I say MIL is a thief - DH says indian giver - what do you think?

[CrzyforPiglet]

So I don't usually post here but it seemed like the best place and I can't really confide this with my friends so here goes . . .

Apparently about 6/7 months ago during one of my MIL's overnight visits (she lives 2 hours away) she went snooping through our storage area and found a closed rubbermaid container filled with some of my sons old toys/books. Some items were things he had outgrown, some were things he never showed any interest in, and some items were broken. Basically we were trying to sell our house and declutter but we hadn't decided what to do with the stuff. Well I guess MIL was unhappy to find some things she had given my son in the box so she took them and never said a word - that is until this past week. Now mind you we were looking for some of the items while we were packing up the house to move but never found them (wonder why) and just assumed they got mixed up with some boxes we had already packed.

So this past week DH was up in her town on business and stopped by on his way home to say hello. She was giving him a bunch of his childhood things she didn't want to store anymore and then handed him a bag of the things she took and I guess (I wasn't there) had that look upon her face like she deserved an explanation DH said it was very awkward conversation - huh - she took things from our house and we owe her an explanation. DH came home explained what happened and I still say she is a thief but that's where DH says she is an indian giver. Maybe thief is a little strong but what else do you call it? I'm still so annoyed about it that I just want to throw the whole bag in the trash but haven't so far. My thing is that she gives our son SO MUCH STUFF and 99% of it is alive and well somewhere in our house so who the heck cares about a broken toy and dollar store plastic easter basket, among other things.

Well I probably won't see her for another 2 weeks when we'll get together for my son's birthday - won't that be awkward! I wouldn't say anything then but at some point she'll stay at our house again and I just don't know if its best to ignore what happened since DH already had a conversation with her, express my feelings (no I wouldn't call her a thief but I would say how annoyed I was at not being able to find those things) and then the third possibility is she would bring it up to me. I definitely don't trust her anymore so I'm tempted to put a lock on our new storage closet but DH probably wouldn't go for that.

I definitely feel better venting but still need to know - what would you do?

Thanks!

EDITED TO ADD: Before anyone gets the wrong impression of me I don't want to sound insensitive to my MILs feelings over finding gifts she had given for my son in a box. I'm sure she was hurt as she loves my son to death and we're happy to have her in his life but DH and I both wish she would've come to us when she found the things and talked about it rather than taking them and then expressing happiness that we were frustrated over not being able to find them.

 

[lisajl]

Really, let it go. First off she has issues if she is snooping in your house.
Has she done stuff like this before?
Secondly, well...nevermind. Brings up bad memories of arguments with my MIL.
I would just let it go. If she asks you straight out, give her an answer straight back at her. It is your property to do with what you want.
Good luck!

 

[happygirl]

I would let it go, Unless she says something first about it

 

[Todd&Copper]

I wouldn't say anything about it unless she brought it up. Then, I'd tell her the truth - that some of the things were stuff he'd outgrown and some things he never showed an interest in - and you are a little upset that she was snooping around in your house.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Turn lemons into lemonade: those items she took weren't going to make it back in the house. She did you a favor. Yes, she has issues and yes she was wrong. Its a shame you can't trust your own family to keep their hands off your stuff.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK....you are working yourself up too much over "stuff".
Seriously calling your MIL a "thief" is an overreaction on your part.

I have already been down the road of my mother "taking back stuff" she gave. I would have garage sales.

You have to understand that it is a "process".

First you bring the stuff back she took and explain that you are going to discard it (donation/sell/etc). She is welcome to keep it.

Expect her to be upset. That is a given. However you calmly stick to your plan of "decluttering". Explain it to her.

The end result is that the overflowing gifts STOP.

 

[Hoodie]

Let it go unless she brings it up.

Although, I think you are entitled to an explanation as to why she was snooping through your things.

 

[Stitchfans]

IMO she is snoopy thief, but as others said I wouldn't say anything unless she did. But I am different cause I would have to mention to her that I would appreciate it if she would stop snooping through our things. Taking the items that she had given us is one thing but snooping, no, that would totally tick me off.

 

[rie'smom]

Let it go.

 

[koalababy]

You owe her nothing. If she wants to bring it up with you, you have every right to ask what she was doing going through your things and taking them home. That should shut her up nicely.

 

[4nana]

You obviously have a snoopy MIL, who is not only an 'indian giver', but definitely in the wrong. However, you need to consider the source . That being said, I learned long ago to choose my battles wisely and don't sweat the small stuff.

IMO, once you give things to your DGC is it theirs to do whatever they want . Goodness, we have 13 grands, give to them all every occasion/holiday, etc. If they kept eveything we ever gave them, they'd need a big storage room ! Once our gift doesn't fit, hold their interest or they are done with it, personally we don't care if they donate it, ebay it, throw it away or whatever. We surely don't want it back ! Heck, we're happy if our gifts keep on giving ~ even if to someone else.

 

[MdmMim]

"Indian giver?" Isn't there a better phrase?

 

[Camicar]

If she brings it up, I would stick to the fact that she went snooping thru your belongings. First of all, that's just wrong. Period. Secondly, it's just like eavesdropping -- guess what, you might find out something you would rather not have known, so if you do, that's your problem.

And I would probably nix the overnight visits bec I am not going to have someone snooping my house. or....better yet, I'd plant some very interesting items for her to find while snooping. Very interesting.

Then again, I'm the daughter of a couple who got mad at a SIL for snooping in the medicine cabinet. They confronted her, she denied it, even her dh called her on it bec she talked to him about what she'd found. So my father slightly pulled the cabinet out of the wall and drilled a hole in it. He then taped it shut and filled the cabinet with marbles. Put it back into the wall, took the tape off, told all of us not to touch it. SIL comes over that night, goes to the bathroom and 2 seconds later....the sound of marbles falling all over. That put an end to her snooping.

 

[disykat]

I'd say nothing and try to let it go. However, I think the lock on the storage area is a GOOD idea. What can she say? "I was trying to snoop in your storage area and it was locked?"

Technically it was stealing, but I don't see the need to go there. She's nuts, but just prevent it from happening again.

 

[sweetandsassyfl]

"Indian giver?" Isn't there a better phrase?

Just a bit of trivia, "Indian giver" came from the fact that the US government gave things to Native Americans and took them back....it's not really derogatory towards Native Americans (other than if they find it insulting to be called Indians.)
And to the OP, your mother in law is a snoopy thief as someone else said but I'd let it go.

 

[Mermaid02]

Neither thief nor "indian giver" but a nosey nosenheimer! That would REALLY tick me off. Don't be going through my stuff lady..... I might have to plant something that would knock her socks off....

 

[Mellie2162]

A thief is someone who takes something without you knowing it. An indian giver is someone who gives you something and then takes it back and tells you they are taking it back. If she took it shes a thief, however, I would let it go and chalk it up to MIL drama. Its not worth the hurt feelings.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

What was she doing going through your stuff?? That is just not cool

I would just ask her why she was going through your stuff in storage and then explain to her that these were things that were no longer useful, honesty.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Then again, I'm the daughter of a couple who got mad at a SIL for snooping in the medicine cabinet. They confronted her, she denied it, even her dh called her on it bec she talked to him about what she'd found. So my father slightly pulled the cabinet out of the wall and drilled a hole in it. He then taped it shut and filled the cabinet with marbles. Put it back into the wall, took the tape off, told all of us not to touch it. SIL comes over that night, goes to the bathroom and 2 seconds later....the sound of marbles falling all over. That put an end to her snooping.

I love this!

I think the lock on the storage area is a GOOD idea. What can she say? "I was trying to snoop in your storage area and it was locked?"

 

[C.Ann]

It's not like she took your mail or something of real value or importance.. Just toys she had purchased to begin with.. Small stuff..

I'd let it go.. Not worth the battle (nor the harsh "titles")..