If you have gone without the kids.....

[disneymom3]

when and how did you tell them you were going to WDW and they weren't??? I have no regrets about this trip DH and I have planned, but I am not exactly sure how to break the news to the kids. We are going for 5 days in Sept and the kids are staying with Gma and Gpa whom they adore. I know they will be fine and once it all takes place it will not be a big deal, but I think they are NOT going to be impressed when we tell them where we are going. Can't lie, but not sure how much they are going to buy the idea that we are going to just do "grown up" things either.

So, what did you tell them. (For the record, our 4 yo has been to WDW 5 times in his life as has the 6 yo and the 9 yo has been there 8 times so it's not like they haven't gone very much and are deprived. In fact though I think their familiarity wiht it makes it worse cause they know what they are missing. Also, we are going again as a family in Dec 07 or Feb 08.)

 

[mareed]

If you look at my signature, all of my June trips have been without the kids. Same as you, the kids had been on several trips with us, so we didn't feel we were depriving them of anything. They also stay with Grandparents and get to visit Aunts/Uncles/Cousins and get spoiled rotten! We've always told them in advance that we were going on an Anniversary trip, and explained that this was a trip to take without children. It just never seemed to bother them at all. They were 3 & 6 on our first trip without them, and they'll be 7 & 10 this Summer. They now just expect it each year, and look forward to it!

 

[hollyb]

Honestly the guilt of not having our kids with us would ruin our entire trip. For us life is to short not to bring them with us. The tears that would flow when we said we are going on vacation without them would break our hearts. before we know it they will be grown and out of the house, not wanting to go with us. So for now vacations are all about family. JMHO

 

[Hannathy]

hollyb I totally agree! Neither my husband or I could do this. We have talked about how other people do this and agree there is enough time after they leave to take these trips. I wouldn't enjoy the trip at all.

 

[Nanu57v]

My daughter is too young right now for us to leave her (still nursing), but as soon as she can stay at grandma and grandpa's for the weekend DH and I will be going away somewhere. We NEED some alone time. So I can see where you are coming from with the trip.

That said, I remember when my parents went to Disney World without me. I wasn't upset that they left me behind and went to Disney, I was upset they were away and worried they wouldn't return (I was 11 I think.) I would focus on those aspects.

Hope you have a nice trip!

 

[disneynan]

My DH and I went in Sept 2004 for 4 days without the kids (ages 4,5 and 12 at that time). We simply told them in a matter-of-fact way that this trip was for us to spend some time alone, but they would go the next time. We take them to WDW at least every two years so they took it very well.

We felt very guilty as we dropped them off at Grammy and Grampy's. But we lost our sense of guilt on the plane as we began to really relax for the first time in ages.

We had a wonderful trip and we were able to see many things we usually skip with the kids. We go somewhere on vacation with the kids at least once a year, so did not feel that taking time for ourselves was selfish in any way, but this year we went to the Poconos for our solo trip instead of WDW.

 

[KathyRN137]

Our family has made 3 trips to WDW, the last one in 12/05. In the months leading up to this last trip, I was also planning a 1/06 weekend trip for just DH and I to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We had not been away without the kids for a whole weekend in 10 years of marriage, so this was a pretty big deal!

DD (9yr) helped me to plan both trips and seemed to get a kick out of planning "romantic" things for mommy and daddy, even putting little heart stickers on our itinerary chart! She and her brother were also looking forward to having my sister and niece stay the weekend and they made their own itinerary chart (with stickers!) for the fun things they planned to do. We also reassured them that we would make phone calls twice daily so they could talk to us while we were away.

Having just come back from a wonderful WDW trip, themselves, it did not faize them one bit when we left for our trip 6 wks later.

 

[disneymom3]

My DH and I went in Sept 2004 for 4 days without the kids (ages 4,5 and 12 at that time). We simply told them in a matter-of-fact way that this trip was for us to spend some time alone, but they would go the next time. We take them to WDW at least every two years so they took it very well.

You know, you probably have a very good point here in simply presenting it matter of factly. I think I will probably here a couple of "ohhhhh"s but they will deal with it quickly. I am thinking we will just tell them first we are going on a trip for our anniversary and they will be staying with Gma and Gpa for a few days while we are gone. Later I will admit where we are going.

For those who are concerned about our family time, don't worry I will have no guilt on that front. For DH and I our first priority is our marriage and for us we find that we are very refreshed and recommitted when we get away alone for a few days. I wouldn't be able to do it if we didn't have family we could totally depend on, but we are blessed that we do. We go away a couple of times a year for a night or two and it doesn't phase our kids one bit--in fact they look forward to the time that they spend with their grandparents without us around! We already went to WDW in Feb, we are going to a family resort for a long weekend this summer and have a 10 day trip to Yellowstone planned earlier in Sept. We put a huge value on family time and love to take trips with our kids, but we also love to spend time with just us together. It gives us a chance to have fun and just be us without also being Mommy and Daddy. That is what works for us and isn't it great that we are not all the same and are able to make the best choice for each of our families.

 

[Sweedee]

Our trip is planned for either Feb 07 or Sept 07 to celebrate our 18th anniversary! We have already told our 14 and 12yo we are going without them! Fortunately for us, they are old enough to understand that we have never had a proper honeymoon, so for us, this is it. They are sad they can't go, but are excited that we get to go! 3 yrs ago, we almost ended up divorced, so the kiddos are thrilled that we are spending time TOGETHER. Go ahead and start preparing your kiddos (just matter of factly), and don't feel conflicted!

 

[DVC Sadie]

Have a great time on your well deserved adult vacation. I was raised in a family that also believed in both types of vacations and I for one am very grateful that my parents went away to not only recharge but to recommit to each other.

Just be matter of fact about going to WDW and telling them all the boring things you plan on doing. They may or may not be disappointed but a part of parenting is to help their children learn to deal with all aspects of life. I'm sure you'll do fine.

 

[mjh8955]

I had a chance to go with my husband to a conference at the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim. We had just gone as a family to WDW so we decided to go on our own. I asked our daughter's teacher to stay with the kids (DD7 and DS10) at our house while we were gone and paid her cash. Our kids were the envy of the entire school (it's a private Christian school). This teacher was young and single, cute as a button, very with-it and the most popular teacher at school. They had a blast with Miss Johnson and we had a blast on our own. No guilt, absolutely none. It was the perfect deal, for the kids and for us. I spent several days going to the parks on my own and was practically giddy with the freedom.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I've gone with the DH - no kids -- without dh no kids and as a whole family and had a great time each way.

I just told the kids straight out if it was a child free trip. they were fine with it. as a matter of fact they would give me info on what attractions I shouldn't miss.

 

[disneynan]

We are going to Yellowstone for 10 days in August. This was to have been our vacation for the year, but then free dining came to WDW again, so we are also going to WDW for a week in Sept. Both trips with the kids.

For the record, prior to our solo trip to Disney in 2004, my DH and I had only been ALONE for the ENTIRE night once in 5 loooong years!

We really enjoyed our solo trip!

 

[mrslur]

We made our first solo trip for our 10th anniversary in 1990. We went as a family in 1996 and then last December we did another solo trip for our 25th. When the free dining package came out I looked at my husband and said, "Do you want to go again"? He said, "Sure". Our kids are 24, 20 and 18. It took me two weeks to get up the nerve to tell them we were going again without them I think we might make it a yearly thing. Until we went last December I had forgotten how much fun the two of us have together while we're there.

Have a wonderful trip!

 

[DisneyPhD]

No, not yet (did before we had kids though). Infact we haven't taken any trip, even a weekend with out them. Well that has to change sometime right???????

We are buying AP in 2 weeks. We will use them for this next trip, and then again in Jan 2007 with the kids. We are planning on going on a DCL trip in May 2007 also with family, I don't think we should take DD out of school (even if it is just kinergarden) 3 times in one school year, 2 is enough.

Still our passes will be good in March, and DH has spring break from school. I am SAHM. Why not go? Just the 2 of us. It is an idea we are toying with. Have to wait and see.

I always said we wouldn't go to WDW with out the kids, if we were going kid free lets go somewhere less kid friendly.

 

[rgribik]

I always try to answer on this question, because dh and I try to take one weekend a year for a quick trip to Dis by ourselves. It is an EXTRA trip NOT in place of a FAMILY trip!! We wouldn't do this if we had to give up a trip with all the kids(5 of them). We love Dis, and naturally it's where we want to go to eat big people food(no nuggets) and ride some of the rides together(instead of dh going on with some kids and me standing at the exit). We have always told the kids where we were going, and after a few whines and moans, they are fine(plus they love the stuff we bring back, it is better than when they pick souviners for themselves) We do try to take the kids every year for a few days, so they usually have a trip to Dis in the works too. After the inital guilt, it is so relaxing to have a few days to ourselves. Go, enjoy, come back a happy mom and dad!!!

 

[Zoemakes5]

DH and I are also of the philosophy that time alone as husband and wife with no kids around is essential to a strong, stable loving family. I also like the message it sends to the kids, that it's okay to spend some time by yourself, it's okay to focus on "mom and dad" time, and it's okay to take time to regroup when you need to. I think our actions create expectations with the kids for their future relationships and I'd like to have them have the norm that "mom and dad" time is typical and normal, so that if they need it, it won't be a big deal. In fact, of all of our married friends, the ones that I have concerns about, the ones who have expressed concerns about the marriage to me ALL refuse to take any time alone, either together or individually.
We go away for a couple of long weekends a year. Usually it's around my b-day in Feb. and then again in the fall. The entire focus is US and catching up with us and how we feel, etc. We get to sleep in, stay out late, go to the bathroom when WE want or need to and have a great time. I do miss my kids but feel no guilt about being away from them. I've also spent time away from my DH and kids a couple of times and DH has been away from us a couple of times, and I've vacationed with the kids on my own a couple of times.
I've never been to Disney without them, but not for lack of trying! DH and I have just never been able to afford it. I have plans to try to go next year to food and wine festival and am hoping that next year they'll once again have an overlap of the free dining with the first weekend of Food and Wine. I'm SOOO looking forward to sitting down to long meals, moony looks, and good wine, going on a few adult type rides, and sleeping when we want. It sounds so refreshing!!!
As far as the OP, I think being completely unemotional and unapologetic is a good start. I'd start the conversation with "Mom and dad are going away xyz by ourselves for some mom and dad time, and you guys are so lucky 'cause grandma and grandpa are way excited to come spend time with you" (or them going to spend time with grandma and grandpa or whoever) I wouldn't "hide" the details of where you're going, but I wouldn't highlight it either. If they're upset about you going to WDW, I'd say something to the effect of "well, mommy and daddy are planning to go for long dinners at xxx" (with the preference being that xxx is restaurant they don't really care for) and that "we'll be going on xyz rides" (once again, emphasizing ones that they don't like.) And then have them pick out something they REALLY want from WDW. They may put up a bit of a fuss, but I'd really keep it unemotional and unapologetic and make sure both you and DH are on the same page about it.
Have fun! I'm jealous!

 

[mrsltg]

Funny, I just did this yesterday.

We are leaving dd5 and dd18mos with "Momma & Poppa" while Mom and Dad go on vacation in December. DD asked where we were going. I told her, matter-of-factly, "WDW, I think. Is that ok with you?" She said, "oh," with kind of a crestfallen look. I then said, "The reason why is so that Mom and Dad can do some of the grown-up things that we can't do with kids." She told me she wished she was grown up. Then she blew me away. She said, "It's really ok. I'll get to go again another time," with a smile.

Now, I should mention we went in January, we're going in August, and I've got another trip cooking for 10/07. She's been to Disney more times than years she's been alive.

We've gone on vacations without her when she was little, too. We don't plan to make this a habit, rather, we simply need a break. We need time to be adults, to be man and woman rather than just mom and dad. Now, I figured we'd be adults somewhere more geared to adults but dh wants to go on some of the backstage tours and ride the rides next to me and eat at some of the places where kids aren't going to enjoy sitting for two hours over a bottle of wine. Anyway, go for it! Yes, life is short. Marriage can be, too, if it's not nurtured. I am looking forward to waking up beside my husband and not having to worry about getting out of bed, rather, making a point of being in bed . You don't love your kids less because you want to spend some time alone with your spouse. In fact, the girls are getting the better end of the deal on this one - Momma and Poppa are WAY better than WDW, at least if you're their grandchildren.

Have a fantastic time!!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

Funny, I just did this yesterday.

We are leaving dd5 and dd18mos with "Momma & Poppa" while Mom and Dad go on vacation in December. DD asked where we were going. I told her, matter-of-factly, "WDW, I think. Is that ok with you?" She said, "oh," with kind of a crestfallen look. I then said, "The reason why is so that Mom and Dad can do some of the grown-up things that we can't do with kids." She told me she wished she was grown up. Then she blew me away. She said, "It's really ok. I'll get to go again another time," with a smile.

Have a fantastic time!!!

I am going to have to remember this, because IF we go in March with out the kids (after all we are going as a family in 2 weeks, again in Jan and May a DCL trip.) I think my DD might be ok too, espeically if I explain it like you did. She knows I always get left out on the rides. (1st I had to stay with her, now her baby sister. )

 

[traviesojmt]

DH and I are also of the philosophy that time alone as husband and wife with no kids around is essential to a strong, stable loving family. I also like the message it sends to the kids, that it's okay to spend some time by yourself, it's okay to focus on "mom and dad" time, and it's okay to take time to regroup when you need to. I think our actions create expectations with the kids for their future relationships and I'd like to have them have the norm that "mom and dad" time is typical and normal, so that if they need it, it won't be a big deal. In fact, of all of our married friends, the ones that I have concerns about, the ones who have expressed concerns about the marriage to me ALL refuse to take any time alone, either together or individually.
We go away for a couple of long weekends a year. Usually it's around my b-day in Feb. and then again in the fall. The entire focus is US and catching up with us and how we feel, etc. We get to sleep in, stay out late, go to the bathroom when WE want or need to and have a great time. I do miss my kids but feel no guilt about being away from them. I've also spent time away from my DH and kids a couple of times and DH has been away from us a couple of times, and I've vacationed with the kids on my own a couple of times.
I've never been to Disney without them, but not for lack of trying! DH and I have just never been able to afford it. I have plans to try to go next year to food and wine festival and am hoping that next year they'll once again have an overlap of the free dining with the first weekend of Food and Wine. I'm SOOO looking forward to sitting down to long meals, moony looks, and good wine, going on a few adult type rides, and sleeping when we want. It sounds so refreshing!!!
As far as the OP, I think being completely unemotional and unapologetic is a good start. I'd start the conversation with "Mom and dad are going away xyz by ourselves for some mom and dad time, and you guys are so lucky 'cause grandma and grandpa are way excited to come spend time with you" (or them going to spend time with grandma and grandpa or whoever) I wouldn't "hide" the details of where you're going, but I wouldn't highlight it either. If they're upset about you going to WDW, I'd say something to the effect of "well, mommy and daddy are planning to go for long dinners at xxx" (with the preference being that xxx is restaurant they don't really care for) and that "we'll be going on xyz rides" (once again, emphasizing ones that they don't like.) And then have them pick out something they REALLY want from WDW. They may put up a bit of a fuss, but I'd really keep it unemotional and unapologetic and make sure both you and DH are on the same page about it.
Have fun! I'm jealous!

Really think that this says it best. If you are feeling guilty, the kids are going to pick up on this and they will take advantage and only try to make you feel worse. As long as you are leaving your children with people you trust and you know that they are being well care for then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Maintaining a healthy marriage is extremely important. I would just tell them matter-of-factly. "Dad and I need time alone. We love you and look forward to you going next time, but this time is for us. We aren't going to change our mind or plans, so complaining won't help. We have made great plans for you." Don't stress over this. You won't scar them. You are doing a good thing for you.