I think my oldest daugther will be grounded forever* we're back

[Serena]

That's what I keep telling myself. In between wanting to do some bodily harm myself..

She's safe at home.

 

[roque]

serena, i am so glad she is safe and at home. as i was reading the thread i realized we were all on pins and needles waiting for the next posting to see if she was ok. I don't have any kids but i realized i could probably magnify the feeling by a billion and still not know how you felt.

my brother did something similar when he was young and i thought for sure mom was gonna kill him. his punishment was a beauty 2 months grounded, and no phone, 6 weeks into this he was "paroled" he got the message and never did it again.

give yourself and your DD a hug for being safe. then dole out the sentence. she'll live.

 

[Serena]

I'm waiting until tomorrow. I'm not exactly feeling very reasonable right now.

 

[Claudia1]

You're doing a great job!

At the very least, your youngest is learning how diligent Mom is and that there are always consequences.

Stay strong and keep us updated.

 

[roque]

it bears repeating

YOUR DOING A GREAT JOB

 

[Serena]

thank you

 

[MerryPoppins]

My goodness. You've had an exciting evening. I missed the whole thing!

Glad she is home and safe. Also glad you are taking time before you pass judgement. I'm never that patient and I've been sorry that I didn't wait until I cooled off. Hugs to you, I think you can use them.

 

[gemmie214]

Looking at this thread makes me want to call my mom and tell her {{{I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!}}}

Serena, I do have to say you are doing a great job with your children as you all go through a difficult time. My parents were the most strict in my group of friends and family. They were all afraid of my parents finding out they did something wrong. We all thought they were great but we knew we could never pull the wool over thier eyes. My cousins all tell me that if it were not for them they would have been wild. Some of my friends drifted away because it was easier not dealing with my parents. Only one girl is doing OK now but she did have a child at 17 and was alone. The rest are at the same place we were in high school. I guess what I am trying to say is that being strict does not make you the bad guy in the long run.

 

[Keli]

Serena, Isn't parenting teenage girls fun, fun, fun???? I know where you are coming from, whoa, do I ever. I've got a basically great 17 year old that pulls some real bone-headed stunts sometimes too. Last weekend I was at a conference out of town and took my dd with me because she had a lot of friends in that town and wanted to see them. There was a party on friday night and when she left for it at about 10:00 I forgot to give her a curfew. I knew it would be late but the parents where there and it was going to be well chaperoned by people I trust so I was ok with it. Until it is after 5 in the morning and the kid still isn't back. Then I wasn't ok with anything! When she tried to tip toe into the hotel room at 5:30 I said "Don't even try to be quiet Ashli, I'm awake and I know what time it is!" Turns out that after the party she hooked up with some other friends and their parents in the lobby of the hotel and sat around and talked a few hours! It's just a good thing the other parents were around to verify, as it was she was only in trouble for failing to call rather than where she was and what she was doing!

 

[NHAnn]

So glad to hear that she is safe! You ARE doing great job, and it sounds like she is a great kid. Glad you are waiting to be a little calmer to determine your course of action. Reasonable boundaries, reasonable punishment, it will all work out.

Us parents ought to write that manual that another poster was talking about we could each do a chapter or two!

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

I am glad she is OK, keep us posted as to what happened.

 

[Serena]

I think what happened is her boyfriend tried to get her to go to his house without his mom there and she refused.
But, she didn't want to come home yet, so they floated from friend to friend, as long as a parent was there.

But, I'm reading between the lines.
She called me when she was supposed to at least.

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

You must be proud of her she didn't go to his house. That shows she has good judgement and a mom that has taught her well.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I know she messed up, but still, good for her! I'm thrilled that she showed such good judgement. That is hard under pressure from a boyfriend. And she DID call. So sorry she scared you to death. I bet you wanted to hug and strangle her.

I'm getting ready to go through all of this with my 15 year old. I know that he'll forget to call, etc. He is often disorganized, but he means well. DD is even worse at 11, but she still has a few years to mature before she'll be driving, etc.

A friend told me last night that there was a new neurological study that showed teens have a sudden burst of neurological developement that slows their ability to make good decisions (just when our culture has them starting to make important decisions for themselves). That's scary! She said they got back on track at 17 or 18. Oh boy. Guess I have 3 years to go with DS and 7 with DD. I'll be gray for sure by then.

 

[ahutton]

Now that I'm "grown up" I understand my parents #1 rule... Be where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there, or call immediately to advise of the change in plans. Not that I was perfect, far from it, but it was an easy rule to remember. And that was BEFORE cell phones were everywhere. I hope I can be as rational as they were when our DDs get there. I hope I remember to calm down before I hand over the punishment. I hope I don't have to worry about that (yeah - right!)

 

[Serena]

Just remember, you are allowed to be human. If you do mess up, admit it. "I'm sorry I was a lunatic yesterday and grounded you for the next 2 years"
"I'm sorry I just admitted you into the nunnery, I'll call and cancel"

I've just learned by doing. By what makes sense and what doesn't.

 

[CrazyBoutDisney]

Serena--you are one terrific mom!! I panicked right along with you last night and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when you went to pick your DD up. It is obvious that you have raised her well. For her to say no to her boyfriend like that......WOW!!! You must be so proud!!

All the advice and support I've seen on this thread have been super. Wish you all had been around when I was going thru this with my kids. Maybe I wouldn't have flipped out so much! It is so good to know that we have this tremendous support group right here at our fingertips!!
Beth

 

[Serena]

This place is amazing for a lot of reasons. It has helped me over quite a lot.

Now I don't know what to do.

She wasn't where she was supposed to be and no one knew where she was.
She lost my cell phone.
She didn't call to let me know of the change of plans.



She did call me when she was supposed to.
She didn't go anywhere where there weren't parents.
I think she refused to sleep with her boyfriend.
But I'll never know that for sure. She would rather lie to me than to get him in trouble.
They found her phone and could have it tonight, but she'll get it at school on monday.

 

[SuiteDisney]

I vote for a hug and a talk about safe sex.

 

[Boots]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} I think you are doing a great job as a parent. My DD is now 26 (will be 27 Tuesday) and DS is 23. I too remember those days. This too will pass.