If you are a step-parent....

[lillygator]

can you really say the feeling about your step children are just as strong as the feelings for your own children?

kind of taking this off of another thread.......

and maybe put in the scenario as well, if they live with you, you rarely see them, every other weekend deal, etc.

 

[ozarkmom]

Wow I started to answer but after reading the other thread uh nevermind.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am not a step-parent, but I am not ashamed to admit that I know my feelings for my own children would be stronger than my feeling for my step-children.

That doesn't mean that I would not treat my step-children fairly, or that I would not love them, but I can't imagine loving someone else's children as much as my own.

Denae

 

[cheermom1]

I will - mainly b/c we already have everything ironed out and what we do works for our family.

i have 3 stepsons and while I don't have the same connection with them that I do my own i still care very deeply for them and i have bitten my tongue so many times I can't count so that they wouldn't be in the middle of anything.

we get them the 1st 3rd and 5th weekend of every month and every other holiday. we get along with the ex for the most part NOW anyway.


dh is first in line when she needs someone to take them or any reason and he does pick them up for the most part unless he has to work himself.

 

[ez]

I have an adult stepson that I guess I view as a good friend, and like an extended family member. I didnt bring him up, and we lived across the country so I never really functioned as a mom to him. When we did see him, when he was a child...he was a complete brat so it was difficult. But I have never gotten in the middle of anything with him and always tried to be a friend, give him advice, but by no means tell him what to do. He has gotten in his fair share of trouble (jail)and did not go to college and I sometimes wonder if things would have been different had we raised him in our house. Now he lives nearby so we see him much more frequently. Usually when he calls its on a weekday morning, he knows his dad is at work and I am the only one here, but thats when he usually calls. So yes, I guess that would make us friends!

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

It's a different sort of connection my SDD and I have. She has a mother, so I will never have the connection I have as I do to my biological children. Still, that doesn't make me love her any less. I adore her, even though she is getting that teenage angst going on! We have joint custody, but we only get her two weekends out of the month and then holidays and four weeks in the summer. I think it would add a whole different dynamic if she was with us all the time or didn't have a mother. But, she has a mother and a father. I don't consider her just a buddy, she is just as much a part of our family as my biological child, we just don't get to see her as often as we'd like.

 

[brockash]

It's a different sort of connection my SDD and I have. She has a mother, so I will never have the connection I have as I do to my biological children. Still, that doesn't make me love her any less. I adore her, even though she is getting that teenage angst going on! We have joint custody, but we only get her two weekends out of the month and then holidays and four weeks in the summer. I think it would add a whole different dynamic if she was with us all the time or didn't have a mother. But, she has a mother and a father. I don't consider her just a buddy, she is just as much a part of our family as my biological child, we just don't get to see her as often as we'd like. [/QUOTE]

That's very sweet.

 

[bunny]

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

 

[brockash]

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

Hmmm... interesting question. I have a step-mom and step-dad. I'm much much closer to my step-mom than my step-dad(honestly I've always and still do call him my mom's husband.) He's not a bad guy by any means, we just never bonded. He's not really a kid kind of person, so we just never really bonded at all, even though I lived with him and my mom more than my dad and step-mom. I will say I'm sure I do love my mom more than my step-mom. She's my mom and is who raised me full time (pretty much.) I absolutely love my step-mom though and honestly it was kinda nice to have another female adult around while I was growing up. There were things that I would tell her that I wouldn't tell my mom, so I guess what I'm getting at is that honestly, yes I'm sure I love my mom more, but I care and love both of them very very much and I'm very grateful to have had/have them both in my life.

 

[lillygator]

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

no - my mom married my step dad long after I was out of the house and we only see each other at holidays...no real connection of any sort there. Now my sister was still young at home so she probably feels different.

 

[cheermom1]

I would also like to say that my kids father and I have never fought too much about the kids or his girlfriends and stuff it is his life and he is their father and i can suggest things but I can't tell him how to live is life and what he should expose our kids too. I know some might not agree which is ok but I fell as though he has the same rights as any parent just b/c it is different doesn't mean it is bad just different. I have also never told him he couldn't see his kids just b/c I disagreed with his choices in life. now if they are life treating then yes I would like if he was arrested for for major things like drugs.

But I will have to say that i think my kids care more for their step dad then their dad since he really hasn't been involved.

 

[tmarquez]

Well I am a step-mom and a step-kid.

My step-sons are both grown (sort of) now, but we had them a lot growing up...especially during the hard times (teenage years, etc.). My feelings are just as strong for them as my own child...but they are different. I think that is mostly because they are grown and DD is only 6...she is "the baby". When the boys were young I was very protective of them and it was frustrating because their mom did everything she could do to sabotage them but she is still their mom and they wanted so much for her to love them like a mom should.

As a step-kid...couldn't stand my step-father and have no relationship with him today (he and my mother divorced).

 

[sokrzy4u]

I have one of each, a stepfather and a stepmother.

My mother remarried after I had my oldest child, I was out of the house already. I do not have a bond with my stepfather and do not love him. He doesn't participate in our lives and my children do not refer to him as a grandfather. That being said, his parents are wonderful to my children, they always include them and refer to them as their great grandchildren.

My stepmother and I have been through a lot. I really think I had a lot of hate for her growing up. Her and my father were married when i was about 10 years old. I spent summers with them for 7 years and even lived with them for one year. If I had known what was good for me I would have stayed there, they had my best interest at heart. I had too much freedom living with my mother, which I don't think is a good thing. Now that I am grown I feel a lot closer to her than my own mother. I really feel that it is because I get along better with my father, and my stepmother is just a better match for him. I don't love my stepmother any less or more but I have a different connection to her. My mother on the other hand is there more for my children. I do not share things about my life with her and I am not comfortable around her, that is to say I don't feel like I can be myself with her around. Honestly, I am lucky to have my stepmother and so is my dad.

 

[Colleen27]

DH without question loves DS as much as our girls. In a lot of ways DS is his favorite, just by virtue of being 1) a boy and 2) at a more interesting age. DH & I have been together since DS was 1, though, so he really has raised him pretty much from the start. My ex is involved now but wasn't for many years, and even now he takes more of an uncle/buddy role in DS's life than a paternal role.

And DH loves his step-father more than his biological father, but his biological father abandoned his family when DH was a toddler. His step-father raised him from the age of 4 and is the only real father he's ever known.

 

[tar heel]

Not exactly the same thing, but . . . My grandmother remarried when I was 3 and I totally considered my step-grandfather to be my grandfather. He was the last of my grandparents to go, so he was in my life for more than 40 years. He also lived almost 20 years after my grandmother died. My mother certainly loved him, but I'm not sure she thought of him as a father exactly since he came into her life after she was grown and married.

 

[Darcy03231]

I absolutely love my step-children just as much as my own. DH and I have never played favorites or treated any of them any differently. We each had custody of our children when we got married so we had all four living with us (DH's ex had and still has issues with alcohol). They're grown up and gone now and I miss them terribly. In fact, I'm making reservations for DD to come home for spring break in March and I can't wait to see her. She's in college in North Carolina.

 

[ZPT1022]

I don't have any stepkids but I will say that I think it all depends on how much effort you put into it. I was a step kid when my mom remarried after my Dad died. My stepfather very clearly preferred his own children even though they used him for all they could and didn't treat him very well, and my mother made us treat him with respect, just like a real parent. My mother went above and beyond to treat the stepkids the same as us, to the damage of my brothers and myself. Things like my stepsister who decided she wanted to be at her mother's most of the time because there were no rules there- her mom would buy her alcohol and allow her boyfriend to sleep over (at 15, we're not talking college here), etc.... so of course she wanted to be there instead of our house that had rules But even though she only came for 4-6 days per month, she'd get the same back to school clothes budget, the same number of pairs of new shoes, etc..... it was really disproportionate.

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

not a freaking chance. Between all the b.s. he put us through with his kids and he wasn't as nice to my mother as he should have been, but in the end he totally used my mother and then left. No way do I care for that guy at all, let alone nearly as much as I did for my father.

Now my mom has, oh gosh, I don't know what to call him, a companion maybe..... they're not really dating but they seem to be best friends, live together as roommates, do most stuff together, etc.... now he is the nicest person. I know I could call him if I needed anything, he would help. He loves my kids, he's great with them, he's just a genuinely NICE person. But I don't have fatherly feelings towards him, he's more like a cool uncle.

 

[bumbershoot]

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

Well, I used to love my stepmom more than my dad...my dad is not the easiest to get along with, but if it's just the two of us he's fine. But my stepmom has had to shut off her emotions in order to stay with my dad and in order to be a NICU nurse, and I find her very very difficult to even LIKE now, let alone love. She used to be one of my fave people until she went into nursing...



I loved my mom's second husband, but then he turned out to be a jerk. Her third husband was a good husband, and a good father to his kids, but they all shared religion...I have a hard time with him b/c of decisions he's made based on religion that have absolutely devastated me.

 

[MrsKreamer]

On the flip side, if you are a stepchild, do you love your stepparent as much as you love your biological parents?

For me yes. My Stepmom has been in my life for 21 years. I have considered her my full fledged parent for a long time now.

Now had my relationship with my mother been better or had my stepmom been a wicked witch then it may be different. I couldn't have asked for a better step-parent.

I also believe she loves me as much as my other two parents do, and she loves my children as much too. She has no children of her own though, so I don't know if that would have made a difference or not...

 

[MiniGirl]

No, I do not. I wanted to and I tried to. However, they were very mean and hateful towards us. Finally, when they threatened to harm my oldest dd (a baby at the time), and the therapist they were seeing said she believed they would do it, I told my dh that I was not willing to take that risk and they haven't been to see us since then. The therapist even recommended that my dh give up on that relationship and concentrate on his family that did love him. My dh still sends his support money and has tried to have a relationship with them, but they do not want it. They only call when they want money. After 9/11 (my dh is an airline pilot), they laughed and said they were hoping that one of the planes that crashed was my husband's. They also said that they "wouldn't be happy till he (my husband) was 6 feet under." Nice, huh?

However, despite all that, we hope and pray they that relationship will be restored one day.

ETA: I do not know what the "other" thread was the OP mentioned, so I may have just walked into a hornet's nest.