I think I just might skip Christmas

[inkedupmomma]

Also, I am VERY curious now. When you have a problem with a friend, partner, mother, father, etc... do you hit them?? Do you hit grown adults when they need humbling and humiliation? I would imagine the answer is no way. So why is it OK to hit a CHILD??

Would you get mad if your child hit another child?? Hit you??

So many ways I can go with this. Bottom line is, hitting not OK. Ever.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

This comment is a true contribution as to why some (I'm not saying ALL) kids act the way they do. God forbid a kids self esteem be broken to teach a lesson. A little humiliation and humbleness never hurts ANYONE. It DOES hurt their pride and self esteem. However, kids who tell their parents to F off have entirely too MUCH self esteem to begin with. Because apparently it doesn't matter how that kid made someone ELSE feel by their actions in the first place? It's like saying that no matter how a child acts they should never be on the "hurt" end of a situation...I don't agree with that AT ALL.

I was thinking the exact same thing. I do believe that sometimes (sometimes!!), a quick, unexpected (on their part) slap across the mouth is the best way to get your point across.

No, they NEVER should be physically hurt. There are MANY other ways to humble a child and make them have respect for you. Your comment is a true contribution to why people will never talk about their problems and resort to violence first. Great way to think, you hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you. Awesome.

Nobody said anything about this being their first line of punishment. I don't think any self-respecting parent simply hauls off and slaps their kid without giving some sort of warning. How many times can one say "do NOT talk to me like that!" with the kid constantly getting in your face and spewing and spewing. A sudden, quick slap will get their attention and give them pause to think before the situation gets to a point where someone could really get hurt (and, quite honestly in my house, I could be the one getting hurt). I do advocate walking away but sometimes simply walking away is just not a viable option at that time.

I don't agree with your hardline stance on this subject and you will never convince me that an occasional (I'm not talking physical abuse) slap or spank as a punishment is unnecessary and/or vile.

 

[livie1205]

no child should be beat down BUT if my child told me to f off they WOULD be getting a spanking!! I see kids all over the place just doing whatever they want,talking to their parents like they are dirt and getting away with EVERYTHING because they were never punished at all...I got a spanking when I was little and I love my parents more then anything,I am not scarred for life and to say that if a child is spanked or gets a little pop (no mark) in the mouth for cursing that they will hate their parents forever or be abusers is just crazy!
I see kids all over that are OUT OF CONTROL and I have to say for a forum of this many people it is odd that so many people have such well mannered kids...I have friends that have in their words good kids that never get in trouble...well they are spoiled and bratty to their parents,they run the house 100%...that is NOT ok as a parent YOU should run the house.
most of the time I do use grounding, when I say they are grounded they GET IT, I take EVERYTHING but their beds and blankets...none of this having tvs,computers and gameboys...they read and do homework...then they earn everything back.When they are grounded it starts at a week and adds from there for as long as it takes for them to get it together.
We have 3 kids his,mine and ours (but we say all are ours) and WE are the boss,if one of us says something we follow it, thats the end of it,If I say my dss is grounded then thats that,if he says my ds is in trouble then he is...none of this kids playing parents against each other.If my dss is grounded I will call his mom and let her know and then he is grounded there also.
Parents have to work together and kids need to be raised to RESPECT adults, not fear but respect and they are not going to fear you forever for getting a small pop for cursing at you.The OP did not knock the kid to the floor she gave them a sm pop on the lips to say "hey that is NOT OK" .GIVE HER A BREAK SHE IS NOT CHARLES MANSON.

 

[inkedupmomma]

Nobody said anything about this being their first line of punishment. I don't think any self-respecting parent simply hauls off and slaps their kid without giving some sort of warning. How many times can one say "do NOT talk to me like that!" with the kid constantly getting in your face and spewing and spewing. A sudden, quick slap will get their attention and give them pause to think before the situation gets to a point where someone could really get hurt (and, quite honestly in my house, I could be the one getting hurt). I do advocate walking away but sometimes simply walking away is just not a viable option at that time.

and how many young children do you know who do this? This thread is about hitting, not just teens, but children. I don't care how old anyone is. Hitting is never OK. It is OUR job as parents to raise these children in the best possible way. and hitting is never the best possible action. If your child is in your face spewing stuff at you something happened along the way. Hormones or not. There is normal teenage hormonal behavior and then there is a kid in your face which goes beyond that. Hitting only confirms that being violent or rude, is OK behavior. No one wins in that situation. You teach your kid to do something rash in the heat of the moment. May shock your kid and shut them up for a minute, but thats about it.

I don't agree with your hardline stance on this subject and you will never convince me that an occasional (I'm not talking physical abuse) slap or spank as a punishment is unnecessary and/or vile.

whatever you need to think to make yourself feel better at the end of the day is fine by me. But to say hitting is OK is nonsense. All hitting does is distract the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective long term way.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Also, I am VERY curious now. When you have a problem with a friend, partner, mother, father, etc... do you hit them?? Do you hit grown adults when they need humbling and humiliation? I would imagine the answer is no way. So why is it OK to hit a CHILD??

Would you get mad if your child hit another child?? Hit you??

So many ways I can go with this. Bottom line is, hitting not OK. Ever.

Walking away is the best response when someone shows that they are just so full of themselves. I'm not their parent. It's not my job to teach them how to act. Their parents already tried - and apparently failed - in teaching that lesson.

I can walk away as I don't HAVE to associate with this "friend" and this "partner" wouldn't be my partner if I was treated this way.

 

[wdwfan16]

IHMO a swat across the face is NEVER a valid response.

 

[inkedupmomma]

no child should be beat down BUT if my child told me to f off they WOULD be getting a spanking!! I see kids all over the place just doing whatever they want,talking to their parents like they are dirt and getting away with EVERYTHING because they were never punished at all...I got a spanking when I was little and I love my parents more then anything,I am not scarred for life and to say that if a child is spanked or gets a little pop (no mark) in the mouth for cursing that they will hate their parents forever or be abusers is just crazy!
so, if a child was never punished at all, whos fault is that? certainly not the child. they aren't going to say "well messed up, i better go sit in time out". It is the parents job to take action from the get go, and set standards and follow through with them. at any rate, you proved nothing by saying you would spank a kid when you said that kid was never punished at all. and lol at it's OK as long as there is no mark. i mean seriously?

I see kids all over that are OUT OF CONTROL and I have to say for a forum of this many people it is odd that so many people have such well mannered kids...I have friends that have in their words good kids that never get in trouble...well they are spoiled and bratty to their parents,they run the house 100%...that is NOT ok as a parent YOU should run the house.

agreed, but again, what does that have to do with spanking?? not the kids fault that the parents are not doing the job they are supposed to. why should a child be hit because the parent couldn't set rules and follow through?

most of the time I do use grounding, when I say they are grounded they GET IT, I take EVERYTHING but their beds and blankets...none of this having tvs,computers and gameboys...they read and do homework...then they earn everything back.When they are grounded it starts at a week and adds from there for as long as it takes for them to get it together.
We have 3 kids his,mine and ours (but we say all are ours) and WE are the boss,if one of us says something we follow it, thats the end of it,If I say my dss is grounded then thats that,if he says my ds is in trouble then he is...none of this kids playing parents against each other.If my dss is grounded I will call his mom and let her know and then he is grounded there also.
bravo to you for following through.
Parents have to work together and kids need to be raised to RESPECT adults, not fear but respect and they are not going to fear you forever for getting a small pop for cursing at you.The OP did not knock the kid to the floor she gave them a sm pop on the lips to say "hey that is NOT OK" .GIVE HER A BREAK SHE IS NOT CHARLES MANSON.

I am not saying OP is a monster. Not at all. and really it wasn't her post that got to me. it was the pat on the back from others that got to me. parents encouraging hitting is not cool. especially and ironically on a disney board! you have no clue how often op hits her kids..or if it was a one time thing. you said it yourself, a child should respect you, not fear you.

Walking away is the best response when someone shows that they are just so full of themselves. I'm not their parent. It's not my job to teach them how to act. Their parents already tried - and apparently failed - in teaching that lesson.

I can walk away as I don't HAVE to associate with this "friend" and this "partner" wouldn't be my partner if I was treated this way.

so why is it the best response with others that have no relation to you, but not with your own child? is it the fear of being arrested for hitting someone else? i wasn't talking about just kids, i'm talking about anyone who may annoy you or be in your face or whatever. You would never think to hit a stranger that is in your face, so why your child?

 

[It'sWDW4me]

so why is it the best response with others that have no relation to you, but not with your own child? is it the fear of being arrested for hitting someone else? i wasn't talking about just kids, i'm talking about anyone who may annoy you or be in your face or whatever. You would never think to hit a stranger that is in your face, so why your child?

WOW!!! I strongly suggest you re-read my post (#82). I DID say that walking away is the best response but it's sometimes not a viable alternative at the time.

Your tone is amazingly obnoxious.

I'm walking away from you now. Buh-by!!

 

[inkedupmomma]

WOW!!! I strongly suggest you re-read my post (#82). I DID say that walking away is the best response but it's sometimes not a viable alternative at the time.

Your tone is amazingly obnoxious.

I'm walking away from you now. Buh-by!!

I read it several times. and the tone of your posts is terribly disgusting and nonsensical. Full of rules and guidelines of when it is ok and isn't ok to hit. You have shown no proof that hitting is ever the right answer. make up your mind, is it ok to hit or should you walk away. what situation would require hitting? at what point should one just smack the kid?

 

[livie1205]

I am not saying OP is a monster. Not at all. and really it wasn't her post that got to me. it was the pat on the back from others that got to me. parents encouraging hitting is not cool. especially and ironically on a disney board! you have no clue how often op hits her kids..or if it was a one time thing. you said it yourself, a child should respect you, not fear you.



so why is it the best response with others that have no relation to you, but not with your own child? is it the fear of being arrested for hitting someone else? i wasn't talking about just kids, i'm talking about anyone who may annoy you or be in your face or whatever. You would never think to hit a stranger that is in your face, so why your child?

I DID not say it was ok as long as you do not leave a mark! I said she popped the child on the mouth and not even hard enough to leave a mark.I know as far is the LAW is concerned they have a 3 hour time frame here,if you pop your child and the mark is still there 3 hours later it is abuse..that means you hit them to hard..as long as she is not abusing her kids then its not our buisness to tell her she is wrong, alot of people do not feel the same way as you do...thats way we are not all the same.
I DO NOT condone abuse, I just do not think she harmed her child beyond repair.

 

[threecrazykids]

Also, I am VERY curious now. When you have a problem with a friend, partner, mother, father, etc... do you hit them?? Do you hit grown adults when they need humbling and humiliation? I would imagine the answer is no way. So why is it OK to hit a CHILD??

Would you get mad if your child hit another child?? Hit you??

So many ways I can go with this. Bottom line is, hitting not OK. Ever.

Please understand that this happened ONE TIME (in my case). And no, I don't for one second believe hitting anyone is the first answer for ANYTHING. However, like another poster stated, if I had a kid who thinks he can scream F you in my face you better damn well expect some serious consequences.

I just honestly laugh in the face of the parents who stand there huffing and puffing with their hands on their hips (almost in tears) with their teenager saying "Johnny...now mommy doesn't like it when you talk to her that way...you need to find another way to tell me how you're feeling". Pathetic.

BTW my child was 13 when this happened. My child did NOT say F you to me...he called me a b**ch. And I'll repeat myself again. It happened ONE TIME, and one pop in the mouth was all it took...he's now 15 and he's NEVER disrespected me like that again, let alone never screaming in my face. So, yes, for me that one pop was worth it. And yes...he still tells me he loves me.

 

[inkedupmomma]

I DID not say it was ok as long as you do not leave a mark! I said she popped the child on the mouth and not even hard enough to leave a mark.I know as far is the LAW is concerned they have a 3 hour time frame here,if you pop your child and the mark is still there 3 hours later it is abuse..that means you hit them to hard..as long as she is not abusing her kids then its not our buisness to tell her she is wrong, alot of people do not feel the same way as you do...thats way we are not all the same.
I DO NOT condone abuse, I just do not think she harmed her child beyond repair.

what difference does it make whether a mark is left or not? clearly you are saying it IS ok as long as there is no mark. or you wouldn't have put (no mark) after your statement.

Hitting has nothing to do with being the same the same or different. It's a matter of right of wrong.

I am not trying to be obnoxious or rude, I just can not fathom for the life of me why anyone would ever agree that hitting is OK when the situation gets so bad and that all you have left to do. Everyone's statements have proved that hitting is what you do when you have no clue what else to do. It's what you do when you feel out of control and you need that control back. How is that helpful to anyone?

Someone has to be advocate for kids, and I guess it is people like me. If no one ever was a child advocate then kids would still be hit and humiliated in schools, at home. Laws were put in place for a reason. not everyone has the self control to "pop" and not leave a mark just once. Keep that in mind next time you tell someone it is OK to hit.

There are NO studies that show hitting is OK, and a million that show it is not. Just sayin.

 

[iwrbnd]

I know how you feel. I have a child w/ADD and his moods went wack-o around 14 or 15. Those were hell years for me and on his 16th bday I no longer had the energy or desire to do anything nice for him. We did do a cake and have a few presents but he was very dissapointed. I think he expected a car or something! He's now almost 17 and MUCH improved!!! We talked about that birthday the other day and I told him why it was barely celebrated. He had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned his behavior! He didn't think he had acted any different those years! WHAT??? I know kids w/ADD have trouble with self-evaluation skills and learning from past mistakes but sometimes it still shocks me how much they don't get or remember!

Hang in there, though, it does get better! My friend's mom did put coal in her son's stocking one year so I know it happens. That boy is now adult and survived it!

On the spanking thing...the latest research shows no ill effects in cultures where its the norm or expected form of punishment. It only has bad repercussions when the environment considers it "taboo" because then the child thinks he must be sooo bad to have crossed that line. In cultures where its an expected form of discipline it actually has shown beneficial. Maybe that's why in the old days we could get spanked and it didn't affect our self-esteem. We expected it and everyone else got it too. Just my 2 cents!

 

[inkedupmomma]

Please understand that this happened ONE TIME (in my case). And no, I don't for one second believe hitting anyone is the first answer for ANYTHING. However, like another poster stated, if I had a kid who thinks he can scream F you in my face you better damn well expect some serious consequences.
I just can't understand what would get a kid to the point that they are screaming this nonsense at you?? What would ever make them think it is OK?? and this thread is about hitting in general. Again, not just teens, but hitting your child. I didn't realize there were so many rules and guidelines to when it is OK to hit and when it isn't. None of which can be cleared up.

I just honestly laugh in the face of the parents who stand there huffing and puffing with their hands on their hips (almost in tears) with their teenager saying "Johnny...now mommy doesn't like it when you talk to her that way...you need to find another way to tell me how you're feeling". Pathetic.
Again, is that the child's fault that no rules and restrictions and consequences were put in place?? That parent would not be standing there like that if they had rules to begin with. BTW, how many moms do you know that talk to their kid in that babyish tone? If I was a teenager I owuldn't take that seriously either!

BTW my child was 13 when this happened. My child did NOT say F you to me...he called me a b**ch. And I'll repeat myself again. It happened ONE TIME, and one pop in the mouth was all it took...he's now 15 and he's NEVER disrespected me like that again, let alone never screaming in my face. So, yes, for me that one pop was worth it. And yes...he still tells me he loves me.

even the most abused kids tell their parents they love them. for you it was a one time thing. for many it is NOT! that is my point.

 

[inkedupmomma]

I am sorry if I have offended anyone. But hitting is something I am passionate about, and never see why or when it is OK. Again, you never know who you may be encouraging or what they are capable of. It is something done out of frustration and lack of control. Most times it is not a one time thing. I am unsubscribing from this thread and will agree to disagree with you all.

This story below is just one reason why spanking should never be encouraged. Saddest story of abuse I have EVER read about.

http://cbs3.com/topstories/Feltonville.Philadelphia.Police.2.1262982.html

 

[threecrazykids]

even the most abused kids tell their parents they love them. for you it was a one time thing. for many it is NOT! that is my point.

Oh I totally agree...there are parents who smack their kids across the face every day and it gets them nowhere. In my case it was definitely one of my son trying to push the boundaries wondering just how far he could push it. It shocked ME as much as the pop in the mouth did him, that it would even cross his mind to call me a b**ch.

I am in no way saying "hit first ask questions later". Like you said...it was a one time thing for me and that pop worked and I truly feel for parents who have tried everything and nothing is working.

 

[threecrazykids]

I am sorry if I have offended anyone. But hitting is something I am passionate about, and never see why or when it is OK. Again, you never know who you may be encouraging or what they are capable of. It is something done out of frustration and lack of control. Most times it is not a one time thing. I am unsubscribing from this thread and will agree to disagree with you all.

This story below is just one reason why spanking should never be encouraged. Saddest story of abuse I have EVER read about.

http://cbs3.com/topstories/Feltonville.Philadelphia.Police.2.1262982.html

COME ON...that doesn't even reign CLOSE to what we're talking about here. It is a HORRIBLE story, one that is so far from a pop in the mouth.

Clearly there are different parenting beliefs and not everyone agrees with how other people parent their kids. However, there's always the few in the crowd that will compare a horrible story of physical abuse (to the point of death) in the same bucket as a one time swat.

 

[NYPDwife]

I am not saying OP is a monster. Not at all. and really it wasn't her post that got to me. it was the pat on the back from others that got to me. parents encouraging hitting is not cool. especially and [B]ironically on a disney board[/B]! you have no clue how often op hits her kids..or if it was a one time thing. you said it yourself, a child should respect you, not fear you.

Who cares that it's a Disney board? It's a Community Board where we're allowed to talk about anything. People on this "Disney" board are allowed to post about the color of their poop but I can't defend my stance on spanking my kid? Do you believe that Walt himself was never spanked?

 

[bluesaturn]

what difference does it make whether a mark is left or not? clearly you are saying it IS ok as long as there is no mark. or you wouldn't have put (no mark) after your statement.

Hitting has nothing to do with being the same the same or different. It's a matter of right of wrong.

I am not trying to be obnoxious or rude, I just can not fathom for the life of me why anyone would ever agree that hitting is OK when the situation gets so bad and that all you have left to do. Everyone's statements have proved that hitting is what you do when you have no clue what else to do. It's what you do when you feel out of control and you need that control back. How is that helpful to anyone?

Someone has to be advocate for kids, and I guess it is people like me. If no one ever was a child advocate then kids would still be hit and humiliated in schools, at home. Laws were put in place for a reason. not everyone has the self control to "pop" and not leave a mark just once. Keep that in mind next time you tell someone it is OK to hit.

There are NO studies that show hitting is OK, and a million that show it is not. Just sayin.

I am 250% against corporal punishment, without a doubt. It is a literally a deal breaker for me, my future children will never be spanked in any way.

That being said, it is absolutely none of your business. It is not against the law for a parent to spank their child.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I say we cut to the chase here. Let's set up a cage match with the non spankers v. the spankers!
May the best parents win!