I would like your opinions please

[Disney Doll]

I am the cpomplete opposite of all you folks. I htink that in many ways your family will screw you the wrost of all because they know how to get you...they know what eats away at you and how to hit where it hurts.

Your inital assumptoin was correct-your family wasn't important enough for youer cousin to go out of her way to viist. When she got called on it, she reacted defensively and tried to make it seem like it was your fault...you're spoiled, the rest of the Thanksgivings are not going to be a celebration of your kid's birthday etc. Guilt often reacts in a defensive, and yes, manipulative way, turning the conversation around to make it seem like it's everyone else's fault but theirs.

There are people in our lives who are there for a reason, and when the reason is done, they are gone. There are people who are there for a lifetime. The hard part is figuring out who's who. Thank your cousin, she made your life easy by illustrating the kind of person she is. She was a "reason" person in your life.

 

[Alice28]

Wow- Disney Doll what you said really hit home. I think what you said is true, how she was feeling guilty about it deep down, and lashed out at me on the defensive. And that she was in my life for a reason and now perhaps that reason is done.

What is almost amusing at this point, is two years later (this is last Thansgiving/Christmas), we were down in CA again. We invited the extended family, knowing we would be turned down, but it seemed rude not to at least invite them .So, we were turned down, which was fine- no hurt feelings this time- and I get this HUGE long email from my cousin, with these scathing words that she never got to say her side of the story, and apparently she hadn't let it go! I literally was at the computer with my jaw dropped, and then I started laughing- my husband, mom, and mother in law all read it and were like "Boy, she has some serious issues to deal with." She basically wanted to rehash the entire thing and I wrote her back and said "You know, I just don't want to open up those old wounds. I am past it, I'm sorry that I made you mad at the time, and I just want to move on." I think this is why she doesn't make any effort to really communicate with me anymore---because I wouldn't play her game of bad mouthing each other. Some people just need constant drama in their lives- I am not one of those people.

 

[DocRafiki]

Forgive me if I repeat or am now off topic; I haven't read all the replies.

Yes, obviously your cousin sounds very selfish. If your realtionship was that great, though, I think I would look further into it before giving up. I don't know anything about pregnancy hormones; maybe that is involved. But, reading your description, I was wondering if your cousin is depressed. If she's having a major depressive episode, a visit like that would be overwhelming. That would also explain how she would know 2 wks ahead of time that she wouldn't be feeling well. Those episodes can last many months. She would also be prone to outbursts of anger. Just a thought. Or maybe she is just spoiled and selfish.