I want to be happy for them....

[EsmeraldaX]

but I am just not.

DBF & my best friend (who both work in the c/s dept. of our company) just got huge promotions and raises.

I posted a while back I was concerned about my DBF getting a raise because we live together and since we keep seperate bank accounts and never intend to marry, we split everything 50/50. I want to continue to do so.

Now he is making 5K a year more than me.

I have decided to take a second job. I want so much to be happy for him (and her) but I'm not. I'm angry and envious because as you may recall, there is no where for me to move up to in my job.

I have been looking for other jobs with similiar beneifts and a chance for advancement but so far, not much.

I plan to work 7 days a week now , and probably some double shifts to continue to bring in as much $$ as DBF makes. I want us to be on par salary wise because since we split things 50/50, he will be much better off now than me unless I take a second job.

Does anyone have any experience working two jobs? I know, you HATE it. But I feel like this is truly the best option for me.

I currently work in Boston MA. I work 8 until 4:30 and am often home by 6. I could work weekenights from 7 - 12 . I know myself and I think I could handle that a few nights a week. I could also pull 8 hour shifts and Saturday and Sundays.

I would have to work in NH, as I live closer to the NH retail circuit than to MA. Does anyone have any experience working in NH but living in MA? (I'd have to pay income tax because I live in MA, right?)

Anyway, any advice or suggestions would be great!

Thanks,
Sheri

 

[luvwinnie]

I can't imagine working EVERY day...really, you need some rest. YOu will just burn out. I'd rather look for a better job than a 2nd one. WIshing you luck!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by luvwinnie
I can't imagine working EVERY day...really, you need some rest. YOu will just burn out. I'd rather look for a better job than a 2nd one. WIshing you luck!

Thank you.

I have been looking. Unfortunately, without going to grad school, I'm pretty limited with my choices and I can't afford school right now.

Saving what I can for it though.

 

[stinkerbelle]

if you did all that work...when would you have fun?
when would you SEE your DBF?

what difference does 5k really matter though? you're still splitting things 50/50...he just has a bit more money in his account...that's all.

my DH makes significantly more money then me...yet we try to split the bills as close to 50/50 as we can (yes - he says he pays all the bills...but I do all the 'buying' for the house...food/homegoods/paper products/etc...his clothes, my clothes - that adds up just as much)

I think if you work from 8am until midnight everyday, you are going to burn out very very fast.

and for what? a few extra bucks? if you want an extra job - just do it on the weekends...not during the week.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Do you think there are retail places (like Wal Mart, Target) that will hire weekend help only?

I'd do that if I could.

 

[alabamaalan]

I'm confused also. If you can afford you half of the bills now, why do you need an extra job just so he isn't making more money than you?

This sounds more relationship issue than money issue, but either way, I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[NMAmy]

I kind of had the same thought as stinkerbelle. 5K after taxes does not add up to that much that I'd think it would make a difference. Surely it's not worth exhausting yourself over.

I've read your previous posts about this and I know that you want things to be even steven but you have to consider your quality of life.

Why don't you wait until he starts receiving his raise and see how much it actually raises his paychecks per pay period. I think you'll see that it won't make a significant difference.

 

[Serena]

I hope I'm not stepping on toes here, but Esmeralda, you have something other to worry about than money. You need to figure out why it's so important that you make exactly the same amount.
It's not reasonable, or practical. I think you need to figure this out, or your life and his is going to be harder than it has to be, just trying to keep up with each other.

Maybe instead of 50/50, you could have it a percentage, 60/40? I don't know. But it sounds like you are willing to drive yourself to the ground to be equal, and it won't happen.

I think you need to think about this a little more. Maybe make a list or two, and talk to your boyfriend about this. Would you want him to do what you are proposing yourself do if you were making more than him?

I don't know you very well, so I hope this comes across like it's meant.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
Do you think there are retail places (like Wal Mart, Target) that will hire weekend help only?

I'd do that if I could.

It never hurts to ask. You just specify it on your application! I used to work fast food when I was in HS/College and knew people who would ONLY work on the weekends...

 

[oogieboogie]

In all honesty, I think you're making a big mistake by getting a second job.

One, you'll be too tired to make time for him and in the end your relationship could suffer. When will you have time to do anything else together when all you do is work? How does he feel about you working 2 jobs? Is he OK with it? If he's not and you go through with it, there could be some resentment built up in the future.

Two, your relationship is not a competition. It's about the two of you being equal partners and that doesn't have to be about equality in pay. A relationship is about give and take and compromise. There's no shame that you make less than him, and there's certainly no shame in taking from someone who loves you.

If I were you, I'd really discuss your feelings with him and how his promotion makes you feel and maybe the two of you can come up with a compromise (not that I'm suggesting he turn down the promo) but some other way. I'd also keep looking for a job, even if it's not in the same industry as you're in now.

I wish you well. Good luck.

 

[N.Bailey]

Well, in all honesty, I feel bad that your attitude is one of keeping up with the Jones's mentality. If that comes across as rude to you, I certainly am not meaning it too. I just think it's sad that you feel the way you do.

However, if you really want to take on a 2nd job, I would suggest looking into waiting tables. The hours are very flexible, and the money can be quite good. I waited tables for 12 years and I'm telling you, if you can get in the right place, you could possibly walk out the door with upwards to $200 a night. Your butt will be dragging out the door though. You will work for every cent!

Good Luck to you with whatever you decide.

 

[4nana]

Don't worry, be happy! A job 7 days a week makes for a boring life. Since BF will make more money - simple, he can pay 60% now.

~ Sandie

 

[BedKnobbery2]

Maybe you can try looking at it differently. For example, he's now making a mere $13.66 per day more than you are. Heck, he could easily blow that on 2 lattes and a muffin at Starbucks.

Do you have any hobbies that you can turn into a money-making venture? Perhaps hitting yard sales or auctions, and selling things on ebay? Making crafts and selling them at craft fairs? Playing poker (although you have to be really good and also careful with that one--I speak from experience. )? Maybe offer pet-sitting services? Something that won't totally burn you out, but will give you some spare change in your pocket. I think a second job would be a horrible idea, and would lead you to even more resentment regarding your BF (as in "I have to work so much harder to make the same money!")

I'm sorry that this is such an issue for you.

 

[KimR]

But supposing you do get a part-time job to make up the difference in your salaries...what happens if he gets another raise? You're going to wear yourself into the ground trying to keep up!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Thanks all for your support and advice.

My DBF thinks I'm crazy but I know that in 6 months when he has the extra $20 for a night out at the movies, and I don't, he is eventually going to get frustrated at my never being able to do stuff I will not leech off of him and have him pay).

He WANTS to buy me things and split things by percentage. I'm not comfortable with that. I know it's weird, but I am stubborn and I like to be the one taking care of me.

Oh I can still pay the bills like I do now. I am usually left with nothing at the end of a pay period.

What little I have left is going to a school fun and put away for the cheapest trips to WDW you ever saw. That is our only vacation.

I do not buy things for myself that I do not need. I wear the same clothes every year until they are worn out. I do not buy movies or cds or books. We go out to the movies once in a while (maybe once a month) and take turns paying. We go to museums and stuff because we get free passes from work.

Now he will have extra money for going out (movies, dinners etc.) buying fun stuff and I will not.

:shrug: I know. I'm weird.

 

[Lisa F]

I think that DBF should take the extra $5k and get you some counseling to figure out why you feel like you need to work yourself into an early grave in order to have everything be exactly the same between the two of you.

That's not meant to be mean and you seem like a really nice person, but whatever is driving this desperate desire you have for everything to be exactly the same for you cannot be good for you or your relationship.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by KimR
But supposing you do get a part-time job to make up the difference in your salaries...what happens if he gets another raise? You're going to wear yourself into the ground trying to keep up!

excellent point.

I once thought of taking a second job - just for some more pocket money - but then I looked at all the TIME I would be giving up.

I rather have a few less bucks in my pocket and more time with my DH!

 

[Winka]

I don't even know where to begin. I do remember your last post...I'm sorry you feel this way and I don't think if I knew you IRL I could support this new path you're thinking of carving for yourself.

You say you have no hope of advancement. How long do ou plan on staying with this job? Does this mean you hope that you and he have no economic improvement to look forward to in the foreseeable future? What happens when he starts bringing in a significant amount more than you? 25K, 35K, 50K...Walmart on the weekends isn't going to close that gap.

You have to do something to improve your own self-worth....a 5K difference is SO little to beat yourself up over.

 

[Serena]

I hope your plans work out the way your want.

 

[N.Bailey]

I understand what you're saying. You like being independent!! If you're working a 2nd job however, you will not be there to go to the movies with him anyway.