I need to vent/need some advice.

[JulielovesDisney]

Yes, every relationship does have issues at times, they get worked out if it's a good relationship. When issues crop up over time, it shouldn't be the ones that have already been ironed out. That should be covered ground. If the same issues keep coming up, it's red flag time.

I know what it's like to love someone, know their history, and to have a shared history for years. It's complicated. You like him. You love him. You want it to work. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. I wasted a lot of time on a guy that I thought was great except for a few things. Years. He didn't change. He wasn't awful. There were some things about him I couldn't live with. I hung in there. I finally saw the situation for what it was. Looking back it took way too long.

I did find a great guy. No exceptions. I know you want that too.

ETA- I know "wasted" sounds bad. We had a lot of good times. But we were spinning our wheels so to speak. Not going anywhere.

Thanks, that helps a lot.
I really do want this to work out. We're pretty much perfect for each other, and together. It's just this one thing. We've worked everything else out and it's all water under the bridge. But it's just this one issue. And I think the only reason it keeps popping up is because it's just his personality to joke around. He does it with everyone. I just want to be treated differently from everyone. And I think if I tell him exactly how I'm feeling and not sugar-coat it (like I probably have done in the past without knowing) then it will either get resolved and we'll be good, or it won't and I'll move on.

It's just a frustrating and scary point right now.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks, that helps a lot.
I really do want this to work out. We're pretty much perfect for each other, and together. It's just this one thing. We've worked everything else out and it's all water under the bridge. But it's just this one issue. And I think the only reason it keeps popping up is because it's just his personality to joke around. He does it with everyone. I just want to be treated differently from everyone. And I think if I tell him exactly how I'm feeling and not sugar-coat it (like I probably have done in the past without knowing) then it will either get resolved and we'll be good, or it won't and I'll move on.

It's just a frustrating and scary point right now.

It will work out one way or another. And when it does it will feel right. You'll know in your heart and feel good about it in the long run.

I hope it works out for the best. I wish you both well.

 

[JulielovesDisney]

It will work out one way or another. And when it does it will feel right. You'll know in your heart and feel good about it in the long run.

I hope it works out for the best. I wish you both well.

Thanks so much, you've really helped straighten out my thoughts

 

[OceanAnnie]

You're welcome, Julie.

 

[Sparx]

I would be PISSED about that relationship status thing if he really means that "to see what everyone says" crap. I'd be majorly pissed. I'd be pissed about the lying and joking too. Humor is the number one way to control someone and thats not right. He can say mean things then cover his rear end by saying, "I'm just joking, its your fault for being too serious." And its not your fault!

He really sounds immature and you really shouldn't have to put up with that.

 

[Sparx]

Thanks, it is very frustrating.

We do have a few issues, but doesn't every relationship? And I'm sticking with him because I do love him. And he's my best friend. I'm willing to work through the issues we have so we can come out stronger, for however long we are together. Whether is be a few more days, or a few more years, or even a lifetime...

While he may be mistreating me, it could be MUCH worse. He would never, ever hurt me, physically or emotionally. There's a lot of his past that he has shared with me when he was still in Guatemala (he was adopted at age 8) that is absolutely horrifing and repulsive. I don't want to reveal it to a bunch of strangers (no offence guys ) and after everything he went through, he would never lay a finger on me out of anger or frustration or anything like that, unlike what other men do. And that is just his personality. He is a jokester. I knew that from day 1 with him, long before I had feelings for him. He just wants to make everyone happy and laugh. It's just that sometimes, I think he forgets I'm his girlfriend and not one of his guy friends when he makes me a butt of his joke, or lies just to tease me. It's that fact that is driving me nuts.

I feel bad because now I'm making him out to be a horrible boyfriend because I'm only venting about bad stuff..lol. Now that I'm cooled down, I feel even worse..

Once we talk tomorrow after he works, I'm gonna lay it all out on the table and tell him that either the jokes stop, or I'm gone. Because that's the way I feel. No matter how much I don't want to leave him and how much it will really kill me, it needs to be done, because like OceanAnnie said, there may be a better guy out there for me. But hopefully he'll realize how serious I am finally, 'cause I'd really like to keep him for a while...

Yes. It could be worse. And I could be starving in africa. Everything COULD be worse, but don't let that make you undervalue what the legitimate problems are. Just because he isn't beating and raping you doesn't mean he's not doing very bad things to you that he shouldn't be doing. I didn't read the whole thread before I posted, but just don't let this "it could be worse" mentality make you stay in a bad relationship. I've been there and it lasted YEARS longer than it should have because it "could be worse." Bad is bad, you don't have to qualify it against what it COULD be.

 

[JulielovesDisney]

But does taking jokes too far really qualify as mistreating? I'm honestly curious to hear your opinion.

Ok, so here's what he said that got me upset last night.

I went to a pro golf tournament with my parents, and Tiger Woods' ball landed right infront of us. So he was literally standing a few feet away to chip the ball to the green. So we thought we might be on TV. So Armando said that he saw me on TV when I got home. I said "Really? I was wearing a pink shirt and jean shorts" and he confirmed that he saw me. Then I asked if I was doing anything stupid, and he said "I don't know. I didn't see you."

It's jokes like that that he makes. It's nothing serious, it's really petty, actually. It just really bothers me. When we do talk about it, it stops for a while, then starts back up again.

 

[Sparx]

But does taking jokes too far really qualify as mistreating? I'm honestly curious to hear your opinion.

Ok, so here's what he said that got me upset last night.

I went to a pro golf tournament with my parents, and Tiger Woods' ball landed right infront of us. So he was literally standing a few feet away to chip the ball to the green. So we thought we might be on TV. So Armando said that he saw me on TV when I got home. I said "Really? I was wearing a pink shirt and jean shorts" and he confirmed that he saw me. Then I asked if I was doing anything stupid, and he said "I don't know. I didn't see you."

It's jokes like that that he makes. It's nothing serious, it's really petty, actually. It just really bothers me. When we do talk about it, it stops for a while, then starts back up again.

That would seriously bother me too. Not just that he does it, but when you ask him to stop he doesn't. There is just NO reason to say that, so why say it?

The issue isn't just telling the jokes, but when called out on it he blames it on you for "being too serious." He knows he's upsetting you and not taking the blame for it. He makes it YOUR fault that you are upset, when it is his. Does that make sense?

 

[JulielovesDisney]

That would seriously bother me too. Not just that he does it, but when you ask him to stop he doesn't. There is just NO reason to say that, so why say it?

The issue isn't just telling the jokes, but when called out on it he blames it on you for "being too serious." He knows he's upsetting you and not taking the blame for it. He makes it YOUR fault that you are upset, when it is his. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it does. And that's just his immaturity coming out again. He can't take the blame for it, and I refuse to take it and I stand up for myself. Then we get into a huge fight, and he comes around and finally says sorry and says that he shouldn't have said it. Ugh...it's just so frustrating. And I've honestly been waiting for him to grow out of it, but it's taking so long. It's slowly getting better. But I just don't know if I can keep going at this rate.

We're gonna talk tonight, when he's off work. I'm just hoping everything becomes clear by tonight, either way.

 

[Sparx]

Yeah, it does. And that's just his immaturity coming out again. He can't take the blame for it, and I refuse to take it and I stand up for myself. Then we get into a huge fight, and he comes around and finally says sorry and says that he shouldn't have said it. Ugh...it's just so frustrating. And I've honestly been waiting for him to grow out of it, but it's taking so long. It's slowly getting better. But I just don't know if I can keep going at this rate.

We're gonna talk tonight, when he's off work. I'm just hoping everything becomes clear by tonight, either way.

This is a hard place to be. The only advice that I have (other than you definitely do not deserve this) is that whatever you decide, stick to it. Its easy to start feeling guilty about breaking up with someone and decide to get back together just to stop the guilt/their guilt tripping. Stick to it and stand up for yourself.

 

[JulielovesDisney]

This is a hard place to be. The only advice that I have (other than you definitely do not deserve this) is that whatever you decide, stick to it. Its easy to start feeling guilty about breaking up with someone and decide to get back together just to stop the guilt/their guilt tripping. Stick to it and stand up for yourself.

It's so hard. I'm so nervous right now. I just want to talk to him, but he's not off work til 3:30. So I still have atleast an hour to talk to him and see what happens. But I know that if we do end up breaking up, I won't go back I've done that before with an ex, and it was awful. The relationship was 10x worse when we got back together.

 

[Sparx]

It's so hard. I'm so nervous right now. I just want to talk to him, but he's not off work til 3:30. So I still have atleast an hour to talk to him and see what happens. But I know that if we do end up breaking up, I won't go back I've done that before with an ex, and it was awful. The relationship was 10x worse when we got back together.

I'm really sorry youre having to go through this. Good luck!

 

[JulielovesDisney]

I'm really sorry youre having to go through this. Good luck!

Thanks Shelby!

 

[Sparx]

Thanks Shelby!

I hope everything went well!

 

[JulielovesDisney]

We talked about it, I told him how it was affecting me and my view on our relationship. And he said he would stop. So let's see what happens. If it happens again, I told him I'm breaking up, and I will.

 

[Sparx]

We talked about it, I told him how it was affecting me and my view on our relationship. And he said he would stop. So let's see what happens. If it happens again, I told him I'm breaking up, and I will.

i hope everything gets better and stays that way!

 

[JulielovesDisney]

i hope everything gets better and stays that way!

Yeah, same! haha, thanks again for talking!

 

[D Morggggg]

kick the kid to the curb. no girl deserves that bs.

 

[chisnpeke]

kick the kid to the curb. no girl deserves that bs.

I'd at least try to see what he has to say. It's not like he cheated and everyone has different deal breakers in a relationship but I tend to take dating seriously. Clearly this was affecting the relationship but it wouldn't be an immediate deal breaker (for me)..I'd give it a chance. I hope it works out for you Julie!

 

[chisnpeke]

But does taking jokes too far really qualify as mistreating? I'm honestly curious to hear your opinion.

Ok, so here's what he said that got me upset last night.

I went to a pro golf tournament with my parents, and Tiger Woods' ball landed right infront of us. So he was literally standing a few feet away to chip the ball to the green. So we thought we might be on TV. So Armando said that he saw me on TV when I got home. I said "Really? I was wearing a pink shirt and jean shorts" and he confirmed that he saw me. Then I asked if I was doing anything stupid, and he said "I don't know. I didn't see you."

It's jokes like that that he makes. It's nothing serious, it's really petty, actually. It just really bothers me. When we do talk about it, it stops for a while, then starts back up again.

The joke you mention is not really offensive but if it was a constant thing it would drive me insane because it's immature. It seems he really needs to work on maturing. You have to decide whether he is worth it. Do you think he'll always have an immature side? There's nothing wrong with being immature, I am at times, but when it is affecting the relationship it is a problem.