I think I may have a special needs dance student. Looking for some help.

[MELSMICE]

I'll try to be brief.

I have a 3 year old student at my dance school who I believe might be special needs. The mother has not told me she is special needs, however, here are some behaviors that the child exhibits & how she is during her 45 minute class.

--She enters the room & will screech - not out of fear, but to hear herself.

--She flaps her arms & runs around the room.

--She walks on her toes almost all the time.

--She is very difficult to understand when she speaks.

--She falls down a lot & will get up & say, "I'm OK, I'm OK".

--She does not respond to direction well. I will look directly at her, on her level and she will look at me & it seems as though she hears me but can not comprehend what I am saying. She has a blank smile type of look & is constantly moving. As I am speaking to her, she tries to run away.

--She has an extremely difficult time keeping her hands to herself & is constantly touching or hugging the other children.

--She rolls around on the floor when all the other children are sitting with their legs crossed & listening to directions.

--All students have a "color" that they stand on. She is put on her color & then will round around the room, flapping her arms & screeching again.

The things that stand out to me the most are walking on her toes, her screeching & the comprehension. Today she crawled on the floor & started growling at the other students.

I don't have a problem having this child in the class. I can make sure that an assistant is always with her, however, even having one on one attention does not always work with her.

I hate to give up on a child, however, I find myself constantly trying to deal with her & then my attention is taken away from the other students in the class, which really isn't fair to them.

I see the mother every week in the waiting area & the child acts the same way. The mom thinks everything is cute & laughs when the child runs away from her, so then I wonder if she is special needs or if she's just not a well behaved child.

Any help or suggestions?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you have printed rules for the studio for the kids?

I guess you could conference the mom and child together and explaining that you want to work with the kid following the rules of the studio?

If you are specfic with both of them then perhaps the kid will make changes in order to stay in the class.

Whether she is special needs or not, she needs to follow the studio rules or face consequences.

If she is not following the directions, I think removing the child from the studio to sit with mom might be an option.

Anyway that is my 2 cents off the top of my head.

 

[bumbershoot]

Are you sure she's actually 3?

DS was in a 3-5 yo ballet class, even though he's 6, because the teacher was trying to get an all boy's class going, so had the boys of any age come at that time (didn't work). While he was in that class I had the opportunity to see those ages...and the 3 year olds would often go up on tiptoes (they were ballerinas, you see, and that's how ballerinas walk), they didn't follow directions anywhere near like the 4 and 5 year olds, they left the room to say hi to their parents, then would go back, etc etc. Especially for the first one or two weeks (one half hour class per week).

So it could be what your'e thinking, or it could be a young 3, could be a big 2 year old being passed off as 3, could be reaction to corn syrup that her parents haven't realized yet (when DS has corn syrup and products based off of it, he goes nearly insane and canNOT listen, and now we'll sit and watch a group of nice, calm children having some cruddy snack turn into monsters within 5 minutes of snacktime...even my 6 year old sees the difference, can't figure out why the parents can't figure it out!)...could be all sorts of things.

If you have rules that require the kids to behave in a certain way, and she's acting in opposition to the rules, time to act! If you don't have rules and you WANT rules, time to write 'em down and pass 'em out. But I can't really see asking the mom "is your 3 year old diagnosed with anything" as being a convo that's going to go anywhere good.

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

I have no advice but I commend you for being so willing to try to help this child. Mabye you could pick a rule a week (like staying on her color) to work on.

 

[MELSMICE]

Are you sure she's actually 3?

DS was in a 3-5 yo ballet class, even though he's 6, because the teacher was trying to get an all boy's class going, so had the boys of any age come at that time (didn't work). While he was in that class I had the opportunity to see those ages...and the 3 year olds would often go up on tiptoes (they were ballerinas, you see, and that's how ballerinas walk), they didn't follow directions anywhere near like the 4 and 5 year olds, they left the room to say hi to their parents, then would go back, etc etc. Especially for the first one or two weeks (one half hour class per week).

So it could be what your'e thinking, or it could be a young 3, could be a big 2 year old being passed off as 3, could be reaction to corn syrup that her parents haven't realized yet (when DS has corn syrup and products based off of it, he goes nearly insane and canNOT listen, and now we'll sit and watch a group of nice, calm children having some cruddy snack turn into monsters within 5 minutes of snacktime...even my 6 year old sees the difference, can't figure out why the parents can't figure it out!)...could be all sorts of things.

If you have rules that require the kids to behave in a certain way, and she's acting in opposition to the rules, time to act! If you don't have rules and you WANT rules, time to write 'em down and pass 'em out. But I can't really see asking the mom "is your 3 year old diagnosed with anything" as being a convo that's going to go anywhere good.

Yes, she is 3. She turned 3 on September 20. The class is made up of all 3 year olds. It is a Preschool 3 class, so the class is geared to 3 year olds. The class that follows is the Preschool 4 class.

I would never approach the mother & ask if the child was special needs. I'm just wondering if any of these things would point to special needs, or the combination of them.

 

[happily single]

I'm no expert, (but I pretend to be when speaking to the school dept) but it sounds like she may have PPD. My son exhibited a lot of the same behaviors, except he wold never approach another child! Based on what you said about the mother I'm sure she is denial and would be offended if presented with your thoughts.

I highly suggest you sit with the mom and child and go over your studio rules. I would begin with "these are the studio rules. if you break a rule, after 2 warnings you will need to step outside with your mom for 5 minutes". And then stick to your guns. Whether she is just socially immature, which may be likely, or does have special needs, with consistentcy you should notice a change.

Good luck!~

 

[Cindy B]

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on the DIS however I will say the following things (as a teacher and a parent)

Some of the details jumped out at me: the flapping, the repetitive movements and the hugging..

I have worked in a special needs preschool for a time. About 80 percent of the students were diagnosed with some specific form of autism-some were veyr high functioning and some were completely non verbal, We had quite a bit of "flapping" and repetitive behaviors.

Here's a legitimate link:


http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm this is a general autism one.

However, PDD was one of my specific items

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/pdd/pdd.htm

The other thing I thought of was the beginnings of conduct disorder. Usually this is shown in older kids (quite a few of my middle school students are diagnosed with it) That is probably why I even thought of it, just my own association of it.

http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+with+Oppositional+Defiant+Disorder&section=Facts+for+Families

Of course you don't want a "Whats wrong with your child" discussion with a parent. Perhaps you can have a conference with the parent, discuss the observations and state in a matter of fact way "Is there anything I should know?"

Other questions:

Has this child ever had a structured activity at all?
Is this child legitimately 3? (do you require proof of age?)
Is there a younger sibling in the home?

Does your studio have a conduct behavior clause/contract? If not, perhaps it is time to institute one.

 

[*JoGo*]

At the beginning of the school year, we had a 3yr old we suspected had some issues. She never listened, she pulled other kids' hair, pushed them, wouldn't share, would get up and move around at circle time or any time she was supposed to be in a certain area.

After a few weeks (they only have class 2x a week), we realized she just doesn't listen. We keep on her and she is behaving better, but still has her moments.

So... she may just have poor behavior. How many times has she had class? I'd keep on top of her and def. have her sit out (time out in class or w/ mom in waiting room... time out may not work if she won't stay in seat).

good luck

 

[Magic Mom]

I think I would just discuss the behaviors that disrupt the class and leave the rest out of it. Perhaps mom could stand in and assist her daughter, or maybe she could wait until spring and enroll her in the 3 YO class then.

Just a side note...I definitely wouldn't suggest to the mom that her child may be in a HFCS psychotic episode though.

 

[Green Tea]

Corn syrup??? Are you kidding??

OP, she may have issues, or maybe just immature. Either way, the child can't disrupt the others. Good for you for trying to fit her energy into your program. I think the others are on target about going over the program. If she can't fit into 3 year old guidelines, then tell the mom she might just not be ready. My dd wasn't ready at 3. The teacher told us so. Now a lot of years later she is a fantastic dancer. At 3 she just didn't do well separated from me. I'm pretty sure it was because she was 3. Not high on corn derivatives.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm no expert, (but I pretend to be when speaking to the school dept) but it sounds like she may have PPD. My son exhibited a lot of the same behaviors, except he wold never approach another child! Based on what you said about the mother I'm sure she is denial and would be offended if presented with your thoughts.

I highly suggest you sit with the mom and child and go over your studio rules. I would begin with "these are the studio rules. if you break a rule, after 2 warnings you will need to step outside with your mom for 5 minutes". And then stick to your guns. Whether she is just socially immature, which may be likely, or does have special needs, with consistentcy you should notice a change.

Good luck!~

I agree with the above. The little girl has some behaviors that remind me of dd, who has mild autism. I go out of my way to explain dd's condition, and how best to work with her, etc, before signing her up for anything.

The fact that the mom didn't do this, makes me think she has no idea something is "off" with her daughter. Anyway, I do agree with the fact that she needs to adhere to the rules like everyone else, or leave the class.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it is great that you want to help this little girl but I think you cannot sacrifice your whole class for her otherwise you are going to lose them as clients. If you are spending the whole class correcting/reprimanding this child believe me the other parents notice. They are most likely going to get tired of paying for a class where the whole class revolves around the misbehaved child. True the child might have other stuff going on but then this is not the class for her.

I would approach the mother and tell her that after 3 warnings you will send the child out of class for the day. Then DO IT! 3 year olds are more than capable of paying attention and participating in a dance class. She may be immature and that is fine. Then dance isn't for her at this time.

I do not believe she or anyone is having psychotic episodes from HFCS or corn solids or even creamed corn so I wouldn't take that as my angle. I would simply tell the mother that the child is disrupting the WHOLE class and must follow the rules or she will be sent out. If this child truly does has issues the Mom is going to find out sooner or later. I personally do not believe that is typical behavior but I also think the Mom needs to actually parent. Thinking it is cute says a lot about what that child is being taught. Good luck!

 

[marlynnp]

I think it is great that you want to help this little girl but I think you cannot sacrifice your whole class for her otherwise you are going to lose them as clients. If you are spending the whole class correcting/reprimanding this child believe me the other parents notice. They are most likely going to get tired of paying for a class where the whole class revolves around the misbehaved child. True the child might have other stuff going on but then this is not the class for her.

I would approach the mother and tell her that after 3 warnings you will send the child out of class for the day. Then DO IT! 3 year olds are more than capable of paying attention and participating in a dance class. She may be immature and that is fine. Then dance isn't for her at this time.

I do not believe she or anyone is having psychotic episodes from HFCS or corn solids or even creamed corn so I wouldn't take that as my angle. I would simply tell the mother that the child is disrupting the WHOLE class and must follow the rules or she will be sent out. If this child truly does has issues the Mom is going to find out sooner or later. I personally do not believe that is typical behavior but I also think the Mom needs to actually parent. Thinking it is cute says a lot about what that child is being taught. Good luck!

Exactly this.

I stopped taking my daughter to one studio due to a similar issue. All kids sometimes let their attention wander but when a student starts touching & interrupting others it's time to have a serious discussion about what constitutes acceptable behavior.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd tape a class or two and then I'd have a discussion with the Mom. If this is an only child she probably has no idea that her DD's behaviour is not age-appropriate; she probably believes that all the other 3 yos act the same way at times. What you'll need to show her to make her aware is that they do not.

My off-the-cuff guess would also be something on the mild end of the Spectrum (I've got an Aspie who used to do many of those things when he was younger), but it could also just be that her parents are overly permissive and have not put much effort into teaching good behaviour. Either way, once you have proven to her that her child's behaviour is NOT the norm for her age group in your dance class, you can work out how your warning system will go. It may be that she needs a different sort of class if she is going to try dance.

 

[Ceila]

Like others, I'm not a doctor, but the toe-walking, flapping, screeching, touching other kids, and never paying attention are all normal 3-year-old nehavior when they happen once in a while. When they hapen repeatedly and all at the same time, it is often an indication of Autism.

Since the mom is either being closed-lipped about her daughter or doesn't see that this behavior isn't typical, you'll need limit addressing the problem to her behavior, and not what anyone thinks may be the underlying issue. Sit down with her and explain that her daughter is being disruptive and add that you've taught this age group before and this is not typical. Come up with a behavior plan you are comfortable with - the mom stays and shadows her child, three reprimands and she's done for the day, removal from class if her behavior doesn't improve within a certain amount of time, whatever YOU are comfortable dealing with. It's not fair to the other students, especially if the mom sees nothng wrong with her child preventing the other kids from learning. Hopefully, she'll see that her daughter's beharior is not age-appropriate and will begin to help her child in whatever way is needed. Good luck to you!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wanted to add- whatever you do do not let the Mother into the class. She does not belong there and will be a distraction to the other kids. The other parents will also be annoyed no matter how sympathetic they may appear.

 

[dzorn]

I would talk to the mother and go over the rules. If this is her only child she may not realize that the behaviors are not typical, though I would not mention it as that.

I would just mention that her behavior is disrupting the classes and you are not sure the best approach to handle the daughter as what you are doing is not working, but it cannot continue and ask what she suggests. If she has known special needs mom may offer to help her in class. When DD started swimming that is the first thing I suggested to her instructor.

If mom does not realize that something is off and has no suggestion on the best way to handle it let her know the behavior cannot keep disrupting class as it is not fair to other students and possibly have to drop her from the class until she matures more.

As a mom with a special needs DD I always appreciate how difficult it is to include my DD and I always try to make it easier for all involved.

Denise in MI

 

[dzorn]

I wanted to add- whatever you do do not let the Mother into the class. She does not belong there and will be a distraction to the other kids. The other parents will also be annoyed no matter how sympathetic they may appear.

I find it very sad that you would dismiss the child without even trying to let the mother help in the situation. If she continues to be a disruption with the mothers help is one thing but to not allow her to even try is just wrong.

Denise in MI

 

[Magic Mom]

I do not believe she or anyone is having psychotic episodes from HFCS or corn solids or even creamed corn so I wouldn't take that as my angle.

I don't know....if I might have a psychotic episode if I had to eat creamed corn.

 

[Hannathy]

I think it is great that you want to help this little girl but I think you cannot sacrifice your whole class for her otherwise you are going to lose them as clients. If you are spending the whole class correcting/reprimanding this child believe me the other parents notice. They are most likely going to get tired of paying for a class where the whole class revolves around the misbehaved child. True the child might have other stuff going on but then this is not the class for her.

I would approach the mother and tell her that after 3 warnings you will send the child out of class for the day. Then DO IT! 3 year olds are more than capable of paying attention and participating in a dance class. She may be immature and that is fine. Then dance isn't for her at this time.

I do not believe she or anyone is having psychotic episodes from HFCS or corn solids or even creamed corn so I wouldn't take that as my angle. I would simply tell the mother that the child is disrupting the WHOLE class and must follow the rules or she will be sent out. If this child truly does has issues the Mom is going to find out sooner or later. I personally do not believe that is typical behavior but I also think the Mom needs to actually parent. Thinking it is cute says a lot about what that child is being taught. Good luck!

I agree!!! with all of this. You are in business and have to keep ALL your clients happy not just one. I know I would have pulled my DD if she was in a class that was being constantly disturbed by 1 child.

I also agree with DO NOT let the Mother in if that is against studio rules, and I have never been in one that did allow Moms in except to watch maybe once a month for 5 minutes.