I think I might want another child but.....

[Mkrop]

It's all an illusion. Those moms just hide how overwhelmed they are better.
...at least this is what I tell myself and it works for me.

I second this. I know I couldnt handle more than two, and bless the families that can, doesnt make any mom right or wrong to have a certain number. I actually respect someone who knows that they can only handle X# and stop, and dont worry about it, if you do decide you will learn to manage, motherhood is constant on the job training. Some days I handle it better than others and others days I look around, very overwhlemed and realize I am not supermom, or Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker (although somedays you have to try and be some of these) I am just doing the best job that I can and so are you! Our kids are wonderful terrific beings, that is all that matters.

 

[HappyLawyer]

you need to think long and hard then do what is best for you, not for the benefit of others. i have one child that is a handful, and i wonder about another, but i am leaning toward yes but because that is what i want to do and i think i can handle it, not for anyone else.
Remember, you need your sanity to take care of your current family, without that, how can you add on anything new.
Good Luck .

 

[Davids-Coco]

I just know that *I* feel like I cannot handle things as well as other moms. It may be true, and may be me just feeling insecure.

Lemme just say sorry then... because I am one of those moms who is masquerading as having it all together every time I go out (and I don't!!!). I have bad mommy days, and I feel the same way as you do many days of the week.

I think we are all insecure about our parenting. It is what happens... we spend so much time comparing our child to everyone elses, our parenting to everyone elses, our lives to everyone elses. The reality is that we have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.

In terms of having another - I understand the PPD. I was there too... and knowing what it is like is half the battle. It will allow you to anticipate your needs better should you chose to have another. And, you will see the signs quicker. There is nothing wrong with being medicated.

Regardless, having another is a personal decision always. You need to do what is right for you. Don't let one day determine it. I have days when I could have a dozen more and days when I swear DS will be an only child.

 

[El&Asmom]

It's always so refreshing reading these posts and realizing that your not alone. Parenthood is hard work. Add in stress of jobs, a mortgage, marriage, and it gets that much more difficult. I also am so impressed with the moms that seem to be so in control and I can barely get dressed in the morning.

We went back and forth about having a third. Our dds are 4.5 and 2 now, and there are some days that I feel like I'm just plain failing at motherhood. Etiher I yelled too much instead of working w/ dd to figure something out, they watched too much tv, I was on the computer too much, , ...
I think as a whole we're doing alright, but there are those days when nothing seems to be working.
And I agree that 3 year olds are tough. DD1s terrible threes, (and 4s), are much tougher than her terrible 2s. They are much more argumenative and whinier than the 2 year olds IME.
Don't be too hard on yourself. As for having a second kid, I've heard people say that if your questioning whether or not your done, you're probably not. It's just a feeling of missing someone. There is no rush and whatever happens is meant to be.

Good luck and hang in there.

 

[crisi]

If your son is three, a baby in the house isn't going to help with his speech - he'll be at least five before the baby starts using language (assuming you get pregnant right away), that's too big a difference to get much of a language boost (for either kid) or get the built in friend (possible with a four year age difference, but not automatic even when your kids are close in age).

Stop listening to what other people say, and listen to what you say. You sound like you are content with one child, you think two may be overwhelming. Imagine how busy it will be when you have a toddler and need to get your current son off to soccer games. Or when the flu he gets now doubles in length for you because the little one gets it just as the older one finishes. And there are no guaretees that the next kid won't be significantly more challenging than this one is - you could get one prone to tantrums, or one that loves trouble, or one with special needs - granted, if it were to happen, you'd love them and do your best - we all do, but getting more than you bargained for might be particularly hard on you.

 

[Elmo888]

I feel for you. I agree that, if you decide to have another, you need to have one for you, not your DS.

I just wanted to make two points.

First, at some point, people stop asking about a second child (well, the more thoughtful people). My DDs are almost 5 years apart, and I think that by the time my oldest was about 4, people just assumed that we weren't having another one. Even my parents assumed that we weren't having another one. So, if you decide that you aren't having another one, please be comforted by that.

My other point is that I felt exactly like you - I swore up down and sideways that my first DD would be an only child. I sold all of the baby equipment and clothes. Well, when she was about 3 1/2, DH and I both came to the conclusion (simultaneously and separately) that we would like another. In my opinion, that 3 to 4 year is such a big year for kids. They just become so independent - potty trained, dressing themselves, playing by themselves or with friends without you, getting out of the crib, etc. So, if you change your mind and your kids are 5 or 6 years apart, it will be fine. I've met plenty of people with kids that have the same age range as mine. It certainly seems like everyone has kids 2 to 3 years apart (I know how that feels), but you have to do what is best for you. I love the age spread of my girls. I love having only one baby at a time.

Whatever you decide will be fine. Whether your DS is an only child or has a sibling 5 years younger, he will be fine. Just do what is best for you.

 

[alldiz]

I would wait....

I am an only child....I always thought I would have 2.....I figured I would
just wait for the urge....

DH really wants one....so does my DD5 want a sibling.
It was not until DD5 went to kindergarten that I thought I could handle it.

I am currently trying to get pregnant....I'm not 100% convinced that I
want the baby for me......but I would LOVE for DD to have a sibling.
I'm not concerned about the age difference.

Don't worry about the age difference....wait till your son is in
school.....will take a lot of pressure off.
Good luck in your decision.
Kerri

 

[kaysmommie]

Please do what you feel is right. Your DS doesn't need siblings if it's going to be too much for you. There is nothing wrong with having only 1 child. That child doesn't have to share your love or attention and you don't ever have to feel guilty for giving one child too much. I have 2 children but it's a struggle for me too. I was great with 1 child lots of patience and I had so much fun with her everyday. Now with 2 I have much less patience and have alot less time for my older DD or myself for that matter. Not that I would trade my DS or my life for the world. I love them both dearly. But I know 2 is all I could handle so DH and I are done officially . Only children grow up into very successful adults. Do you have family & friends who you and your DS are close to? If your not sure then you may regrte having another child. ANyone who says 2 children is as easy as 1 is lying IMO. It is a big change and is worth it only if you really want another child.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Maybe its just me but I think its just off the wall that other people are commenting about something so intimate as the size of your family. What is it about kids that makes everyone feel so free, whether its touching a Mommy-to-be's belly or commenting on your name choice

All I can say is if you think it would be too much for you and that your relationship with your DH would suffer then you should listen to yourself. It doesn't sound to me like you are undecided at all, it sounds like other people are making you feel bad about your choice. Unless those other people plan on staying up all night for feedings & illness, chipping in the $ for the 2nd child, not to mention homework and playdates they need to step off the line and leave you alone. If I was in that position, whenever people would ask about another child I'd give a vague, "we haven't decided yet" and change the subject.

As for speech impediments, they seem to be on the rise and do not necessarily have anything to do with intelligence. Most School Districts have early intervention programs for language skills that I would look into if it happened to me. As for intelligence, one of DS-9's best friends speaks with a babyish lisp yet he's in the gifted class. We also have a really bright kid in our neighborhood who doesn't annunciate R's at 12. Sometimes, speech trouble is a sign something else is wrong but other times, its just about the speech.

Feel better

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

I guess I just keep seeing brothers and thinking that I am robbing my son of that. Realistically, I know that having another will not secure him having a friend or even a brother. I think I am just feeling kind of down today about it. I keep hearing from people that some of the things he does (not using his words well) is because he is "the only one at home" I feel like I am doing something wrong.

Kristine

When my ex and I had DS12, my ex was so excited because he was an only child and he figured DD14 would have someone. Well....they cannot STAND each other 90% of the time. DD would rather spoon out her own eye than go out in public with her brother. Yes, they do things together occasionally, and they do love each other. But talking to my ex, I can tell he is disappointed because he thought they would be best buddies. Being the youngest of 6 kids, I knew better. My niece and nephew, 24 and 21, are the same way.

Also, my DS12 had some speech issues when he was younger. He did speech class for a year when he started school. They told me it was because his older sister did all the talking for him. Go figure.

Our two youngest ARE best buds and act like twins, always needing to be together.

But there is no guarantee on that. As a mom of four kids, and the youngest of 6 kids (but the closest in age to me is 8 years older, so i had some time as an "only" child in the house), I really feel you should do what feels right for you. My oldest DD was perfectly happy being the only kid for 2 years and she is perfectly happy being the big sister now. I was happy while my sisters were in the house and I was perfectly happy after they moved out and I had mom and dad all to myself. There are pros and cons to both, so I really would not let anyone tell you what you SHOULD do.

My ex did say he always kind of wanted a sibling, but he also says he was happy being the only one and did not feel like he missed out. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

It's all an illusion. Those moms just hide how overwhelmed they are better.
...at least this is what I tell myself and it works for me.

Had to post a comment on this.

I have 4 kids....2 to 14. Going upstairs to my room and screaming into my pillow is very therapeutic, let me tell ya.

My friends always say "I dont know how you do it" because my house is always clean and I have all the kids. My reply is usually "I drink...ALOT"

Seriously, I feel like banging my head on the desk repeatedly at LEAST twice a day. And I really DO scream into the pillow. If you see us at WDW and I look all relaxed and prepared...that took hours of planning and checking and rechecking and the blessing of a DH and a 14 year old daughter who love me and want me to stay sane so they help out.

Everyone gets overwhelmed. If they say they don't, they either take ALOT of medication or they are delusional.

 

[Toot Sweet]

Which would be worse...1) DS being an only child, or 2)DS having a sibling, but also having a crazy mamma?

 

[belle&beast]

I know what you feel about not feeling able to handle more kids. When DH and I married, we planned on having 4 kids. We now have 2 and are DONE! Really, I always thought of myself as Supermom, and I am not, and I can admit it! (Luckily I am married to Superdad!) Anyway, don't feel badly, just feel proud that you can accept who you are and maybe as your DS gets older, you may change your mind. If not, families come in all shapes and sizes and you have to do what is best for you and your child(ren).

I also ama speech patholgist in the local preschools and I highly advise getting a speech and language evaluation no matter what the hearing results are. If you want to send me a PM with specific questions, feel free to do so. Also, the /l/ sound is not one that we would worry about at 3 yrs. The main sounds that should be in place are vowels, p,b,m,n,k,g and f and v should be coming. This is off the top of my head, but htey are the earliest sounds developmentally.

For everyone, please don't feel badly if your child requires speech and language therapy! It is very common and most children who require early intervention are bright and just need a little help. I am a therapist and my DS gets speech therapy. I tried everything I knew to help him, but I am his mom and that is not my role in his eyes, so he gets treatment from my colleague and is making great progress!

 

[connorlevismom]

I love you guys!

I was at Thanksgiving on Thrusday and of course, got the "your next" speech from my neice who just had a baby 3 months ago. I just thought of all of you and just smiled at her.

The thing that made me realize that I am right and they are not, was I held my 3 month old great-neice. I love her to pieces and she is the cutest thing ever. I really enjoyed feeding her and talking to her, but I just had absolutely NO desire to have one myself. Not even a little twinge. In the car on the way home DH said the same thing to me. That she was really cute but he did not want another.

So I guess we just need to follow what we think is right and not listen to everyone else. If they want to come live with me and take care of the kid, then I am all for it. But until then, they can just mind their own business.

 

[Elmo888]

I love you guys!

I was at Thanksgiving on Thrusday and of course, got the "your next" speech from my neice who just had a baby 3 months ago. I just thought of all of you and just smiled at her.

The thing that made me realize that I am right and they are not, was I held my 3 month old great-neice. I love her to pieces and she is the cutest thing ever. I really enjoyed feeding her and talking to her, but I just had absolutely NO desire to have one myself. Not even a little twinge. In the car on the way home DH said the same thing to me. That she was really cute but he did not want another.

So I guess we just need to follow what we think is right and not listen to everyone else. If they want to come live with me and take care of the kid, then I am all for it. But until then, they can just mind their own business.

That's great! I'm so glad to see that you have settled it. And I think that holding someone else's baby is a good test, and it sounds like you figured it out and your DH is on the same page. And that last paragraph is what you need to remember every time someone brings it up...That is exactly right!

Good for you!

 

[Ellielovesdisney]

I just have to say that I agree with everyone else. I think having an only child could be great...think how easy it will be to plan a WDW trip only thinking of one gender and age group!!! Also...it will be much easier to send an only child to whatever college they like, and you may still get some alone time on occasion with only one child...

 

[rt2dz]

I have not read all the posts after page one, so excuse me if I've missed something.

First--the ONLY reason to have a child is because you feel the need too. Not because someone else says you should (or shouldn't), or to give your child a sibling, etc. Everyone has their own magic number, whether it's 1, 2, 3, 10 or 0!! Every family needs something different.

Second--Never take anything for granted. I suffered from PPD with #2--very badly. Nothing at all with #1 or #3. Every time is different. And, sorry to say, that goes for fertility too. I got pg with #1 and #3 very easily, but #2 was a struggle. I've been trying for #4 now for close to two years without luck. I'm beginning to feel as though it's time to stop trying, but my heart is aching.

Third--There is no magical age difference. I love my one year age difference much more than the three year age difference. I was very surprised to find out how much easier it was on me! I have friends that swear by the 6 1/2 year age difference. I know people that have multiple age gaps of varying distances and say they all have ups and downs--nothing overly good or bad either way.

Fourth--I wasn't sure I could handle a third either. Ummm, he was wanted, but not quite so soon. #2 was a very sick infant and I had PPD horribly. I was just starting to get on my feet and I was immediately pregnant. I spent 9 months wishing I wasn't pregnant. I didn't think I could do it, especially with all that was going on. It just all fell into place. Mainly as my mom said, I have no choice and I'll make it work. The hard part, imo, with the first is learning how to be a parent and with the second it's all about learning how to balance their needs. I'm finding the third is a lot easier.

Fifth--There is no guarantee that your kids will like each or not. It has NOTHING to do with your's or your spouse's relationship with siblings. I have three siblings. I'm semi-close to one, very close to another and barely speak to a the last one. I don't believe age difference plays into it at all.

Whatever you decide, now or later, will be what is meant to be for you. Don't have regrets.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better about your choice.

 

[stacy6552]

doubt means don't. simple as that.

 

[Davids-Coco]

I'm glad to hear that you found a "test" that worked for you!