If not attending the shower, do I have to send a gift?

[Sinderelly]

I would send a small gift. A bottle of wine and wine glasses or a gift card to a restaurant.

 

[Suz D]

Can you all message me your addresses, please? I am throwing myself a party this weekend.

I don't think it is absolutely necessary to send gifts for every invite. I probably would give something small in this case - maybe in the $20 range, from you and your DD. Are you sure they aren't going to throw your co-worker a shower at work?

That's exactly what I was thinking! When my friends gave me a shower and asked for a guest list, I included everyone I worked with because I didn't want anyone to have hurt feelings if they weren't invited. I certainly didn't expect a gift from those who didn't (or couldn't) come. I say it's not necessary to give a gift especially since she is someone you don't know well AND you are planning on attending the wedding and bringing a gift. She really may have invited you to be polite.

 

[txvjc]

Can you all message me your addresses, please? I am throwing myself a party this weekend.

I was thinking the same thing...

 

[Missy29]

I just don't agree with "if you're invited, you send a gift." If my kids are invited but can't attend a birthday party, we don't give a gift unless it's a very close friend. And when we give parties for our kids, I don't expect no-shows to send gifts. I can't even think of a time when one of my kids got a gift from a child who didn't attend the party, unless it was a very close friend.

I agree was this

 

[clh2]

This is my thought...

If this was a shower I was genuinely interested in going to, but was unable to for whatever reason (transportation, schedule conflict etc) I would definitely send a gift.

If I felt the shower was a gift-grab, and had a schedule conflict - I would not send a gift.

An invitation doesn't obligate you to send a gift.

 

[ssawka]

I guess it also depends on where the shower/party is being held. If it's at a house, I guess I can see not sending a gift. But, if it was "out", such as at a restaurant, then you should definitely send a gift because they were willing to spend money on you.

 

[POPCITY]

No gift here. Just because someone I barely knows decides to invite me to something, doesn't obligate me to spend money on them. I may or may not, but that's up to me.

 

[Pumbaa_]

No gift here. Just because someone I barely knows decides to invite me to something, doesn't obligate me to spend money on them. I may or may not, but that's up to me.

this

 

[Good Morning Dewdrop]

Nope. I wouldn't send a gift. An invitation to a shower is not an obligation to send a gift. You are planning on giving her a wedding present, that is more than enough. Decline with regrets and don't give it another thought.

I felt bad enough that I was given a shower by co-workers. I would have been mortified if someone who didn't attend gave me a gift.

I completely agree with this PP

 

[cdgrill]

One of my favorite gifts I got for my shower was a small frame I received. It looks like the back of a car and the license plate says "just married". On my wedding day my DH and I had the photographer take a picture of us as if we were looking out the back window of a car.

Too funny.....I have this exact frame and I was married in 1984! Love that you had a picture taken of you both looking out the back window....so perfect!

 

[cluvsdisney]

I don't think you are obligated to send a shower gift when you do not attend the shower.

 

[Juliet25]

I wouldn't send a gift for a shower I was unable to attend unless I was close to the guest of honor.

 

[FayeW]

A lot of people have said not to worry about sending a gift because you would be going to the wedding in a few weeks. I feel just the opposite. If you are close enough to go to this person's wedding, you are close enough to the person and should want to send a gift.

I completely agree. Obviously this is not a case of "someone you barely know" inviting you to something as a gift grab. You are close enough to her to be invited to her wedding, and you accepted that invitation. You also had every intention of attending the shower and bringing a gift, until your daughter backed out.

Technically, you are not obligated to send a gift, but frankly I don't understand why you wouldn't want to send something small as a gesture, since you are clearly close enough work colleagues to accept the invitations to these events.

 

[disneychrista]

IMO, you are NEVER under obligation to give/send a gift for any event/party/celebration/etc.

 

[furb & dez]

IMO, you are NEVER under obligation to give/send a gift for any event/party/celebration/etc.

This is the correct answer.

Forgive me for saying this, but a wedding shower? To me this sounds like an excuse to get additional gifts, not an actual celebration. How absolutely tasteless and crass could one be?