If you do not RSVP, then I am not going to feel guilty

[kaytieeldr]

And you wonder why I never entertain? Of course there are nicer ways to say it. I'm just too perpetually tired to be nice - I almost fell asleep driving home tonight. There's about an eighth of an inch of snow on the back seat of my car from driving with the windows rolled completely down!

Oh. You meant you want ME to create it! Sure. Tomorrow. I can probably do it in rhyme, seriously.

 

[EMom]

But can't you find a nicer, more gracious way to say that? That does not sound like a friendly invite at all and I think I would be afraid to attend.

We HAVE a nicer way to say it.......It's called an RSVP. Sadly, I think the blunt, in your face approach may be the RSVP of the future, since too many people are either clueless regarding what RSVP means or they are simply too inconsiderate to take a moment to reply.

And as long as my name (and phone number/email address) is listed in the RSVP space, then I am the person they should contact. Letting my child know at school whether they will/will not attend doesn't cut it just yet (DD is 10) because the accuracy rate isn't that high. What they say will happen and what does happen are often two different things. The ones who swear they are coming don't show up and the ones who don't know what they're doing come to the party.

Heck, I've heard tell of many parties that Susie or Bobby was going to have at CEC or the movie theatre the next weekend......only Susie and Bobby's parents had no idea they were hosting such a party.

Nope. I want an actual invitation in hand if DD is invited to a party. In turn, I want someone to RSVP to me, as the hostess. I'm fine with the child RSVPing to me. One girl did that last year.....Called to say she couldn't attend, as they were going to see her grandmother that weekend. I was so impressed with her manners that I sent a goody bag to her. I also told her mom how lovely her manners were.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

In this situation, I would have called the Mom's myself to clarify the time. Did you try that?

No I did not have the kids number. Sure I could have looked them up in the phone book, but at that point, I was going by my son's word that they were coming. It wasn't until I realized they were no-shows did I start to feel guilty about them maybe reading the wrong invitation. I know my son handed out the corrected invites.

As it turns out, one of the boys told my son he did not come because his mom did not call before the RSVP deadline. The other boy hasn't said anything to my son at all, so I assume that means he didn't show up either. I am thinking, if he showed up at a party and no one was there, he would ask my son what the deal was. So, no need to feel guilty after all.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I wonder if the answer isn't to simply send out an invite with the barest details on it. Example:

We're having a !BIRTHDAY BLOWOUT! on Saturday, March 20th, and you're invited!

Please have your mom contact Sarah's Mom at 555-555-1212 or at sarahsmom@homeemail.com for details.

See you there!​

Anyone who doesn't call not only doesn't know where the party will be so they can't drop in unexpectedly, but the hostess will definitely know how many children to plan for.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I will weigh in on the RSVP thing...

I do KNOW what RSVP means.
Seriously, I do.....

And, I would never, ever, just show up to bring my child to a party without having contacted the parents.

However, I think that there is another side to this...

I do not think that I am obligated to contact you and 'explain myself' if my child will not be there. Maybe we are just busy... I don't feel like I should be put in a position of having to take time to call and try to justify or explain our priorities to you. (And, yes, attending a birthday party IS a 'priority'...)

Of course, if our kids have been friends and I have met you and have gotten to know you, out of that friendship I will call.

But, if for any reason, I am not inclined to call and explain our 'regrets'... I probably will not.

 

[Becky2005]

But, if for any reason, I am not inclined to call and explain our 'regrets'... I probably will not.

Is it that hard to call and say "I'm sorry Johnny won't be there, thanks for inviting us"?? Or even just "I'm sorry Johnny won't be there".

Really no explination needed whatsoever just nope, not coming.

I've never asked why anyone isn't coming, for that matter 90% of the time when I RSVP, I get an answering machine anyway or voicemail or do the e-mail. Just a simple No, works great and then the person can get a head count.

Then again, I am a mom that will call you up and basically just say "are they coming or not?" I don't really care the reasoning, I just want a yes or no. After having invitations get lost in the mail 3 times on us, I don't always trust that a non call means no -- it may mean the person has no clue about the party to start with.

 

[OceanAnnie]

No matter what, I still have you beat with what happened at DD's last birthday party. One kid's mom never bothered to RSVP, so I assumed she wasn't coming. The girl and her mom walked in one hour after the party started....and it was a party with an activity at a venue, so walking in that late threw a major monkey wrench in things. (Thank goodness, I had an extra goody bag.) The mom asked when she needed to pick her up and I said, "In one hour, at 5:00." Mom left.

Mom never picked her up. Never. Ever. The poor party venue lady had to stay open an hour and a half late while we waited and waited and waited. We couldn't call because they'd recently changed all their numbers. The little girl claimed she had no idea what the new numbers were. We suspected (and DD confirmed later) that she was lying because she preferred to stay with us rather than go home.

Finally, after waiting an hour and a half, we decided to find their house and hope someone was home. Mind you, we had no legal right to take the kid in our car, but what choice did we have? (DH wanted to call CPS. ) Family had driven in for DD's birthday (90 minute trip each way) and our dinner out was delayed, so now they had an even later drive back home. Major PITA. We drove up to her house and there were FOUR vehicles there.

They had never even noticed she was missing. The front door was unlocked, so DH just walked in with the kid and no one even noticed that either. He was so irritated that he just left. So from all we observed, they would have taken HOURS to have figured out they had neglected to pick up their kid. No wonder she wanted to stay with us. At least we notice when a kid is AWOL.

In your shoes, I wouldn't feel guilty. You made an honest mistake, corrected it, and if someone failed to phone you, they walked into what happened. People need to learn to RSVP.

My gosh. That is the story from hades. Incredible. I mentioned I received a, "maybe" reply to my RSVP in another thread. Craziest thing. That mother brought her child (late) and was extremely late picking up her child. Some people see an inch and create a canyon.

 

[Kit'smommy]

I do not think that I am obligated to contact you and 'explain myself' if my child will not be there. Maybe we are just busy... I don't feel like I should be put in a position of having to take time to call and try to justify or explain our priorities to you. (And, yes, attending a birthday party IS a 'priority'...)

But, if for any reason, I am not inclined to call and explain our 'regrets'... I probably will not.

Wow! Seriously? I don't need or want an explanation. "He isn't coming" is fine, but really it is rude to not respond. Period.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Yeah. We need to start a new tradition. None of this French abbrevation stuff, or non-sentence nonsense.

"We need to know by __/__ if you will be joining us.
Otherwise, we will not expect you,
we will not plan for you,
and we will not be able to provide for you".
Please call 000-000-0000 by 8 PM Friday​

I love this...

Based on the responses on these threads, it might be necessary to use something along these lines.

 

[luvsJack]

Maybe this RSVP mess that everyone seems to have so much trouble with is our signal from somewhere that we should all go back to back yard birthday parties where it doesn't matter who or how many show up!

I guess I just never realized how many problems can come up with something like this. I have always RSVP'd (now dd does it herself actually) but the parent always sounded surprised when I call. DD's invites for the past couple of years have been phone calls but prior to that we did send out actual cards and no one ever RSVP'd. (except for the kids telling dd at school).

I don't know, maybe Mom's just get so frazzeled with work and home that making that phone call is just one more hassle on her list of many?

 

[kaytieeldr]

We HAVE a nicer way to say it.......It's called an RSVP.

Oh, sure - but it seems WAY too many people nowadays don't understand those foreign language letters

 

[Cornhusk]

Oh, sure - but it seems WAY too many people nowadays don't understand those foreign language letters

Press 1# for English.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Okay, I will weigh in on the RSVP thing...

I do KNOW what RSVP means.
Seriously, I do.....

And, I would never, ever, just show up to bring my child to a party without having contacted the parents.

However, I think that there is another side to this...

I do not think that I am obligated to contact you and 'explain myself' if my child will not be there. Maybe we are just busy...

Explain WHY? No. But if you do not feel 'obligated' to call and explain THAT your child is not coming, then, respectfully, you're wrong - you do not know what RSVP means.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Press 1# for English.

You're BAD! No fair carrying over issues from other threads!

 

[Cornhusk]

You're BAD! No fair carrying over issues from other threads!

How could I not?

 

[Carly_Roach]

You're BAD! No fair carrying over issues from other threads!

This whole THREAD is a carry-over issue.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Explain WHY? No. But if you do not feel 'obligated' to call and explain THAT your child is not coming, then, respectfully, you're wrong - you do not know what RSVP means.

Agreed--same poster should not be shocked if failed to notify them they were coming and were turned away at the door.

I don't care why you are not coming. I don't care why you are coming. I just need to know...yes or no.

And when I cannot read your mind, i am not going to the extra expense of saving a space for you--"just in case" you decide to actually show up. If it's $2 or $75--the money is irrelevant. Lack of courtesy on the guest's part should not require me to be extra courteous on my part to plan for their flippant attitude to an invite.

And that is what it is...flippant. I apologize, I do not have any translations for that word in any other language.

I now know why a friend now puts "regrets only" on her invitations for young and old.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This whole THREAD is a carry-over issue.

And it wasn't the only one either.

I did take care to RSVP to all of them so no OP would feel left out of the conversation.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am sorry if some of you are offended and think that I am rude....

And, I clearly stated that I would NEVER show up unless I had spoken to a parent and knew we were expected...

But I continue to think that, especially these days, it is expecting a bit much to think that every parent is going to take the time and effort to make sure and contact you and tell you that they are NOT coming...

I think that all of these plans and expectations are a bit much for little kids birthday parties these days. Really, I do...

I am of the OTHER old school, where you invite who you/your child wants, and make sure that you are prepared to make anybody (other than those who were completely NOT invited) feel welcome!!!

It is a 6 year olds party... not a business function, or a large wedding, etc...
It is a little kids birthday party!

I think it is completely ridiculous that a kids birthday party has come down to cut-off-dates, and semantics with legal-speak words like 'obligation'.
Just ridiculous....

Jeez, No wonder everybody keeps their panties in a wad!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am sorry if some of you are offended and think that I am rude....

And, I clearly stated that I would NEVER show up unless I had spoken to a parent and knew we were expected...

But I continue to think that, especially these days, it is expecting a bit much to think that every parent is going to take the time and effort to make sure and contact you and tell you that they are NOT coming...

I think that all of these plans and expectations are a bit much for little kids birthday parties these days. Really, I do...

I am of the OTHER old school, where you invite who you/your child wants, and make sure that you are prepared to make anybody (other than those who were completely NOT invited) feel welcome!!!

I think it is completely ridiculous that a kids birthday party has come down to semantics with legal-speak words like 'obligation'.

No wonder everybody keeps their panties in a wad!!!

But the point is--that if you don't take the time to call to say "no"--then you shouldn't be upset or infer that the host is unwelcoming by not planning for the off chance you'll show up.

In a situation with strict numbers--noone should be obligated to such an extravagent expense "just in case".

An extra lane ain't cheap. Age is no excuse for improper etiquette by failure to notifying the host of your intentions.