I think this is the key...I DON'T love myself because I keep thinking "What did I do wrong? Should I not have done/said XYZ, and then he'd still want me?" Vicious circle, I know.
If someone doesn't love you, you can't make them. Listen to that Bonnie Raitt song, over and over...you can't make his heart feel something it won't.
We can't turn ourselves inside out so that someone loves us. If we've done that, we can never be relaxed. Because they don't love US, they love the image. And who knows if they would actually love the true us.
The best you can do is to find yourself, BE yourself, and enjoy knowing yourself. Someone here has a sig line that goes something like....be yourself...those that matter won't mind, and those that mind don't matter.
It will only get rougher from this point on and you will only get hurt worse.
Absolutely. Because look at all he's done to you so far, all he's said...and you're STILL willing to be with him. How much more brutal will he have to get, until you get the heck away from him?
He had you over with his kids, when he KNEW that you weren't "the one" at all. That's scummy. He's messing with you and he's messing with his kids. That should show you what kind of person he is. He shouldn't be showing anyone but the most serious relationships to his kids. Yeah, I know, you've been thinking "see? see? he SAYS these things, but then he DOES these other things..." Believe what he is SAYING. Because what he's doing is cruddy.
Wasn't there a poster the other week who found out that she'd been replaced when she called her boyfriend's ex to ask if they could have the kids? And the ex called back to let her know that she'd been told that there was a new g'friend? You don't want to be that person...
But is that how brutal it's going to have to be?
Listen, anyone who has been in a relationship, or something that seems like a relationship, has those little things. Those things that feel vital. Those things where the loss of them feelings like losing your soul.
I promise you...once you move on, and get some time and distance, you will see that those things, those moments...are just blips in time. If those shows are important to you, you'll continue to watch them. Or you'll move on from the shows and your life will actually go on.
He obviously has his little "things" with the ex, too. Since you foud the rejected gift for her, you know this. She's moved on. He's obviously a very clever gift-giver, and that's fun. But what's more important? Getting gifts from this scummy dude, or finding a GOOD relationship with a nice dude?
From 28ish to 30 I was "seeing" this guy. Ugh. Our relationship started before his last one ended, which wasn't all that bright of me, but it happened. And then he just strung me along. Started dating in August. Took us awhile to "come out" about our "relationship", and once we did we were off, on, off, on. He invited me to his friends' July 4th party. The morning of, he called to say that I couldn't go. Why? Because I'm vegetarian and it bugged him that i wouldn't eat what his friends ate. Of course, something like 1/3 of his friends are vegetarian, and they ALWAYS had veggie dogs etc, so I didn't even have to make myself look weird by bringing something (he hated when I did that), I could just blend. That was embarrassing. Next month, just before our "anniversary" he called to say that our camping trip was off, that we had to break up, because he'd tried to cheat on me the night before, and that meant we shouldn't be together. And then later we were back "on". We broke up so often we stopped telling friends that we were back together. Went back into hiding.
In one of our last "offs" he thought I had something of his, but it was in the trunk of his car, but I thought I should make him suffer, and refused to answer the door or phone. And then he almost got me kicked out of my apt building because he went onto the fire exit stairs, to yell into my window as I slept. It was a STRICT rule that no one was allowed out there unless it was a fire, and that included friends and family. It went on and on, and the breakups got nastier and nastier.
It wasn't fun. We had our own little things...our little rituals, things we watched, etc. The ONLY one I remember now is Jack in the Box french toast sticks. I remember that b/c they were yummy enough to eat after he was gone from my life. And now I remember them b/c they helped pack on the pounds! But all those other little things...they weren't even important enough for me to remember anymore.
Our relationship finally fizzled, and it was b/c I'd had enough, truly felt that I was done. And then I met now-DH. The ex called once more, to invite me over for a late night. Well I was getting ready for a date, and told him so...when he said that just b/c I was dating someone seriously it didn't mean WE couldn't date (I might have been the "other woman", but I have never cheated on someone I am dating and wasn't planning to start), I just laughed, said goodbye, and hung up. That was that.
Stuff happened in our relationship that was worse than what I've said. When I just wouldn't go away, his breakups with me got meaner and nastier. NOT FUN.
Don't let it get that far. Let it fizzle out. Oh, this guy and I had the "box of stuff" that went back and forth. I let it just sit in a box, and when we'd see each other again I'd take it back to his place. When we were off, he'd leave it on his porch. It was ridiculous. I have NO clue what was even IN that box.
So get your stuff or don't, but this guy just isn't that into you, and he's told you so repeatedly.
To quote yet another person...when someone is telling you who they are, PAY ATTENTION.
) until August. In September, we had a pretty emotional "talk". He was going to let me get all my things from his place (I didn't move in, but had a "drawer" and some stuff scattered around). He wasn't in love with me, didn't have those feelings, and didn't feel "it". He wanted to move on and find someone else. 
), and that's OK, I deserve them!!!)- we continued seeing each other regularly until the end of May. My stuff was still there, and we were getting along great. I KNOW for a FACT that he and B were NOT going to get back together (she got engaged, and HE was too hurt by what SHE had done to him). He sent me an e-mail at the beginning of June that stated "Just to let you know, I put my profile back up on Plenty of Fish". At least he was honest, right? And we kept talking, and getting together..he invited me over when he had the kids, and we watched "our" TV shows...up until 10 days or so ago. That's when he went back to work after vacation. He's had a couple dates with a woman since then, and theyre going on a mini-vacation (2 or 3 days) next weekend, but that's another post entirely...
