I wish someone could pay more attention to me rather than Dad

[DodgerGirl]

Ever since my father came home from the hospital I have been feeling left out and all I have been asking for is a little attention or my parents to do something special with me or or for me. Because it seems that Dad is the only one getting tons of attention from my mom and I feel like i'm been forgotten. Every time I try to talk with my mom she always claims that she always is busy and never has time for me and when we talk my mom and I bicker a lot and her attention is always focused on Dad and not me. Before Dad went to the hospital we always did fun stuff and we would do fun things but now it's all about Dad and it has affected me a lot. Another habit that Dad does and my mom and I have told him a million times to quit this habit and help out around the house and actually do housework that needs to be done Dad will ignore us and sit in his recliner and watch game shows and Youtube and when I tell him or my mom about this habit I get in trouble even when I have asked very politely because he turns the volume on our living room TV really really LOUD and I cannot hear my music or anything in my room or concentrate. Like today it really made me so angry because I was trying to play my Marvel game and I couldn't concentrate or focus on my game because Dad had his game show blasting through my ears and when I told my mom to tell Dad to turn down or turn off his game show very politely and nicely I got in trouble for it even though I was being very nice to Dad about his loud game show and loud TV. And I can't sleep and mostly feel lonely and sad that this had to happen to our family and I wish that my family would just go back to normal so I can feel myself again and wonderful and happy

 

[nherbert]

Hi DodgerGirl, sorry that you are having a tough time right now. Sometimes parents just don’t get it right. Stay strong. I am not sure what has happened to your dad or your family but know that someone as far away as Australia is thinking of you right now.

 

[DodgerGirl]

Another thing that has started annoying me about Dad that I wish that I had more attention is that every Saturday morning I like to sleep in but now that's impossible to do because as soon as Dad gets up he begins blasting the house with loud music when he makes coffee and makes breakfast and can't Dad see that my mom and I want to sleep in? And then when I go hang out in the living room with Mom and Dad the very first thing Dad wants to do while we eat breakfast is turn on the living room TV to his Youtube obsession and I say no. Can't Dad understand that TV is a distraction for me and my mom? When Mom and I spent two weeks by ourselves while Dad was recovering in the hospital we did fun stuff at home but now all the fun is gone that Dad has come back. And now I get tired easily and have trouble sleeping and have almost no energy to do my own things like I used to and I can barely take rests in the afternoon because Dad makes racket and wakes me up and now I feel that I would like to do some stuff with Mom and Dad in order to get more attention from my parents

 

[AgentMama]

Have you tried to discuss this with your parents before the TV is on? Do you have friends you can go out with to give yourself a break from the house?

 

[White Cat]

Maybe you need to move out.

 

[fly girl]

How I would handle it is dependent upon a few factors.

1. How old are you?

2. Without being too personal, what is/was wrong with your Dad? How long was he hospitalized, and how long has he been home?

This can give context so we can provide you with some helpful advice.

 

[Disneylover99]

Maybe suggest a hearing test for dad.

 

[GAN]

Ever since my father came home from the hospital I have been feeling left out and all I have been asking for is a little attention or my parents to do something special with me or or for me. Because it seems that Dad is the only one getting tons of attention from my mom and I feel like i'm been forgotten. Every time I try to talk with my mom she always claims that she always is busy and never has time for me and when we talk my mom and I bicker a lot and her attention is always focused on Dad and not me. Before Dad went to the hospital we always did fun stuff and we would do fun things but now it's all about Dad and it has affected me a lot. Another habit that Dad does and my mom and I have told him a million times to quit this habit and help out around the house and actually do housework that needs to be done Dad will ignore us and sit in his recliner and watch game shows and Youtube and when I tell him or my mom about this habit I get in trouble even when I have asked very politely because he turns the volume on our living room TV really really LOUD and I cannot hear my music or anything in my room or concentrate. Like today it really made me so angry because I was trying to play my Marvel game and I couldn't concentrate or focus on my game because Dad had his game show blasting through my ears and when I told my mom to tell Dad to turn down or turn off his game show very politely and nicely I got in trouble for it even though I was being very nice to Dad about his loud game show and loud TV. And I can't sleep and mostly feel lonely and sad that this had to happen to our family and I wish that my family would just go back to normal so I can feel myself again and wonderful and happy

I don't know your entire situation but I'm sorry you feel this way. It does sound like you need to branch out if that's possible... are there organizations or clubs you can join or maybe a place you could volunteer some of your time. I'm sure there are places that could use another good person and that might give you something to look forward to on a regular basis.

 

[ronandannette]

How old are you?

 

[Allison]

Maybe it is time for you to have your own place and venture out on your own.

Your dad is sick. Sometimes, attention isn't divided evenly for valid reasons.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I would guess about 7 or someone that is trolling just for the fun of it. I plan to just move on and I encourage others to do the same.

I disagree.

 

[lanejudy]

Hi @DodgerGirl -- your family has had a rough year. It can be very tough on the family when someone becomes chronically ill or has a new disability. There is an adjustment period. Do you have any outside interests or connections? Maybe with a local social service agency? Can you plan some activities away from the house to give you a break?

Some other ideas -- see if mom will agree to plan a day/morning/afternoon each week with you. Call it mom&daughter time. Go out to breakfast or lunch, go shopping or a movie or bowling or a craft show or wander the mall.

Plan an outing for the family -- maybe bowling or a movie. Something to get the family out of the house. In the spring or summer, plan a picnic lunch at a local park.

Do you have a church or library or other local spot you can connect with people? Maybe volunteer at the library or volunteer to answer the phones in the church office one morning a week.

Mom and dad are both adjusting to the "new normal" as well. It takes time.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Sorry your family is struggling with this and that you are sad, it is difficult to manage different personalities and needs. Most of the time it takes about 6 months or so for people to completely return to normal after an upsetting event, sometimes changes stick around but most of the changes fade over time.

If your Dad was in the hospital for something heart related or blood pressure related that would explain your Mom's extra compliance, it takes a while for the medicines to settle the body down so Mom is probably trying to keep Dad calm so he can heal. Mom is also probably upset and will be that way for a while so it would be nice for you to try and help take care of Mom while she is doing her best to take care of you and Dad. If you can give extra help with chores it will make it easier on Mom so maybe Mom will feel more like herself. These things are not easy, it takes time to go back to calm.

Maybe Dad can't hear so great so he is unaware he is being loud? If your family exchanges gifts maybe a pair of Bluetooth headphones for Dad that will work with your family TV so he can make it loud without disturbing everyone else.

 

[princesscinderella]

Sorry you are feeling this way, but it’s good to express our feelings so we can figure out a way forward. I second the recommendation to get some noise cancellation headphones if not for your dad but for yourself so you can have focus on your entertainment without being distracted. Your Dad probably needs to rest so he can recover and it’s only natural that your mom is paying a bit more attention to him right now. Maybe try to find a movie or show you like as a family and watch it all together. Best of luck and give it some time, you all will find a new routine in time.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Maybe you should take positive steps to lighten your mom's burden. It can't be easy for her, with your dad recovering. Anything you can do to help her out would be much appreciated. Added bonus, if she has a chance to rest a bit herself, she might have more time to be available to you.

 

[nw6675]

Dodger has been around a long time. While there are some unique posts, she is not a troll and I believe posts from the heart and the best she can. Lay off peeps.

Dodger, I know it is hard, but keep staying nice and calm and do the best you can.

 

[GoingSince1990]

I would suggest high quality earplugs for the Saturday mornings (they really helped my daughter in college who has a roommate), and noise-cancelling headphones or AirPods when you want to do something on your phone or computer.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Having just gone through my father's illness and death from cancer, it's tough. All of Mom's focus for two years was on Dad -- his illness, his appointments, his tests, etc. It was hard. I had to learn to meet her from a point of "how can I help?" And not second-guessing what she told me would help.

It was also a few months before they told me (and I'm nearly 56 years old) what was actually wrong with him. They didn't want to worry me. Your parents apparently had a scare with your father's health. I'm not sure what the diagnosis is, but fear is a real thing that's challenging to overcome -- they're reacting the best they know how.

I just think you need to give your parents some grace at the moment and take the opportunity to do things away from home, like go to the library, mall, etc., to give yourself a break from the noise and the stress. Do you work? Go to school? As others have suggested, finding outlets for your own stress (even walking outside) may be helpful.

 

[focusondisney]

If I remember right, you have some challenges OP. This is a good time to work on empathy. You need to remind yourself everything isn’t about you & other people have needs too. Being sick enough to need a hospital stay is traumatic for the patient and their spouse. Your father was the most important person in the world to your mother long before you were born. He still is. His health & comfort are her priority now, as they should be.

It also seems you need to adjust your thinking. Even beyond the recent hospitalization, this is your parents’ home, I assume they are paying the bills, not you. Your father shouldn’t have to answer to an adult child living with them about how loud the TV is or what shows he watches. If that make you unhappy, take steps to get outside or otherwise muffle the sound that bothers you.

Anytime you feel neglected, remind yourself how lucky you are to have your parents to care for you & allow you to live in their home. Someday, you won’t. And that everything isn’t about you & what they want is just as important as what you want. Maybe write something like that down & read it to yourself when ever you feel neglected or annoyed.

 

[barkley]

Maybe Dad can't hear so great so he is unaware he is being loud? If your family exchanges gifts maybe a pair of Bluetooth headphones for Dad that will work with your family TV so he can make it loud without disturbing everyone else.

i was going to suggest something along these lines (or blue tooth earbuds if that's more comfortable for him). i've used the headphones in the past that work with a tv or music system and can adjust the volume such that noone in the house even knows the electronic connected to it is on-but i can hear it perfectly. if watching tv with someone else they can adust the tv volume to what's comfortable for them and i adjust my headphones to what is comfortable for me.