to have any photos? THat is just odd. There are a lot of holes in that story.

You think it's odd that a poor migrant farm worker from 1912 didn't have any photos of her child?

 

[CdnCarrie]

Just read an excerpt form the new book on this case and it describes how Bobby got a bad burn on one toe. His big toe was disfigured. The parents had to know it wasn't Bobby.

They had a nanny with them at the lake. She would have know it wasn't Bobby too as she probably dressed and bathed him.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Just read an excerpt form the new book on this case and it describes how Bobby got a bad burn on one toe. His big toe was disfigured. The parents had to know it wasn't Bobby.

They had a nanny with them at the lake. She would have know it wasn't Bobby too as she probably dressed and bathed him.

I think that grief can muddle someone's thinking. I can imagine Mrs. Dunbar knowing at some level it wasn't him but wanting it to be so badly she overlooked the evidence.

She later left her husband and the two boys, and the husband was arrested for some kind of violent act. In the NPR episode, her grandchild hypothesizes that guilt might have played a role. That poor child went through so much.

 

[ZachnElli]

I would know my kids all 3 have something that would make them easily identifiable after years. My oldest would be the hardest if they wouldn't let anyone check for his third nipple! I've never looked to see how many people have a third nipple so maybe it's more common than I assume. MyDD has a pointy ear, really pointy, half Vulcan we say! And my youngest has a Cindy Crawford like mole.

 

[*JoGo*]

Now I am really interested in this story!

Why did the mother give the boy to a piano tuner?

What's an orphan train?

I can see why the Dunbar woman would say he was hers, she wanted him to be hers. I'm sure she knew on some level of consciousness that he wasn't... But as others have said, she may have rationalized that she was saving him from a poor life. Or been in denial.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Now I am really interested in this story!

Why did the mother give the boy to a piano tuner?

What's an orphan train?

I can see why the Dunbar woman would say he was hers, she wanted him to be hers. I'm sure she knew on some level of consciousness that he wasn't... But as others have said, she may have rationalized that she was saving him from a poor life. Or been in denial.

The whole thing of Julia Anderson giving the boy to the piano tuner is kind of weird. It sounds like she worked for family of his so she knew him. He liked the boy being along as it was good for his business. But did she not report the child missing? Did her employers not try and track down their relative and find out where the child was when he didn't show up with the boy?

 

[goodeats]

My 3 year old looks pretty different now at 3 years 3 months then at 2 years 7 months. Sure she has the same features, but looking at pictures she was a lot more baby like than child like. I could see how it could be difficult.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

One thing I read -- maybe the transcript of the NPR thing, but I read some other links as well -- said that Julia was the caregiver for one of William Walter's relatives. William (the piano tuner) would come and stay and spent time with Bruce who liked William. Julia was having trouble supporting herself and the child, and so when William offered to take the boy for a while she said yes. It sounds like she was thinking a few days, but William didn't bring him back.

It doesn't sound like she went to the authorities.

 

[hj0519]

Now I am really interested in this story!

Why did the mother give the boy to a piano tuner?

What's an orphan train?

I can see why the Dunbar woman would say he was hers, she wanted him to be hers. I'm sure she knew on some level of consciousness that he wasn't... But as others have said, she may have rationalized that she was saving him from a poor life. Or been in denial.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphan_Train

Basically, they transported orphaned/homeless/abandoned children living in crowded cities (NYC, etc.) to foster homes in the West.

 

[MissManda]

I'm sure most of us now a days would recognize our own children beyond a shadow of a doubt.

However, this particular case happened 100 years ago. Times were a lot different and harder then which may have made it harder to remember exactly. Plus there is lack of photographs to help keep that memory "fresh".

Add on top of this that there was months and months of grief and worry to contend with. That will cloud a person's judgement. A person might see a child that bears a slight resemblance to their own and they want to believe its theirs. Difference in physical appearance could easily be explained away by a cloudy or fuzzy memory.

 

[stargazer2892]

Honestly I do not think I would recognize my son today if I only had what I remembered from 8 months ago. Of course he was born 8 months ago (yesterday) so it would make him a brand new, new born. Though, I can't imagine NOT being able to pull up the 1000+ photos I have on my computer of him or heck even turning my phone on since he has almost 600 pictures on there.
I heard the NPR segment when it re-aired a few weeks ago and I feel for both the families, both lost a child and both were hanging on to every bit of hope they (or She) had. The mind plays powerful tricks on people and makes them fully believe what they want to believe. It's very hard for us to even imagine a time where having even 1 picture of a child was a huge expensive deal.

 

[indimom]

I've run into kids at the park when they were 8 or 9 who I last saw when I babysat for them pre-K, I knew right away who they were without seeing their parents first. (And I don't keep their pictures up to jog my memory day to day, so that argument doesn't hold up, IMO.)
I have no doubt I'd recognize my own.
I agree with the PP that an infant missing for 8 months would be more questionable unless they looked a lot like a sibling.

 

[Rylee]

A fascinating story... I'll have to do more reading.

 

[horseshowmom]

Now I am really interested in this story!

Why did the mother give the boy to a piano tuner?

What's an orphan train?

I can see why the Dunbar woman would say he was hers, she wanted him to be hers. I'm sure she knew on some level of consciousness that he wasn't... But as others have said, she may have rationalized that she was saving him from a poor life. Or been in denial.

What I read said that she allowed him to take the boy on a visit to his relatives for what was supposed to be two days. He never returned the child. It was 13 months before she saw him again (after the Dunbars claimed his as their child).