I'd like your opinions, please...

[TheDarkKnight]

O.K., here's the deal...

As my 16th birthday approaches, I told my mom that I'd just like for my dad to take me to Disneyland for a day. (I said just dad because it'd be less expensive, and I'm trying to make it cost as little as possible.)

Well, she shot me down.

...Repeatedly.

Well, I told my mom that I think I deserve to go. Not only because I'm always good, but because of my sister. Here's the deal:

• My parents bought her a car a few months back. (My sister has to pay for it, of course, but still, they've paid for it. It was nearly ten thousand.)
• When her camera broke, they got her a new one. [We -- my sister and I -- don't usually get stuff 'for no reason' (you know, besides birthdays, Christmas, Easter; and outside from necessities) so I was pretty surprised when they said yes to her request for a new camera.]
• In total, for her sixteenth birthday, they spent about $300.
• She's in dance, and earlier in the year they gave her money for a dance trip to Reno.
• Last month they gave her money to go on a U.S. History trip to Washington.
• Let's just say that her dance class isn't cheap. (Had to buy special shoes, the uniform, all SORTS of garbage. You wouldn't believe the constant bills coming in for that stupid class.)
• They even spent more on her for Christmas.

This is where your opinion comes in: Compared to alllll that, don't you think I should get a trip to Disneyland that would cost about $400? I mean, when she receives all that, I don't think it's too out of the question.

I hope I don't sound like I'm making myself out to be Cinderella or anything, and my parent's aren't horrible at all, it's just...well, c'mon. It makes me feel bad. My sister gets all that, and I can't get a trip to Disneyland? (The only thing I want for my birthday to boot.)

So, don't you think I'm --for lack of a better word, I guess-- justified in getting that trip?

Thanks for reading, have a great day.

--TDK

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Ahhh to be 16 again. I remember when I was younger my sister (who is 17 years older than me) got a driveway from my parents for christmas, and I just got regular stuff, no where near the price of a driveway. They also gave her $$ for the downpayment on her house, where I got nothing -I felt so cheated!!! Obviously you and your sister are closer in age, but everyone is different, and has different needs at different times. Sis may need $$$ for x and you may not have that need at that time.
Maybe, if you still feel like you are being cheated, you can present them with what you have written here. Do it in a mature mannor, and just let them know how you feel.
We are of course only hearing your side of the story, and I'm sure your parents do buy you things as well - no one loves/gives one child more than the other, no matter how much it seems that way at the time (I think I used to feel that way when I was young!)
Also, since you asked your Mom about you and just Dad going to DL, maybe she felt a little bit slited. Maybe you should have presented it to your father first, or maybe you should have included the whole family.
Anyway, good luck!

 

[PatsGirl]

$400 for a birthday present seems rather excessive regardless of what your sister has been given. I'd laugh my kids right out of the room

Maybe your parents see a one-day trip as less valuable than a camera that can be used for years or a car that is a necessity. Of course, many of us here don't agree with that but...

 

[Magic Mom]

Maybe they already have your Bday present all planned out or even already purchased.
Also, as hard as it is to accept, things won't always be exactly the same for you and your sister. Sometimes things will work out better for her, and sometime you'll come out better. If your parents just spent a lot on your sis, they may have a little less to spend on you, but next year it might be the other way around.

 

[Buckalew11]

Hmm...well, what do they spend $$ for you for? Gotta be something, rightZ? maybe, maybe not. I've seen it in my own family--one child gets a whole lot (squeaky wheel, so to speak) while the others get less (because they *know* better than to ask). Anyway, I'd like to hope your parents are fair. Yet, from watching things in my own family, I know they are not always fair.

When i was a kid my sister and her DH need $1000 for a car. My GP gave it to her for Christmas. My other sis and I did not have that need. Yet, they gave us $1000 CD from the bank that earned great interest back then (about 18%!!)
They kept things fair and I have never forgotten that about them.

I think, if things are as you say they are, they should consider the trip for you. That is just MHO.

 

[TheDarkKnight]

Good stuff. Thank you all for your insights.

 

[JessicaR]

For the purpose of proving fairness, I would need your sister to post to hear what you have received through the years. Then it would be great if your Mom could post also to verify it all.

I think you feel entitled to the trip but it is not necessarily justified.

 

[TheDarkKnight]

Hmm...well, what do they spend $$ for you for? Gotta be something, rightZ? maybe, maybe not. I've seen it in my own family--one child gets a whole lot (squeaky wheel, so to speak) while the others get less (because they *know* better than to ask). Anyway, I'd like to hope your parents are fair. Yet, from watching things in my own family, I know they are not always fair.

When i was a kid my sister and her DH need $1000 for a car. My GP gave it to her for Christmas. My other sis and I did not have that need. Yet, they gave us $1000 CD from the bank that earned great interest back then (about 18%!!)
They kept things fair and I have never forgotten that about them.

I think, if things are as you say they are, they should consider the trip for you. That is just MHO.

Well, 'all' I got so far this year, other than necessities of course, include:

A $100 bike
Money to see Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Indiana Jones 4 [I'd have paid for the movies myself, but I have no money as I couldn't find a place where I could get a job until I turned sixteen.]

It pales in comparison to all that the ol' sis got.

And yeah, this isn't one sided. I don't ask for much. A shirt here and there, a movie that I really want to see...stuff like that. I see a $400 dollar trip as fair.

And like I said, it's not like they do it on purpose. They don't hate me or anything, lol.

 

[Buckalew11]

Maybe they already have your Bday present all planned out or even already purchased.
Also, as hard as it is to accept, things won't always be exactly the same for you and your sister. Sometimes things will work out better for her, and sometime you'll come out better. If your parents just spent a lot on your sis, they may have a little less to spend on you, but next year it might be the other way around.

I also think this is one way it could work for you, OP.

However, I am big on "if I can not do the same for both(all) then I will do all that for one". People do things differently but I am a let's keep it even type person. When I see it happening in my family, I try to make up for it for the one left out--of course, that means I leave the one who seems to get everything out quite often which is probably seen as unfair. Still, I think I need to try to make child B feel special (because he is--he just gets the short end of the stick because he is a good kid).

I think, if there is any resntment inside you than maybe it is time to talk to mom and dad. Maybe they don't realize it. maybe they think your "understanding" means you are OK with it so they continue, or maybe they do things for you that you need to be reminded of.

 

[diznygirl]

Too bad you didn't get what you insisted on getting.

Accept whatever it is and be grateful for it.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, 'all' I got so far this year, other than necessities of course, include:

A $100 bike
Money to see Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Indiana Jones 4 [I'd have paid for the movies myself, but I have no money as I couldn't find a place where I could get a job until I turned sixteen.]

It pales in comparison to all that the ol' sis got.

And yeah, this isn't one sided. I don't ask for much. A shirt here and there, a movie that I really want to see...stuff like that. I see a $400 dollar trip as fair.

And like I said, it's not like they do it on purpose. They don't hate me or anything, lol.

Well, you sound like "my" boy so I will not say you are forgetting all they do for you cause I see it happen to him all too often. Good thing, if what you say is true, that you are not my nephew. We'd be off to DL! LOL (I'm kinda over it and while it is NOMB, it is my business to keep this kid "loved" and that's what I'll do.)

 

[momto2girls]

Well, I don't think that you are "entitled" to the trip, but if you were my daughter I am sure that I would give you what you want. It doesn't seem like an unusual request to me and I would want to do what makes you happy on your special day (especially since it will be your Sweet Sixteenth ).

 

[Magic Mom]

(I'm kinda over it and while it is NOMB, it is my business to keep this kid "loved" and that's what I'll do.)

But is giving the whatever they insist on the only way to make a child feel loved? (not commenting on the OP, she was clear that she knew her parents love her)
I think...no I know my kids feel loved, but I never make it an issue to make everything exactly equal for the two of them. This year DD's BDay present cost much more then DS's, but usually I spend more on DS then DD at Christmas, because he is older, and his "stuff" costs more. They are both aware of this and try hard to be happy for each other when the other gets something. Of course there are occasional hard feelings, but I always remind them my love isn't wrapped up in how much I'm spending at the moment.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

I don't live with you so I can't say if you are being treated unfairly in relation to your sis.

My first thought, though, was- were your mom's feelings hurt that you asked to go to DL with ONLY Dad?

Next- to be shot down repeatedly, means that you are asking repeatedly. They know what you have requested, now drop it and don't be a pest.

Anecdotally, as a kid, I wanted so badly to be sent to Florida to visit relatives for winter break for a Christmas gift. Only expense was a plane ticket as I'd be staying with family and spending my days laying on the beach. Like yours, my hints were thrown back at me. Considering my parents went to Florida a month before without me b/c I had school, made it all the worse. And I pouted like crazy. Imagine my surprise and shame when I learned of my actual gift- they had gone to Florida specifically to pick up my gift- a convertible!

There is something to be said for a birthday *surprise*. Your birthday isn't here yet. Wait and see, and then try to be gracious for whatever it is.

And last, Happy Birthday!!

 

[Miz Diz]

I am guessing that they already have something planned for you and want it to be a surprise. Maybe that trip will even happen.

My mother always favored my sister over me and it was evident to everyone. She always got more than I did - to the point that my oldest sister who did not live at home took me out shopping ( I was 14) and bought me clothes because she said she was sick of seeing the other sister get everything. So I know how you feel.

My parents did surprise me with expensive gifts sometimes and I was very excited and surprised to get them. My parents also made up for it when I went to college - my college tuition and apartment rental was much more than they spent on my sister when she went to a 2 year tech school and stayed at home. (My parents only paid for 3 semesters because I got married right before my 4th semester, but it was still more than they paid for her.)

 

[ckay87]

Well happy birthday....you are my son's age. I am sure they already have something for you, but they're not going to tell you that! My kids always do this to me at birthdays...

"can I have X, can I please? It's my birthday, pleeeaaase?"

So maybe we have planned to get, or have already gotten X. I'm not going to tell the kid that! Or maybe we got kid something bigger and better. Not gonna say that either.

So I might refuse to answer, in which case, the kid always persists. Or, more often ....and just to shut him up or mess with his mind ....I will respond by saying "no way! And stop asking or you won't get anything!"

Just be patient and let us know how your birthday turns out, ok?

 

[marybet]

Do you think that your parents can afford the $400? What has your Dad said about the trip? Perhaps you should just ask if they do have something planned that is a surprise, at least then you could stop asking.

Do they usually ask what you want for your birthday or do they just surprise you? I think you should get the trip, unless they have already made other plans. I think they could tell you they have something planned without telling you what it is.

When is your birthday? When did you want to do the trip? Maybe you could ask them to plan the trip for next year? It would give them time to save for it and give you something to look forward to.

 

[disykat]

I'm someone who would consider dance classes, a history trip, or loaning money for a car etc. less excessive than a $400 Disney trip just for fun.

I think you're comparing apples to oranges. If you needed/wanted those same things and they turned you down, then you'd have a beef.

You don't get to decide what they give you because you feel entitled. You can let them know what you would like, but you'll never win with the entitlement argument!

 

[Kath2003]

With regard to the dance classes, that would be a non-argument in my house. My parents paid for anything extra-curricular we wanted to do, within reason. If I'd mentioned the fact that my sister was costing them a fortune in saxophone lessons and therefore I should get x, they'd have pointed out that I no longer wanted to learn the flute but they'd be happy to pay if I wanted to take it up again (5 years was ENOUGH!).

 

[Liberty Belle]

It doesn't matter or not that you deserve it. It sounds like you put forth a decent arguement as to why you deserve it, but that's irrelevant.

You can't tell people what to give you for your birthday. You can tell them what you wish for, if they ask, but if you only say one thing and they tell you no, you just have to deal with it. Sorry.